8
Gwendal: "As long as you don't compromise on safety, Louane and I are happy to reserve Freja for you. Above all, we hope you two get along well and that you find the enjoyment you're looking for."
Visibly moved, Nolwenn kisses Louane and Gwendal, thanking them for their thoughtful gesture and for looking out for her.
She wastes no time filling in the chalet booking schedule for an open slot starting the very next evening.
Louane is surprised she isn't taking Freja this evening, but Nolwenn confides that she needs to spruce herself up a bit, admitting she pays more attention to her cows' coats than her own.
Nolwenn: "I’ve let things go a bit wild—it’s all overgrown, if you know what I mean."
Louane smiles at this and notes that the chalet booking is for tomorrow—and, she adds, for every available day after that, if needed.
While waiting for warmer weather and the next deliveries of cows—which are expected to begin in the Basque Country—the farm keeps running: milk is collected and delivered, and the cows continue their pregnancies.
This morning, Gwendal receives a phone call from Tugdual; the caller ID shows Tugdual’s number.
Tugdual works in Rennes at the Ministry of Agriculture.
He is one of the inspectors responsible for conducting farm inspections.
As his first name suggests, Tugdual is Breton; he is not of the same generation as Gwendal—being well into his fifties—but the two men get along well.
Above all, Tugdual is an outspoken advocate for small farms—preferably organic ones—whereas his ministry pushes for operations they view as larger and more productive.
Gwendal is surprised by the call because Tugdual inspected his farm back in May; usually, inspections happen at most once a year.
Gwendal: "Hello Tugdual, how are you? What can I do for you?"
Tugdual: "Hello Gwendal, I’m doing well—how about you? I just wanted to let you know that your farm might be inspected within the next two weeks, so you can be ready—though, of course, I didn't tell you anything."
Gwendal: "Thanks for the heads-up. So, you’re the one inspecting me? Well, one: I have nothing to hide from you; and two: I’m confident you’ll offer constructive feedback, just like always."
Tugdual: "I know, but this time I won’t be alone. We’ve just been assigned a new colleague, fresh out of veterinary school. She’s only been with us a month, but she’s already stirred up a hornet’s nest;
she’s incredibly ambitious and overzealous about enforcing ministry directives—areas where we used to take a more measured approach. In short, she’s got small farms like yours in her crosshairs."
Gwendal: "If she’s fresh out of school, she can’t have that much decision-making power yet, can she?"
Tugdual: "On the contrary—she’s got degrees galore: a vet qualification followed immediately by the ENA (National School of Administration). She’s brilliant, and on top of that, she seems to have connections at the ministry. When you see us show up, act surprised—and naturally,
pretend you know nothing about her. Watch out, though: she knows her stuff when it comes to farms; she might even come from a farming background. Whatever you do, don’t try to feed her a line of nonsense;
some of your fellow farmers who looked down on her learned that the hard way during our first few visits together."
Gwendal: "You sound really tense, though. Are you in the hot seat?"
Tugdual: "We all bend the rules a little; if she ordered an inspection of my department, I’d be in trouble. Back in your father’s day—and mine—we used to settle these kinds of problems in a pretty simple, drastic way.
There were a few overzealous ministry inspectors who ended up in pig troughs in Brittany, but that was back then; it’s not an option anymore."
Gwendal warmly thanks his contact, but he heads back to the farm for dinner feeling quite worried.
Louane spots his troubled look immediately.
Gwendal opens up to Louane and Nolwenn without beating around the bush.
Louane: "So what you’re telling us is that we might face a surprise inspection in the coming days from an inspector who isn’t from around here—someone who’d like to see small farms wiped off the map."
Gwendal: "That’s about the size of it. I’m fairly confident about the main farm, but much less so regarding the second herd."
Nolwenn: "That’s clearly where the main risk lies. It’s a good thing Tugdual warned us; just imagine if she stumbled upon our cows in the pasture while arriving unannounced—inspectors don’t exactly give a heads-up before they show up, I assume."
Gwendal: "The pasture isn’t visible from the farmyard, but inspectors can go anywhere as soon as they arrive. They sometimes come in groups if they suspect there are undeclared farmhands. They’ve even been met with gunfire at times—that’s how volatile and upsetting the situation can be for farmers."
Louane: "Right, let’s start by keeping the herd in the barn and not scheduling any visits for the next two weeks—that’s the bare minimum precaution. Then, let’s try to put ourselves in this inspector’s shoes and ask ourselves what might look unusual here—things we’ve stopped noticing out of habit."
Gwendal: "Maybe I could ask Tugdual for a pre-inspection visit to see if anything catches that seasoned inspector’s eye?"
Louane: "But if we do that, how can we be sure he’ll keep quiet afterwards? It’s very risky."
Nolwenn: "Can you call Tugdual back and ask for the inspector’s full name?"
Gwendal: "Sure, but what for?"
Nolwenn: "Just call him; I’ve got an idea."
