23. Mason
TWENTY-THREE
MASON
I was planning to go see Lily today. I’m not needed—it’s her day off—but there’s an anticipation that sits low in my gut, making me want to spend every free second with her. It’s an odd feeling, wanting to be around someone just to soak in their presence.
But that was before I saw my shitbag father on TV, smiling for the cameras like he isn’t a snake in sheep’s clothing. That’s all anybody ever is, isn’t it? Millions of people hiding who they truly are behind fake smiles and happy faces. No one ever tells the truth. What you see is almost never what you get.
I guess in the end, we all have our secrets.
Glancing at the clock, I hop up, grabbing the unopened pack of Parliaments and a lighter, my body vibrating with volatility, pushing me out the door to give into the numbing buzz that only nicotine can provide.
I need time to process, to figure out what the hell I’m going to do. Where the hell I’m going to go. Just as my fingers grasp the doorknob, there’s a knock on the other side, the sound so jarring it makes me step back a few paces, my chest jolting.
My brows draw in. Who the fuck?
Opening the door, my stomach clenches tight when I come face-to-face with Lily. The temper inside simmers, doused by a calm that only she provides.
“Hey, little bird.” My eyes drink her in, allowing the sight of her to wash away the worries of my past.
“Hiya.” She grins, her hands in her back pockets. “Hope it’s okay to stop by like this. I had to, uh…” She looks around, reaching up and brushing the hair from her eyes. “Had to ask the front desk which room was yours.”
My brow quirks. “And they just gave it to you?”
“They did.” Her smile grows. “You don’t really blend in.”
“I’m glad you came by.” I lean against the doorframe, my eyes glancing behind her. “Where’s Chase?”
“He’s with Susan.”
My heart stutters. “Susan the babysitter?”
She nods, and it’s in this moment—in the way her confirmation is a straight shot to the chest—that I realize how attached I’ve become. I shouldn’t be upset about Susan being back.
But I fucking am.
I open my mouth to respond, but the words stick on the back of my tongue, my brain registering her words. It’s just her. My cock twitches and I straighten off the frame, stepping into her, the heat of her small body sparking off my skin, her neck craning to maintain eye contact.
“You telling me you came here all alone?” My voice is deep, a rasp that reveals how enticing it is to finally have her to myself, without the worry of a kid that’s asleep or someone seeing who shouldn’t.
“I did.” Her eyes flash with her smile.
My heart kicks against my sternum as I step forward, my arm wrapping around her waist before she can protest, dragging her into me. She blows out a breath, and then my mouth is on hers, stealing the air for myself. Who needs nicotine when my new favorite vice has shown up instead?
I walk backward until we’re in the room, closing the door and shoving her up against it, the lightweight jacket she’s wearing slipping off her shoulder from the impact. My hands go under her ass and lift, her legs wrapping around my hips, her hot center pressed against my growing erection. One hand runs up the center of her chest, reaching behind and tangling in the strands of her hair, the other keeping her locked around my waist, my lips never leaving hers.
Our kiss is messy. Teeth that bite and lips that slip. But we’ve never really done soft and sweet. My cock grows as I imagine her mouth slurping on my cock the way she’s sucking on my tongue.
Fuck.
I lose all sense of myself with this chick, but I can’t help it. I need her. This isn’t about logic—it isn’t even about satiating a carnal desire. This is about deep-diving inside of her and never coming up for air. An addiction I can’t seem to kick. All I can do is surrender to the moment, and let myself become so lost in her I forget there was ever a reason to be found.
I pull back, my eyes drinking every delicious inch of her in. Her lips are puffy and red, her chest heaving with deep breaths. She looks like sex and sin and just fucking everything .
“My kiss looks good on you, little bird.” I lean in, running my nose along the expanse of her neck, wanting to smell her skin and commit it to memory. Collect every piece of her like a snapshot for rainy days.
She giggles, smacking my chest and pushing me back. I allow her, enjoying the carefree energy she’s bringing into the room, a stark contrast to two hours ago, when I found out the man who created me is running for president of the United States.
“I actually came here to talk,” she says.
I groan, adjusting my hard-on, a smirk creeping on my face. “That sounds ominous. I thought you came to ride my dick.”
She scoffs. “Jesus, with an attitude like that, who can say no?”
My smirk turns into a full-blown smile. “As if you’d have the option.”
Her smile dips the tiniest bit, heat flaring through her eyes. “What are we doing?” she blurts, pacing in front of the bed.
“I thought that was pretty obvious.” My brows wiggle.
She huffs, her arms crossing over her chest. “I mean…are we, like, together?”
I force my body to stay relaxed, even though my heart is beating my chest like a battering ram, and I walk to the corner, sitting down in the desk chair. “Do you want to be?”
“I mean…I don’t know.” Her fingers scratch at her wrist. “I want to, but, Alex, I don’t even know what you do for a living. I don’t know where you live. I don’t know how long you’re staying or…” She trails off, her arms raising before falling helplessly to her sides.
My heart twists and tangles around the lies that sit heavy in my chest, and I know this is it. This is my opportunity to come clean—tell her I’ve known her far longer than she can imagine. That I was hired by her brother to hunt her down. That even though she may not know everything about me, she’s uncovering all the parts that count. That every second spent in her presence is a second farther away from where I don’t want to be.
But if I tell her, I’ll lose her. And the thought of that is a serrated knife slicing through my middle, carving out a hole for my bleeding heart to fall out of and break on the floor.
So I bite my tongue instead.
“I just…you keep telling me to trust you.” She walks closer. “To let you in, let you keep my secrets. But, Alex, I can’t jump into this without knowing. I don’t even know if there’s anything to jump into . How long are you even gonna be here for?” Her eyes glance around the motel.
I shrug, my mind trying to come up with something that straddles the in-between. “I can do what I do from anywhere,” I say carefully.
“Ugh!” She pulls at her hair, then points a shaky finger at me. “See? That isn’t a real answer. And this ”—she gestures between us—“it isn’t fair to me and it sure as hell isn’t fair to Chase, and…look, I’m used to being disappointed. I’m used to heartbreak.” Her eyes gloss over and my chest squeezes. “It’s all I’ve ever known. But Chase , he…he fucking loves you, okay? You worked your way into his heart and he’s never had that before.” Her voice cracks. “And here I am, letting you stomp into our lives when I don’t know the first fucking thing about you and it’s scary .” Her hand smacks her chest. “It’s terrifying. It makes me feel like a shitty mom and a bad judge of character.”
She’s pacing, so close I can easily reach out and grab her. So I do. Without thinking, I react, my arms gripping her tight, pulling her onto my lap until her legs surround me and her face is directly in front of mine.
My hand grasps the back of her neck and brings her in, our foreheads touching. “You’re not a shitty mom.”
I mean the words when I say them, but the weight of my secrets press down on my chest, threatening to shatter me into a million pieces.
I’ve fucked so many faceless women. Told them pretty words and meaningless facts. But with Lily, it’s something more. Something deeper. Something that, if I’m honest with myself, I’ve felt since the moment I laid eyes on her months ago, when I was taking her pictures from a distance and planning to hand her off to her brother.
And maybe that’s why I never passed on what I found. Maybe that’s why I’ve stayed here, less than a day’s drive away from where I promised I would never go back.
Maybe that’s why I don’t want to leave.
Because drowning in Lily is better than wading in a life without her.
I can’t lose her yet.