11. Sha’nelle Harper
Greystone City
It was late as hell and a bitch was speedin’ home, and the whole ride there my mind wouldn’t slow the fuck down.
I kept thinkin’ about my mama callin’ me, Renza sittin’ outside her house, and the fact that I had just left Couture’s bed to come deal with some shit I never asked for.
Every time I tried to settle my thoughts, another one came right behind it, and by the time I turned on my mama street, I was already irritated before I even saw his ass.
Then there he was…
Renza was leaned against a black rental parked by the street like it wasn’t the middle of the damn night. His arms was folded across his chest, and from the way he was posted up, you would’ve thought this nigga was outside his own house instead of somebody else’s.
He ain’t look nervous, uncomfortable, or worried about the fact that my mama was probably watchin’ his ass through one of them windows. He was just standin’ there waitin’ on me.
I pulled in the driveway and sat here for a second with both hands on the wheel, lookin’ through my windshield at his crazy ass.
Renza ain’t move when I pulled up either. He just turned his head toward my car and watched me, which let me know he knew exactly what he was doin’. He had been waitin’ for my mama to call me, and now that I was finally here, he looked completely satisfied with himself.
“Unfuckin’believable,” I muttered before grabbin’ my phone and purse from the passenger seat, and gettin’ out the car.
The second my door closed, Renza pushed away from the rental a lil’, but he still ain’t come toward me.
I adjusted my purse on my shoulder and started walkin’ his way with every intention of tellin’ him exactly how disrespectful this shit was, but the closer I got to him, the harder my heart started beatin’.
I could smell his cologne before I even reached him, and that alone irritated me ‘cause why the fuck did he have to smell that good while gettin’ on my nerves?
Even under the streetlights, I could see his haircut was fresh, his beard was lined up and his skin looked good.
The black shirt he had on fit across his chest and arms in a way that told me this nigga clearly hadn’t missed no time in the gym while we was goin’ through our bullshit either. I hated that I noticed all that shit.
More than anything, I hated how good Renza looked to me when I had literally just climbed out of Couture’s bed. I could still feel Couture’s hands on me, and here I was walkin’ toward another nigga while my body was switchin’ up on me before Renza had even touched me.
I fixed my face and kept walkin’ ‘cause I wasn’t givin’ his ass the satisfaction.
“Renza, what the fuck is you doin’ out here?” I asked as soon as I got close enough, but I barely got the whole question out before he pushed off the car and came straight toward me.
Renza wrapped both arms around me and pulled me into his chest so fast that I stumbled into him. I immediately put my hands against him and tried to push back, but his arms only tightened around me.
“Renza,” I fussed, turnin’ my face away from his chest. “Get off me.”
“Man, come here,” he murmured as he pulled me even closer.
I let out a frustrated sigh ‘cause this was not how this shit was supposed to go. I had spent the whole drive home workin’ myself up to cuss this nigga the fuck out, and now I was standin’ outside wrapped in his arms while his cologne filled my nose and his body felt way too familiar against mine.
“Renza, I’m serious,” I told him, but even I could hear that some of the fight had already left my voice.
“I am too,” Renza replied before loosenin’ his hold enough to grab my arms.
Instead of lettin’ me go, he brought ‘em around his waist and pulled me right back against him. “Hold me, ‘Nelle. Damn.”
I should’ve snatched my arms right back, but I didn’t.
My hands rested against his back, and I closed my eyes for a second ‘cause I was tired of this nigga havin’ this kinda effect on me.
I could be mad as hell at Renza, swear I was done with him and mean every word when I said it, but gettin’ this close to him always brought back everything I was tryna forget.
“I miss the fuck outta you,” he told me real low, rubbin’ one hand up my back.
“I miss us bein’ laid up together. I miss laughin’ with yo’ ass and talkin’ shit with you. I miss wakin’ up next to you. I miss just bein’ where the fuck we ‘spose to be.”
I swallowed hard and kept my face against his chest ‘cause lookin’ at him was gon’ make this shit worse.
“I miss my woman,” Renza added, and his voice sounded different when he said that shit.
“I miss you, ‘Nelle.”
Before I could respond, his lips pressed against the side of my neck.
My eyes closed again, and I hated the way my body softened against him without my permission.
Renza kissed my neck again before his hand moved higher up my back, and for a few seconds, I let myself stand here and feel him. Then I remembered exactly where the hell I had just came from.
