31. Ethan
31
ETHAN
I can’t stand looking at Janine every time I’m on shift. I’ve been trying to avoid her because I know that if I’m forced to confront her, it won’t be good. But avoiding someone I need to collaborate with is not an easy task.
“Dr. Taylor,” I hear her voice behind me.
I continue striding into the room of a patient who has been experiencing slow improvements since a serious car accident that caused him to lose feeling in his legs. He’s slowly started to experience tingling in his legs, and I even saw his leg wiggle a little yesterday during the daily movement tests.
I step into the room, knowing she won’t dare interrupt me when I’m dealing with a patient.
I snap on my gloves and smile at the patient, a man who is in his late twenties.
“How are you feeling today?”
He shrugs, but I can tell that he’s dealing with some depression. It’s hard not to when someone is used to living an exciting life and is stuck in one of these hospital rooms day after day. I’ve also noticed that he’s only had one visitor .
“We’re going to take a look at you, but first, tell me about that breakfast you ordered. Was it not up to par?”
It’s nearly ten in the morning, but the breakfast on the patient’s plate is almost untouched. Maybe a few bites of eggs were taken. That’s it.
“It’s fine.”
“If you don’t like it, I can send it back to the kitchen and have something else made. Be honest if you don’t like it. This is the perfect time for you to be demanding. You can have whatever you want.”
The patient smirks a little. “What I really want is a cinnamon roll, one of those Cinnabon ones that’s warm and has the squishy center. Those things are good.”
The hospital definitely doesn’t serve anything like that, but I want to make it happen for this patient. “I’ll get that for you right away.”
“Wait, really?”
“Yeah, I’m the doctor. If they don’t listen to you , they have to listen to me.”
I review the patient’s chart for a moment before asking him to move different parts of his body one at a time. I once again see a distinct twitch in his leg when I ask him to move it.
He gets excited. “Does this mean I might get feeling back in them? More than just the tingling? Do you think I’ll be able to walk again?”
“I think anything is possible if you’re open to it. You have to go through with physical therapy, though. Notes say you didn’t participate in yesterday’s session.”
His face goes dark again. “There’s no point. I can’t feel anything. It’s like asking a fish to climb a tree.”
“You might be surprised what a fish can do when it practices enough. I’ll get you your cinnamon bun, but I need you to do physical therapy every time she comes to your room. Got it?”
The patient nods, and I leave the room humming to myself as I head to the control center. I get one of the nurses at the desk to GrubHub a cinnamon roll here and send it to room 3180.
If only it was that easy to bribe everyone.
Suddenly, Janine—I can’t call her a friend—is behind me. “Dr. Taylor, I’d like to talk to you about something personal .”
“I’m sorry, but I prefer to keep my personal matters out of my work time if you don’t mind.” But that’s all it takes for my mind to drift to Madison. I wonder what she’s doing right now. She has to be feeling better from the virus that was bothering her, right?
Maybe I should take her something, just in case—medicine or a hot meal.
But then, the demands of my patients distract me, and I really don’t have time to think about much else for a while.
Once I get home, my phone starts buzzing. It’s Sarah, an attractive woman I haven’t talked to in over a month, ever since Madison and I started our thing. I could call Sarah. She’s always up for something casual. We’ve had a long-standing agreement—no strings attached, no feelings involved. Just a good time when we need it.
I pick up my phone, my thumb hovering over her name in my contacts. I should call her. It’d be easy. Just a quick fix. I could drown out all this bullshit I’m feeling for a little while. Maybe that’s all I need. A distraction.
But before I press call, something stops me. I realize I don’t want to. I don’t want to call Sarah. I don’t want just anyone.
I want Madison.
With a heavy sigh, I drop the phone back onto the table and lean back against the couch, rubbing a hand over my face. What the hell is wrong with me? I’ve never been the kind of guy who gets hung up on a woman, especially not one who walked out on me. But here I am, doing exactly that.
When I’m at work, it’s not so bad. I’m busy enough delivering cinnamon rolls and taking blood pressures that I really don’t have much time to dwell on personal things. But now that I’m home…
It’s not just about the sex, either. Sure, that was great, but it’s something deeper. With Madison, it felt like she accepted me for who I was. Like she really accepted me. That’s rare to find.
And I let her go. I let her walk out because I was too scared to call her back.
I can’t stop thinking about the last thing she said before we ended it—that it was too complicated with Aurora knowing, that we couldn’t keep going like this. She’s right. It is complicated. But that doesn’t mean it’s impossible. It can’t be.
I pull my phone back into my hand, this time scrolling past Sarah’s name until I land on another contact. My cousin, Jesse. He’s always been someone I can talk to about stuff like this, even though we don’t see each other all that often. He’s married now, settled down with a wife who’s eight years younger than him. It’s not the same as the age gap between Madison and me, but it’s something. I feel like he might understand more than someone else .
