Chapter 32
‘Oh, Clive.’ Jennifer’s eyes crinkled with sympathy. ‘I’m so sorry to hear about Bethany leaving, I really am.’ She shook her head slightly and stepped aside. ‘Come in. You look awful, you poor thing.’
‘How did you know?’ he asked, following her down the hall and into the living room of Daisyfield Cottage. Then he gave an abrupt laugh. ‘Please don’t tell me the Lavender Ladies have got hold of all this?’
‘No, don’t worry,’ she said, directing him to the armchair nearest the window. ‘Summer confided in me. She’s terribly worried about you and she can’t help feeling responsible.’
‘It’s not her fault,’ he said. ‘This was all me, believe me.’
‘She told me she’d been snooping and had discovered some things that threw Bethany’s motives into doubt,’ Jennifer said cautiously. She sat near him on the sofa and surveyed him with sorrow in her eyes. ‘She doesn’t seem the sort of person who’d behave like that, but Summer says having been caught out she fled back to her friend’s house in Somerset. Surely that’s not true? There must have been another reason she left.’
Clive didn’t know where to start. He gave a slight shrug, knowing this was going to be a difficult conversation.
‘Where are Jamie and Ben?’ he asked warily.
‘Jamie’s gone to the cinema with Eloise,’ she said. ‘And Ben’s round at The White Hart Inn with Summer.’
He nodded, distracted. He’d hoped the boys would both be out with it being a Saturday evening. At least they wouldn’t be interrupted but God knows this was going to be hard.
‘I needed to talk to you,’ he said reluctantly. ‘You see, Bethany leaving, it concerns us.’
‘Oh, Clive, no!’ Jennifer held up her hands in despair. ‘I thought we’d sorted this out. I thought you understood?—’
‘It’s not what you think,’ he told her. ‘Far from it. It’s just, Bethany’s got it into her head that there’s something between us.’
‘Which you denied, obviously.’
‘Of course I did. But…’
She stared at him, her face pale. ‘But what? What did you tell her, Clive?’
‘Nothing. That’s the trouble. I didn’t tell her anything because how could I? And she knew I was lying. Seems she can read me like a book and now she doesn’t trust me. Really, why should she? So she’s gone. As you can see it’s all my fault, not Summer’s.’
Summer might have been the one to do the snooping, for which he’d taken the blame, but that wasn’t what had driven Bethany away. It was his own failure to be honest with her that had done that. But what choice did he have? It was such a difficult situation, and he knew, when he woke up that morning to the realisation that Bethany had left Tuppenny Bridge and returned to Somerset, that if he didn’t do something about it he’d never get her back. Even now, six days after their argument, it might be too late, because when she knew what had happened she might never forgive him. Maybe she’d decide she was right not to trust him because, the truth was, he wasn’t the man she thought he was. He never had been.
‘Oh, Clive.’ Jennifer leaned back in the sofa and sighed, staring out of the window beyond him, her thoughts clearly miles away.
‘I know,’ he said softly. ‘It’s a mess.’
‘You could say that. Just when I thought everything between us was finally sorted out.’ She drummed her fingers on the arm of the sofa, deep in thought. ‘You know,’ she said at last, ‘I really enjoyed the party last Saturday. It was lovely to celebrate with Ben and Summer of course, but I also enjoyed the fact that you were here as a friend, with no barrier between us at last. It’s been a long time since I felt that way.’
He hung his head. ‘I know.’
‘Julian told me,’ she said suddenly, making Clive shoot a puzzled glance at her. ‘What you and he arranged between you. How you were going to step in and take his place after he died.’
Clive reddened. ‘It wasn’t how you think,’ he said.
‘Wasn’t it? Well, it sounded like that to me. He was very ill at the time, but he was insistent that I listen to him.’ Her eyes filled with tears. ‘He told me I wasn’t to worry. That even though he couldn’t be here to take care of me, he’d made arrangements with you, and you were going to ensure Ben, Jamie and I would want for nothing.’
‘Is that why…?’ Clive shook his head. ‘Is that why you wanted nothing to do with me? Why you made it very clear I wasn’t wanted in any capacity.’
‘You know, I loved Julian very much,’ she said, ‘but I was furious. Furious with the pair of you. How dare you arrange my future for me that way? Was I supposed to just sit back and meekly accept that, from then on, you would be taking care of me and my children? Like I was some favourite possession to be handed down in a will! As if I had no mind of my own.’
‘He was just trying to protect you,’ Clive said. ‘That’s all. He was worried you wouldn’t manage on your own and he knew he could rely on me…’ His voice trailed off and he added miserably, ‘At least, he thought he could.’
‘I’m not a trinket to be passed from one person to the next,’ she told him. ‘I didn’t say anything to Julian of course. Not that I’m sure he’d have taken it in anyway. He wasn’t really in any state to at the time. I thought it would be kinder to let him think I’d go along with his ridiculous plans. But you! I can’t believe you agreed to that. What were you thinking?’
