Chapter 16
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
BILLION
The second transfer had been done for six days, and nobody in my house wanted to say the word pregnant.
Especially Kaizleigh.
The first time around, she damn near had a countdown going. She had searched every symptom, every percentage, every little thing Nyrobi said she felt. If Nyrobi sneezed, Kaizleigh wanted to know if sneezing could mean implantation.
This time though…nothing. She wouldn't even look at baby shit.
I came downstairs that morning and found her sitting on the couch with a cup of coffee she wasn't drinking, staring at the TV while some home renovation show played on mute.
I stopped at the bottom of the stairs and watched her for a second.
She looked tired, not physically. Just tired of wanting something. That shit hurt to see.
I walked over, took the cup out of her hand and sat it on the table.
She looked at me.
“What?”
“You ain't drinking it.”
“I was.”
“That shit cold.”
She looked at the cup like she hadn't realized it was still in her hand.
“Oh.”
I sat beside her.
“You alright?”
“Yeah.”
“You lying?”
“Probably.”
At least she admitted it.
I pulled her legs across my lap and rubbed my hand over her thigh.
For a minute, we sat there without saying anything.
Then she looked at me.
“You think it worked?”
I knew that was coming, the question she'd been trying not to ask.
“I don't know.”
“I know you don't know. I'm asking what you think.”
I looked at her.
“I think we did everything we were supposed to do.”
“That wasn't my question.”
“That's the only answer I got.”
She sighed.
“I don't even want to say I think it worked.”
“Then don't.”
“Because last time I did.”
“I know.”
“I had a feeling.”
“I remember.”
“And I was wrong.”
Her voice got smaller at the end.
I pulled her closer.
“That don't mean anything.”
“It felt like it did.”
“You ain't do nothing wrong.”
“I know.”
She gave me a look.
I smiled a little and kissed her forehead. She rested her head against my chest.
“I haven't called Nyrobi today.”
I looked down at her.
“I'm proud of you.”
“Don't be an asshole.”
“I'm serious. That's growth.”
She pinched my side.
“Stop.”
I laughed and caught her hand.
“I texted her, though.”
“There it is.”
“Only once.”
“Kaizleigh.”
“Once!”
“What you ask?”
“If she was okay.”
“And?”
“She said yes.”
“Then she okay.”
“What if she's just saying that?”
“Then she'll tell us if something changes.”
Kaizleigh got quiet. I knew what she wanted to ask next before she said it.
“Have you talked to her?”
My hand stopped for half a second. Half a fucking second, still too long.
“Not really.”
That wasn't technically a lie. I hadn't talked to Nyrobi much at all I mean n since the transfer. Not since before it either. Not since we'd done the exact shit we had both stood in that kitchen and silently promised ourselves we weren't going to do.
I had avoided her and she'd avoided me. And every time Kaizleigh mentioned her name, guilt hit me in a place I couldn't rub away.
“You haven't?” she asked.
“Nah.”
“That's weird.”
My eyes went to her.
“Why?”
“Because you were checking on them too.”
“Your ass checks enough for both of us.”
She laughed.
Thank God.
“I don't check that much anymore.”
“You just told me you texted her this morning.”
“One text is not checking too much.”
“Whatever you say.”
She shifted closer and wrapped her arm around my waist.
I looked down at my wife.
My wife.
The woman I'd built all this shit with. The woman who knew me before half the money, before some of these properties, before people started treating our last name like it meant something.
Kaizleigh knew me. She knew when I was pissed before I said it.
Knew when I needed space. Knew when I needed her even when I acted like I didn't.
I loved this woman. That was what made what I'd done so fucking ugly.
There wasn't some missing piece in my marriage I could blame.
Kaizleigh wasn't neglecting me. We weren't sleeping in separate rooms. We weren't fighting every day.
I wasn't unhappy. I hadn't fallen out of love.
None of that shit. I loved my wife. And I had still crossed a line with another woman.
Worse, with Nyrobi. The woman my wife trusted enough to carry our child.
There wasn't an excuse good enough for that.
Kaizleigh looked up.
“Why you staring at me?”
I blinked.
“Can't look at my wife?”
“You can.”
She smiled.
“But you looking weird.”
“I was thinking.”
“About?”
I leaned down and kissed her. She kissed me back without hesitation.That made me feel worse.
“About how much I love you.”
Her whole face softened.
“Aw.”
“Don't do that.”
“What?”
“Make that face.”
“What face?”
“That little corny ass face.”
“You just told me you love me!”
“I tell you that every day.”
“Not like that.”
I pulled her closer.
“Love you.”
“I love you too.”
And she did. I knew she did. That's why when she laid her head back against me, I stared across the room and hated myself a little more.
Overtime I had gotten good at avoiding Windermere. Anything that needed to go over there, Kaizleigh handled it. Anything Juanita needed, I had somebody deliver. Anything Nyrobi needed? She could call but she hadn't and that worked for me. Until it didn't.
