Chapter 10
Chapter Ten
Sloan
Past
Sitting at my desk in the nurse’s station putting in patient orders, Kailey and Maria plop in their chairs next to me.
“Wow. Dr. McAllister really went big with that ring. I’m pretty sure you could see that thing in Paris without binoculars.” Kailey gasps dramatically.
“It’s gorgeous! What is it? 5 carats?” Maria beams.
“It’s… Something like that.” I shrug, trying to avoid even looking at it.
My stomach is in knots from the anxiety it gives me to not only wear a ring of this size but the value of this thing, especially at work. I’m constantly terrified I’m going to ruin the diamond. Lose it. It might even fall down the sink when I wash my hands.
It is so gaudy and definitely costs a fortune. He often enjoys reminding me of that fact.
“Reesey, I had that custom made for you. It cost more than your car.”
James loves that everyone can see it from a mile away. It’s that big. Meanwhile, all I feel is the weight of it and the anxiety it induces.
“Why do I get the sense that you hate it?” Kailey asks, sobering.
“Because I do,” I whisper aggressively, looking around to make sure no one else hears my outburst.
“It is kind of ridiculously large. Is he making up for something he’s lacking, Reese’s Pieces?” Maria giggles trying to lighten the mood.
“Ha-ha” I shake my head. Hoping they’ll stop talking about it. It was too soon––is too soon––I still can’t wrap my mind around it.
James had reservations for us at the restaurant he took me to on our first date. He had invited my parents, which I didn’t know about until we got there. “It was a surprise.”
It never even crossed my mind that he would propose.
We were having a really lovely dinner. My father hadn’t said anything inappropriate and only had two drinks.
My mother seemed like she was enjoying herself.
James had been charming as ever but right before they brought out the dessert, he was down on one knee with this gigantic rock out for the entire restaurant to see asking me to be his wife.
“Reesey, I know we haven’t been together long but when you know, you know, and I’ve known since the moment I laid eyes on you. I knew you would be mine forever. Will you marry me?” James asked in such a smooth voice, holding my hand in his, almost hypnotizing me.
My mother and father were smiling so big, tears streaming down my mother’s face.
Other guests of the restaurant were eyeing us with expectation and love on their faces.
I stalled for just a moment and I swore I felt the grip on my hand get a little tighter, but I was too busy internally panicking to notice.
“Yes,” I whispered.
“She said yes!” my mother cheered.
“Welcome to the family, son,” my father said, shaking James’ hand.
“In all seriousness, this did all kind of happen very quickly. You went from all celibate independent boss babe to hopelessly in love and getting engaged in what? Six months?” Kailey questions breaking me out of my thoughts.
“Yep!” I say popping the P.
“Soooo… What are we missing?” Maria inquires looking at Kailey and then back to me.
“I don’t know. Am I broken? Do you think I’m broken?” I question, my eyes filling with tears.
“Oh honey, no. Why do you think that?” Kailey asks, gently squeezing my hand in hers.
“It’s just… I care about James… James is great…
He remembers every little thing I tell him.
Always gives me those beautiful roses. When we’ve gone to restaurants, he’s taken the initiative and ordered my meals for me.
James even talked to my mom on the phone the other night when she called me to check in and they ended up talking wedding details. ” I sigh, picking at my fingernails.
“I’m pretty sure he told me he loved me after like a month.
And I do love him but there’s a part of me that always wonders…
If we’re moving too fast. If James is right for me.
If I don’t feel how he does. I’m not sure if I can…
or if maybe that’s something with time…” I try to keep more tears at bay.
“You can’t put a time frame on love. Time is an illusion after all,” Maria reassures me.
“I haven’t really been in many relationships outside of this to really compare it to though. So how do I know for sure if he’s the one for me?”
“Do you feel like he sets your soul on fire?” Kailey asks, eyes lighting up with mischief.
“Umm… I’m not really sure what that feels like?” I eye her skeptically.
“Do you feel like the world would end if he wasn’t in your life?” Maria chimes in.
“I mean…no? But no one has ever really made me feel that way…” I offer guiltily.
“I can’t really even use my parents for guidance. My parents didn’t have the best relationship either. I think they love each other in their own way but I don’t think they’re soul mates or anything.
“My dad used fear to keep my mother in her place when I was younger. He threatened her if she’d threaten to leave.
I know they spent some time in counseling and things got a little bit better, but he’s still always controlled her in some way, shape or form.
I’ve always tried to live my life so I wouldn’t end up in the same situation as her.
Unable to leave a man. Afraid to leave. I always thought if I could be so independent, I wouldn’t need anyone.
If I could do everything on my own, I could prove that women could thrive without a man,” I say fiercely.
“You have. Look at everything you’ve accomplished,” Kailey offers at the same time Maria says swooning, “And then you met Silver Daddy.”
“Yes, I met Silver Daddy at a time where I still wasn’t quite where I wanted to be in my career yet.
I still want to and plan to become a nurse practitioner.
I don’t want a marriage stopping that. I haven’t reached all of my goals yet.
I wasn’t ready for something like this. I do love him but I’m not sure how open my heart truly is to him, you know?
” I worry, looking at them for guidance.
“I think you can still love someone and be focused on your career. You just need to have balance. Maybe it feels fast because he crashed into your life when you weren’t looking for love, but isn’t that what they say anyway? Love comes when you least expect it,” Kailey says with so much enthusiasm.
“Maybe… Maybe I just need more time to understand the balance thing. Or maybe I really am broken…and just won’t ever be able to love a man like they do in novels and movies,” I mutter, a pit forming in my stomach.
“You aren’t broken. You love your patients. You love us. You are full of love. You’ll figure it out. You always do. And you have us to support you through it all,” Kailey declares, giving me a side hug.
If I had known then that my intuition was screaming at me to run.
That James actually would set my whole life on fire.
That saying yes to a man I had only known for six months would almost ruin my life.
End my life. I would have never lost my two best friends.
My relationship with my parents. My career.
Myself. I wouldn’t have had to run. I wouldn’t have had to hide.