Chapter 42
forty-two
Cameron
Iget off my knees and back away from Rosalie, knowing I need to get back to Paige and Addie, but each step feels like I’m ripping myself in two.
I don’t doubt that if Rosalie weren’t drowning in grief right now, this is precisely what she’d want me to do, but my feet feel heavy as I back toward the door.
It took me longer than it should have to realize the book in my hand was the one filled with the letters from Rosalie’s mom, but one look at her shocked, unmoving gaze trained on the items in my hands had me glancing down to realize what had caused her to freeze.
Her reaction was exactly what I feared would happen when the letters no longer held the novelty and power they exhibited now. However, I was not prepared for them to be permanently ruined and lost completely, and neither was Rosalie.
The sight of her crumpling to the floor, her body shaking with sobs was enough on its own, but paired with the panicked screams of Addie and Paige, the image will haunt me forever.
Once I cross the threshold, I turn on parental autopilot and hurry down the hallway to Paige’s room.
After Rosalie collapsed, I quickly told the girls her donut must have made her sick and her stomach hurt really badly, causing her to cry.
Was it a good lie? No, but it was the best I could come up with in my moment of sheer terror and panic.
I tried to reassure them she was all right and I was just going to pick her up and take her to bed so she could rest and feel better.
Then I sent them to change out of the milk-covered pajamas.
As I round the corner to Paige’s room, I can hear the opening and closing of drawers and Paige and Addie whispering to each other.
Luckily, when they turn around, fully dressed, I see some of the worry has dissipated from their features. I also note they have pieces of paper and a couple of markers in their hands.
“What are you girls up to?”
I try to keep my tone calm, since they both appear to be somewhat okay. I, on the other hand, am running through best-case scenarios for how the day will play out. The last time this happened, Rosalie was wrecked for the rest of the day.
Paige is the first to quietly answer, “We’re making my mommy cards that tell her to get better soon.”
Addie nods her agreement, although she still looks a bit worried.
I step into the room and scoop her into a hug.
“You okay, Addie?”
She gets a little weepy and squeezes me tight around the neck.
“I didn’t mean to spill my chocolate milk, Daddy.”
My sweet, sweet little girl. She doesn’t miss much, and while I’m hoping she doesn’t quite grasp the extent of what happened, she knows somehow Rosalie being upset is tied to what happened when she spilled the chocolate milk.
I hold her closer, cradling the back of her head to my shoulder like I did when she was little.
“Addie, sweetie, it was an accident. Rosalie knows it was an accident, and I promise, she’s not mad at you.”
“You pinky promise?” she asks, holding out her tiny pinky to me.
Hooking it with mine, I look her in the eye with all the sincerity and love I have to give and say, “I promise.”
That seems to appease her worry enough that she wants me to let go so she can continue making get well cards for Rosalie, and I breathe a small sigh of relief.
While the girls are busy, I walk back down the hall to check on Rosalie and, just as I thought, she’s curled up and fast asleep, completely drained from the last few minutes, although it feels like hours.
I take the time to figure out my next move for the day.
With the girls seemingly buying Rosalie is simply sick, I feel better calling someone to help me get them out of the house for the rest of the day.
This time with Rosalie will be different than the day I picked her up from work. Something more permanent and meaningful to her has been destroyed, and I have no doubt when she wakes up, another wave of grief will pull her under.
Plus, she’s going to feel the added guilt of what happened with Paige and Addison. No matter how much I reassure her things have been smoothed over, for now, she’s going to feel embarrassed and horrified she scared them.
I go back to the kitchen and call Beck. Usually, I’d hesitate to call so early on a weekend, knowing he’d be out late, but we left the bar at the same time last night, and assuming he went right home, this shouldn’t be a burden.
Even if it were, he’d do anything for me and Addie, a point proven when he groggily answers the phone, a hint of worry in his voice.
“Cam, is everything all right?”
“Hey, yeah, it’s me.” My response shows how flustered I am, obviously Beck knows it’s me calling.
Regardless, I continue. “Not quite, something unexpected happened this morning, and it emotionally caught Rosalie off guard. She broke down in front of the girls, scaring them a bit. I told them she wasn’t feeling well, and they seem to have accepted my explanation, but I need someone to help me with them for the rest of the day so I can be here for Rosalie. ”
I would love to explain everything to Beck, but it isn’t my place. Rosalie shared her mom’s letters with me in confidence, and I won’t betray that trust, even though I have no doubt Beck would fully understand her reaction.
“Where is Rosalie now? Is she okay?”
“She’s asleep.”
“Got it.” His voice is laced with an empathy I know he feels to his core. “Yeah, man, I can be there in about thirty minutes.”
My shoulders sag with relief that help is coming.
“Great. Thank you so much, Beck. I really appreciate it. I’ll tell the girls you’re coming to take them swimming at my house. I’m hoping the mention of swimming is enough to distract them from everything that’s happened this morning.”
“I’ll make sure they have the best time with Uncle Beck.”
“Thank you.”
If I could say the phrase one hundred times over, I would, but at a certain point, Beck would be sure to shut me up.
He had many moments like Rosalie’s after Julianne passed away.
They were as close as siblings could get, and he had a lifetime of memories of them together.
It meant his triggers were vast and around almost every corner, and Beck did more than just try to sleep them away.
I hang up the phone, dropping it to the coffee table in front of me. The same one that just minutes ago had two giggling girls at it, watching their favorite movie, while Rosalie and I sat comfortably at the kitchen table. Just like so many moments lately, it felt natural, like we were a family.
