Chapter 18
EIGHTEEN
NELL
Unfamiliar quiet met Nell as her eyes fluttered open to a ceiling she didn’t recognize. It was smooth and white, faintly shadowed by the muted gray light that pushed its way through sheer curtains.
Her senses sharpened as sleep slowly left her. She could hear the sound of water lapping against a shore somewhere nearby. For a second, she lay perfectly still, her mind still trying to shake off the fuzziness of sleep.
She was at Sarah’s house.
In Sarah’s room.
In Sarah’s bed.
The memory of the night before unspooled in her mind, her thoughts coming into focus. Thai takeout, Mamma Mia!, a lot of singing, and she and Sarah talking well into the early hours of the morning until Nell had drifted off to sleep.
She shifted, and the crinkle of sheets that smelled faintly of clean linen and vanilla in an undeniably Sarah way rustled around her.
Nell loved it. She took comfort in it as she took a deep breath in, letting Sarah’s scent fill her.
The nightstand next to her had a neat stack of books set beside a slim black frame with a photo of Sarah and Lily on a beach somewhere, the wind blowing their hair around as they laughed, frozen in time mid-motion.
Nell studied the photo for a moment, appreciating how happy and free Sarah looked.
A faint shuffle of footsteps broke the stillness—several sets, actually, now that Nell was more awake and listening.
The footsteps moved through the house in uneven rhythms. Low voices followed, softened by the walls to the point where she couldn’t quite make out what they were saying.
She sank deeper into the pillows, trying and failing to catch a few more minutes of sleep, but then the door opened and closed in one quiet motion as Sarah reentered the room.
She slipped inside, closing the door with a carefulness meant for Nell’s benefit. Sarah was trying not to wake her. Too late. Nell watched Sarah, with her tousled hair and her sweater with her sleeves pushed up, revealing her toned forearms, her cheeks still faintly flushed.
“I’m awake,” Nell said quietly, drawing Sarah’s eyes to hers.
“Sorry,” Sarah whispered, as she crossed the room toward the bed. “Lily and Kelly both needed to stop by this morning. I thought we were going to have the morning to ourselves . . .”
Nell pushed herself up on one elbow. “It’s okay that I’m here, though, right?” she asked, suddenly worried she may have overstepped when she showed up unannounced the day before.
Sarah looked at her with those sparkling eyes.
“Yes, of course it’s okay. It’s just that my worlds are kind of colliding this morning before I had a chance to prepare for it.
As a rule, Beth and I would usually talk before someone stayed over, especially if there was a chance Lily would be around.
” She trailed off like she was skirting too close to a topic she wasn’t ready to unpack yet.
Nell didn’t press her for more. She knew Sarah would talk to her when she was ready. She always did. Still, that prickling sensation was beginning to spread through her at the thought of what Sarah might have to say to her.
Nell shifted in the bed, leaning against the headboard. “So, what’s the plan?” She tilted her head to the hall behind the closed door Sarah was still leaning against. “Are you planning on hiding me away here until the coast is clear?”
Sarah’s laugh softened the mood between them. “They should be gone in the next few minutes. Lily needs to get to practice, and Kelly is flying back east for a few days to visit our brother Ryan. Give it ten minutes, and we should be good.”
Nell watched as Sarah drummed her fingers nervously against the door, and they waited in a silence Nell wished were more comfortable.
So, she decided to change it. “Kelly is your younger sister, I’m guessing.
You’ve got eldest-daughter energy written all over you.
” She smiled as Sarah’s shoulders dropped.
Sarah crossed the room and sat on the edge of the bed facing her. “Yup. Kelly is the youngest. Then there is Ryan, Molly, Liam, the twins: Colin and Bridget, Erin, and then me.”
“I’m going to go out on a limb here and guess you’re from a good Irish Catholic family.” Sarah’s smile confirmed her suspicion.
“Good is a strong word, but yes. Born and raised Irish Catholic, though I don’t practice much these days.”
“I know a thing or two about complex family dynamics.”
They shared a knowing smile as the front door slammed shut somewhere in the house beneath them and the last shuffle of footsteps faded.
“I was thinking we could grab some coffee and maybe go for a walk?” Sarah asked sweetly, gauging Nell’s interest.
“That sounds perfect,” she answered, because it was. Spending the day with Sarah was exactly what she wanted to do.
Sarah pulled her Porsche to a stop in front of a brick building covered in sprawling vines beginning to bud.
A wooden sign in the shape of a goat swayed gently in the breeze.
