Chapter 19 #2
He directs me into a huge kitchen at the back of the house. The massive windows offer an unimpeded view of the ocean, grey now in the dying light.
“I’ll make some tea,” he says, heading over to the kettle. “Reuben, for the love of god take a breath before you fall over and break something important.”
“His body?” I ask.
“I was thinking of my lemon tree, but yeah, let’s go with that.”
My loud laughter stuns me, but it’s impossible to contain. Reuben stares at me like I’ve been replaced by an alien version. Then he slowly slumps onto a barstool.
“Good,” Grey says. “There’s some mail on the table for you. Hachette wants to discuss buying the rights to the book we discussed, and we need to negotiate the audio rights. I’m not happy with them.”
I stare at Grey. “Who are you?”
He smiles at me. “I’m Reuben’s agent. Didn’t he tell you?”
Reuben huffs. “I’ve largely avoided mentioning your name to Xavier for the last five years.”
“And that was a gigantic mistake, and I do remember telling you so at the time.”
“It wasn’t just the once,” Reuben says gloomily. He sighs and rubs his eyes tiredly.
I look at Bernard, who’s sitting quietly watching us as if sensing the drama. “He’s getting sand all over the place. Will you wash him, Roo?”
He hesitates, obviously calculating his next move. “Sure,” he finally says. “You coming to help?”
“I think you can manage it on your own,” I say mildly.
He was obviously hoping to get me outside, and now he’s unsure what to do. I raise my eyebrows. Finally, he gives a sigh and clicks his fingers to Bernard. The puppy walks over, and Reuben says, “I will be back in a bit. For the love of god, Grey, please don’t say anything.”
“This is my house.”
“I don’t care. Tell me you won’t discuss anything that you shouldn’t.”
Grey considers that thoughtfully. Then he nods.
The door shutting behind Reuben and Bernard is loud in the suddenly quiet room.
I have the impulse to follow him outside, and I run my hand through my hair, wincing at the knots in the salt-dampened strands.
I always thought that if I met Grey again, I’d be immaculately dressed, every inch the supermodel.
In reality, I look like a complete mess with wild hair and damp, crumpled clothes.
Grey sets a mug of tea in front of me and then shoves some milk and a sugar pot across the counter. “Help yourself.”
“Thank you.” I curl my fingers around the mug, feeling it warm my fingers. “Are you and Reuben still sleeping together?”
Grey chokes on the sip of tea he just took. “Fuck, no,” he splutters.
“Why not? He’s an excellent shag. The best I’ve ever had.”
“Well, I know, but Caleb is equally good and comes without the teeny complication of a husband.”
I wave my hand. “In name only.”
“Tell that to the chain Reuben wears every day,” he returns sharply.
I shake my head. “I still can’t believe I got him to marry me.”
His lip twitches. “How did you? He was allergic to even the word marriage before he met you.”
“Ah, it was a vat of Moscow Mules and all my wiles.”
He chuckles, but then his smile fades. “We’ve known each other since we were ten, you know.”
My fingers tighten on the mug. “Not really. The first and only time I met you, you were naked. I didn’t get any other details.”
He winces. “Not the greatest moment in history.”
“Not even in the top one hundred, I agree.”
“We were only ever friends who fucked if we didn’t have anything else going on.”
I’m not surprised by that now I’ve seen them together outside that hotel room. Their vibe is more friendly and snarky than loverlike.
“And when we stopped fucking, we went back to being friends so easily, we knew that friends was the way we were meant to be.”
“Why did you stop?”
“He married you.”
I stare at him. “I thought you were joking about that.”
He blinks. “No, of course not. Reuben is alarmingly old-fashioned sometimes. He’s married, so he wouldn’t touch another man.”
It takes me a few seconds, and then I sit up straight, shock racing through me like a lightning strike. “Surely you’re not going to tell me he hasn’t had anyone else since we got married?”
He shrugs, and I know the answer before he speaks. “That’s exactly what I’m telling you.”
I stand up agitatedly. “But that’s ridiculous.”
“Not to Reuben. You must know he loves you.”
“I know that now, but I’m pretty sure he wasn’t very fond of me for five years. I devoted a large portion of that time to fucking him over.”
Humour shades his face for a second before it turns very sad. “He’s been in love with you since the moment he met you.”
I slump into my stool. “No way. I was just a shag and a distraction.”
“I’m absolutely sure you were both of those things, but you’re also bright, beautiful, and excessively clever and snarky. No wonder he fell so hard as soon as he met you.”
“You don’t know me.”
“Reuben does. Don’t get me wrong. I wished for a long time that he could get free of you.”
