Chapter Ten #2
Cash nodded, his eyes never leaving Ash. “I can see that.”
Hannah moved between them, her small frame somehow managing to command attention from both much larger men. “Cash, why don’t you help me get some snacks from the kitchen for the kids?”
Though framed as a question, her tone made it clear this wasn’t a request. Cash hesitated, his gaze moving from Ash to Lily and finally resting on me. Whatever he saw in my expression made him relent.
“Sure,” he agreed. “I’ll be right back, Eliza. I promise.”
As Cash followed Hannah to the kitchen, Ash watched them go, his expression unreadable.
Then his attention returned to Lily, who remained blissfully oblivious to the undercurrents flowing around her.
I stood frozen between them all, suddenly certain my carefully constructed world was about to change again in ways I couldn’t control or predict.
* * *
Later that afternoon, I wiped flour from my hands onto a kitchen towel, trying to focus on the simple task of baking cookies with the other women.
The afternoon sun streamed through Haven’s kitchen windows, casting warm light across the countertops covered in mixing bowls and measuring cups.
Two hours had passed since Ash’s visit, and I had thrown myself into baking as a distraction from the complicated emotions his presence had stirred.
Lily was happily playing in the courtyard with Brynn and some of the other children, visible through the window as they chased each other in a game of tag.
My phone vibrated against the counter, screen lighting up with a number I recognized immediately.
Department of Children’s Services. Ms. Winters.
My stomach dropped as I reached for the phone. The other women in the kitchen noticed my expression and quietly moved away, giving me privacy while remaining close enough to offer support if needed.
“Hello?” I answered, working to keep my voice steady.
“Ms. Jans, this is Ms. Winters from DCS.” Her voice carried a clipped tone that made me feel like I was guilty of something even when I knew I wasn’t. “I’m calling to follow up on our conversation from last week.”
“Yes, of course.” I turned toward the window, watching Lily as she carefully navigated the play area, mindful of her condition even in the excitement of the game. “I was going to call you tomorrow. We’ve started the medication regimen Dr. Brennan prescribed for the Osteogenesis Imperfecta.”
There was a pause on the line. “Yes. I received the preliminary report, but we’ll need more conclusive testing before making any determinations about closing this case.”
My fingers tightened around the phone. “Dr. Brennan said the bone density scan --”
“Dr. Brennan’s preliminary opinion is noted,” Ms. Winters interrupted, “but we require a more comprehensive evaluation before ruling out other factors.”
The clinical dismissal of Lily’s diagnosis sent heat rushing to my face. We’d waited so long for these answers, only to have Ms. Winters treat the diagnosis as inconclusive.
“What other factors?” I asked, struggling to maintain my composure. “The genetic testing is still pending, but Dr. Brennan was quite clear --”
“Ms. Jans,” she cut in again, her tone sharpening, “I understand you’re eager to resolve this matter, but my concern extends beyond medical explanations. I’ve become aware you’re still residing at this motorcycle club shelter rather than returning to your apartment.”
I closed my eyes briefly, fighting back the urge to snap. “New Beginnings Women’s Shelter is a registered nonprofit providing secure housing for women and children. Yes, it happens to be protected by the Kiss of Death MC, but it’s a legitimate shelter.”
“A shelter typically used for women fleeing domestic violence situations,” Ms. Winters pointed out. “Which is not your circumstance. Additionally, I understand Lily’s father is a member of this same club.”
My hand began to tremble. “Ash visited today to see Lily. He’s not living here.”
“Nevertheless, the environment raises concerns -- multiple known felons with gang affiliations having regular access to a child already at risk for injuries.”
“They’re not a gang,” I corrected automatically, anger flaring. “And no one here would ever hurt Lily.”
“Your judgment in this matter is precisely what’s under review, Ms. Jans.” Her voice cooled several degrees. “Choosing to surround your physically vulnerable daughter with ex-convicts rather than returning to conventional housing suggests questionable decision-making.”
“You have no say in who I deem appropriate for my child to interact with. I’ve done nothing wrong. The very reason you started investigating me to begin with has been proven incorrect.”
“Just because one situation might be resolved does not mean I have to ignore other issues.”
The kitchen suddenly felt too small, the air too thin. “Haven is the safest place for us right now. Lily has made friends. She’s happy here. And she has round-the-clock protection.”
“Protection from what, exactly? Or perhaps I should ask, from whom?” Ms. Winters’ implication hung between us.
“Ms. Jans, I’ll be frank. Your continued residence in a questionable environment, combined with your developing connection to this motorcycle club, gives me serious concerns about Lily’s welfare. ”
My free hand gripped the counter edge for support.
“Lily is receiving excellent care. She has her medication. She’s happy.