The cool March air hit her cheeks as she stepped onto the sidewalk, looking around the tucked-away side street.
Mist hung low over the marina, giving everything fuzzy edges, while the steady creak of fishing boats rocking lazily against moorings drifted to them.
Nell slowed next to Sarah, who had stopped just shy of the door to the coffee shop, her face pale.
“What’s wrong?” Nell asked quietly.
Sarah’s eyes stayed fixed on the café windows. “You know what,” she said, slipping her hand into Nell’s and tugging her gently back toward the car. “I think we should go somewhere else.”
As Sarah tugged, Nell stayed rooted to the spot, her eyes following Sarah’s gaze inside to a cluster of people hanging around the counter.
Someone must have said something funny, because they were laughing.
And then she caught it. The flash of a familiar profile.
Jamie. Next to her, Beth and two men she didn’t know.
But, judging by Sarah’s response, she must.
“What’s going on?” She tugged Sarah’s arm gently, pulling her back toward her. “You’re suddenly scared to go in there because of them?” She tilted her head toward the building.
Sarah didn’t answer, choosing instead to look down at the ground.
“What aren’t you telling me?”
Sarah glanced back at the window, and that’s when Nell noticed it. A nervousness that wasn’t there before.
“There was this thing at my house with Beth a few weeks ago. A look. It shouldn’t have happened, but it was the thing that finally made it click for me.
I’m done spending my time wanting someone who has repeatedly made it clear they don’t want me.
I deserve better. So I told her I needed space.
She and I haven’t really spoken since, not outside of Lily-related things, and it’s all kind of . . .”
“Messy?” Nell gave Sarah’s hand a reassuring squeeze. “When did this happen?” she asked, even though she was pretty sure she knew.
“The same day you showed up at my house. Right before we went to dinner.”
Nell remembered it clearly. The way Beth had looked in shock as she had exited Sarah’s house. There had been a moment when Nell stepped out of her car that their eyes had met in the driveway, stopping Beth in her tracks before she fumbled her keys.
“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” she asked softly.
“I wasn’t sure how to tell you. We’ve always talked pretty openly about my feelings for Beth, but when it happened, you and I weren’t speaking, and then the whole allergy situation came up, and, if I’m being honest, I’ve spent the last few weeks trying not to be so angry at myself for letting her have such a hold over me for so long. ”
A thread of pride wove its way through Nell’s chest as Sarah spoke. Nell had built her life on boundaries, and now, seeing Sarah claim her own brought a kind of clarity she had always wanted for her—for Sarah to finally claim her power.
Nell looked over Sarah’s shoulder, through the windows, then back at her. “If you really want to go, we can go, but I can’t think of a better fuck you than walking right into that shop with your head held high and me on your arm.”
Sarah smiled, gingerly at first, but soon it took over, extending to every part of her. “Isn’t that a little petty?”
Nell shrugged. “Maybe, but who cares?”
Sarah shook her head, that smile still in place.
“You can do this,” Nell murmured, looping her arm through Sarah’s as they approached the building. She pulled the door open for Sarah, adding low enough for only Sarah to hear, “Don’t you dare make yourself small for their comfort.”
She enjoyed the faint blush that immediately crept into Sarah’s complexion, and she’d be lying if she said it didn’t give her a sense of satisfaction—one she didn’t bother to hide.
Inside, the warmth of the building enveloped them, along with the scents of espresso and something sweet. Conversation lulled as several sets of eyes landed on the two of them together, and it was a second before Jamie spoke.
“Hey, Sarah. Hey, Nell.” Her voice carried, warm and inviting, filled with an easy enthusiasm. Nell could feel Sarah’s shoulders relax the slightest bit as she pretended to be busy reading the menu.
Jamie handled introductions. “Nell, you’ve met Beth, and this is Sean and his boyfriend Pat—sorry, fiancé, we just found out—they own this place.”
“Congratulations!” Sarah said to the men behind the counter, still avoiding Beth.
Nell couldn’t pass up the opportunity to watch Beth, whose eyes lingered on Sarah a touch longer than necessary, before shifting to meet Nell’s gaze, only to look away as fast.
Sarah stepped toward the counter and ordered for both of them. “Triple-shot for me, and a large coffee with extra milk for her—and make it as ungodly sweet as you can, please.”
Nell was about to protest, but then she caught the way Sarah looked at her over her shoulder with a wink that said, I know how you really take your coffee. That look only made her smile bigger.