Chapter 33
Bethany had barely slept that night. She’d tossed and turned in her old bed in Helena’s spare room and had finally given up at five in the morning, getting up as quietly as she could and heading downstairs to make coffee for herself.
Helena rose at seven, wandering into the kitchen yawning. She frowned when she saw Bethany sitting at the table and, shaking her head in despair, she tightened the belt on her dressing gown and headed to the coffee machine.
‘Would you like a top up?’ she asked, nodding at the mug in front of Bethany.
‘That would be good, thanks.’
Bethany drained her mug and carried it over to where Helena was taking another one out of the cupboard.
‘I take it you didn’t exactly have a good night’s sleep?’ Helena asked sympathetically.
‘You could say that. Honestly, I can’t believe the way things have turned out. Just as I thought my life was finally beginning to make sense.’
Her eyes filled with tears again and she blinked them away. She’d never felt so lost and alone and given her past that was saying something.
‘Sit down,’ Helena said gently. ‘I’ll bring your coffee over.’
Minutes later they sat opposite each other at the table in thoughtful silence.
‘It won’t do to brood you know,’ Helena said at last. ‘I knew it would be a mistake for you to go back to Tuppenny Bridge. After everything that went on there when you were younger how could you ever think you’d be happy there? All those plans you made! I was so worried about you. I really couldn’t understand what was keeping you there.’ She shook her head. ‘I can’t believe you fell for that vet! I mean, the man who did nothing but emotionally blackmail you and try to manipulate you into keeping Whispering Willows, just because of his devotion to your brother. It’s crazy.’
‘He was just thinking of the animals,’ Bethany said sadly.
‘Yes, and to hell with what was best for you! And the minute he discovered you were going ahead with the sale he just dropped you, as if you’d never mattered at all.’ She shook her head. ‘You always were too trusting you know.’
Bethany bit her lip as the thought popped into her mind that Helena might be right about that because look how trusting she’d been of her and Ted. She could hardly say that, though. They were her friends and hadn’t meant to hurt her, so it wouldn’t be fair. Even so, she couldn’t agree with Helena’s verdict on Clive.
‘He didn’t emotionally blackmail me or manipulate me,’ she said reluctantly. ‘He was the one who warned me about spending money on the house and stables, remember? If he’d really wanted me to stay at any cost he’d have been all for it.’
‘I think he was just being clever,’ Helena said. ‘Calling your bluff. That’s what I mean about manipulation. By making you think he was only saying that for your sake he actually made you believe it was your decision. Really it was what he intended all along. I know his sort. Thank goodness you saw through him in the end before you’d wasted too much money. I’ll bet he got an awful shock when he saw the note about the meeting with the estate agent.’
Bethany hesitated, reluctant to burst Helena’s bubble. She could imagine the scorn on her friend’s face if she told her the whole truth and decided a partial confession would suffice. ‘The meeting wasn’t about Whispering Willows,’ she said. ‘It was to view another house in Tuppenny Bridge.’
Helena’s face was a picture. ‘You’re joking? You seriously considered staying in that town after everything you said?’
Feeling stupid Bethany had to admit she’d done more than consider it. She’d made her mind up.
‘Well!’ Helena sipped her coffee, her eyes narrowed. ‘I guess Clive did you a favour in the end then. Snooping around, prying into your private business. At least now you know what sort of man he is, and you don’t have to feel bad about leaving. Good job he showed his true colours before you did something foolish and signed a contract.’
Bethany couldn’t reply. She was feeling too emotional to speak.
Helena sighed and squeezed her hand. ‘I’m sorry, Bethany. I can see this is hard for you and I really wish I could make it better. I’m just sad you had to go through all this, even though I did warn you that it would be a mistake to go back there. I wish you’d listened to me.’
‘So do I,’ Bethany managed.
If she hadn’t returned to Tuppenny Bridge she’d never have met Clive and would never have experienced what it felt like to fall in love. She was heartbroken that it was over, but was the heartbreak worth it? Would she really have preferred to live her life without ever knowing the joy of loving someone so completely and overwhelmingly? She wasn’t entirely sure she would.
She may be feeling devastated right now, but she’d had such good times in Tuppenny Bridge. Not just with Clive, but with Daisy and Clemmie and Kat and Jonah. With kind Miss Lavender and the funny Pennyfeather sisters. At the opening of the art academy and Kat’s hen party. Eating breakfast every morning with Maya and Lennox, sitting round the table at Whispering Willows. Making tea strong enough to stand the spoon in for Lennox and weak enough to barely colour the water for Maya. Dancing with Clive at Kat and Jonah’s wedding…
She felt an almost unbearable weight of sadness pressing on her chest. The thought that she’d never see all those people again was so painful she couldn’t stand it. How was she going to get through the rest of her life now? She’d started to feel like part of the community, and she’d truly thought they liked her. She was sure they had.