If it weren’t for these people, we still wouldn’t know what was wrong with her and she’d be getting her other shoulder dislocated when you grab her again!
” I knew I shouldn’t snap at the woman, she likely wanted me to lose my cool, but this was so much horseshit. “What more do you want from me?”
“I want you to demonstrate sound judgment by removing her from an environment populated by criminals.”
“They’re not --” I stopped myself, knowing the argument was pointless. “What exactly are you saying, Ms. Winters?”
Her sigh carried clearly over the line. “I’m saying unless the final medical reports conclusively support this diagnosis and you relocate to more appropriate housing, I will be petitioning the court for temporary removal from your custody until all testing is complete.
There are simply too many ongoing safety concerns. ”
The world tilted beneath my feet. “You can’t do that. You have no grounds.”
“I can and I will if necessary,” she replied, her voice professionally detached. “This is not personal, Ms. Jans. It’s about Lily’s best interests.”
“Taking her from her mother is in her best interests?” My voice rose despite my efforts to control it. “After everything she’s been through? Some of it at your hands.”
“The judge will decide. In the meantime, I suggest you reconsider your living arrangements. I’ll be scheduling a home visit at this facility next week to assess the environment personally.”
“Fine,” I managed. “You’ll see for yourself how safe it is here.”
“We’ll be in touch about the exact date and time. Good afternoon.”
The call ended before I could respond. I stood frozen, phone clutched in my hand, staring at nothing.
She was going to take Lily away. All the tests, all the diagnoses, all our careful explanations wouldn’t matter if Ms. Winters had decided I was an unfit mother based on where we lived and who protected us.
Besides all that, what would it mean for the women and children in Haven?
Would the shelter have to be closed? “This is all my fault. I should never have come here.”
My breathing came in shallow gasps, black spots dancing at the edges of my vision. The phone slipped from my fingers, clattering against the counter. I gripped the edge with both hands, trying to ground myself as waves of panic threatened to pull me under.
“Eliza?” Lavender’s voice seemed to come from far away. “Eliza, what happened?”
I couldn’t answer. My lungs refused to fill properly, each breath shorter than the last. The kitchen lights seemed too bright, the sounds too sharp. I was vaguely aware of Lavender moving beside me, her hand gently touching my shoulder.
“She’s going to take Lily. She says Haven isn’t safe. That being around the club makes my judgement suspect. She doesn’t believe the diagnosis and she’s going to petition for temporary removal.”
Pippa’s face hardened, but her voice remained gentle. “No, she’s not going to take Lily away. Lana won’t let her. None of us will.”
“You don’t understand,” I whispered, tears filling my eyes. “Ms. Winters has already decided. The medical evidence doesn’t matter to her. She thinks I’m lying about everything.”
“Then she’ll be proven wrong,” Lavender said with quiet certainty. “Listen to me, Eliza. I’ve been exactly where you are. Terrified of losing my child to a system I doesn’t understand or know how to fight. But you have something I didn’t have when I started this fight. You have all of us.”
I shook my head, unable to share her confidence. “I don’t know how to fight this. I do what she says to do, then she moves the bar. How do I finally win?”
“I know.” Lavender’s expression softened with understanding.
“We’re going to figure it out together. We’re all going to help you and Lily.
” She glanced out the window where Lily and Brynn were still playing.
“Why don’t you let Lily stay with Brynn and me tonight?
The girls adore each other, and it would give you a chance to regroup without worrying about staying strong for her. ”
The suggestion immediately triggered my protective instincts. “I can’t --”
“You can,” Lavender interrupted gently. “Lily will be safe with us. And Hannah will call Lana right away to handle the legal side of things.” She squeezed my arm. “Sometimes being a good mother means recognizing when you need help.”
I looked out at Lily, laughing as she and Brynn built a tower with blocks in the courtyard. She did seem happy with Brynn, and the thought of a night without having to maintain my brave face was tempting. But the idea of being separated from her, even voluntarily, made my chest ache.
“Just for tonight,” Lavender pressed gently. “Before you completely fall apart. Lily doesn’t need to see you upset, but I really think you need a way to get all these emotions out.”
The truth of her words pierced through my resistance. Lily didn’t need to see me crumbling. She needed her strong, capable mother back, and right now, I was hanging by a thread.
“OK,” I whispered, tears spilling over. “Just for tonight.”
Lavender nodded, squeezing my hand. “You’re making the right choice. Go somewhere quiet. Fall apart. Scream. Cry. We’ll take care of everything else.”
The permission to break down was my undoing.
The tears I’d been holding back for weeks -- through doctor appointments and social worker visits, through Ash’s return and Cash’s unexpected presence in our lives -- finally broke free.
Lavender wrapped her arms around me as I shook with silent sobs, my carefully constructed strength washing away in a flood of fear and exhaustion.