That stings for some reason. “Why?”
“Because he was going to waste his life on you, and you would never even have known. It was a very lonely existence, and I never wanted that for him. He’s funny and grumpy and too kind for his own good. I wanted more for him—a life and someone who could love him back.”
“And now?”
I release a breath as he smiles at me. “Well, I’m sort of getting the impression that you’re here to stay. Is that true?”
“I love him. And I shouldn’t be telling you that, because it’s private. I don’t know what form our future will take, but I know I want mine to be with him.”
His smile becomes very bright. “I’m so glad.”
I look out of the window to the bottom of the garden and repress a smile when I see Reuben attempting to catch Bernard, who is patently not in the mood for a bath.
The puppy has evaded him, setting up camp on the lawn, and every time Reuben gets close, he barks and scampers away, obviously considering this a delightful game.
Nevertheless, Reuben is being endlessly patient.
It’s a part of his kind nature that I love.
I have always felt safe with him. I have a sudden wave of love towards him that nearly brings me to my knees.
And suddenly I know what I need to do. I lean forward, tapping my fingers on the counter. “I need you to tell me.”
Grey blinks. “Tell you what?”
“The truth that Reuben’s covering up. What happened that day?”
He licks his lips, suddenly nervous. “I can’t tell you. That’s Reuben’s secret. He’ll tell you.”
“I don’t want him to,” I say simply.
“Why?”
“Because it will hurt him, and I don’t want him to be hurt anymore by me.”
“Why will it hurt him?”
“Because he’s going to tell me something that will upset me. I want you to do it instead.”
“And yet you still want to know? Why?”
I sigh. “Because I want him back and I can’t have him free and clear unless we face the past.”
“You’re a singular young man.”
“I’m not sure about that.”
“I am.” He hesitates. “I hate to come with the protective old friend routine, but I need to know that Reuben is it for you before I do anything.”
I look at him steadily, letting him see my resolve. “I know that he’s mine, and I have so few things that are that. I will always look after him.”
He sighs. “Okay. After all, I never promised him exactly, did I? I just nodded, and that’s not a binding treaty.”
My mouth twitches despite my sudden nervousness. “I like a man who recognises a technicality when he sees one.”
He reaches into a drawer and sets a key in front of me. “Take that.”
I blink. “Is it the key to a room of Reuben’s secrets?”
He snorts. “You’re very dramatic. It’s the key to the Airbnb. If you’re going to reconcile with Reuben, I’d rather it wasn’t over my kitchen counter. I need to get the dinner on.”
My lip twitches, and I take the key, sliding it into my pocket. “Thank you. So?” In spite of my brave words, my belly is churning.
He taps his fingers. “I’m not sure where to start.” He seems to come to a decision. “Okay. That week, I was supposed to be meeting Reuben at the hotel. I cancelled when something to do with work came up.”
“Your loss was my gain.”
“True. Anyway, he was fine with it, and I let him go, knowing he was with your dad and would have a good weekend. I badly wanted him to relax.”
“Jez,” I correct him.
“Sorry?”
“I don’t view Jez as my dad.” That seems to stun him into silence, and I cock my head. “You okay?”
“You don’t view Jez as your dad?”
“Nah, never have.”
“But I thought you’d got close that week. Reuben was so pleased about it when I spoke to him.”
I wave my hand dismissively. “I just told Reuben that Jez and I were getting on. He wanted that for us so badly, and it didn’t seem like a harmful lie. It made him happy.”
“So, you hadn’t started a reconciliation with Jez?”
“Did you meet him?”
His lip twitches, and then he groans and bangs his head gently on the counter. “Reuben, you fucking twat.”
“Hey. What’s going on?”
His head comes up. “Reuben was convinced you were going to have a relationship with Jez. Do you know why that meant so much to him?”
“Something to do with not knowing his own dad, I presume.”
He nods. “His dad walked away, and I think he always felt that as a gap in his life. He wouldn’t have wanted you to feel that same loss. He wanted you to have a good parent in your life.”
“Well, he definitely got his wires crossed with Jez, because Jez wouldn’t have known good parenting if the book on it hit him in the face.
The sort of violence which, for the record, he came close to when he met my grandmother.
It was only her insistence on Queensbury rules that saved him.
” I shrug. “The only joy I had during that week with Jez was because of Reuben. I had no plans to see Jez afterwards.”
Grey shakes his head. “I’m sure I’ve known stupider misunderstandings, but I can’t think of any at the moment.”
“It’s not such a big deal, surely? Shall we get to the secret now?”