Chapter 14
Chapter Fourteen
Taz
Grace was lying with her head on my chest while I sifted her silky hair through my fingers, when she asked about my call with Quinn.
I didn’t want to hold back with her. I wanted to tell her everything, even when it didn’t cast me in the most favorable light.
“She hates me, there’s no doubt about that.”
She kissed my chest as she drew hearts on my abdomen with her fingernail. “She told you that?”
“She didn’t have to. She practically spewed hate with every word she said.”
“Babe, I’ve mediated a lot of conversations like this, between estranged family members.
Both while I was interning and since I started my own practice, and I can tell you there’s always a lot of animosity in the beginning.
It takes time to work through that. But if both parties remain receptive, it can happen, over time. ”
I was so grateful to have someone in my life who understood this shit, because I was clueless. “I know I’m willing. No matter how much abuse she wants to dish out, I can take it. But I can’t say how willing she is.”
“Maybe you two should sit down with a professional, someone who could mediate. I could refer you to a colleague of mine, if you think it would help?”
“Your friend, Kaitlyn?”
“No, someone with no connection to you, even through me. There’s a therapist in my office building. His name is Jasper. He’s about my age and he’s fabulous.”
I scowled at her as my gut clenched. Great, another guy I had to be worried about. “Why is this the first I’m hearing about him?”
She rolled her eyes, pushing against my chest. “Uh, because we’ve never talked about the possibility of you needing a therapist before, so why would I mention him?”
“Is he a friend of yours?”
“Sure, we’ve become friendly.”
My hand tightened around her waist. “Define friendly.”
“We go out to lunch from time to time, talk about clients, in general terms. We’re friends, Taz. I do have male friends, you know. Guys I went to school with—”
“Are you still friends with anyone you dated?”
“Uh, no. Definitely not.”
“Good.” I rolled over on my back, staring at the ceiling. “This is so weird for me. Never, in my life, have I been jealous of a woman.”
She giggled. “We’re venturing into all kinds of unchartered territory, you and me.”
I side-eyed her. “You think it’s funny that I’m such a mess?”
She inched closer on the bed and kissed me. “You’re not a mess. You’re perfect. For me.”
I sighed as my eyes scanned her beautiful face. “God, I want to believe that.”
“So, believe it. Because you are.” She smiled. “I wouldn’t change anything about you. Not your past. The fact you have a daughter. I love that you’re rough around the edges and not afraid to speak your mind. I think it’s sexy that you’re so protective of the people you care about.”
I wrapped my hand around her face. “And I do care about you, so much. That’s why it kills me to think about you with someone else.”
“So, don’t think about it. Because it’s not going to happen.”
“Is this guy married? Girlfriend?”
“Who?” she asked, frowning.
“Jasper, or whatever the hell his name is.”
She laughed. “Yes, he’s been with the same girl since high school. They’re getting married next year, in fact.”
“Good.”
Grace smiled. “You know a lot of men cross my path every day, right? Just like a lot of women will be crossing yours when you’re on the road.”
“Yeah, I know. Doesn’t mean I have to like it.”
“No, you don’t. But you have to get used to it. And not let it get to you like this.”
I’d been told I had the grump thing down to an art, but I didn’t want to have all that pent-up aggression anymore. I knew it wasn’t healthy and couldn’t make either of us happy.
“What would it take to make you feel better about us?”
I thought about it for a minute before I said, “You could start by deleting those social media pics of you with other guys.”
She didn’t even hesitate before she said, “Done.”
“And maybe adding one or two of us.”
“Sure, anything else?”
I knew I was pushing my luck, still I added, “You could change your relationship status, and maybe tag me in your posts when I’m away.”
“Okay. That’s it?”
I nodded. “Yeah, because I realize I’m straddling the line between concerned boyfriend and stalkerish-freak now.”
She laughed. “Glad I didn’t have to point that out.”
My expression changed from amused to serious when I said, “I meant what I said, Grace. I’m falling for you. Hard.”
She kissed me before whispering, “Ditto,” against my lips.
