Chapter 21 #2
“So, you out here doing this man dirty and he’s spoiling you like this? Is this an invitation to his mother’s birthday party?” She held up a card. “I wonder if I ask for an invitation if I’ll get a dress as well.”
I rolled my eyes at Calina’s statement. I had forgot all about Mrs. Henrietta’s event. Since Dawn didn’t really need my help, I busied myself with Paxton. Damn!
“This is a beautiful dress, but I’m not going. I don’t want to ruin their moment with each other.”
“You’ll be able to discuss your pregnancy though. Whether he wants to deal with you or not, those babies aren’t going anywhere.”
“Don’t you think I know that, Winnie? He’s probably going through so much emotionally that I don’t want to cause more harm to him by showing up. Maybe I’ll just sit this one out and send him an ultrasound or something.”
“Whatever you do, it needs to be done quick. Don’t let him miss out on them growing in your womb. That time is special for everyone.”
I nodded at Calina’s words and looked to Dawn. She had nothing to say as she sat in her own little world quietly. I was going to fix her relationship even if it damaged mine more.
My girls stayed and tried to be there for me as best they could, even Dawn. I didn’t know how I let myself believe that what I was doing was right. It was selfish and greedy, and karma came back to do her job. Lina warned me about this and now I was feeling the effects of it.
Paxton and I also had a business relationship, and I was so scared for Buy a Heart and what he would do with my company because 50 Shades of Melanin was a perfect home for my questionnaires, but I had no clue if my services would still be used.
I toyed with his heart and the consequences were ones for which I wasn’t prepared.
“Hey, we’re going to head out. We cleaned up and everything. Brendon is coming with me and then I’ll keep him and get Rell as well for the rest of the week and bring him back on Sunday. You need to get your mind right and then confront Paxton. Good luck friend. I hope it all works out.”
“Thanks Lina. I appreciate you so much for real.”
She nodded and walked away. I just wanted some time to accept that I really treated genuine people like I didn’t care about them. Dawn stated several times how she felt about Josiaha and how things were different with him. I dropped more than one ball and now I was in turmoil.
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I was pushing it, but he hadn’t answered my calls, text or even work emails. I understood him needing time, but I was desperate. My nerves were jumping like a toddler hyped up on sugar. I didn’t know who he told or what he would do but I was chancing it.
I did a quick once over through my visor and approved of my appearance. The threads that Paxton had delivered was stunning, but it was a tight fit. I wondered why Winnie eyed my stomach that day in the restaurant and in this gown, you could clearly see what had her attention.
My twins were starting to poke and with me being damn near four months, they wanted the world to see them. My pudge was very visible.
Putting the finishing touches on my lips, I gathered my clutch and stepped out. I had chills throughout my body, and it wasn’t from the cool breeze. I wasn’t prepared for rejection in any shape or form.
Guests passed by and I was still trotting inside. I needed God by my side because this visit could make or break Paxton and me.
When I stepped into the room, I felt like every eye was on me when truly there were none. My nerves had the best of me, and I just couldn’t function properly.
I scanned the floor and before I could take another step, Patience approached me.
“Yani, you need to leave.”
“I just need a minute with him, Patience. He won’t talk to me and I’m going crazy not having access to him.”
“Look, I’m trying not to get in y’all business but why would you think you deserve any more of his time?”
“Because there are things I have to explain. I really need to see him.” I looked pass her with tears in my eyes.
“You aren’t supposed to be here, Yani. Please leave.”
“I can’t.”
I moved past her and proceeded to make my way further into the room. Paxton was the mission, and I wasn’t stopping until I spoke with him. I was a lone army, but he was worth the hassle.
I came across Mrs. Henrietta first and when she saw me, she gave me sympathizing eyes. I should’ve known that he let his family in on everything. I loved her to death and hurting her son was never in my plans. She had to understand that.
“Oh sweetie, did Paxton forget to uninvite you?” Her question hurt but I knew why she asked.
“I’m not sure, but have you seen him? I really have to talk to him.”
