9. Sha’nelle Harper #3
Kay’Lo ain’t even look at me. His eyes stayed on Toni like I ain’t said shit and that made my face get hot.
Toni stepped closer to him. “Renza grown. If he ain’t wanna talk, he could say that for himself, and he did. So what you mad for?”
“I’m mad ‘cause you keep insertin’ yo’self in shit that don’t need you movin’ around like you single-handedly runnin’ everybody life,” Kay’Lo told her.
“You hide shit, you plan shit, you protect shit from me like I’m some random nigga you lay next to at night instead of yo’ husband.
Then when it blow up, you look at me like I’m wrong for respondin’. ”
“You told Renza about ‘Nelle gettin’ engaged,” Toni snapped. “If you would’ve stayed out of that, none of this shit would be happenin’ right now.”
Kay’Lo laughed once, and there wasn’t nothin’ soft in it. “You really out yo’ fuckin’ mind if you think I was finna let my cousin walk around with an engagement ring for a woman who had already said yes to another nigga.”
Toni’s face changed, but Kay’Lo kept goin’.
“You think I was supposed to sit there and watch him look at houses, talk about buildin’ a life and carry that ring around while you and ‘Nelle over here playin’ secret society?
Nah. That ain’t how I’m built, and you know that.
If I know somethin’ that can cut my blood open later, I’m tellin’ him before the rest of the world get the chance to laugh in his face. ”
“Don’t make it seem like she did that shit to hurt him,” Toni said, pointin’ toward me. “You know it ain’t that simple.”
“I ain’t say it was simple,” Kay’Lo replied.
“I said y’all be movin’ like what Renza feel don’t matter until his feelin’s turn into some shit y’all can’t control.
You let that hoe ass nigga come to my baby birthday party knowin’ damn well if Renza really knew what was goin’ on, that nigga would not have made it back to Greystone with all his teeth in his mouth.
You knew that. She knew that. Everybody knew that, but y’all still wanted to play normal. ”
I stood up then ‘cause I couldn’t sit here no more while ‘Lo talked around me like I was some situation and not a whole person standin’ right in front of him. “Lo… I’m right here. You can talk to me about me and not to my cousin. You really mad at me, so let’s talk about it.”
Kay’Lo finally looked at me, and the look he gave me ain’t have none of that usual warmth in it. He let them wild ass hazel eyes stay on mine for a second before turnin’ right back toward Toni like I had only interrupted his music.
That hit me wrong. Toni saw it too, and her whole attitude jumped higher. “Don’t ignore her like that.”
“I’m talkin’ to my wife,” Kay’Lo said. “She the one who brought this shit to my house.”
“I came to talk to Renza,” I said, my voice risin’ even though I told myself I was gon’ stay calm. “I ain’t come here to start no shit with you.”
Kay’Lo’s eyes slid back to me. “But shit follow you, don’t it?”
My mouth parted ‘cause that cut landed somewhere I ain’t expect. “What the fuck that mean?”
“It mean everywhere this situation go, somebody else gotta clean up the blood, tears or mess behind it,” he answered.
“Renza hurt, Toni lyin’, you engaged to one nigga while chasin’ another one across the ocean, and now everybody supposed to act like this shit normal ‘cause yo’ heart confused. Get the fuck outta here.”
“Kay’Lo,” Toni warned, steppin’ closer to him. “Watch how you talkin’ to my cousin.”
“Nah, don’t tell him to watch shit,” I said before Kay’Lo could answer. “He got so much to say, let him say it.”
Kay’Lo looked at me for a long second, then tilted his head a lil’. “You sure?”
“Fuck yeah, I’m sure,” I snapped. “You got me fucked up if you think I’m finna sit here while you talk like I just woke up and decided to ruin everybody life for fun.
I know what I did wrong. I know I hurt Renza.
I know I should’ve handled my other situation different, but don’t stand here actin’ like yo’ cousin ain’t do his part too.
He put that man in a trunk, Kay’Lo. A trunk.
And y’all all act like that was some normal Mensah shit I was supposed to just get over. ”
Kay’Lo’s face got colder, but he still ain’t raise his voice. “Oh well. Somebody should’ve taught that weak ass nigga how to squabble. He let Renza put him in a trunk.
And I’m not finna stand here and perform outrage for you.”
The room got quiet for a second, and Toni looked at me with tears already buildin’ in her eyes ‘caste she knew this shit was gettin’ ugly.
“Damn… you really actin’ like I ain’t shit, and ain’t live here to help when you and my cousin was going through hell.”
Kay’Lo stared at me. “It was a place you stayed ‘cause my wife loved you and ‘cause I ain’t never had a problem with you bein’ here. Don’t confuse my open door for you havin’ a right to bring chaos through it whenever you feel like it.”