Two days later, I had paperwork that needed Nyrobi's signature before the clinic could submit the final portion of some insurance shit connected to the medical expenses. Usually, Kaizleigh would've taken it. Except Kaizleigh was at the hotel dealing with an issue that couldn't wait.
I could've sent somebody else. I knew that. Hell, I could've had a driver take the envelope over. Instead, I sat at my desk looking at Nyrobi's name on the front of it for longer than necessary. That alone should've told me not to go but I went anyway.
The whole drive there, I told myself it wasn't about her.
It was paperwork.
Sign it. Leave. Simple.
The same shit I'd been telling myself since the first time stopped being simple.
Nyrobi's car was in the driveway when I pulled up. I sat in my truck for a second. Then got irritated with myself.
What the fuck was I doing?
I was a grown-ass man sitting outside my own property scared to walk inside because a woman was in there. I grabbed the envelope and got out. Nyrobi opened the door before I knocked.
She had on a big T-shirt and some little shorts underneath it that I couldn't really see.
I immediately looked at her face.
“What?”
“Nothing.”
“Why you here?”
“Good to see you too.”
“I ain't say it wasn't.”
She stepped back and let me in.
I held up the envelope.
“Need your signature.”
She looked at it.
“Kaizleigh couldn't bring it?”
“No.”
That answer came out harder than it needed to.
Nyrobi noticed.
Her face changed.
“Okay.”
I walked toward the kitchen.
She followed.
“Where Juanita?”
“Doctor.”
“By herself?”
“Nysheca took her.”
That surprised me.
“Nysheca?”
“Yes, Nysheca.”
“She good?”
“She been trying.”
I nodded.
“That's good.”
“Yeah.”
Nyrobi leaned against the counter.
I put the envelope down between us.
“Sign where it's marked.”
She picked it up.
“That's it?”
“That's it.”
She looked at me.
I looked back.
“What?”
“Nothing.”
“There go that nothing shit.”
“I ain't say nothing.”
“Exactly.”
She opened the envelope.
I should've let her sign it and left but instead, my ass stood there.
Nyrobi flipped through the pages.
“You got a pen?”
I reached into my pocket and handed her one. Our fingers didn't touch and both of us made damn sure of that. She noticed and so, did I. That irritated me too. She signed the first page and the second. The silence started feeling stupid.
Finally she dropped the pen.
“We gonna keep doing this?”
I looked at her.
“Doing what?”
“This weird shit.”
“Ain't nothing weird.”
“Billion.”
“What?”
“You ain't been over here since?—”
She stopped.
“Since what?”
Her eyes narrowed.
“Don't do that.”
“I'm asking.”
“No, you're trying to make me say it.”
“Then don't.”
She laughed, but there wasn't anything funny in it.
“See, this is exactly why I didn't want that shit to happen.”
“Neither did I.”
Her face changed.
“That sounded fucked up.”
“You know what I meant.”
“Do I?”
“Nyrobi.”
“What?”
“I didn't come here to argue with you.”
“Then why you come?”
I pointed at the papers.
“For that.”
“You could've sent somebody.”
I looked at her and she looked at me. And neither one of us said anything. Because she was right. I could've.
“You could've had somebody bring it,” she repeated.
“I know.”
“So why didn't you?”
“I don't know.”
“Bullshit.”
I rubbed my hand over my beard.
“What you want me to say?”
“The truth.”
“You first.”
Her eyebrows went up.
“I asked you.”
“And I'm asking you why you care.”
“Because you standing in my kitchen acting weird.”
“Your kitchen?”
She pointed around.
“Don't start. You know what I mean.”
A smile tried to come and I stopped it. She saw it anyway though.
“See.”
“What?”
“You always do that.”
“Do what?”
“Try to make me mad when you don't wanna answer something.”
“I don't have to try hard.”
“Fuck you.”
My smile disappeared and so did hers.
Two words.
That's all it took to change the air.
Nyrobi looked away first.
“See. This shit.”
I leaned back against the counter.
“We said it wasn't happening again.”
“I know.”
“You agreed.”
“So did you.”
“And it hasn't.”
She looked at me.
“Because we ain't been around each other.”
That one landed and I couldn't argue with it.
Nyrobi crossed her arms.
“That ain't the same as it not happening because we got some damn self-control.”
“I got self-control.”
She laughed.
“Okay.”
“What that mean?”
“It mean okay.”
“Nah. Say what you mean.”
“You know what I mean.”
“I don't.”
“You came over here.”
“With paperwork.”
“That anybody could've brought.”
“You keep saying that.”
“Because it's true.”
I pushed away from the counter.
“So what? You think I came over here to fuck you?”
Her mouth dropped.
“Billion.”
“That's what you're implying.”
“No, the fuck I'm not.”
“Then what?”
“I'm saying you knew we were avoiding each other, and you still came.”
I got quiet.
She shook her head.
“And I let you in.”
That shut me up for a different reason.
Nyrobi looked down.
“So maybe we both full of shit.”