CLINT
I was finished with my shower by the time Farley brought Hanzee up from the courtyard. Ivy appeared soon after. When she saw Hanzee dancing around and shivering from the cold, she dropped to the ground and warmed him up. My dog instantly climbed into her lap to find comfort from his new favorite person.
“I bought him a snappy jacket,” I told her as I stroked his head. “He looked cool in it. Like the head of a Chihuahua biker club, but he refuses to put it on most days. I can’t believe how vain my dog is.”
Ivy smiled up at me, and my heart hurt. Losing this woman would ruin me.
That was why I decided to keep quiet about Ivy’s uncle and Lula’s trip to Reno. We could face that conversation tomorrow morning. Right now, Ivy needed to turn off her brain for the night.
Rather than talk, I tugged off my shirt. Ivy’s eyes widened in that lovestruck way she got when her instincts took control of her busy brain.
“I have a scar right around my shoulder blade,” I said and turned around. “I was literally stabbed in the back by the junkie girlfriend of a dealer I was threatening. Fortunately, she missed everything important.”
Ivy stood up and ran her fingers along my back until she found the scar hidden under my black-and-gray tattoos. Her gentle touch made me shiver.
“What happened to the junkie girlfriend?”
“I don’t know. The last thing I saw was Elle and Vanessa beating the crap out of her while Sabrina and Rowdy finished off the dealer.”
Ivy pressed her soft lips against the scar. I turned around to see her up on her tippytoes to reach the spot. Ivy stepped back, seeming small and delicate.
“I feel better about you living a dangerous life when I picture your family watching your back.”
My hands instantly moved to her jaw, bringing her lips upward so I could kiss them. Ivy gripped my wrists and met my heat with her own.
Once my lips were free, I warned, “I’m about to drop my pants and show you the scars on my leg. I should warn you about my very impressive thighs.”
Ivy startled us both by snorting. We laughed at her reaction. Ivy was so much more relaxed today, yet I felt her thinking about when she would show me her scars. Mine were battle wounds from being a sexy badass. Hers were reminders of her tenuous beginning and potential limits.
I lowered my black sweatpants to show off the knife wound on my thigh.
“Who did this?”
“Another chick. I’m not so different from Farley. I tend to give women too much slack. I don’t want to think the worst of them like I would a man. I’ve bled twice, on account of such stupid logic.”
“I wish I could beat up those women.”
“You know kickboxing,” I said, turning around and looking over her slight build. “I wouldn’t mind watching you beat on someone.”
“I’ve never fought a real person. I only used the punching bag in my uncles’ gym. Even then, I doubted I kicked hard enough to hurt someone.”
“You’d be surprised how quickly most people back down once you apply even a little pain. Fighting seems easier in our heads. Once the first impact happens, many people realize they have no taste for battle.”
“That would be me.”
“Maybe, but you might get in a few solid licks before your opponent gives up.”
Though Ivy nodded, her expression had shifted into a pout. “Now, I’m supposed to show my scars.”
“That’s the deal. I mean, I took off my pants for you.”
Ivy offered a little smile. “I bet I could get you to do that without any scar reveals.”
“True, but I want to see. There shouldn’t be any secrets between us,” I said, despite hiding her uncle’s troublemaking. “I also think you’ll be less self-conscious once I’ve kissed all over your scars.”
“But the main one is between my breasts,” she said, wearing the pinched frown of a virgin afraid of getting raunchy.
“I can control myself,” I insisted and then tugged up my sweatpants. Walking up the stairs, I headed to my bedroom. “I want to know you at least a week before we sleep together in the biblical sense.”
I returned downstairs with one of my buttoned-up shirts. “You could wear this so you’d only need to open the middle for me to see. I want to work my way to your breasts rather than having you flash me. I couldn’t handle the stimuli.”
Despite the darkness in her eyes, Ivy smirked. “You’re messing with me.”
“No, I’m trying to seem charming so I can get what I want.”
Ivy took the shirt and pressed it against her cheek. “I want to feel pretty with you. My scars will ruin that.”
“I want us to feel vulnerable together,” I told Ivy, who watched me with a wary gaze. “Soon, you and I will be naked together. I can’t be one of those puritan men who doesn’t explore his woman’s body. If we want no barriers between us, you’ll need to show me eventually.”
