Chapter 63
ALEX
It had been a whirlwind of a few days since Kai Fields told me he liked me and meant it.
I didn’t know how to react at first. Not really.
I thought it was him just being drunk and stupid, saying things he’d forget in the morning.
But then he told me again - sober, quiet, certain - and something inside me shifted.
And now at school, he’d been happy to see me. He asked to meet at the graffiti wall. He sat next to me in History like he wanted to be there. Kept smiling at me in football training like he was happy I was there.
And I’m starting to think he actually does like me. Like… really like me.
Every time I think about it, my lips curve upwards without permission. I could be doing anything - sitting in class, bored out of my mind, or in my room staring at the ceiling, or even holding a sick bucket for Mum - and I’d still smile at the thought of him.
It was stupid, probably.
Dangerous, definitely.
But I couldn’t help it.
Kai Fields liked me. Me.
And the thought of that - of him choosing me, wanting me - made something warm bloom in my chest every single time.
“Where were you at lunch?” Rachel asked, marching up to my locker like she was about to conduct an investigation. “You weren’t hiding on that wall again, were you?”
“I wasn’t hiding,” I said with a chuckle, shutting my locker door. “I was with… Kai.”
“Oh, thank god.” She let out a dramatic sigh of relief, leaning against the lockers like she’d just survived a near-death experience. “You finally came to your senses then.”
“I guess.” I shrugged, trying to sound casual even though my stomach did that stupid fluttery thing again. “He wants to be my friend so.”
Rach folded her arms, giving me that look - the one that said she wasn’t buying a single word I was selling.
“Are you sure that’s all he wants?” she asked, eyebrows raised.
“Yes, Rachel,” I said, trying to sound bored, unaffected, normal. “He’s straight.”
The lie tasted strange in my mouth. Not bitter. Just… fragile. Like it would crack if she breathed on it too hard.
I hoped I sounded convincing enough. Because as much as I wanted to tell her everything - the kiss, the way he’d looked at me, the way my whole chest had felt like it was glowing - Kai wasn’t ready. And it wasn’t my story to hand out like gossip.
Rachel wouldn’t say anything; I knew that. She’d guard it with her life. But I couldn’t risk it. We’d only just spoken about everything at the weekend. He could change his mind. He could wake up tomorrow and decide he didn’t like me like that after all.
It’s not that I didn’t believe him - I did. It’s just… hard to believe that anything good could happen to me.
Rach softened, her expression shifting from suspicion to something gentler.
“Alex,” she said quietly, “you know you deserve good things, right?”
I shrugged, staring at the floor tiles, as if she’d heard my thoughts. “Maybe.”
She nudged my arm. “You do. And if Kai Fields wants to be in your life - friend or more - that’s not nothing.”
I swallowed, my throat tight. Because she was right. And because hearing it made something warm and painful twist inside me.
I wasn’t ready to say it out loud. Not to her. Not yet.
But the truth was sitting there in my chest, bright and terrifying:
Kai didn’t feel like ‘nothing.’
He felt like everything.
“I know,” I said, forcing a small smile, hoping it reached my eyes. “But it isn’t like that; he was just worried about me.”
“Yeah, well, he wasn’t the only one.” She sighed, the concern in her eyes unmistakable.
“I’m fine, Rach,” I said. “Promise.”
She studied me for a long moment, like she was trying to see past the surface, past the smile, past the version of me I was trying to hand her. And for a second, I thought she might push, but something in my face must’ve stopped her.
“Okay,” she said quietly, though her voice didn’t match the word. “If you say so.”
I nodded, and she nudged my arm gently. “Just… don’t disappear on me again, okay?”
“I won’t,” I replied, as though it was that simple.
But it wasn’t. It never was.
I didn’t know when Connor would beat me again or how bad it would be. Only that he would. He’d hurt me badly two weeks in a row now, and that was unusual. It was never normally that bad. I could usually stay out of his way, keep my head down, make myself small enough to ignore.
But ever since that egg thing in the supermarket, he’d been harsher. Meaner. Like something in him had snapped and I was the only thing he knew how to take it out on.
Part of me wished I’d told him it was egg. Part of me wished I’d told him about my secret job. Because at least then he wouldn’t think I was sneaking around with another guy.
Even though… now I kind of was.
I could feel the lie sitting heavy in my chest .
Because if Connor ever found out… If he even suspected…
I swallowed hard, pushing the thought down before it could take shape.
