Chapter 16 #2
I didn't like hearing that because it was true. The first time had been easier to explain to myself. We had gotten too close. There had already been something there.
We let shit go further than it should've.
Afterward, we both agreed it couldn't happen again.
We had spouses and contracts and a baby we were trying to make for my family sitting in the middle of all this shit.
Well, I had a spouse. Nyrobi had a conscience. At least one of us should've listened to ours.
“You regret it?” I asked.
Her eyes came up.
“Yes.”
I nodded.
“Me too.”
She looked away.
“Good.”
“Good?”
“Yes. Good.”
“You don't sound like you mean that.”
Her eyes came back to mine.
“Why the fuck does it matter how I sound?”
“It don't.”
“Then stop asking me shit.”
“You brought it up.”
“Because I don't want us walking around acting weird!”
“So what you want?”
“I want shit normal.”
“It was never normal.”
She stopped.
I hadn't meant to say that or maybe I had.
Nyrobi stared at me.
“What that mean?”
“You know exactly what it means.”
“No. Tell me.”
I shouldn't have.
But I was tired of pretending we both imagined everything that happened before we ever touched each other.
“The kitchen.”
Her face changed.
“The first time I came over here by myself.”
She looked away.
“Nothing happened.”
“I know.”
“Then why bring it up?”
“Because you felt that shit.”
She looked at me.
“So did you.”
“I know.”
Nyrobi rubbed both hands over her face.
“This is fucked up.”
“Yeah.”
“Kaizleigh loves me.”
That hurt worse than I expected.
“I know.”
“She trusts me so much.”
“I know.”
“And that's your fucking wife.”
“I know who my wife is.”
“Then why?—”
“Don't.”
“Why what?”
“Don't put this whole shit on me.”
Her eyes widened.
“I didn't!”
“You were there too.”
“I know I was there!”
“Then stop talking like I dragged you into some shit.”
“I never said that.”
“Sound like it.”
Nyrobi stared at me. Then her eyes filled. That immediately took all the fight out of me.
“Fuck.”
She turned away.
“Don't.”
“I ain't?—”
“Don't come over here trying to comfort me.”
I stopped.
She wiped underneath her eyes.
“This ain't even about you.”
“Then what is it?”
“Her.”
I knew it.
“Every time she call me asking if I ate, asking if I took my medicine, asking if I need something...”
Nyrobi shook her head.
“I feel like shit.”
“You think I don't?”
“I don't know what you feel.”
“I feel like shit too.”
“Then why did you come?”
This time I didn't have an answer. Nyrobi looked at me. And I realized she wasn't really asking why I brought paperwork. She was asking why, knowing everything we had just said, I still put myself back in the same room with her.
I could've lied but I didn't.
“I wanted to see you.”
Her face went still. The second I said it, I wanted it back.
Nyrobi swallowed.
“You shouldn't have said that.”
“I know.”
“Why would you say that?”
“You asked.”
“You could've lied.”
“I've been doing enough of that.”
She looked down.
I could see her breathing change.
“Go home, Billion.”
I should've moved and yet I stayed right there.
“Go home to your wife.”
“I know where home is.”
“Then go.”
“You want me to?”
Her eyes snapped up.
“That is not fucking fair.”
“I asked a question.”
“And you shouldn't.”
“Why?”
“Because you know the answer.”
I stared at her.
“Say it.”
“No.”
“Nyrobi.”
“No.”
I took one step closer.
She immediately shook her head.
“Don't.”
I stopped.
“This can't happen again,” she said.
“I know.”
“I mean it.”
“So do I.”
“You said that last time.”
“So did you.”
Her lips pressed together.
I watched her and she watched me.
Then she whispered, “We fucked up.”
“Yeah.”
“One time.”
“Yeah.”
“A mistake.”
“Yeah.”
“We leave it there.”
I nodded.
“Leave it there.”
That should've been it. That should've been the moment I picked up the papers, walked through that front door and drove home to my wife. Instead, neither one of us moved.
Nyrobi's eyes stayed on mine. Then dropped.
That same fucking look. The one from the kitchen before anything had ever happened between us.
Only now I knew what came after it. I knew what kissing her felt like.
I knew what it felt like when she stopped fighting whatever this was and gave in to it.And she knew the same about me. That changed everything.
“Billion.”
The way she said my name wasn't telling me to leave anymore. That was the problem. I stepped closer. She backed up once. Her lower back touched the counter.
I stopped in front of her.
“Tell me to go.”
She stared at me and I I waited.
“Go.”
I didn't move.
Her eyes closed.
“See, this the shit I'm talking about.”
“I'll go.”
