13. Toni Mensah
Trill-Land, ‘LoLux Estate
Days later…
I found Kay’Lo in My’Love room, sittin’ in his recliner, foldin’ her clothes with his sleeves pushed up and that same calm look on his face that had been makin’ my stomach hurt this past week.
We hadn’t fucked in about nine days, and last week, he boarded up my damn Red Room and had me walkin’ past it every day feelin’ sick ‘cause he knew I loved that part of our marriage.
Kay’Lo had My’Love’s lil’ socks stacked together, her sleepers folded neat, and one of her dresses in his hand, still takin’ care of everything in this house while still bein’ mad at me.
That was what made it worse. He wasn’t slammin’ doors, yellin’ or none of that shit.
He was just pullin’ his energy back, and I hated that shit more than any argument we’ve ever had.
I walked in with a glass of brown liquor in my hand and looked at him for a second before I held it out.
“You still mad at me, Daddy?” I asked, and my voice came out real soft.
Kay’Lo looked at the glass first, then he looked at me. He took it from my hand when I got closer and took a sip, but he ain’t say nothin’ right away. That hurt, but I ain’t say shit about it.
I stepped closer, slid myself on his lap and wrapped one arm around his neck while he sat here with the glass in one hand and his other arm restin’ behind me like he wasn’t sure if he wanted to touch me or not.
“I’m not finna fuss with you,” I whispered. “I just wanted to bring you this.”
Kay’Lo looked at me for a few seconds, and I could see he was still mad. It wasn’t loud or crash-out mad. It was just Kay’Lo mad, where everything in him got quiet and you had to feel the distance instead of hear it.
I turned my face to his and kissed him soft, pressin’ my lips to his so he could feel my apology without me makin’ a whole speech.
He ain’t pull away, but he ain’t give in too fast either.
His mouth moved against mine slow, just enough to let me feel him, and I kissed along his smooth jaw before comin’ back to his lips, tryna love the mad outta him without sayin’ too much.
I kissed him again and let my lips stay on his bottom lip a second longer before I pulled back just enough to look at him.
“I know I had you feelin’ like I was movin’ behind yo’ back,” I said low. “I ain’t want that, and I don’t want you lookin’ at me like I’m against you, ‘cause I’m not.”
Kay’Lo sat his glass on the floor, and his hand finally came to my hip. It wasn’t the way he usually grabbed me, but it was enough to make my body loosen a lil’.
“You still did it,” he said.
“I know,” I whispered. “And I’m sorry.”
He looked at me, and I rubbed my thumb along the side of his neck while stayin’ right here on his lap.
“I love you, Kay’Lo. I’m not gon’ keep botherin’ you tonight, but I needed you to know that.”
His eyes moved over my face, and for a second, I thought he was gon’ keep givin’ me that cold silence. Then he leaned in and kissed me once. It was soft but quick, like he ain’t want me gettin’ too comfortable yet.
“I love you too, baby,” he said before kissin’ the side of my neck then my lips. “But don’t think this mean you off punishment.”
I swallowed and nodded, even though my heart was still achin’. “I know, baby.”
Kay’Lo picked up one of My’Love’s lil’ shirts and went back to foldin’ her clothes with me still sittin’ on his lap, and even though he was still mad, I stayed right here with my face close to his neck.
I ain’t say nothin’ else. I just let him feel me close, ‘cause with a man like Kay’Lo Mensah, sometimes beggin’ wasn’t always words. Sometimes it was knowin’ when to sit yo’ ass down, soften up and remind him you still belonged to him.
While I stayed in his lap, every now and then, his arm would shift behind me or his hand would touch my hip when he needed to reach around me for another shirt or pair of socks, and I took every piece of that like I had been starvin’ for it.
That was the part I hated the most about us bein’ like this.
I missed him while sittin’ on him. I missed him while smellin’ him, touchin’ him and feelin’ his chest move under my hand.
Kay’Lo was right here, but he had pulled enough of himself back for me to feel the empty space, and I couldn’t even act like I ain’t know how we got here.
Then the baby situation was sittin’ under all of it, makin’ everything heavier.
Me and Kay’Lo was supposed to be makin’ another baby.
We had been talkin’ about it, touchin’ on each other like we was ready for it and movin’ around this house like My’Love was about to have a lil’ brother or sister soon.
I had let myself get happy about that. I let myself picture my stomach growin’ again, My’Love kissin’ on it, Kay’Lo rubbin’ oil into my skin at night and fussin’ at everybody not to stress me out like he wasn’t the main person who could get on my nerves.
