Now
GRAYSON
After Violet rushed into the bathroom, I figured it was the best time to make my appearance downstairs. I’m standing in the foyer near the front door.
The team is busy drinking and playing games.
I’m not in the mood to get involved in any of that, so I keep my distance.
The sound of Queen echoes in my ears, making me feel dizzy.
When I realize what song is playing, I’m transported back to my homecoming varsity game during my senior year of high school.
Rushing out of Stingray House, I’m bombarded with memories of that night.
I can barely stand upright, let alone walk.
My teammates are busy making out with the cheerleaders, drinking until they pass out, or jumping off the roof into the pool.
I lost count of how much I’ve drank after my third beer, which is obvious since I can’t form cohesive thoughts anymore. I can’t keep my eyes open either. At first, I was happy and relaxed. Now, I’ve fallen down and can’t get back up, plus I want to punch everybody in this room.
“Gray, y-you don’t l-look so g-good,” Blake stutters before he downs his cup of beer.
“Wh-what? I-I’m f-fine,” I slur my words. “Y-you d-don’t r-really k-know m-me.”
“Y-you should g-go home.”
“F-fuck y-you. I-I’m s-staying. Y-you’re n-not m-my d-dad.” I fill my cup with more beer and chug it down my throat so hard it starts to burn.
“Whatever, m-man.” Blake walks away, his legs unstable.
Violet sprints over to me. “I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I actually agree with my brother. I’m taking you home.” She reaches out to touch me, but I push her hand away.
“Y-you’re n-not m-my m-mom!” I shout.
Violet remains calm. “I’m not. I’m your…” She pauses, moving her mouth closer to my ear. “Girlfriend.”
“B-be c-careful. Y-ou d-don’t w-want B-Blake t-to h-hear t-that.”
“Why do you think I whispered it in your ear?”
I laugh so hard that I end up losing my balance and banging my head on something solid behind me. And everything turns blurry.
I was in the hospital for three days.
The doctor said I was lucky I didn’t severely injure myself. They told me it would be in my best interest to stop drinking for good. Oh, if only I listened to them, but I was a seventeen-year-old dumbass with a developing brain, so I thought I knew what was good for me.
Violet told me I banged my head against a wall, which ultimately caused a concussion.
When I was in my late teenage years, I thought alcohol was my friend. It turned out to be my worst enemy and brought out the darkest parts of me. Ultimately, I did stop drinking for the sake of my health and safety, but also for the health and safety of the people I care about.
My hands end up on my knees as a way for me to catch my breath, but my ass ends up on the outside step into the house.
As my vision makes the world spin, I hear the sound of a woman’s voice coming towards me. “Grayson?” Then, I realize the voice belongs to Violet. “I’ve been looking for you everywhere.” She quickly examines me as she sits down beside me, gently rubbing my back with her hand. “What’s going on?”
Without making any eye contact with Violet, I answer her. “I-I had a f-flashback.”
“It’s because of the song that was playing before this one, wasn’t it?”
I nod. “Y-yeah.”
“Are you okay?”
I meet her gaze, her mesmerizing blue eyes making it difficult for me to look away. “Now that you’re here, yeah.”
She smiles. “I’m happy to hear that. Do you want me to drive you home?”
“You don’t have to.”
“I know I don’t have to. I want to. There’s a difference.”
“That would be nice. Maybe we can continue our trip down memory lane when we get back?”
“Yeah, we can do that.”
“I’ll have one of my teammates drop off my truck sometime tomorrow. I’m not in a great mental state to be driving right now.”
“And are you sure you’re okay with diving back into our past when we get back?”
“Yeah, I’ll be fine.”
“Alright, let’s get you home.” She gets up, grabbing my hand to lift me off the step.
“Can I say something?”
“Of course.”
“I’m Team Captain. I’m supposed to be strong and put together, but I’m not.” I take a deep breath. “I’m an alcoholic. I have days where it feels like I’m screaming into the void.”
