Chapter Nine #2
I forced myself to take a deep breath, to soften my expression for her sake. “It’s OK, baby.”
Ash’s eyes never left my face, absorbing each accusation without defense. “I know,” he said simply. “I know, Eliza.”
He shifted his attention to Lily, moving with deliberate slowness as he lowered himself to one knee in front of her chair, careful to give her space. His eyes softened as he took in every detail of her face.
“Hey, Lily-pad,” he said, using the nickname he’d given her as a baby. “You got big while I was gone.”
Lily tilted her head, studying him with the careful observation children reserve for trying to place someone familiar but changed.
“You have pictures,” she said finally, pointing to the tattoos visible at his neck above the collar of his T-shirt. “Like Cash.”
The mention of Cash made Ash’s eyebrows rise slightly, a question in his eyes I ignored. “Yeah, I do,” Ash replied, his voice gentler than I’d heard it yet. “Do you remember me at all, Lily-pad?”
Lily looked up at me, seeking guidance. I kept my expression neutral, unwilling to influence her reaction either way. This was between them, this tentative reconnection.
“You used to make pancakes,” Lily said suddenly, her face lighting with the memory. “With chocolate chips that made faces.”
A genuine smile broke across Ash’s face, transforming him momentarily back into the man I remembered. “That’s right. Silly faces with strawberry smiles.”
Lily nodded, some of her tension easing. She stood and took a small step toward him, though her hand remained firmly in mine. “Daddy?” she questioned, the word sounding strange after so long without use. Ash’s eyes glistened. He nodded, unable to speak for a moment.
A prickling dread crawled up my back, making me feel like we were being watched.
Glancing toward the nurses’ station, I spotted Ms. Winters, the social worker who’d accused me of harming Lily.
She stood with clipboard in hand, pen moving across the page as she observed our interaction.
The sight of her sent ice through my veins.
Ash followed my gaze, his jaw tightening as he understood. He rose back to his feet, putting himself between me and Lily, his movements fluid and controlled. The change in his posture was subtle but unmistakable. He’d spotted a threat and was positioning himself accordingly.
“Is that her?” he asked quietly.
I nodded, keeping my face turned away from Ms. Winters.
Ash’s hands curled into fists at his sides, then deliberately relaxed. He rolled his shoulders back, making his Kiss of Death MC cut more prominent. A message, I realized. Making sure Ms. Winters saw his affiliation.
“I should have been here,” Ash said, his voice barely audible. “I never wanted to leave you either of you.”
“But you did,” I replied, the anger I’d held for two years simmering just beneath my words. “You chose to go with your buddy, even when I begged you not to. You knew what he planned even if you didn’t anticipate the outcome.”
“What happened?” Lily looked up at Asher curiously.
I shot Ash a warning look. Some stories weren’t for Lily’s ears.
“Nothing, sweetheart,” I reassured her, smoothing her hair. “It was a long time ago.”
Ash’s remorse was written across every line of his face. His eyes held mine, silently acknowledging the damage his choices had caused. Yet beneath the regret, I saw his determination. He wasn’t here just because CPS had called. He was here to stay.
The realization sent conflicting emotions through me. Part of me wanted to send him away, to protect myself and Lily from the pain of potentially losing him again. Another part recognized his presence might be exactly what we needed to fight the battle with social services.
“I know I have no right to ask,” Ash said, “but what have the doctors said? About Lily?”
I hesitated, looking down at the files in my hand. These were the answers we’d fought for, the validation I wasn’t crazy or, worse, abusive. Sharing them with Ash felt like letting him back into a part of our lives he’d abandoned. But keeping him in the dark would only hurt Lily in the end.
“I haven’t spoken with the doctor about the latest rounds, but the report I got says they think it’s Osteogenesis Imperfecta,” I said finally. “It’s a condition that makes her bones break easily. But there are treatments. At least, Dr. Google said so.”
Ash nodded slowly, processing the information.
He pulled a chair closer, keeping his movements careful and deliberate as he sat facing us.
His gaze dropped to the folder in my lap, then back to my face.
“What does this mean for her?” he asked, his voice low with concern.
“This Osteo whatever it is?” The genuine worry in his expression tugged at something I’d tried to harden inside myself, a reminder that despite everything, Lily was his daughter too.
“I don’t know. I don’t even know if this is the official diagnosis. It’s the report from her last round of testing. We’re waiting to talk with the doctor about his findings.”
Lily had grown bored with our adult conversation, turning her attention to Mr. Flopsy. She whispered secrets to his tattered ear, creating her own world apart from the tension surrounding her. I watched her for a moment, grateful for her resilience, her ability to find joy despite everything.
Ash nodded slowly. His eyes never left Lily as she played, as if memorizing every detail of her face. “And social services? Where do they stand now?”
I glanced toward the reception desk where Ms. Winters continued to observe us. “They’re looking for any excuse,” I whispered, leaning slightly closer. “The medical diagnosis will help, but I think Ms. Winters seems personally convinced I did something wrong.”
“That’s bullshit,” Ash growled, then immediately checked his volume when Lily looked up. “Sorry, Lily-pad,” he said more gently.
