Chapter 43
I feel like I haven’t seen Scott all week. He’s been busy at uni, and I’ve been busy in the shop, but I need to see him. I want more “Come out with me.”
“Where?”
“To dinner.”
“Oh, okay.”
“Go get changed.”
“Why?”
“Fuck, Scott, I wanna take you on a date.”
“Oh.” He stares at me, but nods.
He’s still so clueless. I don’t know what happened between us, but it’s like we’re not sure how to behave around each other in public, and I want things to be clear. I want to talk to him. So, I get cleaned up, and I push into Steven’s room.
“Hey, I need to borrow a shirt.”
He waves his arm towards his wardrobe. He’s lying on the bed in his boxers, one hand stuffed down them, cupping his balls, the other wrapped behind his head.
I sort through his wardrobe, finding a black shirt. After tugging it off the hanger, I turn to face him. I rip my T-shirt over my head, tossing it on the floor, and snatch his deodorant off the dresser before giving myself a good spray.
“No, don’t mind me, fuckface, just help ya’sen,” he spits in a sarcastic tone, which I ignore.
“Cheers, dude.” I grin, winking.
“You’re not gonna fuck my brother in that shirt, are you?” He shudders, and I chuckle.
“I might.”
“Eww, you two are fucking gross.” He screws his face up as if he can smell something rank.
“Hey, can I talk to you?”
“Erm, I suppose, but I do not want to know anything about your sex life. It’s bad enough having to hear it through the walls.” He physically shivers; his discomfort makes me smile wider.
“Does it bother you?” I sit at the end of the bed, staring at my best friend. Knowing I probably should have asked him before, but everything kind of just happened.
“Dude, it’s weird as fuck. He’s my little brother. I hate it, but also after everything that went on with that cunt, Derren. I’m glad, in a way, it’s you. I know you’ll look after him. He’s a good kid.”
“Eww, do not say he’s a kid.” It’s my turn to shudder now, and a smirk passes his face.
“Dude, he is a kid. He’s my kid brother, and you’ve always treated him like your own, until now.
He’s twelve years younger than us.” He sits up, resting his hand on his knee.
“I can see how much you guys love each other, though. So, yes, it’s weird as fuck.
It’s so fucking weird, but also I know he’s safe with you.
Hurt him, and I’ll kick you in the nuts.
Otherwise, we’re good, and please don’t fuck him in that. I fucking love that shirt.”
I bark out a laugh and grin, not making any promises. I head to Scott’s room and knock on the door.
“Come in,” he shouts. I click the door open.
“Ready?” I prop myself on the doorframe. I stare at him; he’s fucking beautiful. I wonder why I never saw it before.
“I just need to put my contacts in.”
“Glasses,” I whisper. His gaze flicks to mine, and I lick my lips. “Wear your glasses.”
He reaches over to the dresser and slips them on, pushing them up the bridge of his nose. I step towards him, wrapping my arms around him, and kiss him.
Fuck, that was sexy. Why the fuck have I seen him do these things a million times before, but suddenly, he’s all I can think about?
He’s so fucking handsome, he smells amazing.
His hazel eyes are bright, the gold flecks twinkle when he looks at me, the crinkle at the corner of his eyes when he smiles at me, it’s all so fucking hot.
Then he puts his glasses on, and I can’t control my lips, my hands, they just want to be on him.
I slip my tongue over his lips as my hands find his hips, and I push him back, walking him towards the bed.
His arms slide over my shoulders, wrapping around my neck as he leans in, licking his tongue across mine.
Groaning, I tug him flush against me. He melts into the kiss. His body pressing into mine as his legs hit the bed, I pull back. His pupils blown, his cheeks flushed; he’s fucking perfect.
“We should go, or I’m gonna throw you down on the bed and fuck you.”
“I wouldn’t be mad about that.” He gives me a slutty smirk, and fuck me, how did I never see it before? I grab his hand.
“Nope, I’m taking you out. We need to talk.” He stills, his hand stiffens in mine, his whole body goes rigid, and he freezes. I turn and stare at him.
“Hey, what’s up?”
