9. Sha’nelle Harper #2
“How long this been planned?” Kay’Lo asked.
“It ain’t been planned long,” Toni said, and the attitude in her voice started showin’. “She called me, said she was comin’, and I went to get her.”
Kay’Lo let out a hard breath. “See, that’s that shit I be talkin’ about, Toni. You and ‘Nelle get together, plan some sneaky shit and then expect everybody to just accept it ‘cause y’all already did it. You ain’t think to tell me she was comin’ to my damn house?”
Toni’s eyes narrowed. “Don’t start with me, Kay’Lo. This my shit too.”
“Nah, I’m startin’ with you,” he replied. “You knew damn well Renza ain’t been good behind this shit, and you still helped her pop up like that was gon’ make everything better.”
I looked down at the island and swallowed the words sittin’ on my tongue.
Kay’Lo’s tone had me ready to snap, but under the anger, I could hear somethin’ else.
He was protectin’ his cousin the same way Toni was protectin’ me, and that made the whole thing hurt more ‘cause everybody had picked somebody to stand beside.
“She ain’t come here to hurt him,” Toni said. “She came here ‘cause she tired of callin’ and not bein’ able to reach him.”
“And maybe that mean he don’t wanna be reached,” Kay’Lo shot back.
That one landed so hard that my fingers tightened around the glass. Toni looked at me quick, but I turned my face away before she could see how bad it hit.
“Can you just ask him?” Toni said after a second. “Let Renza decide what he wanna do. Don’t make the choice for him.”
Kay’Lo ain’t answer right away. I heard movement through the phone, then his voice got a lil’ further away like he had turned from it.
“Renza,” Kay’Lo said. “‘Nelle at my damn house. She wanna talk to you.”
My whole body went still while I waited.
I heard Renza’s voice in the background, low but clear enough to cut straight through me.
“Nah.”
That one word burned so bad I almost slid off the stool. My hand flew to the edge of the island, and Toni’s eyes jumped to mine. I ain’t cry. I ain’t make no sound, but inside, it felt like my heart had dropped out of my body and hit the floor in front of both of us.
Kay’Lo came back to the phone. “He don’t wanna talk.”
Toni stared at the phone like she wanted to climb through it. “Kay’Lo.”
“What, Toni?” he asked. “You told me to ask him, and I asked. He said no.”
I blinked fast and looked toward the ceilin’ ‘cause tears had started pushin’ up behind my eyes. I had flown across an ocean with almost nothin’ but my hope, and Renza ain’t even wanna hear my voice.
Kay’Lo kept goin’. “And when I get home, I’m gettin’ on you about this shit too.”
Toni laughed, but it ain’t have no humor in it. “Nigga, do what you gotta do then. I’ll be here when you get home.”
“A’ight then,” Kay’Lo said.
Before Toni could say some more slick shit, he hung up in her face.
For a second, me and Toni just sat here in the kitchen with the speaker screen gone dark between us. She was mad, I was hurt, and both of us was sittin’ inside a house full of Mensah energy while the niggas we loved acted like they had the final say over whether our hearts got to breathe or not.
Toni picked up her glass and took a drink before settin’ it down a lil’ harder than she needed to. “I’mma beat his ass.”
I let out a weak laugh even though my eyes was full. “You not beatin’ Kay’Lo ass.”
“I might,” she said. “He hung up in my damn face.”
I looked down at my phone, then swallowed hard.
“He said nah,” I whispered.
Toni’s face softened, but she ain’t rush to lie to me. She ain’t tell me Renza ain’t mean it or that he was gon’ come around in five minutes. She only reached across the island and grabbed my hand.
“I know,” she said.
I nodded and wiped under my eye before the tear could fall all the way. “I thought if I came here, he would at least look at me.”
Toni squeezed my hand. “He might still.”
“But what if he don’t?” I asked, and my voice cracked enough to make me hate myself. “What if I lost him for real, Toni?”
She ain’t answer right away ‘cause there wasn’t no easy answer to give me. The house felt too quiet around us, and somewhere down the hall, I could hear My’Love laughin’ with the nanny like the whole world wasn’t fallin’ apart in the kitchen.
I looked toward the stove and tried to breathe through the ache in my chest. I had made it to Trill-Land, but Renza still felt far away. He was close enough for Kay’Lo to turn his head and ask him a question, but he was far enough from me that one word had shut the whole island down.
I picked up my glass and took another sip ‘cause my hands needed somethin’ to do besides shake.
Toni watched me with her own hurt all over her face.
She was caught between her husband and her cousin, and I hated that I had dragged her into the middle of it.
Still, she ain’t move away from me. She stayed right here at that island like she was ready to take whatever came through the door when Kay’Lo got home.
