Chapter 19
Nineteen
Caleb
“Did you want to stay?”
She’s so meek as she asks, and as enticing as it is, I hate it. The Emma I knew was confident and happy. This Emma is withdrawn and scared.
“If you want me to.”
“I’m not ready for …”
I take her hands in mine. She’s trembling. It’s taking everything for her to ask me to stay with her.
“We’ll go as slow as you want. I’m happy to just be here with you.”
She takes a deep breath and smiles. “You make me nervous.”
“I don’t mean to.” I raise a hand to cup her cheek. “Look at how brave and strong you’ve been. Packing up and selling your house. Moving here. Protecting your kids.”
She blinks rapidly. “That was easy.”
“You did it, Em. Maybe you had Noah’s help, but you did what you had to do. And I’ll be forever grateful that you did because now I’m here with you.”
I tug gently on her hand, and she falls into my embrace.
“What are we doing?” she whispers.
“I don’t know, but I wouldn’t be anywhere else.” I press a kiss to the top of her head. “Let’s get to bed.”
She gives me a smile that makes my heart swell with pride. There are moments when she’s come out the other side of her husband’s shadow, and other times when she seems to slip back in. But when she gives me an opening, I’m not about to say no.
Emma grasps my hand and leads me down the hallway to her room. Once we’re inside, she closes the door behind us.
“Are you sure?” I ask.
She nods. “I’m sorry if—”
“You never have anything to be sorry about. I’m here.”
“I’m just going to brush my teeth. There’s a spare brush in the bathroom cupboard if you want one.”
“Thanks.”
When I leave the ensuite, I turn my back to give her privacy while I slip off my shirt and drop my pants to the floor. I’m in boxer shorts—that’s all I usually sleep in. I hope it’s okay with Emma.
“You can turn around.”
She’s not wearing much more than I am, a pair of boxer shorts and a sleeveless pyjama top. This is it. No sneaking around or sex in the car.
I know there’ll be no sex tonight, but this is where I’m meant to be. I’ll wait for her—as long as it takes.
It means everything that she trusts me to be here with her in such a vulnerable state.
Her gaze sweeps down my body, but her eyes don’t meet mine afterward. Instead, she blushes and looks down.
“Emma.”
It takes her a moment, but her eyes meet mine. This is a big move for her, and the last thing I need is to scare her off. But she also needs to know that I see her.
“Which side do you sleep on?”
Her lips twitch into a smile. “I don’t mind.”
“This is your home. Tell me what to do.”
Any other woman would have given me innuendo at this point, but not my shy Emma.
She shrugs. “I’ve been sleeping on the right, but …”
“Then I’ll sleep on the left.”
She takes a step toward me, and I cover the distance between us, pulling her into my arms. For a moment she freezes before relaxing.
“You’re so good to me.”
“You deserve all the good in the world, babe. You’ve had more than your share of the bad.”
I place a kiss in her hair and let her go before making my way to my side of the bed.
She slips between the sheets, and I join her as she rolls over and switches off the bedside lamp.
The shuddering breath she lets out as she lies down tells me everything I need to know.
I roll and slide my arm over her.
She stiffens.
“Talk to me. What’s going on?”
Emma rolls in my arms to face me, her eyes not meeting mine. I hate when she does this—withdraws into the past. I think that’s what this is.
If Malcolm wasn’t already dead, I’d kill him.
Part of me wants to dig the bastard up and beat the shit out of him.
Emma’s so strong, but she doesn’t see that. She sees the girl who was pressured into a marriage she didn’t want—a woman that was forced to stay in it.
“It’s just …” Her voice is so soft as if she’s scared to say what she has to. It breaks my heart all over again. “I’m not used to sharing a bed with someone who doesn’t want something from me.”
Anger builds inside again, but I swallow it down. I have to. I’m not angry with her, but she’ll take it the wrong way. It’s what years of programming has done.
“Baby, you want to sleep, then that’s all we’re going to do.” I grasp her chin and raise her gaze to mine. “You don’t ever have to be afraid of saying no to me. Have you got that?”
Tears fill her eyes and she nods. “I got it.”
“I know this’ll take time, Emma. But I’ll be here in whatever capacity you want me to be in. If you just want to be friends, then I’ll do that. If you want more, then I’m right here with you.”
“You were always so sweet.”
“Don’t tell anyone that. You’ll ruin my reputation.”
She laughs as tears roll down her cheeks.
I kiss them away, and she lets out a long sigh.
“Em, I’m not sure where this is going, but I’ve got your back. If anyone from that church wants to mess with you, then they’ll also have to deal with me.”
She sniffs. “Thank you.”
“I’m just so glad you’re safe. If I’d thought for a second that you were going through what you did, I would have been there. I never forgot you.”
Emma nods. “I thought you would have been married with kids of your own.”
“I’ve always been restless. Being with you was the calmest time of my life, and I think that’s why I always thought of you as the one who got away. You know me better than anyone.” I kiss her softly on the lips. “How about we get some sleep?”
She smiles and rolls over. I spoon her from behind, placing my palm back on her stomach. I’m not one to stick around, but for her I will.
I’d move mountains for her if I could.
But for now, I’ll make do with a good night’s sleep curled up with the precious gift that’s been returned to me.
And if I have my way, I’ll never let her go.