Dropping my elbows to my knees and placing my face in my palms, I press hard, and wonder how we could go from one of the highest of highs to such a low in a matter of minutes.
Blowing out a breath, I stand and head for Paige and Addie.
On my way, I poke my head in to check on Rosalie, who, as I imagined, is still fast asleep.
Closing the door, I continue to Paige’s room.
“Hey, girls! How’d you like to go over to my house and swim with Uncle Beck?”
“Yes!” they both shout, causing me to quickly put my finger up to my lips and kindly shush them.
“Rosalie is still sleeping, so we need to get ready quietly, okay?”
They both nod furiously.
“Will you and my mommy come over if she feels better when she wakes up?”
I stoop down so I’m eye level with Paige.
While I need to play off the story I’ve concocted about what happened to Rosalie to keep Paige from worrying, I want her to see the love and care in my eyes as I talk to her.
I also need to set the expectation Rosalie might not have the emotional bandwidth to rally for the rest of the day and prepare Paige for the possibility of that happening.
“Of course, Paigey. I really hope she feels so much better soon and we’re able to join you two at the pool later. I’ll keep Addie’s uncle Beck posted on how she’s feeling when she wakes up, okay?”
I bring her in and hug her, relishing the moment her arms go around me easily, trusting me to take care of her and her mom.
“Okay, Cam. Thanks for taking care of my mom.”
She squeezes tighter, and I have to hold back my own tears. This sweet little girl has no idea what I’d do for her and her mom, that I have no choice in the matter of caring for either one of them, because I love them with my whole heart.
I give Paige one last squeeze and kiss the top of her head before rising to my feet.
I turn to Addie. She still looks a little uncertain about the whole thing, but a pool day with her uncle is too good to pass up.
“Okay, kiddo, what do you think Paige needs to pack for a fun pool day with Uncle Beck?”
Having packed everything Paige will need for swimming, and to possibly spend the night, I find myself in the kitchen cleaning up the remains of breakfast. All the items soaked by the chocolate milk are sitting on the counter, mostly salvageable, except for Rosalie’s book of letters.
I try to thumb through it to see if anything might be worth keeping, but the bottle of milk must have spilled directly on the book or close to it because only a few pages are legible, and only the writing closest to the binding.
I open the book so the last few pages are separated from the rest, then carefully blot them dry with a towel to the best of my ability.
I have no idea what Rosalie will want to do with this book now that it’s mostly ruined, but the least I can do is salvage these pages and let her decide what to do later.
There’s a gentle knock on the front door, and I open it to find Beck. Just the sight of him has me relaxing, if only fractionally, and I think I just might be able to survive whatever the rest of the day holds.
I know he’ll take care of the girls like they’re his own and keep me posted throughout the day.
“Hey, man. You okay?”
“Yeah, for now. Thanks again for taking the girls.”
“Of course! You know I love spending time with Addie, and I’m happy for the time to get to know Paige since her mom is important to you.”
“She really is,” I say with a smile. It feels heavy with the emotions of the morning, but any mention of Rosalie will always elicit that reaction in me.
One of the girls must have heard us talking because I hear Addie squeal, “Uncle Beck’s here!” followed by what sounds like a herd of elephants running down the hall.
“Girls, girls!” I say in some mix between a yell and a whisper, and they immediately halt and begin tiptoeing down the rest of the hallway, quietly giggling and covering their mouths.
As they reach us, Beck scoops up Addie.
“You ready for a swim day with Uncle Beck?”
“Yes!” she whispers back as I place my hand on Paige’s shoulder, giving her a gentle smile and a squeeze.
“Paige, this is Addie’s uncle Beck.”
“Nice to meet you,” she says quietly.
“Nice to meet you, too, Paige,” Beck responds enthusiastically. “Are you ready for some swimming fun?”
She nods. But, just as I’m about to open the door, I hear hinges squeak behind me.
We all turn to face the noise and find Rosalie standing with her body partially out of the doorway. She’ll always be beautiful to me. However, at this moment, the devastation of the morning is on every surface of her body.
Her hair is tangled, some of it sticking to the side of her face. Her eyes are red and virtually swollen shut. She’s still in her pajamas from breakfast, and they’re rumpled and twisted on her body. She looks wrecked.
Paige takes off to hug her mom and almost knocks her over, but on instinct, Rosie’s arms wrap around her.
“Bye, Mommy. I hope you feel better soon.”
Rosalie’s eyes meet mine with a bit of confusion.
“I told the girls you didn’t feel well after breakfast, and your stomach hurt so bad it made you cry. I figured I could stay here and take care of you, and the girls could go with Beck back to my house to swim for the day.”
Her eyes shift and widen when she realizes Beck is standing at our front door.
“Hi, Rosalie. I’m happy to take the girls for a swim and I hope you feel better soon.”
He gives nothing away, his sincerity sounding only like he truly thought she was sick.
“Th-thank you,” Rosalie stammers, looking slightly embarrassed, before bending down to kiss Paige on the head and awkwardly wave at Addie, still in Beck’s arms. She then quickly turns back into the bedroom.
I walk Beck and the girls to the car and promise to keep him updated on plans for the rest of the day, but he assures me he can handle them for as long as I need.
Once I’m back in the house, I go straight to Rosalie’s room. I saw the look on her face when she realized Beck was here, and I know it likely just piled embarrassment on top of all the other emotions she’s felt already today.
I open the door to the room and see her form on the bed. Her back is turned to me, and I can see her shoulders shaking. I know immediately she’s crying, but as I step toward her, I hear her pained voice.
“Go away, Cameron. Please. Just leave me alone.”