Chapter Eighteen
“Where’s Autumn?” Maddie asked, more to make conversation than because she was genuinely curious.
She was sitting at the kitchen table nursing an Irish coffee Marley had insisted she have.
He’d just learned how to make them and wanted to show off his skills.
Plus, he insisted she needed a stiff drink and a shot of caffeine, so this solved both problems. Maddie couldn’t be bothered to explain she was yawning not because she was tired, but because she was on the verge of a panic attack and yawning was always the first symptom.
“She’s taken Benjamin into London to meet Phil and Clara,” Marley said.
“Bowie’s old friends?” Emma asked, seeming surprised.
Marley nodded. “They’ve kept in touch over the years. We’ve seen them a few times. I didn’t go this time because I am, quite frankly, exhausted.”
Emma chuckled. “Stay-at-home parenting is not for the weak,” she said, as though she had done it herself.
Up until Bowie’s illness had gotten so bad, when Emma could barely concentrate on anything else, she had been a drama teacher.
She could have stayed at home if she wanted, but she had chosen to work because she loved her job.
“Tell me about it,” Marley muttered. “It was easier when he was a baby, at least he stayed in one place. Do you know how many times he asked me ‘why?’ yesterday? Seventy-two.” Maddie laughed in spite of herself.
Her brother sighed and shook his head, visibly pleased he’d made her smile.
She met his gaze and he smiled sadly, tilting his head to one side, clearly waiting for her to say something.
When she didn’t, he prompted her. “Whose arse do I need to kick?” He scratched at the kitchen table with his claw. “Please don’t say James.” He winced.
Maddie swallowed hard and nodded, unable to speak.
“What has he done?” His tone had changed.
It was now low and threatening. The atmosphere was suddenly frosty, the frivolity gone.
Maddie found herself feeling grateful. Truly, Marley would do anything for her.
She could correct his spirit in a minute.
She didn’t need him to fight her battles for her, certainly not to get physical with anyone, but for a moment she basked in how protected her brother made her feel.
“It turns out he hasn’t been completely honest with Maddie,” Emma said.
“How, exactly?” Marley asked. Emma looked to Maddie to explain, but she felt too exhausted to say anything at all. She deferred with a nod back to Emma.
“It sounded to me like he’s had some sort of interview and been offered some sort of opportunity in Italy and he’d expressed at least some desire to accept the offer to Jennifer. Does that sound about right, honey?”
Maddie nodded, forcing herself to elaborate. “We’ve already talked about this in so much detail. He was adamant he wanted to stay here. I’ve given him the option to go so many times, promised him we’d make it work if he did. I just feel...”
“Stupid,” Marley muttered.
“Exactly,” Maddie concurred.
“Not you, him!” There was something in the way Marley said it that made her take proper notice.
He had inside information, Maddie was sure of it.
She gave him her full attention. “And me,” he said, wincing a little guiltily.
“He mentioned this to me a week or so ago. We had a bit of an argument about it, actually.”
“Oh, Marley!” Emma said, her tone scolding.
“I know.” He grimaced. “It’s some agency he’s been trying to work with for a while.
Accommodation provided, a good salary, a visa, Italy in the summer, winter seasonal work in a chalet in Sweden if he wants it, a never-ending contract if he does a good job, destinations that change year-on-year, everything he’s been working towards for years. ”
Marley stopped, his eyebrows knitted together in thought. Maddie felt she might hurl her mug at him if he didn’t start speaking again soon.
“And?” Emma nudged him, frustrated.
“He said he’d had the interview just to see what would happen and they’d offered him the job. I was really mad he’d done that. I felt like he was going back on everything he’d promised you. I told him he shouldn’t take the job.”
“Did you get the impression he was going to go before you told him not to?” Maddie asked.
This was the only part that was important to her.
James and Marley were friends, so she didn’t much care that James had confided in her brother, but she did care that her sibling’s influence might have swayed his decision.
