Chapter 55
ALEX
What was Kai Fields doing at my house?
What was Kai Fields doing at my house?
The thought punched the air out of my lungs.
Shit.
He was outside.
I needed him to get away - before the neighbours started whispering, before someone texted Connor, before Connor came back early and saw him. Before everything exploded.
But he’d said he wasn’t going to leave. Said he’d stay there all night if he had to. And I believed him.
He looked drunk. Very drunk.
And if I knew anything about drunk people, it was that once they got something in their heads, they were impossible to move.
But with the bruise on my face…
I knew he’d ask questions. I knew he wouldn’t drop it. Not even in his state.
Probably especially in his state.
Panic surged through me.
I ran into Mum’s room, straight to her dressing table, yanking open drawers with shaking hands. Her makeup bag was buried under a pile of old receipts and half-used perfume bottles. I grabbed it and dumped the contents out, rummaging through the mess.
I’d done this before. Too many times.
Used foundation to hide marks. Used concealer to pretend everything was normal.
My fingers finally closed around the bottle I needed, and I unscrewed the lid with trembling hands. Because if Kai saw me like this - really saw me - he wouldn’t let it go.
And I wasn’t ready for what would happen if he didn’t.
So after gently covering my cheekbone in foundation, I walked downstairs and opened the door, closing it quickly behind me.
Kai was sitting on my doorstep, knees pulled up, his head tipped back against the brick. When he saw me, his whole face lit up - bright, relieved, almost boyish.
“You came back!” he said, scrambling to his feet and stumbling a little as he did. “You came back.”
And then his arms wrapped around me - not too tight, careful of my ribs, but tight enough that butterflies swam through my stomach in a dizzy rush.
“Of course I came back,” I said with a small chuckle, my hands hovering awkwardly before settling on his back. “You said you weren’t going to leave.”
“I’m sorry,” he said, pulling away just enough to look at me. His eyes were glassy, unfocused. “I just needed to talk to you.”
“Not here,” I muttered quickly, glancing around the street. Every window felt like an eye. Every shadow felt like a threat. I nodded toward the end of the road - anywhere but here.
We started walking, and the moment the wind brushed through my hair, carrying the smell of damp grass and cold air, something loosened in my chest. I hadn’t realised how stale the house felt until I stepped away from it. How heavy the walls had been pressing in.
I hadn’t been out all week. Hadn’t been for a walk.
Kai stumbled beside me, his shoulder brushing mine, his steps uneven. He kept glancing over like he was checking I hadn’t vanished.
When we walked through the park, I finally turned to him, slowing my steps until he had to stop too.
“You can’t just show up at my house like that,” I said, folding my arms across my chest as the cold air brushed against my skin.
“I know, I know,” he slurred, shaking his head hard enough that his hair fell into his eyes. He pushed it back clumsily. “I just needed to know you were okay. Needed to see you.”
“I’m fine, Kai.” I sighed, rubbing the back of my neck as I looked away from him.
“You said you would see me in school, and then you didn’t come in.” He kicked at a loose stone on the path, sending it skittering across the pavement.
“I got sick,” I defended, shrugging like it was nothing.
“And then you stopped replying to my messages. You said you didn’t want me to call you anymore.
” He breathed out sharply, running both hands through his hair until it stuck up in uneven tufts.
“Why did that feel like my chest was being ripped open…” He let himself fall onto a park bench, the streetlight above him casting a pale glow across his face.
“I’m sorry,” I said, stepping toward him, my shoes crunching on the gravel.
“No,” he interjected quickly, shaking his head clumsily again.
“It’s not you. It’s not your fault.” His leg bounced restlessly as he leaned forward, elbows on his knees.
“It’s me… It’s my head.” He pointed at his temple, missing slightly and tapping his eyebrow instead.
“There’s something wrong with my head.” He dragged his hands down his face, his shoulders slumping.
“There’s something wrong with my head, because I can’t seem to get you out of it. ”
He looked up at me then, his green eyes locking onto mine with a rawness that made my stomach twist.
I froze where I stood, my breath catching.
“Kai…” I started, but the word barely made it out.
“No, just listen.” He reached for my hand, his fingers brushing mine before I instinctively pulled back.
His hand hovered in the air for a moment before he let it drop to his lap.
“I know I keep screwing things up. I know I barely know you, but - God, I want to know you. I wanted to know you the moment I laid eyes on you.” His voice softened to a whisper.
“I want to know you so badly it hurts. It physically hurts.” He grabbed at his chest as if he were trying to stop his insides from spilling out.
“Kai, you’re drunk. You don’t know what you’re saying.” I shook my head, taking a small step back.
“I do.” He tugged at his hair again, frustration tightening his jaw. “This is the clearest I’ve thought in weeks.”
He pushed himself up from the bench, swaying slightly before steadying himself. Then stepped closer, close enough that I could feel the warmth of his breath in the cold air. His hand lifted, hesitating for a heartbeat before cupping my cheek with surprising gentleness.
His breath hitched, soft and uneven.
“I like you,” he whispered, the words spilling out like he’d been holding them back for days.
“I like you so much. And when you told me you didn’t want to be friends, it felt like the world just…
stopped.” His thumb brushed my cheekbone, slow and trembling.
“I know I messed up. I know I screwed everything. But I’ve never thought about a guy the way I think about you.
I’ve never thought about anyone the way I think about you.
And the more I try to ignore it, the stronger it gets, and now look at me - I’m losing my mind.
” His voice cracked. “I just need to know. Need to know what this is.” He gestured between us. “Need to know if you feel the same.”
The words hit me all at once as I held his gaze, his eyes undoing me piece by piece. And suddenly I wasn’t thinking about Connor. I wasn’t thinking about my mess of a life or the fear that usually lived under my skin.
All I was thinking about was him. How he felt the same way.
Kai Fields liked me .
I was terrified - so unbelievably terrified - but somehow, in this moment, the thought of losing him terrified me more.
His eyes flicked up to mine, wide and scared and full of something else I couldn’t name - something that made my heart slam against my ribs. I felt my breath hitch, felt our breaths mix in the cold air as he stood there waiting, trembling, hoping.
And before I could talk myself out of it, before fear could drag me back under, I rose onto my tiptoes and kissed him.
.