Chapter Seventeen.
Nerves consume me as we approach the school for graduation. My parents spent the morning fussing over me as we made sure my hat and gown were situated right and had our tickets and information for seating.
Ben stayed again, but last night’s sleep was…
different from the first night. He kept grinding against me in his sleep and saying how bad he wanted to feel inside me which made it rather difficult not to start something.
After being woken up like that all night and not getting pleasured, my body wouldn’t calm down enough to let me sleep.
I could’ve pleasured myself, but I held back because I didn’t want to do it myself. I wanted him to get me off. Plus, it would’ve been weird to masturbate right next to him. So instead, I showered, got ready and cooked my parents and I’s breakfast.
My father was his normal self at breakfast, joking around and eating the eggs and bacon I prepared. My mom on the other hand, held back tears the entire morning while constantly reminiscing on my childhood and how proud she was of me.
I wasn’t sure which was worse. It’s uncomfortable to be around either of them anymore.
I haven’t told them about Ben, nor have I wanted to.
The secrets I have continue piling up every day as of late to the point I worry one might spill out if I make a wrong move or they ask the wrong question, triggering its premature release.
So, I did what I had to do. I faked my emotions, acting like my old self around them in the meantime so I could get through the day until I was reunited with Ben. Minute shame lay under the surface for not caring I may hurt them, but I felt how I felt.
Parking, as expected, is a nightmare so they drop me off with the rest of the graduates at the front door of the school. Ben finds me immediately in the crowd and grabs my hand, leading me to where we can stand so we get seats together.
He pulls a chair out for me and kisses my cheek quickly before sitting down beside me and intertwining his fingers in mine.
My cheeks burn at the looks from everyone watching us.
Not to mention, Tree’s glaring at me like she’s about to tackle me in front of the entire school.
Triumph rages inside me like I’ve won some competition, but a small voice tells me to keep my guard up and to stay vigilant against any attacks she may throw my way.
My heart’s full as Ben keeps his hand in mine the entire ceremony, stroking his thumb on mine and caressing each finger to pass the time.
The best part so far is that we haven’t seen Jared at all. The worst part is the rushes of adrenaline when any guy with blonde hair gets in my line of sight.
I look around for my parents during the speech segment of the ceremony, completely forgetting they have no idea Ben and I are a thing.
Once I find them, I wish I hadn’t. My dad stares daggers at me, and I know it’s because I’m holding Ben’s hand, the guy who he’s known since he was a kid and who broke his trust only recently.
Thankfully, mom seems to remain oblivious and watches the speeches unphased.
A ball sinks in my chest, deflating the happiness. I turn forward, avoiding my father’s glare. I wish I didn’t have to speak to him after we get our diplomas. I don’t know how much time I need away from him, but I can’t seem to face him and this new tense relationship we’ve entered.
Ben’s thumb casually strokes mine, his rings pressing in on my fingers when suddenly his hand tightens, gripping mine so hard it’s painful.
I open my mouth to ask him what’s going on but see his rageful expression and his eyes following something like a hawk.
I chase his gaze and land on Jared who’s pompously walking up on stage to give a speech.
The ball stuck in my chest sinks to the pit of my stomach, pulling all the breath in my lungs with it.
I hold firm and stare at him as well, fighting the fear beneath the surface to look away and cower.
I narrow my gaze, searching his facial features.
You can’t see it if you aren’t looking for it, but a small outline of a cut under his right eye, obviously covered by makeup, where Ben decked him faintly shows.
I guarantee there’s significant bruising being covered too.
Good.
I sit up straighter.
I have to conquer this fear of seeing him. I refuse to let him control me.
He looks out at the crowd beaming proudly, acting as if nothing happened and he didn’t try to take advantage of me just last week. What a joke.
Ben’s lips sit in a straight line, his jaw clenched, and his back stick straight, not taking his focus off Jared for a second.
I squeeze Ben’s hand twice to let him know I’m okay and to calm down.
I take a deep breath and try to stomach Jared’s words as each one grates my ears like knives scratching a dinner plate.
“Living in a world where there is no pain is impossible, but we can choose what we do with that pain. We can use it to prosper, or we can flee from it and drown. Use your choices to your advantage. Remember, you have the ability to change your life at the drop of a hat. Choose to use your pain to your benefit and chase that future you’ve always longed for.