“You said a bad word,” she informed him solemnly, before returning to her conversation with Mr. Flopsy. Despite everything, a small smile tugged at my lips. Some things never changed.
Ash’s jaw tightened as he looked back at me. “So after everything you went through, after fighting for years to get someone to listen, they’re still trying to say you’re at fault?” His knuckles whitened as his hands gripped his knees. “The system’s even more broken than I thought.”
“Lana’s helping,” I said quickly, hoping since Asher was part of Kiss of Death, he knew who Lana was. “She’s been amazing, actually. She helped me get these appointments expedited, got us into Haven where we’re safe.”
“Haven.” Ash looked confused. “Do you have someone other than social services after you?” His eyes widened and he looked slightly panicked as his gaze shifted from me to Lily and back.
“New Beginnings Women’s Shelter. It’s protected by --”
“Kiss of Death,” Ash finished, touching his cut unconsciously. “Yeah, I know.”
Before I could respond, the click of heels on the tiled flooring announced Ms. Winters’ approach. Her pantsuit looked as crisp as the first time I’d met her, her expression professionally neutral but her eyes cold as they assessed Ash.
“Ms. Jans,” she greeted me with a brief nod before turning her attention to Ash. “And you must be Mr. Hudson. I’m Janice Winters, Department of Children’s Services.”
Ash nodded, his body language shifting subtly. The hunched shoulders straightened slightly, chin lifting to meet her gaze directly. He extended his hand. “Ma’am.”
Ms. Winters shook his hand briefly, her eyes flicking to the MC cut he wore. “Good of you to join us, Mr. Hudson,” she noted, her gaze moving between Ash and me. Her attention lingered on Lily for a moment. “I understand you were released recently.”
“Two weeks ago,” Ash confirmed, his tone carefully neutral. “My parole officer knows I’m here.”
“I see.” She made a note on her clipboard. “And you’re staying…” she prompted.
“With the club for now,” he replied. “Until I get on my feet.”
Her eyebrow arched slightly. “Another Kiss of Death member.” Her lips pursed in distaste. “Interesting coincidence.”
My stomach dropped. She’d made the connection to Cash. Of course she had.
“I’ll need to update my report,” Ms. Winters continued, her pen scratching against the clipboard. “The court will want to know about this development. Two parents with connections to this particular motorcycle club.” The way she said “motorcycle club” made it sound like something distasteful.
“Is that a problem?” Ash asked, his voice level despite the tension evident in his posture.
Ms. Winters offered a thin smile. “That will be for the judge to determine, Mr. Hudson. I’m simply gathering information to ensure Lily’s best interests are protected.”
The implication hung in the air between us. Ash’s status as an ex-con, his MC affiliation, now added to the list of strikes against us. Against me. I knew I couldn’t lose my cool, but this was starting to feel very personal.
“Well,” Ms. Winters said after a moment of uncomfortable silence, “I’ll let you continue your reunion.
Dr. Brennan mentioned she’d be discussing the test results with you shortly.
” She nodded at me. “We’ll be in touch about the next steps, Ms. Jans.
I’ll need to schedule a visit to this Haven place. ”
“New Beginnings,” I corrected. “Only the residents call it Haven. Because it is a haven. For all of us. And everyone there has been wonderful to both me and Lily.”
Ms. Winters shrugged then grumbled under her breath. “How safe this so-called shelter is will be for a judge to determine.”
She walked away. I watched her go, the knot in my stomach tightening with every step. When she disappeared around the corner, I released a breath I hadn’t realized I was holding.
“She’s been gunning for me since day one,” I whispered, making sure Lily couldn’t hear. “And now…”
“Now I’ve made it worse,” Ash finished, sinking back into his chair. “I’m sorry, Eliza. I thought showing up, being here for Lily, would help.”
I wanted to confirm his fears, to blame him for complicating an already precarious situation. But the truth was, Ms. Winters would have found out about him eventually. Better to have it happen now, with both of us present, than as a surprise revelation in court.
“It’s not your fault,” I admitted reluctantly. “For whatever reason, she’s got it in for me.”
Lily looked up from Mr. Flopsy, her gaze moving between us. “Is that lady coming back? I don’t like her. She looks at me funny.”
Ash and I exchanged a look over Lily’s head, momentary allies in the face of a common threat. In his eyes, I saw the same fierce protectiveness I felt, the same fear. Whatever had happened between us, whatever mistakes we’d both made, we would do anything to protect Lily.
“We’ll figure this out,” Ash said quietly, his words meant only for me. “Together, if you’ll let me.”
I didn’t answer immediately. Trust was harder to rebuild than to break, and the years of silence and neglect, even when he was in our life, had left deep scars.
But as Lily reached out to touch one of Ash’s tattoos with curious fingers, her small face lighting up when he made a silly expression for her, I knew I would never love Asher, but I wanted Lily to know him.
Despite the fact he was a follower who had knowingly gone in the wrong direction to please a friend of his, Ash was a good person.
Just not the person I wanted to be my mate.
“One day at a time,” I said finally, meeting his gaze. “For Lily.”
He nodded, understanding the limitations I was setting, accepting them without argument. “For Lily.”