25. Willow
Willow
AUGUST
I miss you.
Beck’s text message plays through my mind every single day since he sent it four days ago. I was sleeping when he sent it, but I texted him back as soon as I woke up.
Me: I miss you too <3
I was surprised that he messaged me to begin with.
I thought he would’ve wanted a clean split.
After all, he spent all summer telling me we couldn’t be anything more than friends.
I promised him one night and that no one would know.
I’ve kept that promise. I didn’t even tell Macy that we slept together, and I’ve tried to not text or call him so that he can have his space.
Get his life back to how it was before I showed up again.
But he said he missed me first.
He misses me. And I can’t stop wondering why he sent that and then nothing afterward.
Yeah, I’ve heard nothing from him since.
I’m trying not to let it consume me. After all, I’m in Italy with my best friend, living our best lives.
But Beck is always on my mind. How could he not be?
Just because I don’t see him every day doesn’t mean I don’t still love him.
Or Jade, for that matter. I want to know how she’s doing in school.
I want to see her dressed in her cute new outfits we picked out. I want to be there with both of them.
But my days here are pretty busy, so it’s easy to keep myself distracted.
Macy and I spend our mornings teaching English to kids in Italy and our afternoons in class at the University in Rome.
So far, we’ve made it to the Colosseum, Trevi Fountain, and the Vatican.
We spend our evenings eating delicious food and drinking wine with our classmates.
It’s everything I could’ve possibly wanted.
But every sight I see, every delicious pasta I eat, every spoonful of gelato I have, I store it in my mind in hopes that one day I can come back here with Beck and Jade and experience it again with the two of them.
“Why the long face?” Macy asks, sitting down across from me in the little cafe near our dorm. She slides my americano across the table.
I quickly smile, wiping away any evidence that I was deep in thought. “Oh, I don’t know. Just thinking I guess.”
“About?”
“School,” I say quickly. We do have a fairly large amount of work to do. Not that I mind, especially when we’re in Rome.
“Girl, quit lying to me.”
My brows furrow. “What?”
“When are you going to admit that you miss your cowboy?” she asks.
“I-what?”
“Come on, Willow. I’m your best friend. I know something is up. You haven’t spoken a word about Beck since you showed up at our apartment with Sawyer. I know you can’t go from seeing him every day to not thinking about him at all.”
I sigh, and my shoulders fall. I bring my hands up to my face to cover my eyes. “God, I miss him so much.”
“There it is.” I drop my hands and see her smile. “You don’t have to hide it from me.”
“I know. It’s just talking about it makes it feel so real,” I explain.
“It is real. You fell in love, and now you miss him. Have you talked to him?” she asks.
I shake my head. “No, not really. A few texts here and there, but nothing substantial.”
“Why don’t you call him?”
“Well…” Why haven’t I called him? I was trying to give him space to get his life back to normal, but he says he misses me. Maybe he’s waiting on me. “I don’t know.”
Macy rolls her eyes. “Call him, babe. I bet he’s sitting there wishing you would.”
“Yeah. Maybe I will.”
“Not right now, though, because we’ve got to get to class. Let’s go!”
I look at the time and jump up. “Oh man, we’re gonna be late!”
Macy laughs because she has no problem showing up late anywhere, but I, on the other hand, pride myself on always being on time. We gather our things and rush off toward campus.
After classes are done for the day, Macy and I have a late dinner with our friends before we make it back to our dorm. Macy leaves me to go take a shower, but I think she’s really trying to give me space so I can call Beck.
I pace the room a few times with my phone in my hand. I want to call him. I want to hear his voice. But what if he doesn’t want to hear from me?
I take one more deep breath before I press his name on my phone screen. If he doesn’t want to talk to me, then I guess I’ll know where he stands, and I can move on with my life.
It rings and rings and rings until I think it’s going to voicemail, when the ringing finally stops.
“Willow?” His deep voice comes through the phone.
“Beck. Um, hi.”
“Is everything ok?”
“Yeah, yeah. Everything is fine. I just… are you busy?” God, I sound like an idiot.
“No, I’m not busy. I was just in the shower. Just give me a sec and let me grab a towel.”
I hear him turn the water off, and that makes me smile. He got out of the shower to take my call. I guess that means he does want to talk to me.
“Ok, I’m back. What’s going on?” he asks.
I sit down on my bed. “Not much. I guess I just wanted to hear your voice. Is—Is this ok? Me calling you?”
He exhales. “Yeah, baby. This is ok. I’ve been missing you.”
He called me baby. I will not cry. I will not cry. I will not….
Ok, there’s a tear rolling down my cheek. Maybe I’ll cry a little bit.
“You texted me and then… nothing,” I say. I don’t have to ask him why. He knows what I’m asking.
“I know. I guess I’ve been trying to give you space so you can enjoy your time in Italy. I don’t want you to feel like you’re tied down to this place because of me.”
So we were both trying to give each other space when neither one of us wanted it. Idiots.
“I’m having a blast in Italy. But… I also don’t think it would be so bad to be tied down to Blue Haven, you know? Like, I’m not sure those two things are mutually exclusive.”
He chuckles, and it sends warmth straight to my stomach. “Yeah, I guess they’re not.”
There’s a moment of silence where neither one of us knows what to say next. This feels like such a delicate situation, and I don’t want to ruin it by saying too much or asking too much, and I imagine he feels the same way.
Finally, he breaks the silence. “Well, tell me what Italy is like.”
I smile and lie down on my bed. “It’s beautiful, Beck.”
I tell him everything from our sightseeing adventures to us teaching and all my classes. He listens intently and asks questions every now and then. When Macy comes back in the room, I move out to our shared area in the building so that I don’t disturb her.
Beck tells me about Jade and how he misses not having her around as much now that Gemma is back in town. I hate that he’s lonely, but he assures me he’s ok. The ranch seems to be keeping him busy.
When I yawn for the fifth time, Beck says, “Baby, I think you need to get to bed.”
It’s after midnight here, but with the time difference, he’s probably getting ready to have dinner. “I know,” I say glumly. I don’t want to hang up.
“We can talk again. You call me whenever you want, alright?”
“Are you sure it’s ok? I don’t want to bother you.”
“Willow, I could listen to you talk all day and all night. You’d never bother me.
The only thing that would bother me is if you aren’t living your life because you’re sitting around talking to me.
So if you happen to have a free evening or you want to say goodnight, I’m here.
But I want you to enjoy your time in Italy. I’ll be here when you get back.”
“You promise?” I ask.
“I promise.”
He’ll be there when I get back. I want to ask if that means we’re together-together, but it doesn’t feel like the right time. I just know that I love him and that he feels something for me. If it’s meant to be, we can make it through the next few months being apart.
“Alright, well, will you give Jade a hug from me? And send me pictures. I miss her.”
He laughs. “I will. She misses you, too. Trust me.”
“Alright…” I hesitate because I don’t want to hang up.
“Hey, Willow? Thanks for calling,” he says.
I smile even though he can’t see me. “Thanks for answering.”
“Good night, baby.”
“Good night, Beck.”
Reluctantly, I hang up the phone. I lie down on the couch and hold the phone to my chest. I feel so much better now that I’ve gotten to talk to him.
Even if we aren’t anything, it still feels good to hear his voice.
And he called me baby, which I’m probably reading too much into but still. I liked it.
After a moment of soaking in my giddiness, I sit up and make my way back to my room. It’s late, and I have to teach in the morning, so I need to get to bed. But tonight, when I close my eyes, I imagine Beck next to me, and it helps me drift right to sleep.