“You should be proud of yourself for reclaiming control over your life. You’ve been through so much, and you’ve become stronger from those experiences.”
“Not by choice.”
“Sometimes, there are moments in our lives that transpire. We don’t choose for them to happen, but we learn and grow from them. Everything takes time. You’re going to be okay.”
“So will you.” I grin.
Gravity pushes me closer to her, leaving a couple of inches of space between us. I think I lost my breath again because we haven’t been this physically close to each other in six years.
“Hi,” she says with pep in her voice.
“Hi.”
She takes a step back. “C’mon, we can order in something for dinner.”
“I could use some comfort food right about now. Do you think Coastal Shores would deliver forty-five minutes to an hour away?”
She gets this infectious case of the giggles. “I don’t know how good it would be sitting in a car for that long. We can find somewhere that’s open on campus while we’re on our way back to your place.”
“Sounds good to me.”
We walk over to Violet’s car, and she unlocks it.
When I get inside, I take it all in. The glove compartment, windshield, and A/C vents are in my direct vision. The interior is dark gray with black detailing. Everything is so clean.
“Are you good?” she asks, a concerned expression taking over her face.
“It’s weird to see you have a car. You didn’t have one when we were together.”
“Maybe because I was terrified to drive, but my mother insisted on me getting my license anyway. It’s probably one of the only things I’m glad she made me do. I never thought I’d say something positive about her.”
“That makes two of us.”
She backs out of the parking space and drags the gear shift into reverse. Once we make it onto the road, she lets out a loose breath. “I don’t know if I’ve asked you this, but how’s your mom?”
“She’s good. I don’t talk to her as much as I’d like to because the shelter has somewhat strict rules with contacting loved ones and friends. I think I talked to her last week. The next time I talk to her or see her, I’ll have to tell her we won the homecoming game.”
“Yeah, you do.”
“I want to get her out of there, but being a waitress, she barely makes enough to pay her monthly bills. I want to be able to buy her a house and set her up for retirement when I hopefully get drafted into the NBA. For now, I just want to be there for her. I’m all she has.”
“I know your mom loves you, and I’m sure she’s grateful for everything you do for her. She’s lucky to have you as her son.”
“She would’ve loved to hear you say that.”
“Does the shelter allow visitors?”
“Yes, but on a very limited basis.”
“If you and your mom are comfortable with it, I’d love to visit her sometime.”
“She’d love that. When I visited her a few years back, she asked me how you were doing and what you were up to. She forgot we weren’t in contact at that time, but she’s always cared about you.”
“I never knew your mom thought so highly of me.” Her tone screams innocence.
“How could she not? You’re sweet, caring, and talented. You did so much for me back in high school. You were there for me during the darkest days of my life, and I don’t know if saying thank you will ever be enough.”
Violet closes her mouth, speechlessness taking over her. I can see a few tears threatening to come out of her eyes, but she wipes them away with her index finger.
I think I said too much.
She keeps her eyes on the road, which would be a huge problem if she didn’t. I gave her a case of information overload. I realize that now. It would’ve been much better if I caught it as I was saying all those things, but oh well.
We spend the rest of the drive to my apartment in silence. I’m surprised she didn’t put music on because she used to do that when it was too quiet in the car.
As Violet pulls into a parking space in front of my building, she shifts the gear into park and sits there for a bit.
“Are you okay?” I ask, leaning my head against the headrest and looking in her direction.
“Yeah. I’m not the best when it comes to receiving compliments, and I couldn’t digest all of those things you told me back there. It was a lot.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to bombard you like that.”
“It’s okay. I know you didn’t do it on purpose.” She pushes the engine start/stop button.
Flinging open the passenger’s door, I race over to the driver’s side to open hers because it’s the least I could do.
“Thank you. Not just for getting the door, but for saying all those kind things about me.”