Before I can second-guess myself, I tap his name and press call.
Jesse picks up on the second ring. “Ethan? Hey, it’s been a while since I’ve heard from you. Thought you forgot about me.”
“Hey, Jesse. You got a minute?”
“Sure. What’s going on? You sound serious.”
I hesitate for a second, unsure how to even start this conversation. I’m not usually the type to ask for advice, especially not about something like this. But if there’s anyone who might understand, it’s him.
“I, uh… I’m kind of in a situation with a woman.”
Jesse laughs lightly on the other end of the line. “A situation? You tend to do that a lot, if I remember correctly.”
I get to the point as quickly as I can. “She’s younger than me. A lot younger.”
There’s a pause before Jesse speaks again. “How much younger are we talking?”
“I’m talking my daughter’s age. A good two decades.”
Jesse lets out a low whistle. “Okay, yeah, that’s… That’s a bit of a gap. But it’s not unheard of. Is that the problem? Or is there something else? You know if it’s just age… Well, age is just a number.”
I take a deep breath, trying to gather my thoughts. “It’s complicated. She’s friends with my daughter—Aurora. And now Aurora knows about us. Madison and I decided it’s too messy, so we ended things.”
“Wait, Aurora knows? Shit, that does complicate things. How’s she handling it? How are you handling it?”
“Not well. She’s pissed, won’t even talk to me. I told her we ended things, texted her and left a voicemail, and she hasn’t responded. Madison thinks it’s best if we just stop seeing each other, so I’m not going to stand here and fight it. But the problem is that I can’t stop thinking about if there’s still a way we could make it work.”
“There’s always a way to make something work if both parties are willing. You just have to decide your priorities.”
“Obviously, my daughter comes first. But…Madison and I ended things, and Aurora still won’t talk to me. So, it solved nothing .” My voice is rising.
I head to the kitchen and look for something to drink. I need it while having a conversation like this.
“Aurora has always been a bit of…an independent woman.”
I know Jesse is putting it lightly, but I agree. “I can always find another woman. Someone was texting me today.”
“So why don’t you then?”
“Because…” I hate being sappy, but no one compares to Madison. The connection we have isn’t just physical. I’m not sure how to explain that to Jesse though.
“Because what?”
“Because…Madison and I have a connection. It’s…complicated.”
“Then you’ve got your answer right there. You can’t just give up on something like this. Look, age gaps are tricky, sure. But they’re not the end of the world. You think I didn’t hear shit about marrying someone younger? People had plenty to say about it.”
“Yeah, but you and Emma… You guys make it look easy.”
Jesse chuckles. “It’s not always easy. But we make it work because we want it to work. That’s what it comes down to, man. It’s not about the number of years between you. It’s about whether or not you’re willing to put in the effort, no matter how complicated it gets. I’ve seen people the same age struggle more than we do. ”
I lean back against the kitchen counter, thinking about what he’s saying. He’s right. I’ve been focusing too much on the obstacles between Madison and me.
But what about the reasons we should be together? What about the way she makes me feel like I can be a better version of myself? What about the way we just…fit?
“And as for Aurora, she’s mad now, but she’ll come around. She’s your daughter. She loves you. This is just new for her. That’s all. Give her time.”
I nod, even though he can’t see me. “Yeah…maybe.”
“I’m serious, Ethan. Don’t let this slip away because you’re scared of the complications. If you feel something real for Madison, you’ve got to try. Age isn’t everything. The connection of the souls—that’s what really matters.”
The connection of the souls. It sounds cheesy, but damn if it doesn’t feel true. Madison and I do have something real, something more than just physical attraction. I can feel it in the way we talk and communicate, especially when we’re working on something together, like the dogs.
“You’re right. I can’t just give up.”
“Damn right, I’m right. So, what are you going to do about it?”
I think for a moment, the wheels in my mind turning. I don’t have all the answers yet, but I know that I’m not ready to let Madison go. Not without a fight. I need to show her that this isn’t just some fling, that I’m serious about her, about us.
“I’m going to make things right. I’ve been working on something for her—a surprise. She’s always dreamed of opening a surf school, so I’ve been looking for a space for her to set it up.”
“Damn, that’s thoughtful. She’s lucky to have you, Ethan. Just make sure she knows that. ”
“Thanks, Jesse. I appreciate your advice. Tell Emma I said hey.”
“Will do. And hey, let me tell you one thing, the good thing about a younger wife, if you go that route, is that they can still have kids. A woman our age is a no-go as far as kids go.”
I laugh. “I’ve had my kid, Jesse. I don’t want any more.”
“I’m just saying. You might change your mind when you get those rose-colored glasses fitted correctly. And it’s a huge benefit.”
I finally hang up on my conversation with Jesse, feeling a little more encouraged. Age isn’t everything. I do need to figure things out with Aurora, but I also need to let Madison know that I’m not going to let her go so easily.