Paxton #2
“Possibly. Whether y’all work this shit out or not, try to make this as easy as possible for her. That’s our family she carrying.”
“Fa sho. I’m ’bout to head her way and see what we can settle on. I ’preciate you always being here bro.”
“I ain’t got nowhere else to be.” He dapped me up and brought me in for a brotherly hug. “When you make a decision, make sure it’s something you can live with.”
I took in what he said, and we left the crib with him going about his business and me heading to Yani hoping she was home. I didn’t give a damn if her baby daddy would be there as well. What we had to discuss didn’t involve him.
Yani stayed on the other side of Oklahoma City, so me getting to her would take over an hour. However, I was welcoming on the time to think and settle my thoughts as well as my nerves. I had too much going on mentally.
The soft tunes of H.E.R played giving me time to reflect on the memories we created.
She fucked me over, but I missed her infectious laugh she released when I said a dad joke.
Hell, I even missed her stealing food off my plate even though she had a full course meal.
She wasn’t a memory that could easily fade.
I had started to envision a future with her early on.
Yani was a good woman and despite how she went about everything, that didn’t take away from her ability to make me smile and develop an attachment that still had me wanting her in my life. The babies could have a big effect on that, but she was still the woman I was considering forever with.
By the time I pulled into her driveway, it was a little after five and I was hoping she didn’t go in to work. I exited the car while inhaling deep breaths. This encounter could go either way.
My steps were slower than usual, but I eventually made it to her front door. I watched her and Brendon goof around which caused me to anxiously wait for ours to arrive so I too could engage in those kinds of moments again.
Yani was a bittersweet pill for me to swallow as of now. I wasn’t over what she did but every time I laid eyes on her, I wanted to bury myself in her.
Brendon noticed me first which caused her to look in my direction as well. She said something to him, and he came running to the door with a smile which was surprising. He preferred his father over me.
Opening the door he said, “What’s up, Pax? Where you been?”
“What’s good lil man. I been busy with a lot of work lately, so I just needed a minute. You mind if I holla at your mom for a second?”
“Nah. Come in.”
He stepped to the side and allowed me to enter. Her scent flowed throughout the house. Sweet vanilla with a hint of cocoa was seeping through the air. It was a smell I missed dearly.
“Baby go order us some food and then I’ll meet you in the room to finish our date.”
He took off upstairs leaving Yani and I alone. Looking at her dressed down in a pair of shorts and tank with her stomach poking, all I wanted to do was caress her. Rub her down and gain a new experience with her. We were never supposed to be disconnected in my opinion.
“You look beautiful as usual.”
“Thanks. We can talk in here.” She ushered me to the family room with her occupying the love seat leaving me by my lonesome on the sofa. “Why are you here, Paxton? Did I forget to return something?”
“Nah. The problem is you returned everything. What kind of nigga you take me to be, Yani?”
“Paxton, I didn’t mean anything by it. I just didn’t want you holding anything over my head. I was merely settling everything between us. My apologies.”
“So, you think I’m the type of man that will let the world know what I’ve done for you or how much bread I broke behind you?
Once again, Yani, what kind of nigga do you think I am?
I came to see what the hell we’re about to do regarding us.
I don’t like you right now, I truly don’t, but I haven’t stopped loving you. ”
“Paxton, I need time to heal. I stated that in the letter. I have to get me right so that when these beautiful babies arrive, I’ll be fit.”
“We can do that together.”
“Maybe afterward, but right now, I just need some me time. I know you’re going to allow me that, especially after how you spoke to me at your mother’s gathering.”
She brought up my comment from Hen’s party and I didn’t blame her. I spoke to her as if I didn’t give a damn about her, when overall, it hurt me to walk away from her that night.
“How far along are you and when is your due date?”
“I’m four months and I’m due in July. I waited to know the sexes because I figured you’d want to be there for that.”
“I ’preciate that. How is this supposed to go though because I’m missing out on moments that we’re supposed to share together?”
“I’ll keep you posted, Paxton. I didn’t plan on keeping them from you.”
I nodded and stood. “Cool. I hope you heal well. I’ll talk to you later.” I proceeded to the front door.
“Paxton.” I turned in her direction acknowledging her. “I’m sorry again. Hopefully, you can forgive me.”
“We’ll see. You work on healing, and I’ll work on forgiving.”
I walked out in need of some fresh air and to get away from her. I restrained myself from taking her down. The glow she possessed did nothing but make her that much more desirable. I promised Hen I would update her when I could, so I was headed for her and Pops.
She always said that when I met the right one, I’d be willing to try any and everything to make it work. Yani wasn’t my wife, fiancé, or girl, but I was willing to make the bullshit between us disappear for these babies. Hen was going to have to give me some damn good advice today.
The drive was about thirty minutes long and it was a quiet one. I didn’t know what or how to take in what Yani said to me. I didn’t think she would push me away even further, especially after how hard she was trying to hold a conversation at the party.
As I pulled up to the crib, my mother was just walking out the door. She looked like she had somewhere to be. I parked and stepped out with her waiting by the steps for me.
“Hey lady. You don’t look a day over forty.”
“Oh hush that fuss. I feel like I’m thirty. What’s up baby boy? To what do I owe the visit?”
“I need my mama to do what mothers do. I went and saw Yani.”
She didn’t say anything as she nodded and smiled with sympathetic eyes. She turned back around and headed inside. She didn’t stop moving until she was in the kitchen pouring herself a glass of wine and me a double shot of bourbon. She must’ve known I had some shit to get off my chest.
“So, what are you two going through now?”
I removed the ultrasound and handed it over. As she examined it, I took in the alcohol. If I didn’t find a distraction soon, I was going to lose my fuckin’ mind. I wanted my family.
“How far —”
“Four months.”
“Does she know wha—”
“Nope.” I reached for the bottle and quickly poured me up another, throwing it back immediately. I wasn’t trying to cut my mother’s questions short, but I was getting more upset by the second.
“Yani is such a sweet girl. I didn’t know she operated like that.”
“She’s not a bad person Ma. I think she dealt with her feelings the best way she knew how. Right person, wrong timing.”
“You ain’t never lied about that. Sometimes we move quicker than God and then we’re hit with several obstacles before he gives us a smooth ride.”
“And we’re going through muthafuckin’ hurdles Ma. Excuse my language.”
“I believe y’all need time apart so that when it’s time for y’all to come together again, you’ll be able to maneuver as one with no secrets. Regardless of what y’all have going on, y’all now share two beautiful kids. Get it together, Paxton.”
“I will.”
We ended the conversation there with Hen heading back out leaving me to drown in my thoughts. I was tired of being in my head, but I was sure that was where I would be for quite some time.