Toni stepped between us a lil’. “Kay’Lo, you doin’ too much.”
“I’m doin’ exactly enough,” he told her. “You keep playin’ with my word when it come to her, and I’m tired of it. I told you I ain’t like what was goin’ on, and you still went behind my back.”
“I ain’t go behind yo’ back!” Toni snapped. “I helped my cousin ‘cause she needed me.”
“Now she need to respect that Renza said no.”
I flinched when he said that shit ‘cause the truth of it burned, but my mouth moved before my hurt could swallow the words. “Renza don’t get to say no after chasin’ me for a whole damn year and then expect me to just accept that shit the first time he get tired.”
Kay’Lo’s eyes cut to mine again. “Yes, the fuck he do. Is you crazy? You fuckin’ engaged.”
“No, he don’t!” I shouted. “Not after all the shit we done been through, and after he came to my city, begged me to come home, told me he loved me and had me feelin’ like I was the crazy one for needin’ time.
Now I’m here, and everybody tellin’ me he got peace I need to respect.
Where the fuck was my peace when he had me losin’ my mind? ”
Kay’Lo stepped closer, and his voice dropped. “Shut the fuck up.”
Somethin’ in me snapped so fast I ain’t even feel myself move until I was right in front of him. “I ain’t gotta do a bitch ass thing, hoe ass nigga! Who the fuck you talkin’ to? I’m not yo’ wife!”
Toni gasped my name, but I ain’t look away from Kay’Lo. I was hurt, embarrassed, scared and mad as hell, and all of it was pourin’ out at the wrong person.
Kay’Lo stared down at me with not one ounce of fear or shock in his face, and that made it worse ‘cause he looked like he had been waitin’ on me to show him exactly how far I was gon’ go.
“You right,” he said, his voice still low.
“You ain’t my wife, ‘cause if you was mine, you wouldn’t be flyin’ across oceans chasin’ behind a nigga while another nigga ring was still warm on yo’ finger.
If you was mine, we would’ve been handled this shit at the root before you had time to turn everybody life into a damn battlefield.
And if you was mine, you would know better than to stand in my house and talk to me like you lost yo’ muthafuckin’ mind. ”
My chest rose and fell while I stared at him. I wanted to say somethin’ back, but every word got tangled up in how much that hurt. Kay’Lo ain’t call me out my name. He ain’t even yell the way he could’ve. He just told me the truth in that cold Mensah way, and somehow that made it feel worse.
Toni shoved at his chest, but he ain’t move. “You need to stop. I mean it! Stop Kay’Lo! Fuckin’ stop! Oh my God!”
Kay’Lo looked down at her. “And you need to quit thinkin’ cryin’ gon’ change what I said.”
Toni’s eyes filled faster. “That’s my cousin.”
“And Renza mine,” he replied. “So now what?”
The two of ‘em stood there lookin’ at each other, and for the first time, I felt like my mess had reached inside the marriage and wrapped both hands around it.
Toni loved Kay’Lo. Anybody with eyes could see that.
She would submit to that nigga in ways I ain’t even understand sometimes, but she wasn’t weak.
She wasn’t gon’ let him step on me without fightin’ back.
The problem was Kay’Lo wasn’t only her husband tonight.
He was Renza’s cousin, and he was standin’ on that like blood came before everything else.
Kay’Lo looked back at me. “You need to get the fuck out my shit.”
The words hit me so hard that my eyes burned before I could stop it. “Really, Lo? That’s how you feel?”
“Fuck yeah,” he said without even blinkin’. “That’s exactly how I feel tonight.”
Toni turned toward him so fast her hair moved across her neck. “No, she not leavin’! This my shit too, and my cousin ain’t gotta go nowhere! And if that’s the case, I’m leavin’ too!”
Kay’Lo’s eyes stayed on his wife. “If she leave, she leave. If you leave behind her, you not takin’ my fuckin’ baby.”
Toni looked at him like he had lost his mind. “You really think you gon’ tell me what to do when it come to my fuckin’ baby?”
“I think you emotional right now, so I’m tellin’ you, my daughter not leavin’ this bitch ‘cause you mad at me.”
“I’m not scared of you, Kay’Lo.”
“I ain’t ask you to be,” he said. “But you ain’t goin’ no damn where no way.”
Toni’s tears fell then, and that broke somethin’ in me ‘cause I ain’t come here for this.
I ain’t come here to have my cousin cryin’ in her own livin’ room while her husband looked at me like I was the reason the floor had cracked under everybody.
I ain’t come here to make Kay’Lo choose between his wife and Renza.
I came here ‘cause my heart was stupid enough to think love could still be fixed if I got close enough to touch it.
I wiped my face with the back of my hand and walked past both of ‘em before I said somethin’ else I couldn’t take back. Toni called my name, but I kept goin’ down the hall toward my old room.