40. Madison
40
MADISON
The day of Aurora’s Christmas party has arrived.
For all the fanfare it’s receiving, you would think it was Christmas itself and that Santa Claus had been deemed real after all. With everything going on in my life and the awkwardness between my friends and me recently, I don’t really want to go.
But Aurora is my friend. And I don’t want to start trouble.
When I show up, it’s clear that I’m one of the first guests.
Aurora rushes over to greet me, a bright smile lighting up her face. She’s dressed in a red sweater and black leggings, her hair pinned up in a messy bun with little gold ornaments tangled in it. Typical Aurora, always a little extra. But it suits her, and she looks genuinely happy.
“Madison! You made it!” She throws her arms around me in a quick hug before pulling back, her eyes scanning my outfit. “Cute dress! Very festive!”
I smile, though I’m too self-conscious of my stomach. I know I’m not showing yet, but I’m worried that she’ll guess anyway. Her finding out before I’m ready is worse than having to tell her myself. “Thanks. You’ve outdone yourself with the decorations, as usual. Sorry I wasn’t able to help more.”
She grins proudly. “They turned out great. I wanted the whole place to look like a Christmas Wonderland, and it does. Look at the centerpiece.” She guides me into the living room where I admire the Christmas tree.
I ooh and aah as Zoe comes over and hugs me. There are questions in her eyes, but with Aurora listening, I know she won’t ask them right now.
Mia is setting a couple of boxes under the tree for our game later. I wave at her. Stella, as usual, is a little late.
Once I’ve sufficiently admired the decorations, Aurora motions me toward the kitchen. “I could use your help in the kitchen. We’ve got a cheese board situation that needs your artistic touch.”
I follow her, grateful for the distraction. As soon as we get to the kitchen, I busy myself with slicing up fruit and arranging crackers while Aurora chats about her job. It feels good to just focus on something mindless for a change. And with the music Zoe has tuned into playing in the background, it almost feels like I might have a little bit of holiday spirit after all.
“Thanks, I’ll set this out. People are starting to arrive, so don’t hide in the kitchen the whole time.” Aurora takes the tray to the dining room where other treats are laid out.
But I take a minute to myself before diving into the living room where people are talking excitedly. Zoe weaves her way over to me.
“Doing okay, my friend?”
“Great. Thanks.”
“Anything you need to talk about?”
“No…everything’s great. ”
I can tell Zoe wants to ask something else, but then, Stella shows up with a friend. Aurora makes a big deal over them, and I sidle up next to Mia.
“Where’s Theo?”
“He’s coming. He had to finish up some issues at his resort. Something about the pool heater being broken.”
“It’s December. Who is swimming in the pool?”
“Apparently, everyone who is here for Christmas vacation.”
I hang out with my friends, not interested in starting conversations with new people right now. And I start to relax. Since they don’t know what’s going on with me, I can hang out with them without having to think about the real issues in my life.
I find myself feeling very hungry, so I get a couple of snack plates, nibbling on them as I sit on the couch and talk.
But then the front door opens again, and I hear his voice.
Ethan.
My heart lurches in my chest, and I instinctively glance toward the entryway. He steps inside, and my breath catches. He looks good—too good, honestly—in his black sweater and dark jeans. I should have known Aurora would invite him. She’s his daughter, after all, and despite everything going on with them, she would want him here.
I just…
His eyes catch mine, and I quickly look away. It’s like my thoughts have stuttered to a stop. I can’t seem to pick up the thread and keep thinking.
Aurora bounds over to him with the same bright energy she greeted me with, and I watch as they exchange a quick hug.
It seems like they’ve moved past what was between them. I don’t know exactly what conversations they’ve had, but it’s clear she has no idea that Ethan and I are officially together or that I’m pregnant. She’s going to be furious, but tonight, at least, I can pretend none of that exists.
I turn back to my plate of snacks, but I’ve suddenly lost my appetite.
Theo has arrived now, and he has his arm around Mia. He’s telling us a story about an entitled customer who destroyed one of the armchairs in the lobby. I force my lips upward into the semblance of a smile as I nod along.
“Madison.” I hear Ethan just a few feet away. But then, to his credit, he nods to each of Aurora’s friends. “Mia. Zoe. Stella.”