But then, she’d thought Clive loved her, and he’d let her go so easily.
I never wanted you to stay here just for me, Bethany. I never expected it, and I wouldn’t have asked it of you.
But why not? Why hadn’t he expected it? Why wouldn’t he ask it of her? Why hadn’t he wanted her to stay just for him? Because she hadn’t mattered anywhere as much to him as she’d thought?
So it must be about Jennifer, she thought wretchedly. Why else had he lied about her? No matter how much it hurt she simply had to put the last few weeks behind her and start again. Back to house hunting. Back to searching for that elusive forever home.
She glanced around her at Helena’s smart, modern kitchen.
‘You’ve done a great job with this place,’ she told her. ‘What did the kids think to it?’
Helena smiled. ‘Oh, they loved it. They were very impressed with the renovations and the boys adored the garden. They were outside playing for hours each day. They want me to get a tree house put in at the end of the garden. I looked online and can you believe there are companies that actually do that? I thought I might have it done for them before the summer holidays as a surprise.’
‘You won’t have long,’ Bethany observed. ‘It’s June now.’
‘Oh, if I offer them enough money they’ll fit me in,’ Helena said airily. ‘Anything for my grandchildren.’
She gazed round the kitchen, a satisfied smile on her lips. ‘It’s not bad here,’ she admitted. ‘And it’s far cheaper to run than the old house and in a much more convenient location.’
‘Do you miss the old house?’ Bethany asked, curious. ‘It must have been a wrench leaving it, with all your memories of Ted.’
‘Not really.’ Helena patted her chest. ‘Ted’s in here, not in a pile of bricks and mortar. He’d have understood. He might have owned that house for a long time, but he was never emotionally attached to it after all. As he said, it’s the people in it that make a house a home. A house on its own is just a shell.’
Bethany nodded. ‘I suppose you’re right. I never thought about it before, but Ted wasn’t particularly fond of it, was he? Maybe it’s because it was a family home and he never got to choose it for himself.’
Although, she thought suddenly, if that was the case why hadn’t Ted sold it and bought himself somewhere else? When he married Bethany it would have been the perfect time to do so. They could have chosen somewhere together. Or if not then when he’d married Helena.
Helena laughed. ‘Why would he bother? As far as Ted was concerned it was just a place to stay. As long as he had all his comforts around him he didn’t care where it was. Why do you think he got interior designers to sort out the décor for him? He really had far more important things to think about than a house.’
‘And that didn’t upset you?’
Helena looked astounded. ‘Why on earth would it? It saved me a job. After you left he offered to have the whole place redecorated so I could make it my own but, as I said to him, nothing in there was to your taste anyway so what did it matter? It was stylish and comfortable, so why put ourselves through all that upheaval?’ Her mouth twitched in amusement. ‘It’s not as if it was ever as dire as Whispering Willows. Now that sounds truly awful. I don’t know how you stood it there as long as you did.’
Bethany thought about the old house in the Dales where she’d grown up. It was in an awful state now, but it hadn’t been bad when she was little. She’d been shocked and saddened to see how much it had been neglected. But she knew from photographs how lovely it had looked in her grandparents’ day, and before that it had been a grand house. It was only after the First World War that a whole wing of the house had been demolished to make it cheaper and more manageable. Before that it had been much larger, and she could imagine how proud the Parkinsons must have been when they first purchased such an amazing property.
She felt a sudden anger towards her father who had brought nothing but sadness and despair to Whispering Willows. The house hadn’t deserved that. Neither had the people within it.
‘I’ll need to talk to my solicitor,’ she said listlessly. ‘I must sort things out once and for all. And I need to call Summer.’
‘Summer?’
‘The manager of the sanctuary. She needs to be put in the picture.’
At least she thought, she could put the girl’s mind at rest at last. And she had some good news that might even put a smile on Clive’s face, even though she wouldn’t be there to see it.
Helena gave her a suspicious look. ‘What are you up to?’
Bethany shrugged. ‘Nothing much. Just, I’ve decided not to sell Whispering Willows.’
‘What? But I don’t understand! That was the whole point of you returning—to get it ready for sale. Surely you’re not going back there? Please tell me this isn’t about that vet.’
