Chapter 17 Blade
I stare at Bear’s letter, and I still can’t bring myself to open it.
I just can’t read it. Losing Bear ripped my heart out, and I lost myself in all the misery.
I was hoping today would be the first really good day I’ve had.
Instead, I woke up to an empty bed. I should take the hint and let Arwen get away from me, but I decide not to.
I put the envelope down and pick up my cell.
I dial her number, preparing myself for the moment she tells me not to bother her again.
I mean, I get it. She’s a damn good woman.
She deserves more than an ex-con who has let hate and vengeance bleed into everything that made him a man.
That doesn’t mean I’m not going to try to talk her into giving me a shot.
Turns out my brother and I are both just fools whose biggest downfalls are women.
I can’t help it, though. Arwen is the first thing that makes me feel alive since being with Olivia.
I know being with Arwen means I have to give up my dream of revenge—at least on Olivia.
I can live with that. I doubt Cross and the boys would have cooperated much anyway.
Cross and Hangman are right. Bear would kick my ass if I hurt Olivia.
My gaze goes back to the letter as Arwen’s phone rings.
I really am going to have to read that fucking thing.
“Hold on a second,” Arwen says instead of hi. “Livy? I’ll meet you and Carson at the house in a minute. I need to take this.”
“Sounds good,” I hear Olivia respond, and it doesn’t escape my attention how happy and gentle her voice is.
It’s completely different from the woman in that barn begging me to shoot her.
Hell, it’s completely different from the woman who was having a panic attack at her father’s funeral. “Hey, Blade.”
“You left without saying goodbye, Arwen,” I grumble into the phone.
“I had to get home. Olivia is touring the Black Stone Ranch today.”
“Black Stone? Why on earth would Olivia be touring a ranch full of ex-military soldiers?”
“She’s going to move here.”
“Move there? What the fuck for?”
“It will be safer. Cross helped talk her into it. She’s been worrying more and more about Douglas.
If he finds her, he will use whatever he can to hurt her and, in her eyes, that includes me.
Plus, she’s tired of living her life in fear.
She made a promise to Bear that she would survive and be happy. Olivia wants to keep that vow.”
“No offense, but the woman I saw at the funeral couldn’t function around one person—let alone an entire ranch of men.” Arwen goes quiet and doesn’t respond at all. It instantly puts me on alert. “Arwen? Are you there?”
“Yeah, sorry. I’m just thinking.”
“About what?” I ask.
“You sounded … jealous.”
“Jealous?” I ask with a short laugh.
“Yeah. Do you still have feelings for Olivia that you need to deal with, Blade?”
What the fuck? “Don’t do this, Arwen.”
“Do what? I just asked you a simple question. You sounded legitimately jealous when I mentioned Olivia moving to the ranch.”
“You’re acting crazy. Listen, if you’ve found you don’t want to be tied to an ex-con and a biker, that’s one thing. What you don’t need to do is throw this kind of bullshit up in my face,” I accuse her. If she was here in front of me, I’d spank her ass.
“I’m not throwing anything at you, Blade. You did sound jealous.”
“Jealousy is the last thing I’m feeling.”
“Then maybe you could tell me what it is you’re feeling, because I’m unsure of which direction to go here.”
“I tell you what direction to go. You get your ass back here and into my bed. If I’m anything, it’s pissed off because my woman left without waking me and giving me the chance to claim her again before she left.”
“Claim me?”
“Sweetheart,” I reply, dropping my voice down.
“You didn’t claim me, Blade.”
“Arwen, you felt me slide inside of you inch by inch. You felt me stretch you as you wrapped your arms and legs around me. You even said you felt how different things were with us. It was special. Are you going to deny it now just because the sun is up and you’re not in my arms, Arwen?”
“No,” she answers after a moment or two of silence. “I’m not going to deny it. You just need to realize …”
When she doesn’t speak again, I sigh. “Realize what, sweetheart?”
“This is not easy for me. I was afraid Olivia would be upset or hurt. Do you know I broke down on her?”
I feel myself tense. The mere thought of Olivia causing issues between us makes my blood run cold. I won’t allow her to be involved in this. “Arwen, baby, Olivia is the past. After what I went through, I can’t … I couldn’t have feelings for her anymore.”
“That’s kind of what she said, too,” she affirms.
“She did?” I ask, feeling slightly unsettled, not because she agrees with me, but I kind of felt my past with Olivia would be a deterrent. I guess I owe Olivia a thank you.
“Yeah. So, I guess I kind of freaked out for no reason.”
I grin, feeling relief so deeply that it kind of scares me. “I have to agree,” I chuckle.
“Asshole,” she mutters.
“Do I get to see you tonight?”
“It might be late,” she murmurs.
“I don’t give a fuck. I want you in my bed tonight.”
“What is it about you that makes me forget I’m a strong, independent woman and just melt when you talk like that?”
“I don’t know, but I’m damned glad it happens.”
“Jerk,” she giggles.
“I’ll see you tonight, sweetheart.”
“I’ll see you then,” she practically purrs, and then hangs up the phone. Once I put my cell back on the table, my gaze moves back to the letter from Bear.
“Fuck it.” I mutter.
I reach over and grab it, ignoring the way my hand shakes. Jesus, I’ve turned into a pussy. I break the seal, open and take it out. I shut my eyes and then, with a deep breath, I get my nerve up and bite the bullet.
Little Brother,
If you’re reading this damn thing, I’ve kicked the bucket.
I’ve known for a while that the beef between me and Eyeball was going to come to a head.
He nearly killed Olivia. It’s hard to believe, and you probably know by now, that he is Olivia’s brother.
She asked me to let it go and stay off Eyeball’s radar.
Olivia is terrified of him and was afraid he’d kill me. Hindsight? Yeah.
The bastard nearly destroyed her once. Now, she spends her life trying to hide from him.
The woman has begged me to just let the police deal with it.
Asked me to have him arrested with the stuff I have on him.
That was never good enough for me. I needed the fucker dead.
Being the cocky bastard that I am, I thought I’d be breathing clean air, and that fucker would be six feet deep when all this was done.
Guess life doesn’t work out like you want it to.
We know that better than most.
I love you, Blade. You know that. I’ve never kept things hidden from you, not until recently and it has weighed on me.
I need you to know that I love Olivia. I’ve been in love with her for as long as I can remember.
The thing is, I messed up. I didn’t tell her about Ayita, and everything went to hell once she found out.
It’s the biggest regret of my life. I’ve only been half a man since Olivia slipped away.
Because the woman is a fucking saint, we managed to stay friends, and that kept me sane.
I knew when you met her you’d see the same things I did.
I need you to know it made me happy. If I couldn’t have her, knowing she had my brother to love and keep her safe, brought me peace.
Now that I’m gone, she’s going to try to blame herself.
I need you to make sure that doesn’t happen.
I’ve left her money. Cross will make sure she gets it.
It's up to you to make sure she’s happy and free.
Blade, give her the family and the home that I couldn’t.
I will rest easy knowing that both my brother and my Livy are happy and thriving together.
Take care of yourself brother, you were always the best of the two of us. I’m damn proud of you.
-Bear
Fuck me. Fuck me. My hand shakes as everything slams down on me. Bear was in love with Olivia …
“Motherfucker!” I growl. How could he not tell me? Shit. Why didn’t she tell me?
I pick my phone back up and dial the club. When Hangman answers, I tell him to get the men together this evening. It’s time I see if I’m the only one in the fucking dark.