Chapter 35
An hour later, I walk up to the hotel room alone. My shoes are off, dangling on my finger at my side. My mascara is smeared across my face from my tears. I look like a zombie bride that just broke out of her casket.
It’s not a good look.
I’m seriously rethinking all the reasons why I’ve never purchased waterproof mascara.
I open the door to our suite, letting it shut behind me. My eyes immediately go to Matt’s bedroom. The door is open, and the lights are off.
“Matt?” I call as I walk closer. I glance around. His clothes and suitcase are gone, and I begin to panic. I rush to my room. I’m not sure why. It’s not like he’s going to be hanging out on my bed. My eyes go to a folded paper on my nightstand with my name on the front. I pick it up, slowly lowering myself to the mattress as I open the note.
Remi,
I’m not writing this note to make things hard on you. I love you. I’ll probably love you the rest of my life, but I don’t think my heart can take losing you again and again. I want you to be happy, and although it hurts, if I’m not the man that brings out the best in you, if I’m not the man that makes you feel loved and secure, then I’m bowing out. Because you deserve to be happy. You deserve to find someone that makes you feel safe. I wish it were me. I wish I was the one that could help you overcome all the hardships that you’ve gone through, that could give you the happy ending you deserve. But since I’m not, I’m leaving.
I’ve decided to take a few days and drive to Tampa to visit my dad. I’ll always care about you and wish you the very best. And if our paths happen to cross in the future, I’ll be happy to see you. I love you.
Matt
My tears started falling the second I read his first words, and they haven’t stopped. The thing is, Matt is the man that brings out the best in me. He is the man that makes me feel loved, secure, and safe. I’ve been a complete idiot. I ruined the only good relationship I’ve ever had because I’m scared.
I hate myself for being such a coward. I keep letting my mommy issues ruin my life, and I don’t even know how to stop myself.
I’m tired of fearing the what-ifs.
I’m tired of running away from the good things that life has to offer.
I’m tired of feeling like I’m not enough.
I stand, brushing the tears off my cheek.
I have to choose my future instead of focusing on my past.