Chapter Seventeen. #2
“You too!” She steps back and takes me by the hand, leading me away. “I’m just gonna borrow her for a quick sec,” she shouts to everyone.
Her hair, pinned up with curls flowing around her shoulders, bounces as she pulls me toward the stand. She looks so happy.
“Girl! Are you and Ben dating? I saw you two holding hands, and he’s like all over you! What happened to your thing with Jared?”
Rage overwhelms me at the mention of Jared. “Jared’s an asshole. Stay away from him Shirl.” I take a deep breath and relax my tone, reminding myself she’s not the one I’m mad at. “But yes, Ben and I are together.”
“Eeek!” She bounces on her toes excitedly.
“How’d it happen? Oh my gosh, you have to tell me everything. And also, what did Jared do that made you change your mind about him? What’d he do to make you so angry? Why do I have to stay away from him?”
I frown, debating how much to divulge in the public setting. I don’t want to start any drama. Graduation day’s really not turning into a great day. All I want is to hole up with Ben in a bedroom, mess around and go to sleep.
“I don’t really want to talk about Jared right now, Shirley. All you need to know is that he should not be around women. Promise you won’t try to date him anymore?”
Her expression turns serious. “Yeah. Yeah, of course. He rejected me at his party anyways and I hit it off with his cousin, so I gave up on him that night. Plus, you never talk bad about people so to warn me about him means he must really be shitty on the inside. But hey, at least you got a biker now, eh? Even though it’s not the biker boy on Xypher, next best thing is a biker that you know.
Right?” She elbows me and winks, wearing a playful smirk.
Wow, I haven’t thought about Xypher or the biker boy since I tried bringing it up to Ben last Sunday. Masturbating to him feels like a fever dream from another lifetime.
“Yeah, I guess.” I awkwardly rub my left arm. “Hey, you should do some investigating and see if you can get ahold of the biker boy and date him before the summer’s over.”
“Girl, believe me, I’ve tried. I’ve DM’d him so many times but never got a response. He’s not very interactive with his fans.”
I can’t believe she actually reached out to him. I can’t believe he actually reached out to me and threatened to find me and take me. If she knew, she’d probably flip; or be extremely jealous that I had both Jared and the biker boy after me. Probably best not to tell her that minute detail.
The desire to discover who he is, is long gone, replaced by my deep love and new infatuation for Ben.
Small bits of guilt still linger from not telling Ben about him, but it’s not like I didn’t try.
Each time I start to bring up the conversation, Ben interrupts me and refuses to listen. So, I gave up.
“Well, you’ll find someone. But honestly, you should forget about boys. Just enjoy the summer and live it up! Boys make everything too complicated anyways.”
“True that,” she chuckles. “Can we hang out sometime soon?”
“Yeah,” I say, smiling sincerely this time.
First an all-girls bonfire and now plans with Shirley? The rest of the summer is looking to be my best yet. Friends…boyfriend…riding motorcycles….
A soft tap on my shoulder catches my attention.
“Your father says it’s time to go.”
Dread radiates, embedding itself as tension in my muscles and making it hard to move. I do not want to find out what’s in store for me at home.
“Shirl, I’ll text you, okay?”
She looks at my mom and then me, confused, but says okay and gives me one last hug, her curls bouncing playfully as she darts off into the dwindling crowd of students and parents.
“We have to leave graduation already? Can’t I just talk to you guys later?”
“No. Your father’s extremely upset and wants to talk to you now, but he doesn’t want to do it in public.”
I roll my eyes and follow her to the exit until I spot Ben talking to one of the teachers.
“I’m going to run over and say bye to Ben really quick.”
“Okay, but Dad’s waiting in the car. Don’t be long or I’m afraid he might come back inside and make a scene.”
“What’s his problem? What’s the big deal with Ben and I dating?”
“I think it’s just a lot for him to process all at once. It’s overwhelming, especially finding out the way we did. We’ll talk at home and sort it all out. Go say bye to Ben and meet us at the car, okay?”
Without another word I run over to Ben, hoping I can steal his comfort somehow and bottle it up to take it with me for this conversation.
“Ben!”
Ben says goodbye to Mr. Henley and turns around, brows furrowing in concern.
“Are you okay? I’ve never seen your dad look so angry. I always thought he liked me so I didn’t think us dating would be that big of a deal.”
“No, I’m not okay. I have no idea what his problem is. They’re making me leave right now to go home to have a discussion, and I’m absolutely dreading it.”
“What the fuck?” He brushes his fingers through his hair. “I can go with you, if you want? I can try and provide a buffer?”
“As much as I want you there, I think that’d only make things worse.”
He forcefully exhales and fists my gown, pulling me into him. I know he feels as helpless right now as I do about the situation.
“Yeah, probably. Call me when you guys are done talking and I’ll either come over to your place or you can come back to the farm, okay?”
“Okay, I lo—” I stop, my eyes wide, my body stiff as a board. I cannot believe I almost said I love you here, now, before he said it and in public.
Holy shit.
“Gotta go! I’ll text you!” I give him a quick peck on the lips and run away.
“Char! Wait, Char!” he yells as I run away.
I don’t dare look back, afraid if I do, I may see something I don’t like, and I can’t bear his rejection right now with the storm I’m heading into at home.
The ride home is completely silent, the tension between us all unbearable. Once in the house, dad utters two words and points.
