Chapter 18 - Ryder
Ryder stared blankly at the dials and buttons in front of him for a long moment before finally shaking his head and scrubbing his face. On the inside, soul-crushing terror gripped him like an icy vice around his heart, and he found himself struggling for air. It threatened to tear him apart from within, obliterating every ounce of resolve he'd scraped together. This was the absolute worst thing that could possibly have happened. It had come out of nowhere and left him reeling from its impact. It was as if someone had yanked the ground away from underneath him and sent him tumbling into freefall. The room was spinning, and he had to lean over and brace his hands on his knees to avoid toppling over.
He bit down on the inside of his cheek, focusing the sharp stab of pain as a distraction to maintain his self-control. His breakdown would have to wait until Elena was safely out of here. In the last few days, he had managed to cobble the broken wires back together somewhat with copious amounts of duct tape and wishes. It was starting to resemble… something. It was difficult to maintain focus for long through the weariness in his bones and the occasional jolts of pain radiating out from his still-sore tendons and muscles, though, so he’d had to get some rest last night before he could finish the job. Now, a rush of adrenaline coursed through his veins as he slammed back into full awareness, giving him the drive he needed to complete the task. He picked up two small needle-ended tools and got to work once more.
After a lot of fiddling and tinkering, the radio finally flickered to life, letting out a crackling screech of static that made him flinch. He winced, tapping a sequence into a keypad to the side and twisting the dial. The signal strengthened, stabilizing into an audible frequency that pulsed rhythmically. It wasn't much, but at least it indicated that there was, in fact, some kind of working connection. It was weak, but hopefully, it would last long enough to get the essential information through.
When the transmission went through, and he lifted the radio's microphone, his hand trembled faintly, shaking as badly as his voice did when he spoke into it. “Requesting urgent communication with HQ, over.” There was a momentary pause. For a horrifying split second, he feared it hadn't gone through.
“Ryder? Your signal's weak. Can you hear me?” the alpha's voice rang out, staticky and garbled but still recognizable.
“I hear you, Zach,” he sighed shakily, cradling the radio closer and clearing his throat. “The equipment has been damaged. Might not hold long. I need an extraction. Immediately.”
The crackling came through thickly, buzzing in and out through the speakers. The voice behind it grew sharper, concerned. “What's the situation?” asked Zach urgently.
He hesitated. Part of him wanted to hide his mistakes, to cover up the truth of the whole debacle out of sheer pride. Then he glanced at the wall, on the other side of which Elena was currently waiting for him to figure things out. His mate. And their unborn child. Just the thought of it was enough to make his chest contract painfully. Shame surged through him, hot and sickening, making him swallow hard and grip the device more tightly with his fist. From the start of this whole debacle, his decision-making had been impaired, swayed by the desire to stay close to her, to protect and take care of her. It had made the whole situation worse. His weakness had jeopardized her, his pack, and everyone in Bellefleur. This was all his fault, and it was his battle to fight. Now, there was too much on the line to try to find another way out.
“I need you to come get Elena and take her to safety. She’ll be safer with the pack. I’ll stay and sweep the area, then follow you,” he asserted as calmly as he could, pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration. “The rogues might come after her, so she'll need to be taken to a different safe location. Send Tolliver. She won't listen to anyone else, and she needs to be out of here ASAP.”
“Copy that. Ryder, are you—”
The words were cut off mid-transmission by a sharp static followed by deafening silence. Ryder spun around and saw one of the wires hiss viciously with blue sparks, a section of tape smoldering as it caught fire. Cursing loudly, he lunged forward and extinguished the flame with a heavy slap before yanking the plug out of its port. No amount of kicking and bashing the panel's edge helped resurrect the machine. The damage was irreparable. He stared at the silent box of broken plastic, copper wire, and charred circuit boards in disgust. Useless piece of junk.
All right. Well, at least he'd gotten the message through before it died. Now, all that was left to do was convince Elena that her best bet was to go. It had become perfectly clear to him over the course of that morning what the most efficient way to resolve this situation would be, and he was the only one who could do it. For that, he needed to be alone, with no one to argue with him or try to stop him. Zach seemed to believe, so all that was left to do was get Elena out of here. How hard could it be, right?
Shoving himself up off the floor, he wiped his hands on his jeans and ran them through his messy blond hair before taking a deep breath and walking back out into the hallway. He stopped in the doorway to the bedroom, watching her sit on the bed, looking small, fragile, and terrified. Her green eyes dashed up to his face, wide and tear-filled, searching desperately for guidance and assurance.
All he could think about were the consequences of allowing his feelings to cloud his judgment. Guilt wracked him from within as he considered the ramifications of the recent series of poor decisions he had been responsible for. How could he have had he let himself give in to his desires and weaknesses? All those years of keeping his distance to protect her, and in one fell swoop, he'd undone everything. Even if they made it out of this alive, which was less likely than ever, she wouldn't be safe. No one he cared about would be safe. Not as long as Asher was out there, baying for his blood.
Ryder was the one he wanted. No one else. That meant that if he was out of the picture, everyone else would be safe. It wasn’t a pleasant thought, but there was too much at stake now. A baby. An innocent child. He pictured a tiny infant with bright red curls, sweet and ignorant of all the dangers in the world. For that child and its mother, he would sacrifice anything. Their safety was the most important thing in the universe.
“I got in touch with Zach,” he announced as calmly as he could, trying to project the confidence and self-assuredness that she clearly needed. “They're coming to get you out of here. Your brother is going to take you somewhere safe.”
Elena stared up at him, eyebrows knitting together in confusion. “What? What about you?” she asked warily. He noted the way her hand cradled her belly instinctively, and it sent another jolt of guilt shooting straight to the pit of his stomach.