“I honestly don’t know,” he said. “He hadn’t even fully gotten the words out before I was telling him it wasn’t fair to leave you. I’m sorry, Maddie.”
Emma rolled her eyes and shook her head. “You bloody idiot,” she said. Marley nodded his agreement.
“You said you argued...” Maddie prompted, trying to maintain her composure. She was worried that if she showed him how upset and angry she was really feeling, Marley wouldn’t tell her the whole truth, and she really needed to know what she was working with.
“Oh, yeah. He said that because he’d told me about it he was going to tell you about it, too, but I told him not to. I thought it would make you nervous. He was adamant he should, but I told him it would make you jittery. In the end, he agreed I was right.”
Maddie and Emma stared at Marley, their mouths agape.
Maddie couldn’t believe what she was hearing.
It was not at all like her brother to get involved in her personal affairs.
Not that she’d had many personal affairs for him to insert himself into, but, more generally, when it came to the private lives of his siblings, Marley was typically non-committal.
Before this conversation, Maddie would have bet her own life Marley would have held up his hands and refused to comment had James brought something like this up with him. She couldn’t believe it.
“Marley!” Emma admonished him once again.
“I know.” He groaned, putting his head in his hands. “I’m so sorry. I thought I was doing the right thing. You’ve been so happy, Maddie. I’ve never seen you like this. I wished he hadn’t told me and I wanted the whole thing to go away. This seemed like the best way to get rid of it.”
“You bloody idiot,” Emma repeated, wringing her hands in distress. “You’ve made this fifty-thousand times worse.”
“I can see that,” he said, eyeing Maddie sheepishly. “I was just trying to help.”
“It was none of your business,” Maddie said.
She sounded calm, but she was seething. She knew he’d had her best interests at heart, but he had taken this entire situation to the point of no return.
Now, Maddie could never be sure James had decided to stay because he wanted to.
She would always wonder if her brother had swayed his decision. She felt sick.
“I’m so sorry,” Marley said. “Truly, Maddie, I am. But I couldn’t help myself.
You’ve been so sad since Bowie died, I never thought I’d see you this happy.
I’ve felt so useless these past few years, like I couldn’t make you feel any better, and I guess this made me feel like I was doing something to help you.
To protect you. I know it was wrong. I’m not trying to make excuses — I’m just trying to explain. ”
“None of what you said after the ‘but’ matters,” Maddie said. Marley nodded. His eyes bored sorrowfully into hers.
“I’m sorry,” he said again. Maddie sighed and nodded, cradling the dregs of her drink, which now tasted much more like whiskey than coffee.
She took a moment to absorb what she was feeling.
Betrayed. Infantilised. Misunderstood. Embarrassed.
She had never in her life wanted space from her family the way she did right now.
She contemplated packing a bag and walking away, never to be seen or heard from again.
“Do you want me to leave?” Marley asked, his voice pitifully contrite.
“No.” Maddie sighed. She was angry, but she couldn’t bear the thought of casting Marley out, of sending him home.
He’d done something stupid, but his intentions had been pure.
He loved her, he’d been trying to protect her, but he’d overstepped the line.
Maddie didn’t need to lecture Marley on this.
She knew he’d reflect and see it for himself.
Failing that, Autumn would make sure he knew.
Right on cue, Marley groaned. “Autumn’s going to kill me.”
* * *
Later that evening, Maddie kept her promise and texted James, inviting him to the house to talk.
She’d spent the last few hours sitting on her own in the orangery, mulling over how she was going to handle this.
She knew James was going to insist it was all a big misunderstanding, that his earlier declaration still rang true: he had chosen to stay because it was what he wanted to do.
He would tell her this new opportunity changed nothing, perhaps that Jennifer and Marley had blown their discussions out of proportion.
He’d want to forget about it and move on, but Maddie knew she couldn’t.
She couldn’t bear the idea she had kept him here.
Trapped him. She loved him too much to do that.