‘I tried to persuade him it wasn’t a good idea,’ Clive said wearily. ‘He was so insistent and, in the end, I thought it would be better for him to believe that’s what would happen. When he extracted that promise we didn’t know for certain what the prognosis would be anyway. I hoped he’d pull through and we could both forget we’d ever had the conversation. He was just worried; he didn’t want all the responsibility to fall on Leon’s shoulders. I’m sorry, Jennifer. I just wanted to take one of the worries off Julian’s mind, that’s all. I never really thought I’d be keeping that promise. Not in the way he meant anyway. I intended to help you out as much as I could, but I never assumed I could just step in and marry you the way Julian imagined.’
Jennifer was quiet for a moment. ‘When Julian told me, I thought…’
Clive gave her a bemused look. ‘You thought what?’ Then his face cleared. ‘Oh no. You didn’t? No wonder you put the barriers up. You thought that what happened was because of the promise I’d made to Julian. That I didn’t really care. That it meant nothing!’
Jennifer wrapped her arms around herself defensively. ‘I was so hurt,’ she admitted. ‘I felt betrayed by you both.’
‘I’m so sorry,’ he said. ‘It was never like that, I promise you. I would never have done that!’
‘I suppose I knew deep down,’ she said sadly. ‘You’re not that sort of person, are you? But the truth is, I was so terribly unhappy, and in so much pain that it was easier to be angry with you and punish you then face up to the truth. And the fact is it was easily as much my fault as yours. More really. I knew how you felt about me, and I took advantage of that for my own selfish reasons. If anyone owes anyone an apology it’s me to you.’
She gazed up at him with tear-filled eyes. ‘I really am sorry. The way I’ve treated you all these years, and after everything you’ve done for Ben…’
‘Don’t, Jennifer,’ he begged her. ‘Don’t cry. There’s been enough sadness in your life. Please don’t let me be the cause of any more. It’s done now. Over with.’
‘Except it isn’t,’ she pointed out. ‘It’s still causing you problems. Bethany’s left because you couldn’t be honest with her and, knowing you, that was for my benefit, wasn’t it?’
‘It’s not just my secret to tell,’ he reminded her gently. ‘I couldn’t betray you like that.’
She shook her head, looking anguished. ‘It was one night, Clive. Just one night! Did I really deserve to be punished so badly for it?’
‘Of course not.’ He sat beside her and put his arms around her. ‘No one deserves what you went through. I’ve hated myself ever since so I didn’t blame you for pushing me away. I thought it was all about that. I had no idea Julian had told you about the promise I’d made him. No wonder you wanted nothing to do with me. But, Jennifer, you must believe me, I did love you. I always loved you from the moment I met you. Otherwise none of that would have happened, I swear to you, promise or no promise.’
She nodded, wiping her eyes with her sleeve. ‘Clive, you have to tell Bethany,’ she said at last.
He frowned, not sure she was thinking straight. ‘That’s an awful big leap of faith,’ he said. ‘Not just for me but for you. Especially for you. You have far more to lose than I do if she can’t keep a secret.’
‘If you don’t risk it she’ll never come back to you,’ Jennifer said. ‘And you want her back, don’t you?’ She peered into his eyes, a slight smile on her lips. ‘I’m right, aren’t I? You do want her?’
He hesitated, not wanting to hurt her any more. ‘Aye,’ he said at last. ‘I’m in love with her, Jennifer.’
‘I’m so glad,’ Jennifer said, her smile widening. ‘You deserve this, Clive. You really do. So you see, we have no choice. You must tell her. There’s no other way because she’ll see right through you, and anyway, that’s no way to begin a relationship.’
‘I was going to ask you,’ he admitted. ‘That’s why I came here today, for your permission.’
She shook her head, a look of amazement on her face. ‘You see? You didn’t just tell her and save your skin. You wanted my permission first. And that, Clive, is why you deserve to be happy. Why you deserve to be loved. You have my permission. Go to Bethany and tell her what happened between us. If you trust her, I trust her. Do you trust her?’
He hesitated. ‘She’s been acting strange. Doing things without telling me.’
‘That’s not what I asked,’ she said. ‘Summer told me all that and I agree it looks odd, but that doesn’t mean it’s an open and shut case. So I’ll ask you again. Do you trust her?’
He nodded. ‘I do, yes. I was just so hurt when I found out she’d rung the sanctuary and then there was the whole demolition thing, but maybe she’s got her reasons. She’s a good person, and I know she’s grown to care for the animals in her care. I was wrong about the estate agents. She was looking to buy a house round here so she could stay with me. So yes, I was wrong to react the way I did. I trust her.’
‘So go to her and sort this out,’ Jennifer said. ‘Only when you’ve both been completely honest with each other will you know if you have a future together.’
‘You’re right,’ he said. ‘Thank you.’
‘Thank you, Clive,’ she said, putting her arms around him and hugging him tightly. ‘For all you’ve done for Ben, for what you tried to do for Julian, and for putting up with me after what happened. You have the patience of a saint. We’ve both been so unhappy for so long, but it’s time for us to grab life and start living again, isn’t it?’
He smiled. ‘It is. And we will.’
He just hoped he hadn’t pushed Bethany too far. He needed her to understand and forgive him, but was that asking too much when he’d been unable to understand and forgive himself for so many years?