Chapter 18 Blade
“Blade? I thought I was supposed to meet you at your place tonight?” Arwen questions as she opens the door.
I lean in and pull her to me. I feel her arms snake around me and she holds on tight.
For the first time since I read the letter, my heart rate moves to a more normal speed. “Is everything okay, sweetheart?”
I pull back and take a deep breath. “Arwen, I need to speak to Olivia.”
She blanches, taking a step away from me. Her face loses color, and I can see her pain. “Blade, I don’t think—”
I shake my head. “Sweetheart, I told you already. You’re the future. I read my brother’s letter. I need to talk things over with Olivia. You can be there. I don’t want secrets between us. I promise I’m not here to hurt her.”
She studies my face. I let her see everything I’m feeling—even my confusion. I meant what I said. I don’t want secrets between us. Clearly, secrets cause nothing but pain. I never want that in my life again.
“I’ll have to ask her if she’ll talk to you,” she finally says.
“Okay.”
“I’ll be right back,” she promises. I sit down on one of the chairs that line the porch. There’s a swing, too, but the chair seems to fit the occasion.
It’s a quaint house. I know it belongs to Arwen, but she seems more at home in my apartment.
I used to imagine a place like this for Olivia, but I know it’s not truly what I’d want to live in.
I need a lot of glass and wide-open spaces.
My penthouse is perfect. I’ll need to talk to Arwen and see if that works for her, too.
My head turns as Olivia walks out. She’s beautiful as always, but the attraction I once held for her is void.
She’s not the same woman she once was. I’m not the same man.
Our past together seems like a lifetime ago.
“Hello, Blade,” she says, and she might look calm, but I can hear the quiver in her words.
“Olivia,” I say, clearing my throat.
“Winnie said you wanted to speak with me?”
“Yeah. Can you sit down for a bit?”
She nods, moving to the chair that’s beside me, though there is quite a bit of space between the two.
“I think I’ll just go inside and let the two of you talk,” Arwen murmurs.
“You don’t have to,” Olivia and I say together, and for a second there’s a smile on Arwen’s face.
“I do. There are things you need to say to one another—a past you need to put to rest. It doesn’t involve me. I’ll be here to talk to both of you if you need me later,” she says. Then, she shocks the hell out of me by kissing my forehead and hugging Olivia.
Once she disappears back inside, both Olivia and I stare out over the yard for a bit. I think we’re both afraid to talk. “So,” I finally mutter, not sure how to begin.
“Winnie said you read your letter from Bear.”
“Do you know what it said?” I ask.
“Mm,” she hums. “Bear told me while we were locked in my brother’s little prison.”
“What?” I ask, not sure I heard her correctly.
“I’m sorry. I assumed Cross told you everything,” she says nervously, rubbing her hands together. I reach over and put my hand over hers, not wanting her to make a sore spot on her skin.
“I’m supposed to meet with the men later. I wanted to talk to you first. That night when Eyeball somehow got the warden to—”
“Douglas is really good at finding weasels he can control,” she mutters.
“You seemed so …”
“Angry? A bitch?” she laughs, but the sound is cold—absolutely devoid of any emotion.
“Yeah.”
“You saw what Douglas wanted you to see, Blade. I was just playing a part.”
“That’s part of what I don’t understand. What part? Why go along with anything that bastard ordered?”
“He promised he’d let me go. I didn’t have a lot of hope, but I needed him not to be lying. So, I went along with what he ordered. I didn’t do it for me. I did it to protect someone I loved.”
“Your father,” I surmise.
She lets out a quiet breath but doesn’t correct me. “Bear didn’t die at the garage? You mentioned you were locked up together.”
“He was wounded, but no, he didn’t die. He held on for me, but his wound got infected and although he tried to be strong, the beatings took their toll.
I tried to take them whenever I could. Eyeball allowed it because it made Bear suffer to see me take the beatings for him.
In the end, Bear lost touch with what was really going on.
The infection raged in his body. Douglas only left Bear alive to suffer.
When Bear couldn’t stay awake and lucid any longer, Douglas killed him.
He took him from me completely and lived off my pain for over a year.
I can’t really remember how long. It all blended together, to be honest.”
“He loved you.”
“He did. I need you to know that if I’d known Bear and you were brothers, or if you had even been a member of the club, things would have been different. I wouldn’t have tried for a relationship with you. I would have told you about Douglas. God, there’s so much I should have done differently.”
“Bear didn’t tell me about the two of you either. If he had, I want you to know I would have told him to man up and fight for you.”
