11. Sha’nelle Harper #3
Every single time, I told myself I wasn’t impressed. Then every single time, my ass kept whatever he left.
By the fourth day, it was startin’ to get on my nerves for a completely different reason ‘cause I knew exactly what the fuck he was doin’. Renza wasn’t tryna force me to talk to him no more. He was just makin’ sure I thought about his ass, and unfortunately for me, the shit was workin’.
I would walk past the flowers in the house and think about him.
I would open my purse and see one of his folded notes at the bottom, then get irritated all over again ‘cause I still hadn’t thrown the damn thing away.
Even when I got in my car, I found myself lookin’ at my windshield before pullin’ off just to see if he had left somethin’ else.
That was when I knew his ass was wearin’ me down.
I still hadn’t called him, though, and I damn sure hadn’t gone lookin’ for him.
Couture called me whenever he had time between work and whatever else he had goin’ on, and I talked to him the same way I always did. I wasn’t sittin’ around waitin’ on Renza or makin’ plans to see him, but I would be lyin’ if I said his persistence wasn’t startin’ to get to me.
The fucked up part was that I knew Renza well enough to know he wasn’t gon’ stop just ‘cause I ignored him. If anything, that probably made his ass worse.
That mornin’, my mama had got dressed for work and left the house while I stayed behind with absolutely no plans of goin’ nowhere.
I had already showered and put on some lil’ shorts with a fitted shirt, and I was stretched out on the couch scrollin’ through my phone while the television played in front of me.
I had finally got comfortable when somebody knocked on the front door.
At first, I ignored it ‘cause I wasn’t expectin’ nobody. Then another knock came a few seconds later, and somethin’ in me already knew who the hell was standin’ on the other side. I sat up and stared toward the door.
“This nigga,” I whispered before gettin’ off the couch.
The closer I got, the more irritated I became ‘cause this was the first time Renza had actually walked his ass on the porch and knocked. For the past few days, he had been leavin’ his lil’ gifts and disappearin’ before I could say somethin’, but apparently he had decided that phase was over.
I looked through the peephole before openin’ the door, and of course, there his ass was.
Renza stood on the porch lookin’ good enough to immediately piss me off.
He had on a fitted black shirt with some writin’ on it that hugged his chest and arms, some dark jeans and a fresh pair of shoes. His haircut looked like he had just got it touched up, and his beard was lined clean around his face.
The worst part was the way he looked at me once I opened the door.
Renza ain’t say nothin’ right away. His eyes moved over my face and then down my body before slowly comin’ back up, and I could tell from the way he was lookin’ at me that he had missed seein’ me just as much as he claimed.
I leaned against the door and stared at him. “What you doin’ here, Renza?”
“I came to see you,” he answered like that was the most obvious shit in the world.
“You been seein’ enough of my porch and my car for the past four days,” I reminded him, tryna hold on to my attitude even though I could smell his cologne from where I stood.
Renza’s mouth curved into the slightest smile before he looked past me into the house. “Can I come in?”
I should’ve told him no…
Matter of fact, four days ago I probably would’ve shut the door right in his face and let him stand his ass out there. But after flowers, notes, food and constantly wonderin’ when he was gon’ pop up again, I ain’t have the same fight in me that I had when he first got to Greystone.
I rolled my eyes and stepped out the doorway. “Come on before I change my mind.”
Renza ain’t say nothin’ slick ‘cause I think even he knew not to push his luck. He walked inside slow and looked around while I closed the door behind him.
This was his first time inside my mama house, and he took his time lookin’ at the pictures on the walls and everything around the livin’ room before finally sittin’ down on the couch.
I walked back toward the livin’ room and sat on the other couch across from him. I ain’t offer him shit ‘cause as far as I was concerned, him bein’ inside the house was already more than enough hospitality for one damn mornin’.
Renza looked at me from across the room, then glanced at the space beside him before lookin’ back at me.
I knew that look…
“What?” I asked, crossin’ my legs while I stared back at him.
“You really gon’ sit all the way over there?” He asked, and the slight amusement in his voice made me roll my eyes.
“Yes, Renza. I am,” I answered ‘cause I knew exactly what his ass wanted. “You asked to come in. You in.”
He looked at me for another second, then leaned forward and rested his forearms against his thighs. “You always gotta make shit difficult.”
“Ain’t nobody makin’ nothin’ difficult,” I told him. “You just don’t know how to be satisfied with what you get.”
Renza rubbed his hand over his beard while he watched me, and I could tell he was thinkin’ about what he wanted to say. Instead of arguin’ back, he stood up from the couch and started walkin’ toward me. My eyes followed him the entire way.
He moved slow ‘cause that was just how he moved when he knew he had my attention. He walked over until he was standin’ directly between my legs, and all of a sudden, I was lookin’ at the front of his jeans instead of his face. I turned my head so fuckin’ fast.
“Renza, what is you doin’?” I asked, even though I already knew.
“Tryna get you to look at me,” he answered as he reached down and touched my chin.
His fingers moved slow across my skin, and I hated how familiar that simple touch felt.
My feelin’s had already been all over the place for days, and havin’ him this close wasn’t helpin’ shit. I kept my eyes turned away ‘cause I knew what was gon’ happen if I looked at him. He lifted my chin anyway.
“Look at me, ‘Nelle,” he told me.
I finally raised my eyes to his, and I immediately wished I hadn’t.
The nigga was lookin’ down at me with all that love and shit in his eyes, and mine started gettin’ glossy before I could stop ‘em. I ain’t wanna cry, and I damn sure ain’t wanna give Renza the satisfaction of knowin’ how much this situation was gettin’ to me, but I knew he could see it.
His thumb moved across my chin again before he spoke.
“Come spend some time with me,” he said, keepin’ his voice low while he looked down at me. “You ain’t gotta pack no bag or do none of that shit. Just come kick it with me for a lil’ while.”
I swallowed hard and dropped my eyes again. “Renza…”
“What?” he asked, still standin’ right here. “I ain’t askin’ you to move back to Trill-Land today. I ain’t askin’ you to make no decision about us. I just wanna spend some time with you.”
I rubbed my lips together while starin’ at his shirt ‘cause I knew exactly how this shit worked.
I could tell him no right now, and maybe he would leave.
Then tomorrow I would probably wake up to some more flowers, find another note on my car or look outside and see his rental somewhere down the street.
“You not gon’ leave me alone anyway,” I muttered.
Renza gave me a small smile before answerin’. “Nah.”
I stared at him for a few seconds ‘cause that was the part that kept fuckin’ with me. Renza wasn’t confused about what he wanted.
I was….
I still had feelin’s about everything that happened between us, and lettin’ him inside this house ain’t erase none of that shit.
At the same time, I missed his ass. I missed talkin’ to him when we wasn’t arguin’.
I missed laughin’ with him and bein’ around him when shit between us wasn’t complicated.
And after four days of him constantly findin’ some lil’ way to remind me that he was still here, I was tired of pretendin’ none of it affected me.
I sighed before pushin’ myself up from the couch.
Renza finally stepped back and gave me enough room to stand.