“Yani, I don’t thi—”
“Mrs. Henrietta, I really don’t want to hear what you have to say right now other than you telling me where he is. I need this conversation with him. Respectfully.”
It took her a while to respond but when she did, she showed me his direction.
“He’s over by the bar, but Yani, I’d appreciate it if you spoke your peace then left. This truly isn’t the place for you two to hash out your issues.”
“Yes ma’am.”
I stepped away and headed for the destination she gave. I was on edge and already battling with myself. I didn’t need anyone else’s negativity even though this was all my fault. If I wasn’t discussing things with Paxton, everyone else could honestly kiss my ass.
My eyes landed on him, and my heartbeat became irregular. He effected me tremendously and everything we developed together wasn’t trying to be let go. I wanted more from him and although I messed up, I wanted a second chance to prove to him those three words weren’t going down in vain.
As the distance between us closed, his cologne invaded my nostrils. The last time I was able to enjoy his scent, I was laying on his chest relaxing to the flow of his heartbeat and strokes of his fingers on my back. I missed him and all the security he provided.
I stood behind him hesitating to touch him. Beforehand, I couldn’t keep my hands off him but now I was having an internal debate on whether that was the right thing to do.
“I don’t want to talk, Yani.” Without me saying a word or making contact, he knew it was me.
“Paxton, give me a minute to lay everything out for you. You don’t even know all the details.”
“I know enough.”
I was losing before I could get a full explanation out. He didn’t want to hear shit I had to say, and I didn’t blame him. However, there was so much that needed to be said on my behalf and I really wished he would give me the opportunity to speak.
“Can we go—”
“There you are. I was looking all over for you. I want to dance a little.”
A very attractive woman appeared out of nowhere and interrupted what little conversation Paxton and I shared. Jealousy coursed through my veins instantly. He wasted no time replacing me and that hurt me more than him not speaking to me.
“Paxton. We need to talk,” I reiterated with attitude dripping from my tongue.
She looked between us and put on a smile before introducing herself. “Hi. I’m Oriya, and you are?”
She stretched her hand out, but I looked at her with pure disgust. I didn’t give a fuck who she was or what she was to him. She wasn’t supposed to be there with him, and she was pissing me off acting like she didn’t see us in mid conversation.
“Nobody. I’ll meet you on the dance floor, O.”
She nodded and walked off with me throwing nasty looks to her back.
“Really Paxton? You couldn’t wait?”
“Get the fuck out my face Yani before I embarrass yo’ ass in here. You were never mine to begin with so what the fuck are you questioning me for?”
He walked off leaving me shattered. I was coaching myself to go after him, but my feet wouldn’t budge.
He didn’t want me and the way he spoke to me didn’t hold a lick of respect.
He was done and I was having a hard time understanding and accepting that.
We were building something, and he was ready to throw that away because of one mistake. In my mind, he never cared.
“Come here, Yani.” Patience pulled me out of the trance I was in. She grabbed my hand and ushered me to a room where we could have some privacy.
As she rubbed my back, I let every tear I was holding back loose. My heart sank when he walked away from me just now. I felt the detachment with every step he took.
“Patience it’s so much he doesn’t understand, and he won’t give me a chance to explain it. He doesn’t want anything to do with me.”
“That’s not true but he’s definitely hurting right now. He hasn’t shown affection in years but ever since he ran into you, all that changed. You have to give him time, Yani. When he’s ready to talk, he will.”
“It’s not that easy Patience.”
“It has to be or else you’re going to push him away completely.
I hate that y’all are going through this but I’m on his side with this.
You want him to hear you out, but in reality, you could’ve been done that and waited for him to respond.
Manipulation is a big factor in face-to-face conversations.
Do what you got to do but my brother isn’t that easy to win over once you’ve wronged him.
Oh, and you might want to tell him about the baby.
I saw your stomach as soon as I walked up on you. ”
She didn’t wait on a response. From there, she left me to think on what she said and dismiss myself from the function. I felt a bit of relief from her taking the time to talk to me. It wasn’t Paxton but his family still had a heart.
I exited the room not looking back into the main hall. Everyone had advised me to back off and that’s what I was going to do.