Then he put it on hold, and when he first said it, I swear that shit hurt so bad I ain’t even know where to put my face. But I understood him.
I ain’t tell him that right away ‘cause I was hurt, and when I’m hurt, my mouth don’t always move with the sense God gave me. But I knew what he meant when he said he ain’t wanna bring another baby into tension.
When I was pregnant with My’Love, we had too much around us.
Kay’Lo remembered that, and he wasn’t tryna repeat it just ‘cause we wanted another child. He wanted peace around me this time. He wanted us solid, not just horny, just emotional and not just caught up in the idea of a baby while we still had shit sittin’ between us.
I loved him for thinkin’ like that, even while it made me feel some type of way.
Kay’Lo finished foldin’ the last outfit and sat it on top of the stack beside him.
I watched his hands move over the clothes, smoothin’ everything down like he couldn’t help but make sure My’Love things was right.
He reached for his glass off the floor and took another sip, then leaned forward like he was about to stand.
I slid my hand down his chest. “You done?”
“Yeah,” he said.
He stood with me still close to him. I moved off his lap before he could get up all the way. I took his glass and my hand closed around it over his, and for a few seconds we just stayed like this, both of us holdin’ it while I stood between his legs.
His eyes dropped to our hands first, then lifted to my face. That look made my stomach flip ‘cause he wasn’t cold right now. He was still feelin’ some type of way, but he was lookin’ at me like he missed me too and just wasn’t ready to make it too easy, ‘cause he was stubborn as hell.
I leaned in and kissed him soft, barely pressin’ my mouth to his at first. His lips moved against mine once, then again and when I pulled back, they almost stuck to mine like neither one of us really wanted the kiss to end.
“I miss you so much, baby,” I whispered.
Kay’Lo looked down at me, his eyes low and calm, but I could see he felt that. He swallowed, and his hand came to the back of my waist, holdin’ me without pullin’ me all the way in.
“I miss you too, baby,” he said.
That made my chest hurt worse, so I kissed him again.
This time, I let it last a lil’ longer. I kissed his top lip, then his bottom one, slow enough to feel the liquor still on his mouth.
Kay’Lo let me have it, but he ain’t chase me yet, and that made me want him even more.
I stood here with my hand on the side of his neck, kissin’ him like I was tryna get back into the place he had been keepin’ from me all week.
His hands moved from my waist and his fingers tightened against the bottom of my ass.
His grip had me pressin’ closer before I could stop myself. I was still standin’ between his legs, and the way he looked down at me made me feel like he knew exactly what he was doin’ by not givin’ me too much too fast.
I kissed him again and brushed my thumb along his neck. “I hate when you act like you don’t want me.”
His eyes stayed on mine. “I never said I ain’t want you.”
I raised my brows while looking up at him. “You actin’ like it.”
Kay’Lo ain’t say nothin’ while his hand was still on my ass, grippin’ me while I stood close to him, and I felt myself get soft all over again.
He looked at me for a second, then grabbed my hand and kissed the back of it. Then we walked outta My’Love’s room.
Downstairs, the mansion was quiet. My’Love was supposed to be sleep, and the nannies had already moved around the way they did when the evenin’ started settlin’.
I went to the bar and sat Kay’Lo’s glass down, then grabbed the bottle and poured more brown liquor in it.
Kay’Lo came up behind me while I was puttin’ the bottle down, and he stood close enough for his chest to press against my back. I felt him before I turned around, and that made my thighs squeeze together.
I turned with the glass in my hand and held it up to him.
He took it from me, but he ain’t move back. He stayed right here, close enough for the front of his body to brush mine while he lifted the glass to his mouth.
His eyes locked on me over the rim, and that look made me feel like he knew every thought runnin’ through my head. He sipped slow, watchin’ me the whole time, and I stood here lookin’ at his throat move when he swallowed.
This nigga was fine in a way that still pissed me off sometimes.
His face was calm like he ain’t know he had me standin’ here wantin’ to climb him.
But he knew. Kay’Lo always knew when I wanted him.
He could feel it before I said somethin’ about it.
He could see it in how close I stood, how my eyes kept droppin’ to his mouth and how my fingers kept catchin’ the bottom of his shirt.
He lowered the glass and looked down at me.
“You miss me tryna put a baby in you?” he asked low.
My fingers tightened in his shirt, and I looked at his neck instead of his face ‘cause I already felt myself gettin’ soft.
“I miss you,” I whispered.
Kay’Lo took another sip, and I watched his mouth touch the glass ‘cause it was doin’ somethin’ to me.