“I meant every word.”
Violet looks down at the ground, her eyes making all the movements they can make. “Uh-oh.”
“What?”
“Willow. I didn’t tell her we left. I’m going to text her.” She whips out her phone, typing away. “Okay, done.”
“You know that Willow is perfectly capable of taking care of herself, right?”
“Yes, but these are people she just met today. I never want to put her in an uncomfortable situation.”
“From what I observed, she didn’t seem uncomfortable. She seemed to fit right in with everybody. I’m sure she’s okay.”
“You’re right. I don’t know why I’m like this.”
“Like what?”
“I care too much.”
“You might see it as a weakness, but I see it as a super strength because there aren’t a lot of people who would go to great lengths to make sure their loved ones are okay.”
“I know you would do that because that’s the kind of person you are. There are so many good people in the world, but these days, we have to search harder for them.”
“Wow, that was dark and poetic at the same time.”
She flattens her lips to form a line. “Sorry. I didn’t mean for you to interpret it that way.”
“You don’t have to apologize.” I walk towards the staircase, gesturing to Violet to follow me. “C’mon, let’s go and surround ourselves with peace and quiet. No loud music. No obnoxious basketball players. No drinking.”
“I want you to take a minute and replay what you just said to me in your head.”
I raise an eyebrow. “Why?”
“Just do it.” She walks up the stairs, turning around and looking at me with her crystal blue eyes.
Goddammit.
“I’m twenty-three. What I said sounded like I was ten years older, but you know what? I don’t care. Honestly, I love quiet time because it’s not something that’s always a part of my daily routine.”
We walk down the hallway of the second floor, inching closer to my apartment.
She stands against the wall closest to the front door. “I feel like when we graduate college, it’s not going to be much different. We’ll be busy with our careers instead of cramming to get homework done and studying for exams.”
“It will be different though. We’ll be doing things we enjoy and genuinely love.
I don’t think there are a lot of college students out there who like doing homework and studying for exams. I mean, I’m sure there are some.
You understand what I’m trying to say, right?
” I get out my key, inserting into the lock.
“Yeah, I’m getting one of the many versions of a Grayson Becker yap session right now.”
“You’d be surprised to hear that I don’t do those too often anymore. Maybe you bring them out of me.” I smirk at her.
Yeah, maybe that’s because you’re nervous as shit around her, bro.
After I put my keys down on the bar counter, I watch as Violet plops down on the sofa like clockwork in the same place we were sitting on a week ago.
“It’s almost like we never left this spot.” I awkwardly smile.
She laughs. “Yeah.”
I cross my arms in front of my chest. “Okay, this question I’m about to ask you is a doozy. It means you don’t have to answer it if you don’t want to, but I’m curious.”
She squints her eyes a little bit. “Curious about what?”
“When you were growing up, was there ever a time where you wished you had different parents and a different brother?”
“I thought about it sometimes, but as weird as it may be, I’m glad I was born into the family I have.
Everything I endured because of them has made me stronger.
” Her chest lightly heaves. “Are there times where I wish they’d apologize for how they treated me?
Yeah, of course I do, but I’ll be surprised if that ever happens.
” She pauses. “Do you wish you had a different father?”
“I did when I was younger. Now, I’ve gotten used to the fact that I don’t have a father.
It’s like you said, everything you endured because of your family made you stronger.
Everything I went through with my dad forced me to grow up faster than I wanted to.
It also helps when you have a great support system, and I had that. I still do.”
“I’m going to run to the bathroom real quick.” She gets up off the sofa, walking over to the bathroom.
“Hey, Vi?”
“Yeah, Gray?”
“I’m going to call the shelter and ask if I can visit my mom tomorrow. Would you like to come with me?
Mental note: call the shelter, and let them know I’m stopping by tomorrow.
Her eyes light up. “I’d love to.”
That was either one of the smartest or one of the dumbest things I’ve ever done.