I’d spent another long day in the studio, so when my sister invited me over for a pizza because her husband was taking their boys to karate practice, I agreed.
I knew she was probably anxious to pump me for information about my relationship with Grace, but since I could use a woman’s input, I didn’t mind her being nosy, just this once.
By the time we were sitting at her kitchen island, dishing out my favorite pizza, she’d already asked how things were going with Grace.
“You know me, I manage to screw things up on the daily. But it hasn’t scared her off so far, so I think we’re good.”
“I decided to follow her on social media, just for fun. And I noticed she’d made some changes.” She grinned before popping a pepperoni into her mouth. “You wouldn’t have had anything to do with that, would you, big brother?”
I tipped my long neck back before shrugging. “Maybe.”
She laughed. “So, the others guy’s pics are gone. But she added an adorable photo of you two as her profile pic. Nicely done.”
“Seriously?” I hadn’t asked Grace what she intended to do with the selfie she’d taken of us before she left for work that morning, but it made me smile when I saw her making it her screensaver.
“Yeah, you didn’t know that?”
I rolled my eyes. “I have better things to do than stalk my girlfriend on social media, unlike you, apparently.”
“Ohmigod, I was not stalking her. I’m just curious!” She raised her hand. “Hold up a minute. Did I just hear you call Grace your girlfriend?”
“Yeah, you did. What about it?”
She slapped her palm against the stone countertop, squealing. “Eeee! This is so exciting. Does Mama know? She’s gonna go crazy when she finds out you’re finally settling down.”
“Calm down, sis. It’s not like I’m gonna propose to the girl. We’ve been together, like, a minute.” After polishing off my first slice, I reached for a second. “But I have to admit, this feeling… it’s new to me.”
Her jaw dropped. “Are you saying you’re in love with her?”
I frowned, with the pizza half-way to my mouth. “I can’t be in love with her. It’s too soon. Isn’t it?”
“I knew I was in love with Jared after our first date.”
“Gimme a break. You were sixteen. You thought you were in love with one of the Jonas Brothers too.”
She smacked my arm. “Shut up! I did not. Okay, I may have had a little crush on Nick, but I never claimed it was love.”
I chuckled, shaking my head. “Glad I wasn’t around to witness that.”
But I was sorry I hadn’t been around to intimidate her now husband. He was a good guy, but I had no doubt he’d taken liberties with my sister back then he wouldn’t have, had I been around to put the fear of God in him.
“I wish you were,” she said, quietly. “I wish you were around for all of it, Taz.”
I forced the regret back down, clearing my throat. “I do too, kid. But I’m here now. And I’m trying to make the most of my second chance at life. That’s all I can do, right?”
She nodded, blinking back tears. “And I’m so proud of you.
Not just because of the music thing either.
I was proud of you before that. How hard you’ve been working, fixing up that house, sending support for Quinn, and now trying to have a real grown-up relationship, with a gorgeous professional, no less. ”
If not for the music deal, I probably wouldn’t have had the guts to go for Grace. I would have assumed she was a hell of a lot smarter, sexier, more successful, and could have had any man she wanted. But a little bit of fame and money had a way of balancing the scales some.
“Don’t go getting all sappy,” I warned, pointing at her. “That’s not why I came here.”
“Sorry.” She sniffled and sat up straighter. “I promise, no more gushing.”
“Good. So, I talked to Quinn.”
She stared at me, wide-eyed, before setting her pizza down on her plate. “Why the hell didn’t you lead with that?”
“Honestly, it didn’t go all that well. It’s pretty obvious she hates me, but she’s willing to talk to me because she needs a car and college fund, apparently.”
Rachel winced. “She actually told you that?”
“Basically.” I tried to shrug it off, but it still stung to know she saw nothing more than dollar signs when she looked at me. “I doubt she’d have been willing to talk to me at all if not for this music deal. It was my publicist who talked her into letting me call.”
She shook her head. “I’m still trying to get over the fact you have a publicist. But as for your daughter, she’ll come around once she gets to know you, Taz. Right now, you’re just the asshole who abandoned her.”
