Chapter 13
Chapter Thirteen
Grace
I was pissed. Heartbroken. Frustrated. Confused. And getting more pissed by the minute as I rang Taz’s doorbell and banged on the heavy wood door he refused to answer. I knew he was home. His truck was in the drive and there were lights on.
Another first for me. Banging on a man’s door at midnight, demanding he let me in.
Apparently, Taz just brought out the crazy in me.
Mama would let me have it, if she could see me now.
Making a fool out of myself over a man, she’d say.
But some men were worth it, and this stubborn ass of a man had proven he was. Over and over again.
“What the hell is wrong with you?” Taz demanded, holding a towel around his waist as he scowled at me, after he damn near yanked the door off its hinges.
There were rivulets of water running from his hair, down his chest, making it hard to concentrate. Or find words.
Instead, I pushed him back, which was possible only because I’d caught him off guard. Slamming the door behind me, I said, “You don’t get to run away. You don’t get to accuse me of—”
“I didn’t accuse you of anything!”
I got in his face, wondering if I’d lost my mind. He was an ex-con, who’d been convicted of violent crimes. He’d snapped before. He could snap again. But he swore to me he never had or would hurt a woman, and I believed him.
“Did you or did you not think Brandon was there tonight because I wanted him there?”
“How the hell should I know?”
“You should know because I’ve shown you every night this week, six ways to Sunday, that you’re the man I want!
” I pushed against his chest, causing him to curse.
So much for all my training in de-escalating situations.
My professional calm vanished when he squealed his tires out of that parking lot, and left me standing there, spitting nails.
“Go home, Grace.”
My jaw dropped before I snapped it shut. “You really want me to go? Because if I leave, I’m never coming back!” We stared each other down and my stomach was quivering as I waited for his response. I’d be crushed if he sent me packing, but I’d remain true to my word, even if it killed me.
He breathed deeply, his nostrils flaring, and his fists clenched at his sides. “Why the hell was he there?”
I allowed myself to steal a breath before I said, “I have no idea. It’s a free country, Taz. He can go to a bar to get a beer if he wants to.”
“Did he know you were going to be there? You said he and Kaitlyn were friends. Did she tell him?”
“No!” He didn’t know my best friend, so I couldn’t blame him for asking, but that girl would take a bullet for me.
No way in hell would she betray me. “It was just a coincidence.” Tipping my head back, forcing myself to calm down, I said, “I met Brandon through Kaitlyn. His mother is Kaitlyn’s godmother.
Their mothers have been best friends for years. ”
“Why the hell didn’t you tell me that before?”
“I didn’t think it was relevant.”
He rolled his eyes. “You were explaining… and I’m still listening.”
I huffed, crossing my arms. “Anyhow, his mother is sick. Cancer. So, he came over to the table to say hi and give Kaitlyn an update on her condition. Under the circumstances, I couldn’t very well ask him to leave, could I?”
“No, but you could have got up and left.”
I covered my face with my hands, trying to remember what the hell I saw in this infuriating man. “He was telling us about his very sick mother. I’m not a monster. We may not be together anymore, but his mother is a lovely lady, and we got along well. I wanted to hear how she was doing.”
“Just tell me the truth. Do you still have feelings for this guy?”
“Are you crazy?” I fished my keys out of my oversized handbag. “I’ve told you I don’t. If you don’t believe me or can’t trust me—”
“I didn’t say that.” He exhaled before tipping his head back. “Look, it’s been an exhausting day. Then that call with Quinn set me off.”
My heart went out to him. I knew how traumatic it could be for people to face their pasts, especially when there was so much guilt, regret and shame wrapped up in it. “I get that. And I know people overreact in the heat of the moment—”
“I didn’t overreact. Overreacting may have been punching him in the face and warning him to stay the hell away from my girlfriend.”
I raised an eyebrow and crossed my arms. “First of all, punching someone in the face will land your ass back in jail. And I’m not into conjugal visits, thanks.”
At least he smirked at that. I felt I was finally starting to de-escalate the situation. Win for me.
“And you said you weren’t ready for a girlfriend.”
“Maybe I changed my mind.”
“When? When you saw me with Brandon tonight?”
He growled before raking a hand through his damp hair and turning his back on me.
“I don’t even know him, but I hate him. I hate that he’s your type.
That he’s everything I’m not, and any day you could come to your senses and go back to him.
Or meet someone else just like him, and dump my sorry ass. ”
I rested my hand on his broad back, feeling the pain of his fear and insecurity. “Hey, you’re not the only one who’s scared, you know. Relationships are scary as hell, Taz. I see it every day in my practice, men and women broken because the people they loved betrayed them.”
“Is that supposed to make me feel better? Because it doesn’t.”
I curled my hand around his bicep. “Look at me, please.” When he finally turned around, with a heavy sigh, I said, “I can stand here and tell you that I’m not going back to Brandon. That I want you. But only you can decide if you’re ready to believe that.”
He dropped his head. “I want to…”
“But you’re not sure if you can trust me.
That’s fair. We don’t know each other well enough yet.
And I’m sure we’ve both been burned before, trusting people we shouldn’t have.
But your career is going to mean you’re on the road a lot.
And for this to work, I’m going to have to trust that you won’t be out there screwing around. ”
“I won’t.”
I nodded, resting my palm against his racing heart. He was as invested in this relationship as I was. I could feel it. “And you have to be able to trust that I’m not going out with Brandon or anyone else while you’re gone.”
“Ugh, this sucks.” He rubbed his beard. “I hate feeling like this. So damn insecure and jealous… and pathetic. That’s why I’ve been single so long, you know.”