“I know you probably hate me, Blade. You have every right. I want you to know that I really hope you find the happiness you deserve. I hope it’s with Winnie. She’s a beautiful soul. She’ll be good for you if you let her,” Olivia says.
“It’s weird, isn’t it? I told Arwen that we were the past and there was nothing there anymore. I explained that we were different people. I don’t think I realized how true that was, though. At least, I didn’t until right this minute.”
“Nothing could survive what we’ve been through if it was built on lies, and like it or not, we were.”
“Yeah. I should have been honest with you, too,” I admit.
“We both made mistakes. My worst one was not admitting that I have always loved Bear and could never completely give myself to anyone else.”
“Olivia, I need you to know that I truly do care for Arwen. I want to build a future with her. That’s something I didn’t think I would get when I was in prison. Now that I have the chance, I don’t want to lose it.”
“Good. I want you both to be happy.”
“Blade, I got to spend Bear’s last minutes with him. We got to talk and clear the air between us. That’s more than I could’ve dreamed of having. Now, I just want to live quiet. I hope one day, in whatever comes next, I will be able to find Bear and we can be together then.”
“I hope that, too, Olivia.”
“I tried, you know?”
“To build a life with me? Yeah, I know. If Eyeball wasn’t in the picture, maybe it would have worked.”
“Well, yeah. That, too, but I meant I tried to get you out of jail. The moment I got free, I went to Detective Sutton. He took me to the prosecuting attorney and the judge. In the end, it wasn’t enough to help.
I had no proof and, worst of all, there was no body.
I never knew what Douglas did with Bear.
He just came back bragging that he was gone.
The judge refused to reopen the case. So did the prosecutors.
The club’s lawyer didn’t think it would help either—that’s what Sasa and Cross told me.
By then you were close to getting out anyway, but I want you to know that I tried to get you out—everyone did. ”
“Thanks Olivia. I appreciate that. It’s over. We can’t get those years back,” I respond.
“I know,” she agrees.
I stand up and go to kneel in front of her.
I brace myself on either side of her chair.
She looks at me, and even I have to admit that it feels good not to see fear on her face.
“In my heart now, you’re my sister. Bear asked me to take care of you.
He mentioned he left you money and I assume Cross dealt with that, but I want to stand by you and take care of you like he asked. ”
She shakes her head no, tears shining in her eyes.
“I never wanted Bear’s money. I never touched it.
It’s still in the bank. You’re welcome to have it back.
I’ve tried to give it to Cross, but he ignores me.
Bear gave me the best gift a man could give a woman, and that’s his heart. I don’t want his money.”
I lean in and kiss her forehead. “You keep the money. It’s what Bear wanted.
Spend it. He’d be pissed if you didn’t.” When I pull back, her lips are trembling, and she’s got tears sliding down her cheeks.
“My brother would want you to live, Olivia. He’d want you to have the life that he wanted to give you and couldn’t. ”
“We’ll see,” she says. “I’m going to move this week to Black Stone Ranch. I should be self-sufficient since I’ll be working too.” I can tell that she’s not planning on giving in on this. She’s more stubborn than I remember.
I finally stand up and sigh. “You’ll be safer there, but we’re not giving up. We will find your brother, and when we do, I’ll make sure he never bothers you again.”
“Be safe. Douglas is like a cockroach. He’s next to impossible to kill, even though he needs it more than anything or anyone on earth,” she says, and I damn sure can’t argue with that.
“I need to go. I’m going to head to the club and talk with the boys, and I need to see Ayita and check on her. I haven’t seen her since I got out. I know Cross said she had a letter—”
“Ayita? Why in the hell is she still at the club?”
“Ayita? I know you loved Bear, but he had claimed her. She’s part of the club—”
“That bitch is a traitor! She’s the one who helped Ranger set Bear up.
She moved the meeting up so everyone would be busy, and Bear would be vulnerable.
She even came to where Douglas was holding us and watched as …
” Olivia stops talking as the tears takes over.
I pull her into my arms. “I asked Cross. I asked him if all the traitors were gone. I thought since she was at Douglas’s club most of the time and sleeping with him that everyone knew she was.
Cross just said all the traitors have been killed.
He never mentioned anything about that bitch being protected … ”
“Fuck, I’m going, Olivia. I’m not going to let her breathe easy one more day. She may know where Eyeball is now.”
“I’m going with you. I owe the bitch,” she says, and for the first time I see a fire in Olivia that I’d almost forgotten she possessed.
I just nod and call for Arwen. She might as well come with us. Olivia might need her.
Hell, when I see Ayita again, I may need Arwen to keep me together.