48. Madison
48
MADISON
I pull up to Aurora’s house, my stomach in knots. I’ve been here so many times before, but today feels different. I have to talk to her and smooth things over.
But as I sit in the car, staring at the familiar front door, I feel a knot tighten in my chest. How did it come to this? Aurora and I have been best friends forever, and now, it feels like I don’t know her at all.
She probably feels the same way about me. I try to think of the situation reversed, but my parents are still together, and it doesn’t compute in my mind. Either way, I need to come at this with empathy for her even though she isn’t acting as though she has any empathy toward me.
Taking a deep breath, I step out of the car and approach her door. I can feel my heartbeat in my throat. Maybe this will go better than I think. Maybe she’ll listen to me, and we’ll find a way back to where we were before all of this.
I knock.
The wait seems like forever, and I start to wonder if she’ll even answer. But then, the door swings open. Aurora stands there, and it’s difficult to read her face. It’s clear that she’s not being open about her feelings. She doesn’t invite me in right away either even though the wind is bone-chilling.
“Madison, what are you doing here?” She doesn’t sound hostile, but she’s definitely not welcoming either.
“Hey, I… I just wanted to talk. Can I come in?”
Aurora steps back, folding her arms across her chest. She thinks about it for a second, then shrugs. I step inside.
Her house is still overwhelmingly decorated with Christmas decorations. It even smells like Christmas with the pine scent in the air.
“Aurora, I came here to talk honestly. We’ve been friends for so long. I hate how things are between us right now. I want you back as my friend.”
Her lips tighten into a thin line, but it’s clear that she’s hurt and trying to hide it. “You hate it? I mean… it doesn’t seem like you cared what I’d think when you started seeing my dad.”
I flinch at her words. What can I even do to fix this?
“It wasn’t like that. Aurora, I never wanted to hurt you. I never planned for this to happen. It just kind of…did.”
She lets out a slow, shaky breath, looking down at the floor before meeting my gaze again. “Planned or not, you did hurt me, Madison. And it’s not just that you’re with him… It’s that you didn’t tell me. You didn’t think to say anything until it was already serious, until you were pregnant, so it was like you had to tell me. And then you promised you wouldn’t be with him, and you broke that promise.”
I do feel guilty about breaking that promise, but no one should ever have to even make a promise like that.
“I didn’t know how to tell you. I honestly just thought it was a fling, and it wasn’t until later that feelings developed and…it was more than just a fling. ”
Aurora shakes her head. She turns away from me, but it’s clear from her voice that she’s holding back tears. “You didn’t mean to, but you still did. You didn’t tell me because you were scared of how I’d react, but all that did was make it worse. It made me feel like you didn’t trust me.”
I step closer to her but don’t dare touch her. “You do matter. You matter so much to me, Aurora. I was never trying to keep you in the dark because I didn’t care. I was trying to protect you, in my own messed-up way.”
She looks away, and I can see the conflict in her eyes. She wants to believe me, but she can’t just set aside her hurt.
“I just… I don’t know how to feel about this, Madison. You’re my best friend. And my dad… He’s my dad. I never imagined something like this happening between you two. And now you’re going to have a baby together? It’s like…I think I know what my life looks like, then you come in and shake it up.”
I have to tell her the truth. She wants honesty? I’m going to give her honesty, even if it’s not the honesty she wants to hear.
“Okay, here’s the truth. I love him, Aurora. I didn’t plan to fall in love with him, but I did. And now… Now I’m going to have his baby. I can’t change that, and I don’t want to. But that doesn’t mean I don’t care about you, or that I don’t want you in my life. I really do. I want you to be a part of this kid’s life too. I don’t want you angry at me forever.”
She shakes her head, tears welling in her eyes again. “It’s just… It’s so much, Maddie. I feel like I’m losing you. Like I’m not your priority anymore.”
Her words hit me like a blow. It’s true. She’s not, but I don’t want her to feel like just because she’s not my priority it means she’s not important at all.
“You’ve always been a priority to me, Aurora. You’re like family to me. When my parents moved away, you know how lonely I felt. And you were there for me.”
She lets out a shaky breath, wiping at her eyes again. “But that’s how it feels, Madison. You’re having a baby with my dad. Your life is changing, and I don’t know where I fit in anymore. It’s kind of like… I’ve just been shoved to the side.”
I step forward, reaching out for her hand, but she pulls back slightly, the distance between us feeling so much larger than just a few feet. “You’ll always fit into my life, Aurora. I promise.”
She bites her lip, her eyes searching mine for something. “I just… I need time. This is a lot to process, and I don’t know how to handle it right now.”
My heart sinks at her words, but I nod. I get it. This isn’t something she can just accept overnight, and I can’t force her to. I just want a promise that things between us will never change, but I get that I’m asking for too much with that.
“Okay. Take all the time you need. I just… I hope we can work through this. I don’t want to lose you as my best friend.”
Aurora looks down at the ground, her arms wrapped around herself. “I don’t want to lose you either. But it feels like I already have.”
“You haven’t.” But I know that nothing I say is going to change how Aurora feels. I pull her into a hug, and she lets me. But she doesn’t hug me back.
“I’m…going home now. But you can text me, you know. I’m there for you.”
Aurora doesn’t say anything, but I won’t forget the image of her standing in her doorway with a trail of tears making their way down her face. I won’t ever be able to forget that.