I sat here with her, feelin’ the weight of Renza’s ‘nah’ settle deep inside me, and for the first time since I got on that plane, I realized comin’ here ain’t mean I was brave.
It meant I had finally got desperate enough to stop runnin’.
Now I just had to figure out what to do if the man I came for kept runnin’ from me.
It was dark by the time Kay’Lo came home and the whole house felt like it had been holdin’ its breath waitin’ on him.
Me and Toni had been in the livin’ room for hours, sittin’ around with half-finished drinks, quiet moments and too many thoughts movin’ between us.
My’Love had already been taken upstairs by one of the nannies after Toni kissed all over her face and tried to act like her nerves wasn’t bad, but I knew my cousin.
She was mad, worried and ready to go to war with her husband if she had to, even though a part of her probably already knew Kay’Lo wasn’t comin’ in this house soft.
I had been tryna keep myself calm, but every minute that passed made that shit harder. I ain’t fly all the way to Trill-Land with two outfits, one pair of shoes, my license and a debit card just to sit in Toni kitchen like I ain’t have no heart in my chest. I came here for Renza.
I came here ‘cause I couldn’t keep sleepin’ in Greystone actin’ like my life ain’t feel wrong without him in it.
I came here ‘cause every part of me was tired of pretendin’ I was strong enough to let him go.
Then that nigga heard I was here and still said he ain’t wanna talk to me, and that one lil’ word from his mouth had been sittin’ in me ever since.
Nah…
He ain’t even have to yell it. He ain’t have to cuss me out or call me stupid. All he had to say was nah, and that shit did more damage than a whole argument would’ve done.
Renza had chased me for so long that I ain’t know what to do with him not reachin’ back.
I ain’t know how to sit with the fact that I was finally standin’ on his side of the street, beggin’ for a door that he ain’t wanna open.
That was what had me so fucked up. It wasn’t pride no more, and it was a different type of fear now.
I could feel him slippin’ somewhere I couldn’t reach, and I ain’t know how to get my hands around him before he was gone for good.
The front door opened, and Toni sat up before I could even move.
I looked toward the foyer, and a second later, Kay’Lo walked in like the whole house belonged to the bottom of his boots.
He had on black boots, dark jeans and a shirt hangin’ open enough to show the tattoos across his chest and stomach.
His chain rested against his skin, and his face was calm in that way that told me he wasn’t calm at all.
Kay’Lo always had that walk like he ain’t have to raise his voice for people to know he meant what he said. He moved smooth, but everything about him said don’t try me.
Usually, Kay’Lo would’ve seen me and said somethin’ slick before pullin’ me into a hug and kissin’ the side of my face like I was really his family. He ain’t do none of that shit tonight.
His eyes passed over me like he saw me sittin’ here, but he ain’t feel like acknowledgin’ me yet.
That hurt more than I wanted it to ‘cause me and Kay’Lo ain’t never been enemies.
We had our jokes, our lil’ arguments and all that cousin-in-law type shit, but it had never been this cold.
I felt the difference in him, so I ain’t speak either.
I ain’t know what one wrong word was gon’ pull outta him, and I ain’t come here to fight Kay’Lo when Renza was already tearin’ me up without even bein’ in the room.
Toni stood from the couch with her arms folded, watchin’ him like she was tryna decide whether she wanted to start soft or go straight at his head. “You really gon’ walk in here actin’ like this?”
Kay’Lo looked at her while he pulled his keys from his pocket and tossed ‘em on the table near the wall. “Actin’ like what?”
“Like my cousin ain’t sittin’ right here,” Toni said, her voice already tight. “You ain’t speak. You ain’t say nothin’. You just came in here with that attitude.”
Kay’Lo gave a nod like he heard her, but his face ain’t change. “I know she sittin’ right there.”
“Then stop actin’ like she invisible.”
“I ain’t actin’ like she invisible,” he answered, takin’ a few steps deeper into the room. “I’m actin’ like I’m sick of you playin’ with me and doin’ dumb shit behind my back, then expectin’ me to walk in here like this ain’t exactly the kinda shit I been talkin’ about.”
Toni’s eyes narrowed. “Don’t come in here callin’ me dumb.”
“I ain’t call you dumb, Toni. I said you do dumb shit,” Kay’Lo replied, and his voice stayed too calm for the words comin’ out his mouth.
“You let her fly here, bring her to my house, then call me while I’m with my cousin like I’m supposed to hand the phone over and let her disturb that nigga peace ‘cause y’all decided to move sneaky. ”
That word disturbed somethin’ in me, and I sat up straighter on the couch. “Disturb his peace?”