But his eyes return to me and stay on me. I shake my head, just the subtlest little movement that I don’t think anyone else would catch. We talked about keeping things a secret, and if he starts to talk now, then there’s no way my friends won’t figure it out.
“Dad, have you tried the sausage dip?”
Ethan turns and heads toward his daughter, and that’s enough of a hint for me to take a bathroom break. I saw the way he looked at me for a beat longer than necessary. It’s like he’s trying to figure out what’s going on in my head. I feel like I’m unraveling under his gaze.
Once in the bathroom, I allow myself to relax again, but I can feel his presence in the house. I can’t just leave. Aurora still has her silly game that she wants everyone to play, and we’re supposed to be voting for the most festive Christmas sweater, all silly things, but things that Aurora has looked forward to.
I can’t let her down.
Even though I’ve already let her down on the biggest thing possible, it seems like this is something even bigger.
Finally, I get up the nerve to head out of the bathroom and back into the living room. I attach myself to Zoe’s side and float around to different conversations with her.
Every time I glance around, I catch him looking at me, and I can’t help but wonder if he’s thinking about us. Is he thinking about the baby I’m growing? It feels unreal and inescapably real at the same time.
I do my best to avoid him, keeping busy in the kitchen. Zoe and I hang out there with a few guests for a long while.
Then, Ethan walks in and grabs a drink from the fridge. Our eyes catch, and it’s like Zoe senses it.
“Madison, let’s go see if Aurora’s ready to start the game.” She pulls me back into the living room and away from Ethan.
And that’s when I catch it. Aurora is drilling a stare into me. She looks away when we approach her. She was watching. Did she send her dad into the kitchen for a drink to see if we would talk? Is this a test to trick us into giving away that we’re still seeing each other?
“Aurora, let’s play the game now,” Zoe suggests, almost but not completely oblivious to the tension.
“No, we have a couple more guests coming. I want to wait until they get here.”
Zoe shrugs. “Ooh, I love this song.” She grabs my hand and tries to pull me into a little dance, but I’m not in the mood.
“I think I need some water. I’m feeling a little…tipsy.”
“You haven’t had much to drink all night,” Aurora comments. “How can you feel tipsy from three sips?”
I smile. “I downed them when I first got here. You missed it.” I giggle, but it feels forced. I head to the kitchen and grab my water, avoiding Ethan who is talking to someone his age.
That’s when Aurora corners me when I’m standing in front of the fridge. “So, what’s up with you and my dad? Why are you avoiding each other?”
I nearly drop my glass of water. “No, just…hanging out with Zoe, and everyone.”
She raises an eyebrow. “Come on, Madison. Be honest. I know what happened between you two. If it’s really over, why are you avoiding him?”
“It was…awkward. I’m not going to talk to him now, after what…happened.” I’m lying, and my brain is screaming at me to stop. But I can’t. Not now.
I let out a breath as she walks away, my heart racing.
Aurora finally claps her hands and gets everyone’s attention, and we sit in the living room to play her silly Dirty Santa game. Ethan is two seats away from me which is perfect because I’m not forced to make a lot of eye contact.
“Aw, that’s cute!” Stella croons when I open a six-pack of novelty socks.
I smile, feeling a little glow of happiness. They are cute, and I’m just starting to get into the game now. But then, I look up and catch Ethan watching me. My happiness is yanked away just that quickly. I can’t be excited about socks. I have so much I need to deal with. It feels stupid.
When the game is over, I quickly make my excuses, talking about how the dogs need me at home.
“You haven’t even heard who won the most decorative Christmas outfit yet,” Aurora pouts.
“I’m sorry. The dogs need me.” I rush out of her party feeling like the worst best friend in the world.
I just reach my car when I hear footsteps behind me. I turn, sure it’s Zoe. She’s always the one who is looking out for each of us.
But it’s not. It’s Ethan.
“Madison. ”
I shake my head, turn, and walk faster. But Ethan catches me when I open my driver’s side drawer. “Let’s talk. Can we?”
“Not here, Ethan. Anyone could come out. I don’t want them to see us.” I feel close to tears in my desperation to get rid of him. I’m not sure why I suddenly feel so emotional.
“At my house?”
I pause for a second, then nod. “I’ll see you there.”