Chapter 24 #2
He started to dismount, but Skye stopped him with, ‘One more! Please. I was so excited I forgot to actually watch what you were doing.’
Sierra laughed. She looked up at Benji, waiting for him to decide, but instead of his agreement, the unspoken question ‘Wanna give it a go?’ bounced between them.
Her stomach flipped with excitement. For one long moment, she stared at Smokey and imagined the air whipping her face and the sound of galloping hooves filling her ears as she ran the pattern.
Her sensory memory was so powerful that her thigh muscles tensed as if gripping the saddle, and terrified by her new desperation to say yes, to ride, Sierra took one sudden step back.
She wasn’t ready.
She was too afraid of what that step would mean – for her, for Benji, for them.
For so long, she had deprived herself of the two things she loved most in the world because she didn’t feel like she deserved to be happy.
And, now, when happiness was beginning to break through anyway, she didn’t trust it.
She didn’t trust that it was real.
She didn’t trust that it would stay.
And, worst of all, she didn’t trust herself not to ruin it when the grief rose next.
‘Try to take the first barrel a little wider this time,’ she directed.
Benji smiled gently, understanding. Always. ‘Okay.’
He walked Smokey back to the starting line.
Again, the moment the horse realized that they were going to run, she started pulling on the reins and moving sideways, pulling against the bit, desperate to go.
Benji held her back for a few seconds, letting Smokey’s excitement build, and this time when they shot off the starting line, there was no stopping them.
They took the left barrel first and in three strides.
The second barrel they managed in three again, but the pocket was perfect.
By the time they were approaching the third barrel, Sierra’s heart was racing.
Her grin was huge. ‘Go, Benji!’ she shouted, cheering him on as the excitement within her bloomed into pure joy.
Clearly enjoying himself, he let out a war whoop.
Sierra laughed – loudly.
And then everything went wrong.
Benji took the last barrel too tight, and Smokey dropped her shoulder at the exact wrong moment. The barrel tipped. Smokey, moving fast, spooked and lunged sideways.
Benji, cocky and careless with it, and already slightly off centre from turning the barrel, lost his seat.
Everything slowed, and in that viscous shift in time, Sierra watched as he fell from the horse.
Her heart stopped beating.
For one, two, three seconds he didn’t move at all, only lay there as still as death as Smokey trotted a little distance off.
Sierra held her breath as the dam wall she’d carefully and laboriously built finally broke.
And the flood came.
The memories mercilessly assaulted her. She remembered being with Benji when she’d found out her parents had died, and she remembered the months after when all she’d wanted was to give her dad a hug or sit in the kitchen while her mom hunted for a recipe she’d misplaced.
She remembered hearing those words – ‘There’s no heartbeat’ – when she’d been in the delivery room, and, again, she felt that void approaching, pulling her in.
She held her breath as the force of it took her in.
Slowly, Benji sat up.
Time started again in a rush.
But her instant relief was tainted with the reminder of how quickly everything could go wrong.
As Benji patted his chest and coughed, winded from the fall, Skye ran over to him. ‘Are you okay, Boss?’ she asked, so casually.
And because Sierra could feel that old terror swallowing her, she turned and walked away. She staunched the flood of panic, and cleared her mind of all thought, all emotion, until there was nothing left inside of her.
Fuck! Benji thought, right before he hit the ground with a heavy oomph. He lay still for a few moments, checking himself over for any injuries, and when he felt none of those excruciating aches associated with broken bones, he sat up. He coughed once to clear his chest.
‘Are you okay, Boss?’ Skye asked as she came closer.
‘Yeah.’ He smiled up at her, but didn’t get to his feet right away. ‘Judging by the way she spooked, I’m taking it Smokey’s never hit a barrel before?’
‘No, but thanks for getting that out of the way for me,’ Skye teased. She offered him her hand, and when he took it, she helped him to his feet. ‘You sure you’re okay?’
‘Oh yeah.’
She softened her tone. ‘I think you need to go check on Sierra. She lit out as soon as she saw you sit up.’
Benji glanced behind them just in time to see the golf cart tear away from the barn, kicking up dust in the process. ‘Shit.’ He sighed, rolled his shoulders to ease the residual tension from the fall.
Smokey ambled back to where they stood. The mare stretched out her neck and nibbled his sleeve.
Benji laughed. ‘Yeah, yeah, you’re forgiven.’ He gave her one last pat before handing the reins to Skye. ‘Lesson of the day: Take the barrel wider.’
Skye grinned. ‘Thanks for the demonstration.’
‘No problem.’ With one last wave, he left to go and find Sierra.