I smiled, loving that he always got to full disclosure so quickly. “You’re not pathetic. You’re human. And everyone feels jealous and insecure sometimes, especially at the start of a relationship, when you’re just getting to know each other. Myself included.”
He reached for my hand. “I’m glad you’re a therapist. You always know how to talk me down when I’m acting like a raving lunatic.”
I laughed. “I think I was the one acting like a raving lunatic, ringing your doorbell, banging on your door, and screaming your name at midnight. Your neighbors must think I’m certifiable.”
He chuckled before hauling me against his chest and kissing the top of my head. “I love that you cared enough to come here tonight. And I’m sorry I went off on you like that at the bar.”
I tipped my head back to look him in the eye. “What about Brandon? Are you sorry you went off on him?”
“Hell no, he got off easy.”
I rolled my eyes. “You want to tell me about your call with Quinn now?”
He shook his head. “No, I’ll tell you about that later. Right now, I want us to get the rest of this pent-up anger and frustration out the best way I know how.”
I bit my lip, letting my gaze travel from his eyes to his lips. “Are you proposing make-up sex?”
He nodded. “Hell, yeah. You should know by now, I’ve got a short fuse. And I guess having a hot temper might mean a lot of stupid fights.”
“Hmm, until we learn to communicate better.” He lowered his head to kiss me. “And we will learn to communicate better, Taz. We have to. Because I don’t want to fight with you all the time.”
“I don’t want that either. But when we do fight, at least there’s hot make-up sex to look forward to.”
My eyes devoured his naked chest. Lord have mercy, the man was built. “Hmm, there is that.”
When Taz finally entered me, I was desperate for him. The kisses had been hungry. The foreplay had been rough, and we’d both been talking dirty about all the things we wanted to do to each other.
His thrusts were powerful, almost maniacal in their intensity. I was grateful for his four-poster solid wood bed because my cheap upholstered headboard would have cracked in two by now.
His hands were wrapped around my wrists, pinning my arms to the soft mattress. I’d never been with someone so bossy in bed, but I was loving every second.
“Okay?” he asked, between plunges. “Not hurting you?”
I shook my head, challenging him with my eyes. “More.”
He swore softly. “Girl, I’m falling so hard for you.”
I’d already fallen, but my pride wouldn’t allow me to admit it. Instead, I suppressed everything I wanted to tell him: I’ve never felt like this before, I’ve never wanted anyone more, I think about you all the time… I think you may be the one.
“Don’t hold back, baby. Give it up for me.”
He made it so easy to let go. With other guys I’d been guarded in bed, always holding back, trying to maintain a modicum of control, but that wasn’t even possible with Taz. He demanded, I surrendered, and wanted to do it over and over again.
He knew exactly where to stroke, how much pressure to apply, what to say, and when to say it. It seemed he’d been given the playbook to my body, and he’d memorized it.
“Taz, I’m gonna…” He didn’t need me to tell him. He always knew.
“Yes, that’s it, angel.” He gripped my hips, driving into me hard and deep, while we reached the pinnacle together. “God, you feel incredible.”
I loved the sound of his raspy voice in intimate moments, knowing he’d share that incredible singing voice with millions of screaming fans, but those sexy confessions were mine alone.
Our eyes locked as he emptied inside of me, making me gasp. No condom.
“Jesus,” he pulled out quickly. “Grace, I can’t believe I—”
“It’s okay.” I curled my hand around his bicep as he sat on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands. “I’m on the pill. Besides it’s just as much my fault as it was yours. I got caught up in the moment too.”
He swore softly, rubbing his hands over his face. “I swore I’d never do to another woman what I did to Quinn’s mama. How can I still be so stupid and selfish all these years later? It’s like I haven’t matured at all.”
“Quit beating yourself up,” I said, kissing his shoulder as I sat beside him. “These things happen in the heat of the moment, babe. And I’m not some na?ve nineteen-year-old girl with her first boyfriend. I know how to protect myself and—”
“I swear to you,” his look was fierce when he said, “I would kill myself before I hurt you, or put you at risk. You’ve got to believe me. I’ve wrapped it with every other woman I’ve ever been with, except Quinn’s mama and that was seventeen years ago.”
“I know.”
He closed his eyes. “You have every right to hate me—”
“But I don’t.” I think I love you. “It may sound crazy, but moments like this can build trust in a relationship.”
“Hell of a way to build trust.”
“I’ve never been with anyone without a condom, and you’re telling me you haven’t been without one in seventeen years, so we could let the ‘what-if’s’ make us crazy or trust each other, and move on.”
He eased me back on the bed, half-covering his body with mine as he slid his hand into my hair. “Here’s the thing, as long as we’re being honest and building trust.”
“Hmm.”
“That felt unbelievable.”
I smiled. “Yeah, it did.”
He ran his hand over my abdomen. “You can tell me to go to hell for even suggesting this, but if you’re on the pill, you think we could… do this again?”
His proposition was crazy, and I may be reckless for considering it, but I wanted with him the kind of relationship I’d never had with anyone before. “That would be a serious commitment. It would mean we’d both have to trust each other to be faithful.”
“I don’t want anyone else, sweetheart. I swear to you.” Before I could respond, he said, “I know this seems crazy fast, but I’ve gotten good at trusting my gut. And my gut tells me this could… go somewhere.”
“I feel the same way.”
A look of relief flashed across his handsome face before he kissed me and it felt like we were sealing the deal, marking the commitment we’d just made to each other.