“Don't worry about me,” he answered gruffly, waving off the concern. “I have to stay here and make sure none of these assholes follow you. Keep them busy while you get clear. We’ll regroup as soon as it’s all clear.”
He tried to flash her a smile, but she was obviously unconvinced. Instead, she furrowed her brow even further, pursing her lips in defiance. She wasn’t buying his excuses. That blasted witch’s intuition again. He had put everyone in too much danger already, and it was time to set things right. For what came next, he needed to be alone. Both she and the pack needed to be far away, safe and out of harm’s way, so that no one would try to interfere with his plans. If she knew what he really planned to do, she would protest, as would Zach and Tolliver. They wouldn’t let him go through with his. For whatever reason, they cared too much. Enough to make his mistakes their problem. Not anymore, though. He wouldn’t let them.
“You're not even properly healed yet,” she protested, gesturing at the marks still visible on his arms and the faint soreness she surely also sensed from the way he winced involuntarily whenever he moved. “There's no way you can fight them right now. I'm not leaving you here.” Her voice wavered, full of concern and tenderness, and she looked at him with pleading eyes.
“I've been trained for situations like this,” he replied with far more confidence than he actually felt. “This isn't a discussion. You need to go. As soon as the others get here, you're getting out of here with them. That's final.”
He crossed his arms over his chest, standing his ground despite the lingering ache in his joints. His bruises still throbbed, but he managed a stoic expression and remained stalwart in his decision.
“No,” the redhead argued, shaking her head fiercely. Her eyes brimmed with fresh tears that glinted in the lamplight. “Don't shut me out again. Come back with us. It isn't safe for you here either. Let's all go home. Together.”
The last word hung in the air between them, echoing faintly with a faint, mournful note. That one small word held within it a million possibilities and dreams, an unspoken prayer for a future where they could be happy and free, far away from the troubles of their present. Together. Like every part of him longed to be.
She really believed they could be, didn't she? Despite everything, she still didn't understand that there could be nothing but danger and destruction around every corner if he stayed near her. Even in the middle of everything, she still held on to this misguided belief in them, refusing to accept that he was going to cause her nothing but pain.
Ryder gritted his teeth in frustration and dug his fingernails into the palms of his hands to try to steel himself and push away the emotions boiling beneath the surface. As much as he wanted to, he couldn't be selfish. Asher was here, probably waiting for him. Ryder had spent too much time hiding from that knowledge. Now, with Elena’s pregnancy, it was time to do what he should have done all along. It wasn’t fair, but if it meant keeping Elena—and their child, their pack, and the rest of Bellefleur—safe, he had to go face Asher’s wrath, come what may. He didn’t expect to make it out of that alive. That was a horrifying thought, but far less so than the notion of further endangering the people he loved.
For that, however, he had to be alone. She couldn’t let anyone stop him. Or, even worse, come after him, and put themselves right in the middle of the looming confrontation. He needed her safe and far away, and if a gentle approach couldn't make her see that, then tough love just might. It might be easier for her in the long run, too. If he didn’t make it through this night, it would cause her less grief if she remembered him as the aloof, arrogant bastard he’d always been. It would hurt her now, but it was the right thing to do, wasn’t it? Even if that was going to tear his heart in two.
“Elena,” he said calmly, forcing a cold chill into his voice, “let's get one thing straight. You and I are not together. We're not going to be together. Ever. I've made a lot of mistakes recently, and I'm sorry if I've misled you, but this”—he gestured between the two of them—“isn't going to happen. I want to protect you because I have a duty to your brother and the people of Bellefleur. That's all. There's nothing to it beyond that. Do we understand each other?” he asked, raising his eyebrows pointedly as he stared down at her.
Internally, he crushed the howling wolf that prowled in his chest, demanding he stop lying immediately and take it all back. He fought to keep his expression neutral, firm, and unwavering as he watched the impact of his words play out on her face. Sadness and hurt flickered through her eyes, and she lowered them for a moment, hiding her gaze behind a sweep of lashes. She curled up against the headboard of the bed, drawing her knees up to her chest, then looked up at him again, her lips trembling.
“You don't mean that,” she said softly, staring up at him with wide, imploring eyes. “You're doing what you always do. I know how scary this all is, but—”
“I don't want to be with you,” he snapped, cutting her off abruptly. The lie tasted bitter on his tongue, but he ignored it. “I never did. Don't mistake pity sex for interest. It was a mistake. All of it.”
Elena's cheeks flushed red. He watched her throat bob with a hard swallow. She blinked, and wet tears trickled down her face. He hardened his heart at the sight of her distress and continued, “This kid doesn't change anything. You're still Tolliver's sister. The same scrawny, annoying little girl who followed me around with hero worship in your eyes. I don't want you, and I certainly don't want this baby. You're delusional if you think otherwise.”
Every single word sent daggers slicing through his heart, twisting in the wound, but he forced out each syllable through gritted teeth. He kept his eyes at a point directly above her head, not wanting to see the tears filling her eyes as he uttered the cruelest things he could. But what else was there to do? The faster and harsher he drove her away, the safer she and the child would be. In the long run, it was better for everyone this way. He could be the bad guy if it meant protecting them.
Elena's chin dropped to her chest, and she shook as her shoulders heaved. Silent tears streamed down her face, dripping from her chin onto the fabric of the oversized sweatpants she wore, seeping into a dark spot that bloomed out like a slow poison. Ryder took a deep breath, fighting the urge to pull her into his arms and comfort her, and turned around to walk out of the room. If he kept looking at her, he knew he would falter, and he couldn't afford to. This was how it had to be.
With her safe and far away, he could finally do what he should have done from the start.