25. Sutton
SUTTON
Idon’t need to turn around, I felt Foster as soon as he began to walk closer.
It’s funny how we could sense familiar people even if we were blind.
Then again, Foster carries power on his shoulders, and right now, guilt radiates off of him.
But what weighs me down is that the moment he came close, my heart lifted with brief excitement, as though I had been waiting forever for his return.
Then a stab of numbness reminded me that I slept without him last night.
“I figured you would be here.” He arrives by my side and follows my line of sight to the tree line across the river.
I wrap my arms around my body from the chilly breeze, even though it’s wonderful weather for September. Maybe it’s nerves that are causing the chill.
“I guess I forgot how Everhope can clear my mind. I’ve been so busy creating my own life, but sometimes the familiar is what we need. I used to come to the river a lot. It’s a reminder of the good times,” I explain softly.
“And did it help clear your mind?” His voice is delicate, patient, the vulnerable side of Foster that I’ve only had peeks of.
I can’t avoid it forever. I do the one thing that could devastate me, because when my eyes meet his, waiting for me, honesty becomes a tide so overpowering that we could both drown.
“One of the good things is meeting you here. Not office you, but the real you, every little thing included.”
The corner of his mouth twitches. “We did meet here. Your beautiful smile is still the same as that day in the cold with a donut in your hand.”
My eyes drop as I glance down at my belly. “A lot has changed.”
“I’m not complaining.” He steps and touches my arm, encouraging me to face him fully. “I need to know you’re okay, that we’re okay.”
A simple answer would probably help our conversation, but I’m going to take the long way.
“Foster, when your brother told me about that fucking timeline, I freaked out.”
“You had every right to.”
My mouth begins to tremble, and I hate that every thought since yesterday feels so raw. “It made me replay so many things in my head, and for a second, I thought… I would never have been in the position of making the biggest decision of my life—”
“I didn’t want to put you in—"
I place my palm on his chest to stop him. “Just listen. It was a complete mess in my head when I figured out I was pregnant. I doubted every reason why I should or shouldn’t have a baby. I may seem strong to everyone, but that moment was miserable.”
His nostrils flare slightly, enough for me to notice, and he seems to be choking up with fear, piercing his eyes. “Do you regret this? The baby?”
Slowly shaking my head, I can’t help but let a tiny smile go. “That’s the thing. I wouldn’t change anything. I’m in love with him already. And not just him… you too.”
Foster closes our distance and pulls me flush to his body. It’s difficult with my belly between us, and it’s a sort of angle to my hip, but it works because we’re able to wrap our arms around each other.
“Sutton, you’re everything to me.”
Taking a deep breath, I let it out more easily than I did minutes ago. “You should have told me about the fact that you need to have a baby before the end of the year.”
“I promise it wasn’t manipulative,” he says, adamant.
“But it kind of was, though. Sure, coincidences happen. We crossed paths that day, and we both got lucky. Instant lust, and it so happened we worked together, and we both loved the word casual. But most of all, it’s an odd correlation that your family is batshit crazy with dates, and I just so happened to be at a time in my life when I discovered that I was missing a piece, and it happened to be you. ”
His hands cradle my face, holding me delicately but with tenacity to ensure I can’t escape.
“Baby or not, I was getting addicted to you. Only you have the key to unlock the door to the world where I can breathe and let go. Before you even think it, you may have brought up the topic of marriage, but I was already about to ask. It makes zero sense to most, but you and I don’t do smooth roads. ”
I bubble a laugh. “We don’t.” A carved piece of anger still sits dull in my body, and I return to my somber mood.
“Despite all of it, Foster. Chance is an easy answer to avoid reality. Not everything is coincidence. We also make choices. We made a choice to get married. We made a choice to have him. And you made a choice not to tell me.”
“We still end up where we are supposed to be, though.” His thumb swipes my cheekbone, and his smile is earnest, the embers of his eyes retying our knot.
“Our hearts are bound together by sharing the connection of having this baby… he chose us to be his parents. You’re also my husband. We’re very much connected, and we can’t slip out of one another’s lives so effortlessly because it’s just not meant to be. I believe that, anyway.”
Foster lowers his mouth to mine, his thumb gliding to the corner of my mouth while his lips barely touch mine. “I love you.” He kisses the tip of my nose, then my forehead, his hand supporting the back of my head. “I won’t let anything hurt you,” he whispers against the skin of my forehead.
“I need time, Foster. This situation stings. I’m coming home and I know we’ll be okay, but I can’t pretend this hasn’t happened.”
“What do you need?”
My lips slide to the side and try to figure out the logistics in my head. “Space.”
“Okay, I’ll take the guest room.”