I pulled my arms from around his waist and pushed my hand against his chest, puttin’ some space between us before this shit went somewhere it ain’t have no business goin’.
“No,” I told Renza, lookin’ up into his face. “You not about to do this to me.”
“Do what?” Renza asked, still keepin’ one hand against my waist.
“This shit right here,” I told him, motionin’ between us. “You can’t just pop up outside my mama house in the middle of the fuckin’ night ‘cause you wanna see me. You been sittin’ out here leavin’ and comin’ back, makin’ her uncomfortable, and you don’t see shit wrong with that?”
“You got me blocked, Sha’Nelle,” Renza replied like that explained every damn thing.
“I don’t give a fuck,” I shot back. “Me blockin’ you don’t mean get on a plane and come sit outside my mama house until she call me. That shit is crazy.”
“I been callin’ you,” Renza reminded me.
“And I blocked you for a reason,” I told him.
“Exactly,” he said, lookin’ down at me. “So I came to see you.”
I stared at him ‘cause only Renza could say some shit like this and really believe it made sense.
“Renza, do you hear yourself?” I asked him.
“Yeah, I hear myself,” he answered without hesitation. “And I’m not leavin’ without you.”
My stomach dropped a lil’ when he said it ‘cause I knew that look on his face. Renza ain’t come here to have some quick conversation and get back on a plane.
In his mind, he had come to Greystone City to get me, and he expected me to go right along with whatever plan he had already made in his head.
“Well, you came all this way for nothin’ then,” I told Renza. “I’m not goin’ nowhere.”
Renza stared down at me for a few seconds before askin’, “Why the fuck not?”
“Because I’m not, Renza,” I answered.
“That ain’t tellin’ me shit, ‘Nelle,” he replied.
“It don’t have to tell you shit,” I told him, my voice gettin’ softer even though I was still standin’ on what I said. “I’m not about to just drop everything I got goin’ on ‘cause you decided tonight was the night you wanted to come get me. It don’t work like that.”
“Why it don’t?” He asked, and I could hear the frustration creepin’ in his voice. “I love you. You love me. What the fuck we keep doin’ this for?”
I looked away from him ‘cause he made everything sound so damn simple when it wasn’t.
“You know exactly why,” I told him as I looked back in his eyes. “You sat right there in my face and told me all this shit about wantin’ me back. You told me you ain’t want nobody else and you wanted us, but soon as Reni called, you told her you was gon’ hit her back.”
Renza rubbed his hand across his mouth, but I wasn’t finished.
“If it wasn’t shit there, you could’ve ended that shit right then,” I continued.
“You could’ve told her whatever needed to be said while I was sittin’ right there, especially after everything you had just said to me.
Instead, you left that door cracked and expected me to just trust whatever the fuck you told me after that. ”
“‘Nelle, I already told you that shit ain’t what you makin’ it,” he replied. “I’m not in love with Reni no more. I don’t wanna be with her, and I ain’t came all the way out here for her either. I came for you.”
“And I heard you,” I told him. “That still don’t mean I’m leavin’ with you.”
Renza looked away for a second, and I could tell he was tryna understand why me lovin’ him wasn’t enough to make me get in his car.
The problem was, part of me understood why he thought it should be.
If this had been another time in our lives, I probably would’ve already been askin’ where we was goin’. But it wasn’t another time.
I had just left Couture’s bed…
If my mama hadn’t called me, I would’ve still been there naked and laid up beside him right now.
I had kissed that man before I walked out his door and told him I would call when I made it home.
Now Renza was standin’ in front of me askin’ me to leave with him like I could just switch my whole life around in the middle of the night ‘cause he showed up.
As much as I loved Renza, I couldn’t do that shit.
I couldn’t keep lettin’ whatever I felt for him make every decision for me.
“Please just let me go in the house,” I told him, and this time I wasn’t tryna argue.
“My mama already feel some type of way about you bein’ out here, and I don’t want this turnin’ into no bigger shit than it already is.”
Renza looked toward the house before bringin’ his eyes back to me.
“She don’t gotta worry about me doin’ nothin’ to her,” Renza assured me.
“That ain’t the point,” I explained. “You outside her house in the middle of the night, Renza. She don’t know what you got goin’ on in your head.
All she know is you keep leavin’ and comin’ back, and now her daughter had to leave wherever she was to come deal with you.
If you really give a fuck about me, then don’t make this harder. ”
His face changed a lil’ when I said that.