12. Chapter Twelve
Chapter Twelve
Lana
When I wake up in the morning, I find that Nikolai has laid out my outfit to wear today since I don’t have rehearsal. A pink cardigan and jeans and a fluffy pair of socks. All to help fight off the winter chill.
It’s nice to not have to think about what I’m going to wear for the day. One less thing I have to worry about.
When I go down for breakfast, I find a large spread of food waiting for me with a note from Nikolai telling me to eat one omelet, ten pieces of fruit, and two pieces of bacon.
It’s all very structured but I’m grateful.
Ever since I became a ballerina, my relationship with food has been complicated.
Sometimes I would go a day or two without eating but when that would hurt my performance, I’d binge on food to get my strength back up.
To be told what to do and how much actually helps relax my mind. Another thing I don’t have to think about. I just eat what Nikolai told me in the note. My stomach feels satisfied when I’m done. Not too full but not hungry at all.
Maria’s dead eyes flash in my mind and I end up gasping and hitting my plate. It falls to the ground and breaks into pieces.
With a grumble, I pick the pieces up but one piece cuts my hand. I gasp as the blood quickly trickles down my palm. It’s not a bad cut and yet, I find myself calling Dr. Ivanov. Nikolai gave me his doctor’s number in case of emergencies.
He comes over without question.
Ivanov bandages up my hand, asking me how I got cut. There’s an implication there: he’s wondering if I hurt myself again.
“I dropped my plate and was picking the pieces up,” I explain.
He nods. “All right. Just be careful in the future. You can always sweep up broken plates instead of picking up the individual pieces.”
“Thank you,” I say, looking at my bandaged hand.
“Lana, are you all right?”
“I’m fine,” I lie. It’s time to be an ice princess again. I full on broke last night and I want to start feeling like myself again. “I have things to do today. I need to get my hair done. Get my nails done. I want to go back to normal.”
“Maybe it would be good to talk to your family. Your sisters.”
The memory of my sisters hits me in the stomach. I want to see Elena so badly but I know to do it, I’ll have to go through my father.
“I’m fine,” I say again. “I’m fine.”
Ivanov gives me a doubtful look but otherwise, doesn’t comment on it. Once he’s gone, I tell Boris to drive me to my hair salon. He does without question.
“I’m glad you’re all right, Mrs. Smirnoff,” he says on the drive.
“Thank you, Boris. You’re a good man.” Unlike Lev. Is Nikolai truly going to kill him for me? Only time will tell.
I feel like I’m walking through cement as I get my hair done. My hairstylist chatters away and I listen but don’t add much to the conversation. When I get my nails done, it’s the same story.
I pay my nail stylist and turn to the door when I see Svetlana enter. Of course she’d go to the same nail salon as me. Her eyes furrow when she sees me.
“Ah, Lana. How have things been? You know since you threw champagne into my face.”
Ice princess. Don’t crack. Not for someone like her.
“Things have been wonderful. Nikolai and I are settling in. We’re happy.”
She huffs. “That’s not what I’ve heard. I heard there was some distance between you two.”
“Where did you hear that?”
“Mafia wives talk, Lana. And mafia husbands talk even more. Nikolai’s men noticed a change in his mood. That’s how I found out.” She snaps her fingers. “Oh. I also found out that you were just recently kidnapped, weren’t you?” She places her hand over her heart and pouts her lips. “Such a shame.”
I stumble back. The first crack. “How did you find that out?”
“Like I said: mafia men talk. News has already spread. I can’t believe it. Actually, I can. You’re an annoying, little bitch. I can completely understand why someone would want to get you out of the way.”
“So you don’t know who did it?”
She opens her mouth to rebuttal then snaps it closed. “Does it matter?”
“So Nikolai’s men talked but they didn’t say who. Which means I know something you don’t.” I walk over to her until we’re eye-to-eye. “Which means I have more knowledge than you do and more knowledge is more power.”
She huffs. “You think you’re so clever. So brave. But you are nothing.”
“Get it through your thick skull. Nikolai doesn’t want you anymore. He only wants me.”
“Are you so sure about that? I’m the one who broke up with him. I’m sure he’s still yearning for me.”
“Then if you’re the one who broke up with him,” I say, “why do you want him back so much?”
The chatter of the nail salon fades away and it’s just me and Svetlana.
“You’re a bitch,” she says.
“Is that all you can think to say to me? That’s your comeback? Surely you’re smarter than that.”
“You’re going to regret messing with me.”
“Is that a threat? Because Nikolai has killed anyone who is a threat to me so I’d be careful with what you say.” I shove her shoulder with mine as I walk past. I keep my head up until I make it into the car and the second I’m alone with Boris, I let myself shake.