‘No,’ Bethany said. ‘It’s about the house and the horses. The fact is, I don’t want the house pulling down or turning into some glorified guest house or a holiday park. And as for the animals…’ She shook her head, more certain than ever that she was doing the right thing. ‘I can’t let them go. Whispering Willows is their home. I wanted to tell Clive that day but never got the chance. I’m going to keep it running. Put Summer in charge and pay her a proper wage.’
‘Are you insane? Have you any idea how expensive that will be?’
‘Yes. Which is why I want to see my solicitor. I need to look into setting up a registered charity. I’m sure Summer will be all for it and of course I’ll hire more people to help her.’
‘And the house?’
‘I’ll get it renovated and rent it out. I’m sure I’ll find tenants for it easily enough, but even if I don’t I’ll be able to let it as a holiday home. That will pay for its maintenance going forward.’
Helena stared at her. ‘You’ve really thought this through.’
‘Of course I have. The truth is,’ she said, taking her courage in both hands, ‘I realised something while I was living in Tuppenny Bridge.’
Even as she said the words it finally struck her how true it was. She’d never articulated the thought to herself before but now it was there, fully formed in her mind, and it was a revelation.
‘I thought I was incapable of love. Of any deep feeling at all. I’d been so withdrawn and closed off for so long that I forgot what true emotion felt like. But being back there changed me. The truth is, I enjoyed being part of the community. I realised that I liked the company of my neighbours and that, given time, they could become friends. I fell in love with Clive—something I never could have imagined in my wildest dreams. And no, it didn’t work out, but I’m still glad I got to experience it because I never thought I would. And as for Whispering Willows…’ She paused, shaking her head in amazement. ‘Maybe that’s been the biggest revelation of them all. What happened to me there, living in the shadow of my father’s behaviour and my mother’s suicide, it coloured my whole perception of the place. I detested that house and all I wanted to do was get rid of it.’
‘But now you don’t,’ Helena said flatly.
‘No, I don’t. I can’t. Because the thing is, Hels, what Joseph created there mattered. Those horses, ponies, and donkeys, they’d suffered. No one wanted them. They’d been hurt and abused or cast out because they were too old. But Joseph took them in and cared for them. He gave them new hope and a future they might never have had otherwise. Whispering Willows is a place of love and compassion, and I’m not about to shut that down. Ted was right, you know.’
Helena gave her a puzzled look. ‘About what?’
‘It’s the people that make a house a home. A house on its own is just a shell. And Joseph—despite everything he’d suffered from our father—made Whispering Willows a home. For the animals he loved, who loved him back. It isn’t a place of misery and despair at all, and that’s what took me so long to see. Joseph transformed it into a welcoming and loving home, not for himself but for them. That’s why he spent all his money on the sanctuary and let the house decay. He was thinking with his heart and I, for one, am very grateful that he did.’
Helena pushed her coffee cup away. ‘Are you saying… Bethany, are you saying you forgive Joseph?’
Bethany swallowed. ‘I don’t know what happened to him, Hels. I don’t know why he betrayed me, or why he never apologised or tried to make it up with me. I don’t know what went wrong and the fact is, I never will now. Can I forgive him for that? Maybe not. Not fully. But at least I can step back and see the bigger picture. Who he was. What he tried to do. Maybe after Father’s behaviour he was too damaged to love another human being, but he had the capacity to show love for other living creatures, which proves to me that he wasn’t a bad person.’
She wrapped her arms around herself, wishing she’d seen that earlier. ‘I forgot that for so many years. I forgot about how he used to look after me and protect me, how he used to coax Mother outside and try to cheer her up. I got lost in the bitterness and where did it get me? I ended up as closed off as he was in the end. Worse maybe, because I couldn’t even express my love to the horses I used to love so much. I was afraid they’d get through my armour, make me vulnerable. But loving Clive has made me see that, sometimes, the pain is worth it. I wouldn’t have missed these past few weeks for anything. I’ve never been happier. So maybe I haven’t totally forgiven Joseph, but I don’t hate him any more. I can look back and remember him with love. And you know what, that makes me happier than I’ve felt in decades, despite everything that’s happened.’
She looked up and gave a wry smile, seeing the stunned look on Helena’s face.
‘You think I’m mad, don’t you?’
To her amazement, a tear rolled down her friend’s cheek.
‘No, Bethany. I don’t think you’re mad. But I think you’re going to be shocked by what I have to tell you now.’ She slipped off the chair and held out her hand. ‘You’d better come with me.’