“Living room.”
I proceed to follow him and my mother, my head down. What the hell is wrong with him? He’s acting like I’ve committed an unforgivable crime.
He motions for me to sit on the couch next to my mother then stands in front of us, in an intentional authoritative stance, his arms folded, and legs spread apart.
“It’s like we don’t even know you anymore, Charlotte,” he sharply scolds.
Oh good, he’s digging right in. The pacing begins right away with stern glares at me as he continues his unfair berating.
“You’ve barely been home the last week, not telling us anything about what you’re doing or where you’re going and now, we find out from his parents you’re dating Ben?
You’ve been extremely disrespectful to your mother and I with how you’ve spoken to us.
You’ve bailed on our family time and game nights together, and you’ve been sneaking around with some boy.
You’re like a completely different person. You’ve lost our trust, Charlotte.”
“He’s not just some boy. He’s Ben, you know him. Plus, I haven’t done anything wrong. I’m an adul—”
“You still live under our roof, young lady. You have got to communicate with us. Are you and Ben being safe?” The last word catches in his throat like it’s painful.
“Oh my God, yes. We’re not even doing anything,” I lie, embarrassed he would even ask me that. “I’m not an idiot. You guys raised me right.”
“Don’t call us ‘guys’ and do not talk down to us like that.” His nostrils flare and a redness overtakes his skin traveling from his face down past his neck. What’s making him so mad?
“I wasn’t eve—”
“From now on, curfew. Every night you must be home by eleven. No exceptions.”
I shoot up, outraged. “That’s not fair! This is ridiculous! What’d I even do?” I exasperate, flailing my arms dramatically.
He continues spouting rules, ignoring me. “Your phone will be kept downstairs after eleven and you will not be able to have it in your room. You are only allowed to see Ben under supervision max three days a week.”
“Honey…” my mom cuts in gently. She stands up and reaches for his arm, but he jerks it away violently.
“Absolutely not. These rules are extremely unfair. I’m not some child who needs to be disciplined.
I’ve done nothing wrong! Bailing on one game night shouldn’t make you lose your trust. That doesn’t even make any sense!
And I’ve never had to tell you where I’ve been before. Why are you being like this?”
“Until you learn to respect yourself and your mother and I, this is how it’s going to be.”
God, I want to fucking deck him. A pounding in my ears drowns out external noises, followed by a high-pitched ringing.
My heart beats so hard it shakes my body with every beat.
The rage at my father nears to the point of hating him.
I refuse to adhere to these rules. I’m not going to be his prisoner just because he can’t accept that I’m growing up.
Before I can lead my feet, they lead me, taking me away from him and up the stairs. My brain and body work on their own agenda.
I stomp each foot onto each step up the stairs, savoring the sting reverberating into my bones.
“Where do you think you’re going, young lady. We are not done here,” he shouts into the hall from the living room, his voice getting closer as he chases me. My mother’s no help, pathetically turtle shelling, providing no barrier between him or I.
I ignore him, continuing up the stairs and grab a suitcase out of the hallway closet. Flinging it open on the bed, I throw my computer, clothes, and anything else I may need into it.
My father’s stomps up the stairs are almost as loud as his shouts. “Charlotte Rose Windsor, what do you think you’re doing?”
I can’t stand to look at him, so I keep my back turned, ignoring him. “I’m leaving. I’m not dealing with this. I don’t deserve to be treated like a prisoner in my own home. I’ve done nothing wrong.”
I continue packing, this time grabbing a few things out of my closet. He takes hold of my bicep and whips me around, his grip painfully tight and pinching the skin between his fingernails. Flashbacks of Jared and the bonfire flood my mind triggering fear and further anger.
In a low voice I growl, “Do not ever touch me like that again.”
I death glare at him and rip my arm out of his grip, fighting every urge in me to physically push him away.
“You are not leaving this house, Charlotte. I forbid it.”
“Get out of my way!” I lug the suitcase past him and struggle out the front door. Mom’s standing at the top of the stairs, tears rolling down her cheeks.
“Thanks for not helping at all,” I spit at her, daring her to say something to defend herself.
She says nothing and looks down at her feet. I shake my head in disgust.
The suitcase behind me stumbles on the front steps but I keep it as a barrier between me and my father who’s still following behind me.
“Where do you think you’re going?”
“Don’t worry about it.”
“You are not allowed to leave this house, Charlotte.”
“I’m eighteen. I’m doing what I want. Do not follow me or you’ll regret it,” I snarl viciously, gritting my teeth.
The heavy words sink in. He takes a step away from me and shuts up, keeping some distance at last.
I throw my suitcase in the front seat, jump in and slam my car in reverse.
My mother’s nowhere to be found. Only my dad can be seen standing on the front doorstep huffing and puffing in rage, his fists curled tightly at his sides, knuckles stark white.
His eyes look crazed, untamed and terrifying like someone who would murder you in a second if you looked at them the wrong way.
Tears roll down my cheeks, my breath already catching in my throat as I try my hardest to hold back the violent sobs shaking my throat.
I shouldn’t have done it, but I glance behind me as I back out of the place that used to be my safe space to stare at the man I used to know.
That man is not the man who raised me. I don’t know who that is or what happened to make him this way in such a short time.
I drive toward the farm, leaving the people who used to be my everything in the rearview mirror, and praying Ben will be the haven I need right now because I don’t know where else to go.