Rach was still watching me, worry softening her whole face. She didn’t know the half of it. She didn’t know the danger I lived with. She didn’t know how quickly everything could go wrong.
And I couldn’t tell her. I couldn’t tell anyone.
So I forced another smile - small, shaky, but believable enough.
“I’m fine,” I said again, quieter this time. “Really.”
But inside, I wasn’t fine.
I was terrified.
Of Connor.
Of losing Kai.
Of wanting something good when good things never lasted for me.
And yet… Even with all of that twisting in my stomach…
Thinking about Kai still made me smile.
Kai spotted me before I spotted him.
I only realised he was there when Rach’s eyes flicked over my shoulder and she smirked - that knowing smirk she got whenever she thought she’d caught me out. I turned, and there he was, weaving through the corridor crowd like he’d been looking for me the whole time.
His face lit up the second our eyes met. Not a big grin. Not anything obvious. Just this small, warm lift at the corner of his mouth - the kind that made my cheeks heat.
“Hey,” he said when he reached us, slightly breathless, like he’d walked faster than he meant to.
His hair was wet, and he smelled like shower gel and fresh deodorant.
I always liked the way he looked after training.
His cheeks still slightly flushed from the adrenaline, hair still drying in that lazy way that accentuated his soft blond curls.
“Hi,” I replied, trying not to look like my entire nervous system had just short-circuited. My fingers tightened around the strap of my bag, knuckles whitening.
Rach raised her eyebrows at me, then at him, then back at me again. I ignored her and pretended to study the floor tiles.
Kai shoved his hands into his pockets, rocking on his heels for a second before clearing his throat. “You, uh… You want a lift home?” His eyes flicked to mine, hopeful in that quiet way he had.
“I-erm, don’t mind walking,” I said, fiddling with my sleeves, tugging the fabric down over my wrists like it might hide how flustered I was.
“For fuck’s sake, Alex, just let the guy do something nice for you.” Rachel rolled her eyes, tossing her black hair over her shoulder. Kai chuckled under his breath.
“You should listen to your friend,” he said with a smirk, nudging my arm lightly.
“Uhm… okay. Sure,” I said, a smile tugging at my mouth before I could stop it.
“There you go, that wasn’t so hard, was it?” Rachel laughed. I rolled my eyes, but my cheeks warmed anyway.
“I’ll see you tomorrow; I have to catch up with the drama lot,” Rach said, patting my arm in that soft, grounding way she had. I gave her a small, real smile and watched her head off down the corridor, weaving through the stragglers leaving their extracurricular lessons.
My eyes flicked around the hallway. I didn’t even know what I was looking for - just…
people. Faces. Reactions. Some stupid part of me wanted to know what everyone thought of us talking.
Whether they found it strange. Whether they cared.
Whether they’d already decided something about us I wasn’t ready to say out loud.
“You good?” Kai asked, voice low, like it was just for me. He glanced sideways, searching my face.
I nodded. “Yeah.” My voice came out steadier than I felt, but my hands were still tucked into my sleeves like I needed something to hold onto.
Kai’s smile softened, the kind that tugged at one corner of his mouth first, and he started walking toward the automatic doors. I fell into step beside him, our shoulders almost brushing every few steps. Each tiny graze sent a warm jolt through me.
“Good,” Kai said, his voice quieter now, like he didn’t want anyone else to hear it.
The doors hissed apart, and a rush of cool air spilled over us. I breathed it in, letting it fill my lungs, hoping it might steady the mess inside my chest. The air smelled like wet tarmac and cut grass - familiar, grounding - but it didn’t stop the fluttering in my stomach.
Our fingers touched - just a brush, a passing moment - but it was enough to make my heart jump. I glanced up, and he was already looking at me, a small smile tugging at the corner of his mouth like he couldn’t help it.
He had his gym bag slung over one shoulder, his boots dangling from the laces in his hand, knocking lightly against his knee as he walked.
His hair was a little dishevelled, curls pushed out of place in that lazily handsome way that made it obvious he’d been kicking a ball around with the team.
There was a looseness to him now, a post-training ease, like his whole body had settled into itself.
He was so effortlessly beautiful. Not in a loud, showy way - just naturally, quietly, unfairly beautiful. Broad-shouldered, sure, but softened by the warmth in his eyes, the gentle curve of his smile, the way he carried himself like he didn’t know people noticed him.
I’d seen models who looked like him before.
And he liked me.