“Are you all right?” he asks.
“I’m fine,” I lie. Except, I’m not fine. Dealing with Svetlana isn’t a huge deal but it only makes me feel more alone. It makes me miss my sisters more, especially Elena. I need to see her again. “Take me to my family’s house, Boris.”
He does without question.
When I arrive, I stare up at the imposing mansion. The coldness to the outside. No warmth inside. No love.
My hands shake when I knock on the door. Thankfully, it’s my mother who answers. “Lana? What are you doing here?”
“I wanted to come see my sisters. Can’t I see them? There’s no law that says I can’t.”
“You’re right. There isn’t but…”
“But Father doesn’t want me coming over?”
She nods with a sigh. “He’s still angry over your husband forcing his hand. He blames you for it.”
Of course he does. “Can I see Elena? Please. I need to see her.”
For a moment, my mother’s eyes soften. It’s a rare sight. “All right. But only because I heard about what happened.”
I stumble as I walk inside. “What did you hear?”
“That you were kidnapped. It’s all anyone is talking about. I got a call from some of my friends about it.” More mafia wives and their gossip. News really does travel fast in the mafia.
“And you didn’t come to check on me?”
She tenses. “I wanted to but your father didn’t and I listen to him. But I can clearly see that you’re all right so no problem there. A part of me just can’t believe you’d get yourself kidnapped. You have to be better than this, Lana.”
“Are you blaming me for getting kidnapped? It was Lev, you know. Nikolai’s right hand. He’s angry that Nikolai is going to leave everything to me in his will. He wanted me out of the picture.” I pause. “Wait. How long have you known?”
“Just this morning.”
“And you didn’t even think to call me?”
“We are not here to criticize my actions as a mother.”
“Maybe we should,” I mutter.
She slaps me across the face and I stumble back with a gasp. “That is no way to speak to your mother. Now, I can easily make you leave. You wanted to talk with Elena. Fine. But make it quick before your father comes home.”
I hurry to Elena’s room so I don’t miss the chance. She’s writing at her desk. Homework. When she sees me in the doorway, she gets to her feet with a smile. “Lana.”
I don’t hesitate to throw my arms around her and hold her close. “I’ve missed you.”
“I know Father doesn’t let you come around that often. I’ve missed you too.”
“How have you been?” I ask, pulling back.
“I’ve been focusing on college.”
“That doesn’t sound promising.”
She smiles but it doesn’t reach her eyes. “I’ve been coping. Things have gotten even colder around here. Father has gotten… meaner. Yet, he treats Adriana like a princess and me like a leper. I don’t understand what I’ve done to him to make him hate me so much.”
“I don’t have an answer for you. I’m sorry.”
“It’s all right. I know you’ve been through a lot. With your marriage. With ballet. Mother told us that you got the lead in Swan Lake. I’m so happy for you.”
I try not to show any cracks on my face. “Yes. I’m happy too.” The last thing I want is to be honest with Elena about how I got the main role. It would only make her feel worse. I may be a selfish bitch sometimes but not when it comes to her.
“I saw Mother on the phone this morning. She looked worried but I wasn’t sure what it was about. Nikolai came over here the other day, asking about you. Where were you?”
“I was out for a walk and Nikolai couldn’t find me. It was nothing. I didn’t mean for you to worry.”
Elena slowly nods. I can tell in her eyes she’s deciding to believe me or not. “All right.”
The door bursts open and Adriana strolls in. “Lana, you didn’t tell me you were here. Why did you go to Elena first and not me?”
“Because I like her more,” I say flatly.
She sticks her tongue at me.
“You’re sixteen,” I state. “Don’t act like a child.”
“I’ll be seventeen soon. I am not a child.”
“I said not to act like one,” I mutter with an eyeroll.
“Now who’s the one acting like a child,” she mocks. “So, how have things been with you and your husband? I still think you should run away. I can’t imagine being married to a man like him. All controlling and shit.”
“Language,” I scold. Adriana only shrugs. “And how do you know Nikolai is controlling?”
“Because Father said so. He makes it sound like you’re living a nightmare over there.
I think you should run away. When Nikolai came by and couldn’t find you, I thought you had.
I felt proud of you, thinking you finally had a spine.
But then Mother just told me you were here. So clearly you didn’t run away.”
“Running away doesn’t solve problems, Adriana. It’s not a solution.”
“So what happened then? Why couldn’t your husband find you?”
“Lana went for a walk and Nikolai couldn’t find her,” Elena explains. “But she didn’t run away.”
I give Elena a grateful smile and she gives me a knowing look in return.