Chapter 15
Anya’s grip on my hand might be the only thing keeping me tethered to the ground at all.
She’s the only thing that stops me from floating away or my heart from bursting the moment that I hear his voice. I thought that there was going to be more time. I thought we would have… well, it doesn’t matter now what I thought, because the moment is here. Henry’s here and he’s calling my sister Mom.
It shouldn’t strike me as strange. She’s been the one raising him. Even with their own child, my nephew, growing in there. But that’s Lilian’s child sprinting down the hall toward the dining room. I can hear him dropping things as he goes, a stack of books and a backpack, kicking off shoes and then there he is, grabbing hold of the door frame and spinning himself into the dining room looking slightly winded but happy.
He looks so much like Lilian, it blows my mind. Like she’s standing there reincarnated as another gender.
Henry takes a moment to look around the room, taking all of us in with a bright, happy smile that dims only a little due to childish bashfulness or shyness. Henry waves awkwardly at us, and Anya waves easily back, but I’m having trouble breathing.
Henry rushes to Helena’s side and wraps his arms around her. She places a motherly protective arm around his shoulder, and it might be the sweetest thing that I’ve ever seen. All that I ever wanted from life was for Helena to be happy. Our mother certainly had never been kind to her. While she had had a more or less good example of a father, the mother’s role had always been absent for her. No, our mother had always liked me better, despite my never being able to stand her. Oddly enough, it had been something for Helena and I to bond over as children, our mutual dislike of our mother. Before everything went to shit.
It’s hard to see my sister’s rounded belly and the boy standing next to her and wonder if in another life, that might have been Lilian. Would she have had any other children? Would one have been enough for her? What would she have thought of Henry? Hers had not been an easy pregnancy. She had barely been able to keep food down for the first trimester and had lost dangerous amounts of weight to begin with. Part of me thinks that had always had something to do with the stress that Nikolai had put on her at the end of their relationship, the fear that she lived in, always looking over her shoulder.
I knew what Nikolai would have done if he had gotten his hands on her.
He would have forced that baby from her body no matter what it took, no matter how far along she was. It was for the best that monsters like him didn’t have family. Yet, the longer Lilian had been away from him, all through her second trimester, she had been hell bent on giving him a chance. The comments that Lilian made about how I just didn’t understand Nikolai and that he wasn’t always terrible. She didn’t say it until right at the end, but she never truly got over him. In the end, it was always him that she had wanted to be with.
I think I’d been too afraid to admit it even to myself, but a part of me always hated her for that.
Now she’s dead, and I’m looking at her child.
Anya tries to pull her hand from mine if only to greet Henry, to speak to him. I can’t move. Still and uncomfortable as a statue, despite Anya’s warm and inviting smile.
“Hi, you must be Henry.” Anya starts. “Thank you for having us here. I’m Anya.”
“Hi Anya.” Henry whispers, half hiding behind Helena as he speaks.
Helena leans over and whispers something in Henry’s ear, but he shakes his head.
“This is Alek. I know that he looks mean and scary but he’s just so excited to meet you and so he doesn’t know what to say.” Anya’s smile widened and she brushed her hair back over her ear. “I think he’s kind of awkward around new people. Does that ever happen to you?”
Henry smiles gently and nods once.
My heart might break right inside of my chest. My eyes slide to her, grateful for taking the reins. I didn’t think it was going to be this hard. I didn’t think that he was going to look so much like his mother, but with hints of his father as well. I wonder if Anya has noticed.
“Helena tells me that you like to read! I’ve never been much of a reader myself.” Anya admits as Henry finally takes a seat at our table and points to the bread for permission. Helena nods. So polite. Even the way he holds himself shows how well he’s been raised.
“I do!” Henry answers. “I think English is my best subject, but music is my favorite.”
“Is it? Do you play an instrument?”
“I play many now, but dad started me on the piano. Then mom taught me to play the cello, like her.” Henry answers happily before dissolving into a long-winded speech about his favorite composers and the orchestra concerts that he’s been to see and the colleges that he hopes to get into someday.
I could listen to him talk forever.
For somebody in Daniel’s line of work, he has managed to keep that life from Henry entirely. At Henry’s age, I was a soldier. I had been a trained fighter since I could walk. Boxing and mixed martial arts, stealth and political theories. I was honed to be a spy and an assassin. There had never been another life plan for me. Everybody else I’ve come across in the underbelly of the world has a similar story. Born into it. Part of their blood. Yet… Daniel is breaking the mold.
It gives me more hope for the future than I had ever thought possible.
If he managed it, if he can grow into this life without being corrupted - maybe there is hope for the rest of us too. Was it really something that we could do? Raise children and families without fear for every move they make? If this war with Nikolai is won, could it truly be a new beginning?
It had to be.
Even just the possibility of it is worth fighting for.
“Are you two going to be staying with us long?” Henry asks both of us together.
I glance to Helena, and she nods.
“Hopefully, Henry. Though, it will be up to them in the long run. You see, Alek is my brother, and we have a great deal of catching up to do. But he and Dad also have business to attend to,” Helena explains.
Henry’s shoulders sag and he heaves a long-suffering sigh. “He always has business to attend to.”
“He has a very important job.”
“I don’t think I want a job where I have to wear uncomfortable suits all of the time.” Henry says rationally, explaining away the job that likely consumes a great deal of Daniel’s time. I wonder how he balances it all.
“You know that musicians in an orchestra still have to wear suits,” Helena says.
“Yes, but that’s just sometimes… Daniel has to wear suits every day!” Henry just barely catches himself from rolling his eyes. The gesture is so normal that I almost laugh. “Oh! I can show you my favorite place to get milkshakes! Do you like milkshakes?.”
Even if I hated them, I would still go with him. So small and he holds far more sway already than he knows.
“Oh! I love milkshakes! Anything with ice cream in it really,” Anya pipes up.
My thumb brushes over the back of her hand in silent approval.
I could listen to Henry all day. Even as he slathers his scone in jelly and takes small, polite bites while he continues his enthusiastic explanation. He’s so happy - so vibrant and full of life.
Yes, this is the future that is best for him.
With any modicum of luck, I will get to be a small part of that future. I’ll do absolutely anything to make it happen.
Anya scoots closer to me. Not touching, but making sure that I know she’s here, if I need her.
I’ll fight for her too.
This bond between us is new but forged in the same steel that once shackled us.
Slowly, I exhale, calm and steady. I feel like I’ve been holding my breath for a hundred years and finally, I can breathe again.