Chapter 7
Seven
Hayden
When I open my eyes I see Jaclyn’s back to me. Her bare shoulder peeking from beneath the sheets like an invitation I didn’t deserve.
The room was quiet but birds were chirping from the open window. I can hear her OMI-Pod clicking as it delivers insulin to her body.
She got on the OMI-Pod a few years ago and it’s been a life changer for her. She still uses the shots whenever she can’t refill her prescription for the pod but her blood sugars are a lot better ever since she started using that device.
After I cleaned myself up last night and washed the blood off my hands, I slid into bed next to her and pulled her close to me. She was sleeping so she turned around and snuggled into me as if I didn’t make her cry. I held her like she was mine, but the truth is, I broke her in ways I can’t fix.
I stare at her longer than I should’ve. Her face was turned slightly in the pillow, her eyes puffy from crying and lips parted.
“Your job or whatever you’re doing with Killian and Rowan, you’re cheating on me with that because for some reason, the Hayden I fell in love with, isn’t coming home.”
Her words echo in my head as I drag my hand down my face and slip out of the bed, careful not to wake her up.
I go to the bathroom and get ready for the day quickly. I put ointment on my hands and dress in black jeans and a shirt.
Before I leave the bedroom I take one last look at Jaclyn and my heart clenches.
How did it all get down to this? How did we get so far from each other?
It’s because of me.
I open the bedroom door and leave Jaclyn to sleep while I get the kids ready for school.
Fear creeps up my neck as I think about the future.
Fear that I’m screwing this up, again.
When I get to the kitchen, Junior is sitting at the table, slouched over a bowl of cereal, tapping his spoon against the edge of the bowl in a steady rhythm.
He looks up at me with too-old eyes. I didn’t realize how fast he’s growing up until now.
As he stares at me like I’m guilty of something.
And I am.
I wish I never started helping Killian again.
“You and mom were yelling last night.”
I pause, not because I didn’t expect it, but because I have no idea how to answer that without lying to my son.
And I was tired of lying and letting Jaclyn take the heat for everything I’m doing. “Yea.” I move towards the coffee machine. “We were.”
“Are you guys gonna get a divorce?” he asks, straight up.
The mug in my hands almost slips. “What? No. Jesus, Junior.”
“You sounded like you hated each other.”
As I look at Junior I notice how scared he looks. My heart twists, sharp and sick.
“I don’t hate your mom.” I rest the coffee mug on the counter and walk over to him.
“I could never hate your mom. I love her but sometimes we fight. I wish you hadn’t heard that but I promise you it doesn’t mean that we’re not okay.
You hear me?” Junior nods slowly but I can tell my explanation wasn’t good enough.
“We’re gonna be okay. I’m just doing something you’re mom doesn’t like. ”
“Then why don’t you stop?”
“It’s hard. The work I’m in doesn’t allow me to leave so easily but I’m going to try.” I put my hand on his shoulder. “For you, for your brother and your sister. Most importantly for your mom.”
He nods again and looks down at his cereal bowl like it betrayed him for turning soggy. I ruffle his hair and go to make coffee.
Easton comes in ten minutes later demanding pancakes. I make a quick batch for him, Junior, and an extra two for River and Jaclyn for when they come down for breakfast.
After they are finished eating, they clean up and do their dishes. By the time we leave the house, Jaclyn hasn’t come downstairs and River is still sleeping, surprisingly. I debated going upstairs to check on Jaclyn but I know if I did I wouldn’t want to leave.
The boys decide to take the M4 out today. Junior calls shotgun and Easton pouts but goes in the backseat.
Their school isn’t that far, only about a ten minute drive.
After I drop them off I drive straight to Killian’s house. The estate is quiet when I pull up which is odd since his house is always always alive with Luna’s laughter.
When I walk in, Luna’s toys are scattered on the floor and the smell of coffee brewing fills my senses.
I walk towards Killian’s office.
He’s holding a cup of coffee and a phone against his ear as he paces the room back and forth. He looks up at me and immediately hangs up and gestures for me to sit down.
I sit in front of his desk and he comes around to sit in his chair. “I need you to go to California.”
“No,” I say without hesitation.
Killian raises an eyebrow at me. “Excuse me?”
“You heard me. I’m not going to California. This shit is pulling me away from my family.”
Killian leans towards me. “Who’s the one that came to me for a job in the first place? Asking for some sort of adrenaline because the calm life is getting boring for him?”
“And I realize the mistake I made. I found the person who is stealing from you like you wanted me to and now I want to be out. Jaclyn’s literally holding onto me by a thread and I don’t want to lose her.”
He studies me and for a moment something shifts in his expression, like he understands.
But it passes.
“I need someone I can count on, Hayden.” He says, his voice turning calmer, steadier like he is trying to be careful with his words.
“If it’s not you, I can find someone else but if that someone were to fuck it up then you and I both know what kind of war will start and who would be caught in the crossfire. ”
I clench my jaw.
He’s right and he fucking knows it.
Smart bastard knows how to play his cards right and that’s all thanks to his father.
I’ve only met his father, Ace De Luca, once and I realize where Killian got all of his traits from.
When I met Ace, it was over a family dinner that I was invited to because Rowan is married to someone in the family and Killian was my best-friend and boss.
Ace is everything that everyone says he is.
Cold, controlled, and selfish or at least that last part is what Killian says.
Killian has a thing against his father, everyone can tell. During the dinner Killian was very passive aggressive with Ace and vise versa.
“You used to love doing this. Now you act like it’s poison,” he adds.
“It is poison,” I mutter, “and I think I’ve swallowed enough.”
Killian finishes his coffee and sets his mug down. “You go to California. Handle this as quick and clean as possible. When you come back we can discuss what’s next for you.”
I pause because a part of me wants to just walk away from all of this and listen to Jaclyn. I want to be there for my family.
But part of me wants the adrenaline, it craves the danger and violence.
“I’ll go but I swear after this I can’t do this anymore. Even if I ask you, I need you to shove me away. I need to stop this and not put myself in this position.”
“Your brother has been bugging me about it so trust me, I’ll leave you alone, Hayden. I don’t want issues with my family.” He gives me a look that I can relate to.