27. Willow
Willow
I’ve been on edge since I woke up and saw Beck’s text. Of course I immediately called him, worried that something had happened to him. He answered after only a couple of rings and gave me the breakdown of what happened with Sawyer the night before.
My heart sank when Beck told me how upset Sawyer was.
I knew he would be. That’s Sawyer’s nature.
He’s always been protective over me. But I guess maybe I’d hoped that he would be happy I fell in love with Beck and not some random guy who would probably break my heart in a couple of years anyway.
Sawyer knows Beck. He trusts him. It shouldn’t be an issue beyond the initial shock of our age difference.
Maybe Sawyer is taking some time to process it because I haven’t heard from him at all. Not a text, no call, not even a heart on my social media story from last night. Maybe he knows he overreacted, or maybe he’s waiting for the right moment to call me and chew me out.
Either way, I’m expecting something from him. So, I’m not surprised when my phone rings late afternoon and his picture pops up. I answer it hoping that he’ll be open-minded and willing to hear me out.
“Hey, Sawyer.” I figure it’s best to pretend like I don’t know what’s going on. Honestly, I have no idea what the best approach is, so I’m just going to let him lead.
“Willow.” Ok, yeah, he’s still mad.
“Is everything ok?” I ask.
“I don’t know. Why don’t you tell me?”
I don’t answer immediately. I’m not sure if he’s looking for me to confirm what Beck told him or to tell him it’s not true. “What do you mean?”
“I had an interesting conversation with Beck last night,” he says.
“Oh, yeah?”
“Yeah. Care to explain to me what the hell you’re thinking?”
Ok, I guess we’re going to dive right in. “I-I love him, Sawyer.”
“Are you kidding me, Willow? He’s twelve years older than you. Is this some childhood fantasy you’ve had that you’re trying to play out or something?”
“What? No. Of course not.” I’m offended he would even ask that.
“Really, because I remember the way you used to look at him.”
“Ok, that’s not fair. Yeah, obviously I thought he was attractive, but it was nothing more than that until this summer.”
“Did he…” He trails off as if he’s hesitant to ask the rest of the question.
“Did he what?”
“Did he force himself on you?”
“Oh my god, Sawyer, no! If anything, it was me that came on to him. He kept a firm line between us.”
“He’s an adult, Willow. He obviously didn’t try hard enough.”
“I’m an adult too.”
He scoffs. “Barely.”
“Maybe, but I’m still an adult. I still understand that my actions have consequences and I also know how I feel.”
“Do you understand the consequences of your actions? He has a kid, Willow. What are you gonna do, jump in and play mommy?”
“No, I’m not, although I do love Jade. Beck and I aren’t rushing into anything.
He didn’t want to. He wants me to enjoy my semester abroad.
Which I am. And he wants me to finish school and find the job that I want before we make any big decisions.
We’re not together as much as I wish that weren’t the case.
He’s looking out for me as well as Jade.
But when the time comes, Sawyer, you need to know that I will choose Beck.
You need to come to terms with the fact that once I’m home, Beck and I will be together. ”
“You don’t even like Blue Haven and now you’re coming home for him?” he asks.
“The time away did me some good. Coming home made me realize that it’s not so bad. I’m allowed to change my mind.”
“This is fucked up, Willow.”
I sigh. “I’m sorry you see it like that.”
“How else am I supposed to see it? He helped raise you for Christ’s sake. He’s not supposed to be with you like this.”
“Sawyer, he’s your best friend. You know him. You know he’s a good man.”
“Yeah, well, I’m starting to rethink everything I’ve ever known.”
“Neither one of us wanted to hurt you, ok? I don’t want you to be mad at us, but this really isn’t about you. It’s about me and Beck. I know you don’t want to ruin your friendship or our relationship because of this.”
“I think he ruined our friendship the second he started thinking of you as anything other than a sister.”
“Sawyer… come on.”
“It feels like I failed you,” he says suddenly.
“What? Why?”
“You were supposed to grow up, have a normal life. Go to college. Meet someone age-appropriate to fall in love with. Do all the things kids your age do. But instead, I kept you too involved in my own life, surrounded by people my age.”
“You didn’t fail me. If anything, you gave me the courage to be myself. I mean, look at me. I’m in Italy living my dreams. I’m almost done with school. I’m happy, I’m healthy, and I’m in love. Who I’m in love with shouldn’t matter.”
“But it does. It does in this case, Willow.” He sighs. “Listen, I love you. That will never change. But I need time to process this. I’m not happy about it, and I think you need to really think about what you’re doing, alright?”
“Alright,” I agree even though I’ve spent enough time thinking about it. I know I want Beck. I just hope that his feelings for me don’t change before I graduate and come home.
“I’ve got to go. I’ll talk to you soon.”
He doesn’t give me a chance to say anything else before he hangs up.
I look up to see Macy standing by the doorway. I didn’t even hear her come up.
“That didn’t sound like it went well.” She sits on her bed across from me.
“It certainly could’ve gone better.”
“He’s mad?” she asks.
I nod. “Very.”
“Sorry, babe. I’m sure he’ll get over it.”
“Yeah, let’s hope.”
“Come on. I know what can cheer you up,” she says.
“Oh yeah?”
“Yeah. Pizza!”
I laugh. “That would definitely help.”
She grabs my hand, and I barely have time to get my wallet before she’s pulling me out of our room and onto the streets of Rome.
Now that it’s fall, there’s a small breeze, but the sun still makes it feel warm during the day.
Macy and I walk through the busy streets until we get to the little pizza place that we found our first week here.
It’s so small that there’s usually not much of a line because the tourists are all going for the larger places.
It smells like Italian spices and charred crust, which makes my stomach growl.
We each order a slice and sit at one of the few tiny tables placed throughout the restaurant.
“You’re gonna be ok, Willow,” Macy says.
I nod. “Yeah, I know. It’d just be easier if Sawyer was on board.”
“I know. But life can’t always be easy. You know that better than anyone. And once we’re back in the States, you can go get your man. If it’s meant to be, you two will get through this together.”
I reach across the table and grab her hand in a quick squeeze. “Thanks, Mace. I couldn’t do this without you.”
“I know. You’re so lucky to have a best friend like me.”
She smiles, and we both burst out laughing, but she’s right.
I am lucky to have a best friend like her.
She was exactly what I needed when I left Blue Haven for the first time.
She helped me figure out who I really am.
She pushed me out of my comfort zone while being my rock the entire time.
I truly don’t think I would be the person I am today if it weren’t for Macy.
I’m also lucky to be in love with a man who puts me first and wants what’s best for me. And even though he’s pissed, I’m lucky to have an older brother who cares so much about me.
This is a little blip in our story, and I’m confident that we’ll work this out.
I have to have hope.
There is no other choice.
After pizza, we get gelato because it’s the perfect way to end the night before we hole ourselves up in our room to finish some assignments for the next week.
I’m going to miss Italy when this semester is over. But I’m also excited to get back home to start my life with the people I love. Who’d have thought I’d be excited to go back to Blue Haven? The one place I couldn’t wait to get out of.