It won’t be easy, but the pain will be worth it.
Stay strong, stay resilient and chase those dreams.”
Was his speech written that way because he feels regret from what he tried to do to me and all the other women he’s harassed? Doubtful…but I hope so.
After Jared’s speech, we’re called up to the stage one by one to receive our diplomas. Then finally, two grueling hours later we’re able to perform our group celebration of throwing our hats in the air.
I don’t bother finding mine in the crowd and instead walk with Ben over to his parents who… oh God, they’re talking to my parents.
My feet quickly fill with lead. If Ben wasn’t holding my hand and leading me over to them, I would’ve stopped and run the other way. He gives it a squeeze in assurance that everything’s going to be okay like I did with him before. Unfortunately, as we get closer, I’m not so sure.
My dad spots us out of the corner of his eye, his face flashing with anger for a second before returning to normal as he turns back toward Ben’s dad.
“Ben!”
Joan and Koa rush over giving him a big hug and then follow suit with me. My parents stand behind them awkwardly and obviously uncomfortable.
“Congratulations, you two! We’re so proud of you!”
“Thank you so much, Joan and Koa,” I sheepishly reply, trying not to sound too connected to them.
“Thanks Ma and Pop. Love you guys.”
Joan kisses Ben on the cheek while Koa pats him on the back.
I step behind them and slowly approach my parents, dread stirring in my gut.
My dad’s expression is back to being unreadable, my mom’s uncomfortable.
I try to take a calming breath but a heaviness in my lungs restricts me from it, so I settle for the shallow inhale and throw on a fake smile.
“Hi, guys. I did it.” I shyly lift up my diploma and point, trying to get them to talk.
“Congratulations, Charlotte”, my dad responds in a flat tone.
“Yes, congratulations, honey.”
Mom’s tears travel slowly down her cheeks as she gives me a hug, taking my diploma from me and stepping back. The hug feels cold, unfamiliar.
Ben walks up from behind me and places a comforting hand on my back. He throws his other hand out for my dad to shake while keeping the other one pressed against me.
“Mr. Windsor, how are ya?”
Dad shakes it back hesitantly.
“Mrs. Windsor, glad to see ya!” He nods at my mom in acknowledgement, ignoring the tense handshake and looks from my father.
“So, your parents just informed us that you two have been dating for the last week?”
Annddd there it is.
I need to hide. I cannot deal with whatever’s about to go down. I search around for an escape, but the crowd’s already parting. Maybe I can fit under one of the chairs…
“Yes, sir.”
He shoves me under his arm, proudly displaying me as his. I find something incredibly interesting to look at on the floor, unable to meet my father’s gaze. I’m not sure if Ben notices my reaction, but he begins to speak again as if to save me from speaking myself.
“It was unexpected and new, but we did have plans to tell y’all this weekend.”
Lies, but I’m grateful for his cover story. We had no plans to tell my parents that I was aware of.
“I see,” my father says in a stony tone.
“Well, congratulations!” my mom says brightly.
I look up, surprised to see a kind expression on her face as she leans in and hugs us both. I hug her back speechless, peeking at my father over her shoulder.
Yikes.
He, on the other hand, is fiercely scowling at me.
I’ve never seen that look in his eyes before.
They’re cold and empty and resemble nothing I’ve ever known from my father.
I shift my gaze away, too scared to continue looking at him.
What’s he going to do? What’s he going to say? I really hope he doesn’t make a scene.
Mom releases us after a too long hug and resumes talking with Ben’s parents.
“Did you all want to come over to the farm later for celebrations now that we’ve officially got two grads on our hands?” Koa says excitedly, his eyes brimming with pride.
“No,” my dad says sternly, stunning everyone into silence. “Charlotte will be coming home with us. We have some things we need to discuss.”
Tears well up as I chew anxiously on the inside of my cheek. This is so embarrassing. Ben squeezes my shoulder, pulling me into him tighter.
“Charlotte! Oh my gosh—hi!”
Shirley runs up to me from behind my father and gives me a hug, interrupting the horrible situation he just created. Thank God. I have no idea if he was about to rip me away from everyone and yell at me or jump Ben.
I slap on a smile the best I can and hug her back. “Hi Shirley, congratulations.”