“Don’t I know it,” I muttered, before filling my face with more pizza so I wouldn’t have to talk.
“But when she gets to know you, the way we know you, how generous and over-protective and—”
“I don’t need you to list my attributes, thanks.” I didn’t mean to be a jerk, but I didn’t see myself the way my kid sister saw me, and probably never would.
“What does Grace say about it? She’s the professional.” I frowned and she said, “Please don’t tell me you haven’t told your girlfriend about the call with your daughter.”
“Yeah, I told her.”
“And?”
“She said it’s common to have all this animosity in the beginning, with a situation like ours. But it’s possible to work through it. She suggested therapy.” I rolled my eyes. “But what else would you expect from a therapist, right?”
“Maybe she’s right. It could be a good idea, if Quinn is willing?”
“I doubt she’d be willing to be in the same room with me right now, never mind therapy.”
She sighed. “Honey, from what I’ve heard, it’s never easy with teenagers. But given your history with Quinn, it’ll be that much harder. You just have to be patient. And have a little faith. Speaking of which, has Mama talked to you about going to church yet?”
I glared at her. “No, and she better not.” My folks used to drag me and my sister to church every Sunday when we were kids. A lot of good it did me. I still made a mess of my life. Not that I blamed the man upstairs for that. Those bonehead mistakes were all on me.
“Fine, don’t get all pissy,” she said, raising a hand defensively. “So, tell me more about Grace.”
Grace I didn’t mind talking about. She happened to be my favorite topic. “What do you want to know?”
She considered that carefully before she said, “Well, I know she’s a therapist, and Mav Stone’s sister-in-law. She’s obviously well-educated, intelligent, beautiful, successful—”
“I don’t need you to list her attributes either, thanks.” Because every time I focused too long on how amazing she was, I questioned all over again what the hell she was doing with me.
Rachel huffed. “Fine, has she ever been engaged? Married? Does she want kids?”
“No, no, and I don’t know.”
“You don’t even know if she wants kids?” She clucked her tongue. “You should know that by the third date.”
“I don’t even know if I want any more kids, and you expect me to press her about it?”
She covered her hand with mine. “Hon, just because you couldn’t be there for Quinn, doesn’t mean you wouldn’t be an amazing dad if you—”
“I’m a shitty father, Rachel. Let’s call it what it is. And if I got to start from day one, that kid would probably hate me even more than Quinn does.”
“Are you serious right now? You’re an amazing uncle. My boys adore you. And you would be an amazing dad, given the chance.”
“Whatever.” I rolled my eyes. “You have to say that. You’re my sister.”
“Taz.” She seemed hesitant when she said, “If you really don’t want kids, that’s something you need to talk to Grace about before y’all get in too deep.”
“What the hell are you talking about? We just started dating. You think we need to have ‘the talk’ about marriage and kids and all that shit?” I asked, making air quotes around the word. “I don’t think so.”
“How old is Grace?”
“She turned twenty-seven a few months ago.” I was a solid eight years older than her, but I didn’t give a shit about that.
“Hmm.” She nodded. “So, she’ll probably want to take a couple of years to get established, professionally before she starts to think about getting married and having babies.”
“Assuming she wants that. Not everyone woman does, you know.” But I had a sinking feeling Grace did. She’d always dated a certain type of guy. Safe. Stable. Well educated. Good family. Good job or prospects. In other words, someone who was great husband and father material. I was so screwed.
“Why are you scowling like that?”
“Because you gave me one more thing to worry about where Grace is concerned.” I dropped my half-eaten pizza slice back down on the plate. I’d suddenly lost my appetite. “Thanks for that.”
“Hey, don’t blame me!” She flattened her palm against her chest. “This is the kind of stuff grown-ups talk about. You’re not dating a teenager, for God’s sake, Taz. You’re dating a grown woman, who’s got her shit together, for once.”
“Yeah, lucky me.” Too bad I couldn’t claim to have my shit together.