Ivy looked at me like a pissed kid told to go bed without dinner. She took my shirt and shambled to the second bedroom. After she shut the door, I glanced down at Hanzee, who stared at where Ivy disappeared.
“Don’t worry. We’re keeping her,” I told the dog when he seemed worried.
A few minutes later, Ivy appeared wearing my shirt and her sleep shorts. The front of my shirt was held closed by her hands.
“Sit on the couch,” Ivy grumbled like I was a jerk to be humored. “Keep your shirt off. I want you to feel vulnerable, too.”
I didn’t dare laugh about the shirtless-vulnerable thing. Ivy was completely serious. I also sensed she was close to crying, so any chuckles on my part could set off her tears.
Resting on the couch, I watched Ivy shuffle closer. As she built up her courage, I admired her pale legs. Unable to help myself, I reached forward and slid my hands from her ankles to her thighs.
Ivy surprised me by nearly launching herself onto my lap. She held my face still and stared at me.
“I’m not one Ivy. I have all these voices in my head. I’m moody, I guess. I want to trust you and share everything and get that comfortable relationship your parents have. I’ve never trusted anyone like that.”
Ivy looked down at her shirt and tugged it closed. “But this other part of me says I can’t be sexy if you see the heart surgery scar. That you’ll turn against me if you know I’m defective. I don’t care if that’s the wrong way to think. That voice is still in my head, and it’s loud right now. It says you’re going to be grossed out and not want me anymore.”
The obvious response would be to reassure her that nothing could turn me off. Those words felt right, but I didn’t think Ivy wanted me to say them. Or at least, the loud voices in her head right now wouldn’t trust them.
“We’ll wait,” I told her as I buttoned the front of the shirt. “I want every voice in your head to be as fearless as the one begging you to get naked and wild with me.”
Ivy’s face morphed through several reactions. I thought she might cry. Then, she looked agitated. Finally, she smiled.
“Maybe I could show you just the top of it,” she offered, and placed her hands on mine buttoning the shirt. “Baby steps.”
“I’d be fine with us making out for a little while before we watch a movie. But if you want to give me a glimpse of the soft skin hiding under this shirt, I won’t interfere.”
Ivy glanced down at her chest as she considered how brave she was willing to be today.
“I feel like I should show you something,” she murmured as her gaze found mine. “After all, you got down to your boxers for me.”
“That wasn’t difficult. I know I’ve got a great ass.”
Ivy’s laughter broke through more of her fear. She opened her shirt a little at the top. My hands wrapped snugly around her hips as I admired her. Ivy fascinated me. I didn’t know what she would do from moment to moment. I suspected she wasn’t sure, either.
Soon, the top of her pale pink scar was visible. I slid my index finger down the smooth flesh long ago sliced open to save her life. Ivy inhaled sharply, watching me for signs of rejection.
I studied her face and tried to see the world through her eyes. She’d been hidden away for most of her life. Her dysfunctional uncle tried to save her by taking her on a week-long journey to nowhere. She hadn’t even grieved his death in a real way.
Ever since we met, I’d been racing her toward the point where she was a fixture in my life. She had barely gotten a chance to catch her breath. I might be falling hard and completely certain about our future, but I hadn’t really done right by Ivy yet.
“Until dinner tomorrow, we’ll hide in the condo,” I said softly before kissing her scar. “We’ll watch whatever you want. We’ll eat whatever you crave. We’ll only leave to take Hanzee to the courtyard.”
“Because I showed you the top of my scar?”
“Because I’m a man who protects his people, and I don’t think I’ve been protecting you enough.”
“You’ve given me everything.”
“I’ve overwhelmed you. I thought I could fit you into my life when I needed to adjust my life to fit you inside. Tomorrow, we can get to know each other in a quiet way with no expectations or interruptions. Just you, me, and Hanzee.”
Ivy bit her bottom lip, seeming unsure. I kissed her to distract her from her negative thoughts. My hands cupped her ass and tugged her closer. When Ivy was wrapped in my arms and her lust took over, she was blind to her past. When we focused only on the present, everything was easy.