He shakes his head before walking towards me.
“Nothing, it’s fine, let’s go.” But his demeanour has changed. His hand is relaxed in mine now, but he isn’t holding it. When his shoulders sag, I stop, so he crashes into me.
“Hey, what’s wrong?”
“I’m fine, honestly. Let’s go.” I nod, but I know he’s not fine.
I replay what just happened, but I can’t place what it was.
Was it the way I was looking at him? The glasses thing?
The way I hold him, kissed him? Navigating this relationship is a whole fucking learning curve.
I’ve never done this shit, and I keep missing all these cues. This is why we need to talk.
We drive in silence to the restaurant. Scott stares out of the window, a slight smile etched on his perfect face as he watches the passing scenery, but it doesn’t look right.
Something’s shifted, something’s off. After pulling up outside, I park and turn to look at him, but he’s out of the passenger seat before I get a chance.
I jog around the car, snatching his hand and tugging him back.
“Hey, wait up.” He stares up at me, his eyes glassy and vacant. Almost like he’s staring through me. “Nerd, what’s wrong?”
He gives me a tight-lipped smile. “Let’s just go in, okay?”
I nod because I’m starving, and we can talk inside. I’ve booked a booth, the one at the back in the corner. The waitress leads us inside the small Chinese restaurant. It’s Scott’s favourite place to eat.
We sit down, and I order drinks. Scott just stares at the menu. It’s held higher up his face than socially acceptable, so I rest my finger on the top, pushing it down.
“Hey, let’s order, then we can talk, okay?
” He nods but pulls the menu up again when the waitress comes back with our drinks.
We order the food, and she takes the menus.
Scott stares out into the restaurant, and I reach for his hand across the table.
He flinches when I touch him before his gaze darts to mine.
I snatch his hand tighter in my grip and lean forward.
I clear my throat. “I wanted to talk with you. Ya know the talk.” He nods but doesn’t quite meet my eyes.
I need to say this. I need to get it all off my chest because after the shitshow that was Dickhead, I want to know where I stand.
This is all new to me, this relationship stuff.
I’m a little out of my depth. I want to make sure we’re on the same page.
I know we’re together, but I want it officially stated.
“So, you know I don’t do relationships. I’m not into anything other than one-night stands. You’ve heard what they call me?” He just bobs his head, his face a mask of something I can’t quite put my finger on. He pulls his hand away from mine, but I reach for it across the table.
“Scott?”
“I get it, Killian. I understand.” I frown at him, but he rests his hands in his lap.
“Let’s just have a nice meal, yeah?” The waitress comes over and places our dishes on the table.
He picks up his chopsticks, and I smirk at him because even that’s sexy.
The way he controls them with those long fingers.
The way the muscles in his hand work around the chopsticks as he lifts the noodles to his lips.
The way his tongue slides out and does a little lick of his lips before he sucks the chopsticks into his mouth makes my dick twitch.
I groan, staring at him. After grabbing the fork from the table, I start eating, watching every move he makes with those fucking chopsticks.
“Nerd, I wanna say a few things, but firstly. I need you to listen, okay? I don’t want this to change things between us. You know I love you, right?”
He looks sad as he whispers, “I know. I love you, too, Killian.”
I exhale and smile. He eats, barely looking at me. Something shifts within him, but I need to say it. I need to know.
“I want to be official,” I blurt out.
“What?” he mumbles around a spring roll.
“I want to be exclusive. I know I’ve said you’re my boyfriend and I’m yours.
But I know when you were with… him, we kinda hooked up.
I want you to know that’s not me. I know I haven’t been in a proper relationship before, but I want to be honest from the start.
I want to give this a real go. I want you to be my boyfriend. I don’t want there to be anyone else.”
His hand freezes in mid-air with the spring roll at his lips, his eyes wide, the half-eaten pastry abandoned. He starts to chew really fucking slowly, then takes a big swallow.
“So, you don’t want to break up?” He eyes me curiously.
“What?” I screw my face up. “Why would I bring you out to break up with you?”
“I just thought, when you said we needed to talk.”