“Maybe that’s a good idea for a few days. No more secrets, Foster.”
“No secrets,” he confirms.
“I’m overwhelmed some days, and maybe it will take a little longer for me to wrap my head around this weekend’s events.”
“I’ll wait until you’re comfortable, but you have my trust, and I hope I have yours, too.”
Our eyes hold, and I feel more grounded than yesterday. The man before me is a man determined to prove whatever I would ask. He loves me unconditionally. I have no doubts.
“We’ll be okay,” I state.
“We’ll be more than.”
“No more missing facts, even the tiny ones.”
He nods adamantly. “You have my word. Now I’m going to get it all off my chest and leave no stone unturned.”
My eyes pinch, concerned that something else is going to be thrown at me.
Now he smirks at me. The type he gives when he is satisfied with what the other’s response will be.
“I broke your trust, because last night, I opened the door to the baby’s room, and I wasn’t supposed to go in.
” Relief hits me, and I swat him for that brief moment of returned panic.
“It was a rough night. I needed some sign of hope. My wife truly is special. It’s all perfect. ”
It’s the least of our worries this weekend. He manages to pull a tiny smile from me. I’m pleased he loves it. Shrugging, I try to brush off my efforts. “I remembered you mentioned the days when you were younger and built models with your dad. Thought they would be nice in the nursery.”
He swipes my hair behind my shoulders, and he has me captivated through his firm gaze and wry smile. “It’s special, Sutton. I love it.”
That makes me happy. Despite this weekend and complete misstep, he does so much for me. Supports me, and even though I have my own career and money, he is a provider. Plus, our son should have a special moment with his father. “Good.”
“And full disclosure. I’ve been desperate and figured that every tiny thing that would help this weekend, I would do. With a whiskey glass nearby, I washed all of the clothes in the baby’s room, folded them, and put them away.”
Instantly, I sputter a laugh. “You did the baby's laundry?”
He lifts a shoulder and plays it cool. “For you, I would do anything. Can I just say watching videos at 2am on how to fold those onesies was not my finest hour.”
“Hold it.” I set my fingertips on his chest. He watches me while I close my eyes for a few seconds, then open them. “I needed to envision you in gray sweatpants and a white t-shirt sitting on the floor, folding.” I leave out the part where I imagine how he must have been in despair last night.
“Did I at least look hot while in turmoil?”
“A little,” I play coy. “Look, we don’t cope with disagreements like normal people,” I highlight.
It’s a long beat of silence as we accept that we’ve spoken, but there is a hole that still needs to heal.
“We should get back to the city. I think we could both use some sleep,” he suggests.
Nodding, I place my hand on my lower back, intent on walking with my body that’s changing by the day. “Please. I could sleep forever, but first we need to stop by the pie stall at the market.”
“Really? We don’t have more pressing matters after the last twenty-four hours?”
“We do. I ordered pies and need to pick them up. Coconut cream.”
He looks at me, impressed. “We just had a fight, and you still ordered my favorite pie?”
“Yeah,” I answer softly. “We’re still trying to find your mom’s recipe, right?”
A renewed affection washes over him.
No matter what we're navigating, I always seem to think of the things that brought us together. Mementos in my head, because those moments remind me how miserable I am without him.
It will be okay.
Waking up, I stretch out my arms and yawn.
I got an extra hour of sleep; I’m heading into the office late, due to a doctor’s appointment.
Foster deserves credit—he’s given me space this past week.
Still, the bed feels empty without him. If we returned to intimacy right away, my emotions and thoughts would be too easily brushed aside.
I don’t trust myself right now, and I would allow it.
Grabbing my phone from the bedside table, I swipe the alarm off, and after a few blinks of my eyes, I see a notification from my work email. It grabs my attention as it is from Olivia, and the subject is very formal.
For your immediate attention and notification.
Opening the email, I only need two sentences before I cry out a no. The shock hits me so fast that when Foster nearly rips the door off the hinges and bursts in, I’m already in tears.
“What is it? What’s wrong?” His voice is protective, concerned. He rushes to sit beside me. His finger hooks under my chin, lifting my gaze. He searches my eyes for an answer.
"How can it get any worse?" I wail, my voice cracking. Still overwhelmed, I thrust my phone at him, seeking comfort and understanding.
Having Foster read it out makes it even worse.
I am writing to notify you that outside counsel has been obtained. They will conduct an internal review of potential ethical violations within your role. The review has been initiated due to a complaint. Please schedule a meeting so we may discuss further.
Foster’s face mirrors my growing panic. Realizing how serious this is, he immediately wraps me in a tight embrace, doing his best to ground me as I struggle to hold myself together.