“Then go.”
I nodded and till didn't move.
Nyrobi opened her eyes.
“You got a whole wife.”
“I know.”
“A good one.”
“I know.”
“She ain't did shit to you.”
“I fucking know.”
My voice came out harder than I meant it to.
Nyrobi flinched. I immediately stepped back, not from her though, from my damn self.
“I'm sorry.”
She shook her head.
“No. You're right.”
“About what?”
“You know.”
“No, I don't.”
“This ain't because Kaizleigh ain't doing something.”
I stared at her.
She kept going.
“And I don't want you telling yourself later that it is.”
“I never said that.”
“I know.”
“She ain't the problem.”
“I know.”
“My marriage ain't the problem.”
“I know.”
“I love my wife.”
Nyrobi's eyes moved away from mine.
“I know, Billion.”
I don't know why that hurt. Maybe because she sounded like she believed me. Maybe because loving Kaizleigh should've been enough to make me leave.
I picked up the envelope.
“This shit ain't happening again.”
Nyrobi nodded.
“Never.”
“Good.”
“Good.”
I turned and made it two steps. Then heard her say my name again so I stopped.
“Billion.”
“What?”
She didn’t even say shit and I should've kept walking. Instead, I turned. I wasn’t abut to keep playing these games with her. Nyrobi was still standing against the counter looking at me. That was all. She didn't ask me to come back or reach for me. She just looked at me. And I went back anyway.
The second I reached her, whatever lie we'd just agreed on died between us.
I kissed her.
She kissed me back.
There wasn't any hesitation this time, and that was what made it worse.
No surprise. No how did we get here? We knew exactly how.
My hands found her waist as hers grabbed the front of my shirt, and for those next few moments, every reason we had just given each other to stop became something neither of us wanted to hear.
The papers slid from my hand and hit the floor.
After that, there wasn't shit left to pretend. We crossed the line again…on purpose. This time we were in bed and I lay on my back. Nyrobi rode my dick with both hands planted in my chest and the way she looked down at me really had me speechless. I rocked my hips underneath her going deeper with each bounce. I wasn’t no small man either.
It was thick and measuring out to eight in a half inches. Nyrobi knew what to do with it though.
I groaned, she moaned and that shit was so wrong but feeling so right. I cant lie, I didn’t last long at all. Shit I lasted longer the first time. Within seconds my body was shaking and hers were collapsing as her body jerked.
Damn.
Afterwards I sat on the edge of the bed staring at the floor. The room was quiet and Nyrobi was somewhere behind me getting dressed. I didn't turn around or say anything. The first time had felt different afterward.
Bad.
But different.
There had been shock mixed in with the guilt. Like both of us were still trying to understand how we'd gone from knowing we were attracted to each other to actually doing something about it. This time there was nothing to understand. I knew exactly what I'd done.
Nyrobi walked past me.
She wouldn't look at me. That told me she was thinking the same shit. I stood and fixed my clothes.
“You good?”
Stupid fucking question.
She laughed once.
“No.”
I nodded.
“Me either.”
“Don't ask me that.”
“Aight.”
She picked up something from the dresser and put it back down.
Then turned toward me.
“We can't do this.”
I looked at her.
“I know.”
“No. Stop saying you know.”
“What you want me to say?”
“I don't fucking know!”
Her voice cracked.
She lowered it immediately, probably remembering Juanita could come back at any time.
“I don't know.”
I rubbed my hand over my face.
Nyrobi looked toward the door.
“Just go.”
I nodded.
This time I didn't argue and didn't ask if she wanted me to. I aint stand there waiting for her to stop me. I walked my ass towards the door.
The papers were still on the kitchen floor. I picked them up. Her signature was right there at the bottom.
Nyrobi.
I stared at her name.
This woman was preparing her body to carry a baby for me and my wife. My wife was probably sitting somewhere right now scared to even say she hoped the transfer worked because she'd been hurt too many fucking times. And I had just betrayed her again.
I walked outside and closed the door behind me.
The sun had already gone down. I stood beside my truck with my keys in my hand, but I couldn't make myself open the door yet. The first time, I had a hundred excuses ready before I even made it home.
We got too close. Shit went too far. It happened before either one of us stopped it.
I could call it a mistake because mistakes were easier to forgive.
But there wasn't shit I could tell myself this time.
I knew what crossing that line felt like before I crossed it again.
I knew what it could cost me. I knew I had a wife at home who loved me and hadn't done a damn thing to deserve this shit.
And I did it anyway. The first time was a mistake.
The second time was a fucking choice. Me and Nyrobi had a real fucking problem.
And I aint gone lie that pussy was so good.