“Yeah, I want you to choose me. I want to be with you. I don’t want anyone else. I don’t want you to be with anyone else. Fuck, Scott. I just want to be with you.”
His shoulders start bouncing, his cheeks flush, and his eyes glaze. A tear slips onto his cheek when he blinks. It slowly trickles down. I wipe it away and cup his cheek. His eyes close, and he blows out a breath.
“I thought you were dumping me. I thought you wanted to go back to one-night stands and the variety of having other partners.”
“I don’t ever want that again. Scott, I want you. Just you, okay?”
He nods. “I thought when you said boyfriend before that this is what you wanted. That we’re already exclusive.
I know what happened with Derren wasn’t ideal, but that wasn’t me, either.
I would never. Well, not normally, but I just want you.
And when there was a glimpse of a chance, everything else went out of the window.
I would have done anything to be with you.
I think I would have sold my own brother for that opportunity.
” He gives a humourless laugh, trying to swallow around the visible lump in his throat.
“Hey, let’s eat. Then we’ll talk about it more at home. Okay, just know that I’m here, and I’m staying.”
He grins as another tear rolls down his cheek before he swats it away.
But I stare at him, wondering how I got so lucky and how the fuck he has never affected me before.
Everything about him is perfect. He was here all along, right in front of me.
All it took was a vulnerable moment for everything to crash down on me to see him properly for the first time.
The way he’s just so unapologetically him.
He’s different from the guy I saw when he was with Derren.
He was a shell of himself. He seemed so unsure, so timid.
Wanting to twist himself into knots to fit what Derren wanted, what he thought he deserved.
With me, he’s strong, confident, doesn’t put up with my shit, but clearly adores me.
I can’t think of anyone better for me. Someone who has seen all my faults and yet loves me despite them.
“Why are you looking at me like that?”
“What?” I startle from my thoughts. I smile at him, and his gaze softens.
“You okay?” He assesses me, his eyes still a little glassy, his cheeks pink, his lips full and plump.
The candle on the table flickers in his glasses.
In the shine of his eyes, my heart leaps out of my rib cage, crashing around the cavity.
Pounding, my blood floods my body, thudding in my ears. I’ve never felt like this before.
Hookup after hookup has always been fun, but emotionally numb.
Nothing but a good workout, a quick release.
Don’t get me wrong, I’ve enjoyed the majority of them.
But the way he looks at me. The way he touches me, the person he is with me.
It’s like being with me makes him feel invincible, and honestly, that’s how I feel knowing that he loves me.
That he worships the ground I walk on. But ultimately, will fight for me while keeping me grounded and in check. I just feel so fucking lucky.
“Yeah.” I smile, because how do I relay all that this early on without feeling like a real loser?
Falling for someone twelve years younger than me is crazy.
Falling for him after everything we’ve been through is just mind-blowing.
“Also,” I say, taking a deep breath. “My fights. I know that was something you weren’t aware of, but it’s a big part of my life.
It’s how I was able to buy the tattoo shop and flat.
I’m almost done paying off Mum’s mortgage.
” His mouth drops open a little, and his eyes widen.
“Jerry has also been making money from my fights, too. While I know you don’t like that kind of thing, I still have a few lined up.
I’m willing to talk about it after that, but I’m committed to these. ”
“I would never make you give them up. I was against anything like that. I found it barbaric. But that night, watching you, I can honestly say I was mesmerised. While it’s not something I would have chosen to watch, after being there, I can see the appeal.” He gives me a cheeky smile.
“You thought it was hot, didn’t you?” I grin at him and lean closer.
He mirrors my posture. His foot reaches mine under the table, and he slides it up and down, rubbing on my leg.
Flushing a little, he smiles. “I thought you were hot.” He bites down on his lip, and I groan as I grip his chin, sliding my thumb over his lip and tugging it from between his teeth.
“Don’t do that.” He frowns, his brows furrow, and a scowl crosses his gorgeous features.
I chuckle. “It kinda drives me wild, Nerd.” I wink and sit back in the chair.
His smile makes me squirm as I sit there, lost in his gaze.