60. Declan
Despite my disorientation when I awakened, I knew I was in a hospital, and that was before I’d even seen the various medical personnel around me.
The lights were a bright white, and as I stared up into them, microbursts exploded behind my lids.
I closed them and inhaled the disinfectant scent, which sure as hell beat the chemical-like one I’d last remembered from the airbag engaging during the accident.
Yes, an accident. I’d been in my car, which slid off the road.
The incessant beeping from the nearby machines penetrated my grogginess as more pain shot through my skull.
My first reflex had been to bring my hand to my head, but as I tried to move one, the bandages and IV tugged at my skin.
I dropped it back to the stiff bed, then let out a groan.
“Mr. Fitzgerald,” one of the women said to me as she hurried over to my bedside. “Do you remember how you got here?”
“C-car accident,” I managed to croak out.
My mouth was incredibly dry, and it tasted like it’d been stuffed with cotton, but that wasn’t even the worst of it.
My entire body ached, and in places I didn’t even know one could ache.
My muscles were bruised, and the pain extended past them and into my bones.
Maybe it was my current position. As I tried to adjust my body, multiple waves of dizziness crashed over me, and I quickly stopped trying to do what seemed impossible.
“Are you in a lot of pain?” she asked, and when I managed to mouth out confirmation, she moved closer to the IV. “On a scale of 0-10 with 10 being the worst you’d ever felt, what would you rate yours?”
It wasn’t the worst pain I’d ever felt. No New York roadway could do what Brogan had done to me.
His desertion had been the most painful thing I’d ever experienced, so a car accident had nothing on it.
While my chest hurt from the crash, the truth was that it’d been in pieces for almost two months now.
“E-eight,” I managed to get out.
“I’m going to give you something to help with that.”
And whatever she did with the IV had me floating.
I closed my eyes once more, and when I tried to wiggle my fingers, I felt the clip of something on one.
The pressure on my chest was lessening with each passing second, although I still felt weak and sluggish.
The nausea would come and go in waves, as would my consciousness.
It wasn’t long before I slipped back into the darkness.
I awakened sometime later, and I saw the brightness not only from the overhead lights, but from the windows outside.
Many hours had to have passed, and while I wasn’t in as much physical pain, the nausea remained and might’ve been even stronger.
A few groans escaped before someone’s warm hand touched my arm.
Flipping my head to my side, I grimaced at the fresh bout of pain that action had caused and saw my mother sitting there beside me.
“M-mom,” I stammered.
“Shhh, Declan. You don’t have to talk, and in fact, you should try not to.”
“But—”
“Listen to your mother,” I heard, and I knew my father was there with her. As I looked down at my body, I finally located him in his wheelchair. “You’ve given us one hell of a scare.”
I shouldn’t have been surprised to find my parents here already.
Chris and Katie Fitzgerald would drop everything to be at my side without any notice whatsoever.
It was one of the main differences I’d seen between my parents and Brogan’s.
Stanley Sinclair always had ulterior motives when it came to his son, and his mother hadn’t been any different.
Lauren walked out on him when he’d been just ten years old.
“I was so worried when they’d said you lost control of your car. What were you doing out there in that kind of weather at that time of night?” my mother asked me.
“Let’s not badger him, Katie. I’m just thankful that he’s woken up.”
“How long have I been out?” I asked, even though every word I spoke was like swallowing razor blades.
“About twelve hours. We’ve been here for the last seven of them,” my father said. He then wheeled himself closer, and my mother moved her chair back to allow him better access to me. “I’m so glad you’ve come back to us. We’ve been so worried about you.”
“You weren’t yourself at Christmas at all, Declan. I know we try not to pry into your personal affairs, but is there something going on in your life that we need to be aware of?”
“No,” I said softly.
And therein lay the problem. Absolutely nothing was going on, which made me remember Brogan.
He’d finally managed to break me completely, then left me alone to pick up the pieces.
I hadn’t told my parents about our breakup, so of course they’d think I just slipped into a deep depression like that one time in my youth.
While I’d been upset at Brogan for concealing the truth about where he’d been taken during high school, I’d also not let him know that his absence then had deeply affected me as well.
I’d fallen into a darkness that not even my parents could pull me out of.
It was like being dropped into an empty well, then not being able to get out as water started to fill it.
The guilt and loss had asphyxiated me, and even after I’d been able to breathe once more, it didn’t disappear.
Enrolling in college and reuniting with Brogan had helped me mentally.
My therapists hadn’t been worried about me and had basically chalked it up to graduation stress.
I hadn’t wanted to worry my parents more than I’d already had, so I’d made sure to hide each time those demons surfaced.
It’d been those that led me to pay off Layla because I knew the wedding and more was imminent, and I couldn’t handle the thought of losing Brogan.
Even if he hadn’t loved her, it still made my heart twist in my chest.
This Christmas, however, had been different.
I’d been too annihilated mentally to mask my pain.
I’d tried to hide it behind excessive drinking, but I knew my parents had seen through it.
Even if they hadn’t forced me to spill what was ailing me, they’d known something was, and now, more guilt afflicted me.
All I ever did was hurt those I loved. It was no wonder why Brogan had finally washed his hands of me.
I couldn’t do the same where he was concerned, though.
Something shifted inside of me, and it brought me back out of my thoughts.
“You don’t look so good right now, Son,” my father said.
“We need to get the doctor in here,” I heard my mother say right after.
I opened my mouth to tell her there was no need, but my body started to riot against me.
I couldn’t move my limbs on my own, and the pressure from earlier increased tenfold.
The machines nearby started to beep frantically, and all I could see as my vision grew hazy was the fear on my mother’s face as she started to scream aloud for someone.
The razors in my throat soon turned metallic in taste as my mouth filled with it.
My chest continued to tighten as I desperately tried to assure my parents I’d be fine.
After a few seconds of trying, even I couldn’t make myself believe that.
Helplessness filled me, and my body was short-circuiting with little I could do to stop it.
My thoughts began to shatter, especially as the sound of glass breaking echoed in my ears.
That, and the screeching of my car, then the thump as my entire body bounced around in the tight space.
More flashes of the crash came rushing back, but somewhere amongst the pain and destruction, another image filled my head.
Brogan. I’d heard his voice, saw his face, then there was nothing but darkness in my sight and static in my ears.
I strained toward the memory, or at least what I thought was one.
It’d likely been just my life flashing before my eyes.
Every muscle in my body decided to spasm at once as I felt myself literally leave my body.
Now, I was watching as the medical personnel tried to help me as my parents were ushered out of the room.
I could see their tear-streaked cheeks, and I turned back to my body on the bed.
One thing became certain as I tried to fight to get back to myself.
I wasn’t ready to leave this earth yet. I had too much unfinished business, and I’d never leave like this.
My parents had already done and sacrificed so much for me, so to leave them to grieve my death on top of that wasn’t something I was willing to do.
And there was Enslee. But also, there was Brogan who I wasn’t ready to let off the hook this easily.
You made promises to me, dammit. You don’t get to break them.
And as his face swam in my vision again, I felt a sharp jolt before the doctor’s voice floated around me. “Code Blue. We’re going to lose him.”
Defibrillator pads were placed on my chest, then I felt additional shocks as CPR was administered. Their voices scrambled together around me, and several more rounds were done before my eyes flew open, and I was thrust back into the bright, white light of the room.
“And he’s back,” I heard the same doctor say before letting out a string of relieved curses under his breath.