20. Sha’nelle Harprer #2
I tried to stay calm, but every time I looked at Reni’s hand movin’ through Renza’s waves, my anger climbed higher. Before I could stop myself, I went under the post, tagged Renza and typed exactly what came to mind.
@ZaMensah, oh yeah? This how you movin’ when you was just on my voicemail crying like a hoe?
Toni stayed quiet while I posted it. She ain’t tell me to delete it or calm down ‘cause she knew this nigga had some damn nerve.
About five minutes later, Reni responded with a row of laughin’ emojis. That shit sent me somewhere I normally ain’t go.
I clicked her profile, opened the message box and typed before I could give myself time to think.
Tell Renza he full of shit and need to stay over there with you.
Reni read it almost immediately, and her response came back fast.
Oh, you the lap dog cousin? Crazy how you was all in my face knowin’ you wanted to take my nigga down. You a clown.
I stared at the message and felt somethin’ ugly rise inside me, ‘cause who did this dwarf face lookin’ bitch think she was talkin’ to?
Yo’ nigga? Bitch, that same nigga crossed a fuckin’ ocean and stayed in my city for a week because he couldn’t go another day without me.
I was so damn mad, I went through my phone and started sendin’ everything I had of me and that nigga to this bitch.
I sent the video of Renza kissin’ me while we laid on the daybed.
The picture of the flowers he had arranged outside the Airbnb.
The video of us holdin’ hands while he drove.
Another one from the museum where he had his arm around my waist. Then I sent screenshots of every message where he told me he loved me, wanted to marry me and was ready to build a whole life with me.
Reni opened each one without respondin’. But that silence wasn’t enough for me.
You wanna know why he ain’t rush to come see about you when you was pregnant?
Because he was laid up with me. While you was callin’ him, he was in the bed with me tellin’ me how bad he loved me.
And while you was takin’ abortion pills, I was poppin’ a Plan B lil’ hoe ‘cause I knew if I got pregnant he was gon’ bring his ass to my doorstep and beg me to keep his baby.
He let you kill yours hoe. Remember that.
Toni finally spoke through the phone. “Damn, ‘Nelle.”
“I ain’t done,” I told her before goin’ right back on this hoe.
And let me make somethin’ clear pie faced ass girl.
If I come to Trill-Land, all that shit you think you got goin’ on will be shut the fuck down before I get my bags out the car.
But please keep that nigga over there with you, because I’m tired of him cryin’ to me about how much he love and miss me.
Then I did the most diabolical thing I could’ve done.
I sent her the voicemail of this nigga from last night.
Reni looked at the message and I knew she was listenin’ to the whole thing. Then she finally responded.
That’s cool, but the nigga in my bed right now.
A new picture came through seconds later.
Renza was still asleep next to her, and this time she had the camera close enough to show the side of his face and the chain around his neck. There wasn’t no question about where he was or whether the picture was new or old.
My eyes burned as I stared at it.
When I see you, I’m beatin’ yo’ bitch ass up. I should’ve slapped you in yo’ shit when you was playin’ with Pluto. You so slow, you thought he wanted my sis… the whole time the nigga was lustin’ after me, I typed.
Reni’s answer came back almost immediately.
I don’t fight dirty ghetto bitches. Renza had no business messing with a bitch who came from nothing and still ain’t got nothing. You had to live with Toni and Kay’Lo and live off them. Stay in your broke ass lane where you belong.
I was too pissed off to keep typin’ ‘cause I knew the next thing I said might take me somewhere I couldn’t come back from.
“Toni, I’mma call you back,” I told her.
“You good?” Toni asked.
“No,” I answered honestly. “But I’m finna handle this.”
I ended the call and pressed Renza’s name before I could rethink it. The phone rang until his voicemail picked up, and the fact that he ain’t answer made the hurt inside me feel worse.
Of course he wasn’t answerin’. He was sleep in that bitch bed.
When the beep came, I sat up straighter and let everything I felt come through my voice.
“Renza, don’t ever call my phone cryin’ about how much you love and miss me again while you laid up with another bitch.
You sat there and lied straight to me when I asked about Reni, and now her mush faced ass got you posted all over Instagram like you some prize she won back.
Yo’ stupid ass talked all that shit when you tellin’ me what I needed to do, but you ain’t man enough to tell me the truth about what you doin’. ”
I wiped a tear from under my eye and kept goin’ before my voice could break.
“You had me sittin’ here feelin’ guilty ‘cause I ain’t call you back, and the whole time you was runnin’ behind the same bitch you swore you wasn’t dealin’ with.
So stay with her. Shit, she had you first so y’all bitches got it.
Let her have you, and don’t come back to my fuckin’ city lookin’ for me when that shit fall apart again.
You wanted me to trust you enough to leave my whole life and come be with you, but this right here is exactly why I never did it… muthafucka!”
I took a breath and looked down at the picture Reni sent me.
“And tell that bitch she better keep that same mouth when I see her, ‘cause she ain’t gon’ be able to do shit with me when I see her. Y’all deserve each other. Don’t call me no more hoe ass nigga.”
I ended the voicemail and sat my phone down before I could throw it across the room.
My chest felt so tight that I had to lean forward and press my hands against my knees. Tears kept fillin’ my eyes, but I blinked ‘em away ‘cause I refused to sit here cryin’ over a nigga who had just proved every fear I had about him right.
This was the first time I could honestly say Renza hurt me.
I had spent all this time thinkin’ I was the one keepin’ us apart, but he had been givin’ Reni enough room to believe she still had some claim over him. Then he called me in the middle of the night beggin’ me to come home like there wasn’t another bitch laid beside him.
I told myself I dodged a bullet.
Had I gone back to Trill-Land when he wanted me to, I would’ve dropped my whole life for a nigga who could look me in my face, tell me he wasn’t dealin’ with ol’ girl and then end up in her bed days later. I would’ve been the one stuck on that island while he moved however the fuck he wanted.
The more I repeated that to myself, the easier it became to turn the pain into anger.
I ain’t lose Renza…
I saved myself from him…