Gwendal calls Tugdual back, and he readily provides the requested information.
Gwendal: "The inspector’s name is Sybille Dumas-Covigné."
Nolwenn has already opened her laptop and run an internet search. She quickly finds the young woman’s LinkedIn profile.
Nolwenn: "Works at the Ministry of Agriculture, 28 years old, a graduate of the Maisons-Alfort veterinary school and the ENA. Short dark hair, quite pretty."
At these words, Louane and Gwendal are intrigued. Nolwenn turns her laptop around to show the photos of the young woman found on Google: her LinkedIn profile picture, as well as shots from graduation ceremonies and a photo taken during a demonstration at the ministry.
Nolwenn: "As your contact told you, Gwendal, inspectors don't end up in pig troughs anymore—but a rather intrusive inspector who dislikes small Breton farms might just change her mind if she experienced it from the inside: becoming a good organic dairy cow and carrying a calf for a Breton couple."
Louane, who is getting to know Nolwenn well, knows she isn't just talking idly. It is a radical solution, perhaps, but one that matches the threat this inspector could pose to their rapidly growing farm.
Gwendal seems less convinced.
Louane: "We won't feel any more remorse over this stranger than the others. Besides, I’m not keen on spending days in lockdown just because some Parisian woman has come to tell us how to run a farm and raise livestock in Brittany."
Gwendal comes around to Louane’s point of view. Prevention is better than cure—but how to act?
Nolwenn: "We know who she is; we just put Lo?c on the case. Without even compromising Tugdual by asking him for info, I’m sure our partner will quickly track down where this charming future cow lives. The rest is up to him—and we happen to be short on new cows for the start of the season."
The ensuing silence speaks volumes; the three partners are in agreement, and Louane calls Lo?c to invite him to dinner.
Lo?c certainly knows everyone in Brittany. Although Sybille Dumas-Covigné is based in Rennes, he quickly located her home by discreetly tailing her from her workplace.
Three days later, he arrives at the farm at the crack of dawn in his VW bus, with an adorable short-haired brunette in the back—sound asleep, bound, and gagged.
He helps Gwendal carry her down to the barn.
Following instructions from Louane and Nolwenn, they place her on the washroom table.
The women decide to slightly tweak their entry protocol for this first French-breed "cow."
Lo?c had warned that she might sleep longer than the previous ones, as he hadn't used chloroform but rather a powerful sedative slipped into the inspector's tea.
Sure enough, she doesn't begin to show signs of waking until mid-afternoon, just as Gwendal receives a call from Tugdual.
The girls go down to the new "cow's" bedside, while Gwendal sits at the dining table in front of the computer; it has been left on, displaying the feed from the camera in the washroom where the new arrival is being kept.
Gwendal: "Hello Tugdual, how are you?"
Tugdual: "It’s been a rather unusual day. You know that inspector I told you about the other day? Well, she’s vanished into thin air."
Gwendal: "What do you mean, vanished?"
Tugdual: "She’s been missing since this morning. She had breakfast at the café downstairs from her apartment very early on. She paid by leaving the money on the table—the owner didn't even see her leave—and after that, nothing. She’s nowhere to be found."
"She didn’t show up for work; we were actually supposed to head out together for an inspection. Her mobile is switched off."
Gwendal: "Isn't it a bit early to worry? Maybe she decided to go do a surprise inspection without you?"
Tugdual: "Her car hasn’t moved. Given her job, her profile, and the sometimes heated reactions of farmers, we notified the gendarmerie immediately. I was actually calling to see if she was at your place. While searching her office, we spotted your file in a stack of others,
but those were likely the farms she intended to inspect."
Before answering, Gwendal glances at the computer in front of him.
Louane and Nolwenn waited for Sybille to wake up before tending to her.
The young cow is strapped by her front and hind legs to the table in the washroom.
Louane begins methodically cutting away the young cow's clothes; she has fitted her with a halter and a bit to spare both her own and Nolwenn’s ears.
Gwendal: "I can confirm, Tugdual, that your inspector isn't at my place. I suggest you check with the pig farmers; one of them might remember that inspectors can end up in a pig trough."
Tugdual: "I certainly hope not, but at least she didn't come to your place. I’ve got to go—I need to meet up with the gendarmes; they want the list of farms she’s visited since arriving. They’ve got their work cut out for them visiting all of them—that girl is a machine when it comes to inspections.
"
Gwendal figures the gendarmes will be busy for a while, so he keeps watching the spectacle on his screen—a sight he never tires of.
Sybille is completely naked. Louane has thoroughly showered and soaped her up, and then—even with the sound off—Gwendal sees the drying process begin.
Nolwenn is now meticulously shaving the lovely inspector’s—sorry, the new cow’s—pubic hair.
She then slips a diaper under her rump and fastens it, before pulling on a properly sized jumpsuit with Louane’s help.
The thirteenth cow officially enters the barn.
To be continued: The Revolt of the Cows.