Chapter 5
Alexiana – Age Twenty-Six
My phone buzzes against my hand as I lean over the boards and breathe in the icy cold air, taking it in, my eyes on the ice that I know if I step on, I’ll be fired, and my disappointment, as always, fills me along with loneliness.
“I swear, baby, a biker and ice just don’t fucking mix,” Hayes says as his legs wobble, and I giggle as I skate over to him and grip his hands, forcing him to grab my hips, and I say, “Just hold on, and I’ll guide us…”
I swallow back tears as I look at my old phone, which beeps with a voicemail, and I whisper, “Right on time…” as I spin the phone in my hand, knowing I only have five minutes to listen to it or get the courage to listen to it before I have to leave.
I’ve been at work since eight thirty. My feet hurt, my back aches, and I know I still need to do three hours of community college coursework later.
I guess the one thing I can give Hayes is that he gave me the courage to enroll in college, even if it is only part-time in accounting.
No, it isn’t something I want to do, especially when math was always difficult for me, the only subject I required extra help with, but right now that is where the money is, and I need money.
My job right now can’t sustain us much longer, and I’ve already received written notice from the apartment complex about overdue rent.
I look at the ice again as my eyes tear up, but I breathe through them, willing them not to form.
I’ve been working at Rose Hill Stadium since leaving Hill Crest, running their small café for six hours a day without a break. It’s a job I had lined up before Hayes, a job I subconsciously never refused, even after dating him, which should have said a lot, really.
I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop.
I look at my old phone, something I just couldn’t seem to part with and bite my bottom lip.
I used the excuse that I needed to keep in contact with my mom, that I couldn’t just abandon her.
When I heard Dad in the background telling her to demand where I was, that one of his men is buying me, I hung up and haven’t spoken to her since.
I kept the phone and most days I don’t even know why especially since over the years, I’ve received several photos, mainly of Hayes with Roxy.
The first one was of him with his head thrown back and her chest as she rode him not even five days after I left, and they just progressed after that.
Breaking my heart until I received a photo of a baby six years ago, the name Marley James Smith in the caption and then one of Hayes holding said baby, looking at it lovingly.
I blocked that number, unable to deal anymore, my heart breaking but again, I kept the phone.
I bite my bottom lip, eyeing the device.
For eight years, every day he has left me a message around this time, and it confuses me because he sounds heartbroken. He says all the right things, yet he’s had a kid with her, and he's moved on from me, he chose his club.
I swallow hard and look at the ice again, knowing I only have three minutes left until I need to leave.
Once, that is all I wanted, just once for someone to pick me, and instead of seeing the error of his ways, instead of realizing the trust he broke and needed to regain, he chose his club when his dad had basically dismissed him.
I eye my phone. Why does he keep calling?
Taking a deep breath, seeing I only have one minute left, I pull up my voicemail before pressing the phone to my ear.
“Freckles, hey baby” he sighs, and I swallow hard as my heart pounds every time I hear his voice, and my eyes begin to burn like always.
“I fucking hate getting your voicemail. I hate that I haven’t heard your voice properly in eight years, that my life has derailed so fucking much without you,” he sighs again, “I’m at our spot in the meadows, and I fucking miss you, Alexiana.
I know Kodi misses you, especially right now.
She’s getting married, to Knuckles of all people, and her friend isn’t here… ”
I smile at that, happy for my friend, whom I haven’t spoken to since her mom passed, after Hayes let me know through voicemail, and I couldn’t stay silent.
That girl deserves all the happiness in the world, and so does Knuckles.
I look at the ice one more time before slowly backing away, then turning, knowing I can’t stay any longer and not because my boss will get me to reopen the café until his manager, Jarrold, who seems to have a thing for me, comes in, who is running late as always.
“I chose wrong, Alexiana. I know I did, and I don’t even know if you’re getting these voicemails.
I don’t know if you’ve thrown out your phone, but I know you’re keeping in contact with your mom.
She says you've moved on, that you met someone, and I just, fuck, I want my girl back, I want to feel whole again.”
Of course, Mom lied about me seeing someone, she probably had hoped he’d screw her…
I hear a beep, and he sighs, “Looks like duty calls again, huh?” and I can’t help the small, proud smile that stretches as I hear rustling, and I slowly walk my way to my beat-up that I’m surprised has survived.
Hayes is now finally doing what he wanted, he’s a paramedic, and he has all his credentials, and I’m happy for him, I am. I just wish he hadn’t hurt me, that he hadn’t broken my trust, that he hadn’t stayed with her, I wish for so much but wishing gets you nowhere.
I sniffle and quickly wipe away a few tears before climbing into my beat-up as Hayes sighs, “Come home, please, baby,” then murmurs, “I love you, wife,” before hanging up, and I swallow as my eyes go to the white gold wedding band with little diamonds around it.
“Do you, Hayes Kayden Smith, take Alexiana Marie Jackson to be your lawfully wedded wife?” Judge Hanks asks, and Hayes smiles wide as he grips my hands and answers, “With everything I am, forever and always,” and I can’t help the happy tears that flow despite knowing Clark, Kodi and the boys, especially Linc, are going to kill us for this.
I blink when there’s a knock on my window and turn and try to hide my wince as Jarrold grins that boyish grin, and I unroll my window.
“Hey Jarrold,” I say as his dark brown eyes go to my white buttoned-up shirt.
“Hey Alex, you now off?” he replies, and I hum as I nod to the time and mention, “I’m actually going to be late if I don’t leave now.”
“Right,” he says as he nods, his eyes going to my wedding ring, narrowing on it a little before he says, “I’ll see you tomorrow then, we’re on the same shift.”
I grunt as I start my car, not looking forward to working with him and not just because I’m a married woman with a husband I haven’t seen in eight years. It is mainly because the man is a womanizer who doesn’t know how to take the word no.
Driving away before he decides to try and make another conversation, I head for the exit with my mind on Hayes as always.
One day, after he gave me his cut and declared we’d be married after graduation, we actually got married because, stupidly, I didn’t want to wait to be tied to him.
Two months into the marriage, after being hurt, instead of coming home to his wife, taking comfort from his wife, he got drunk and he kissed someone else, felt her up, pinched her nipple.
I only know because someone kindly sent me a video of it, the same someone who has sent me picture after picture, who has had a baby with him.
He never paused, he never thought twice, no, he grabbed her and kissed her back with passion and then when he chose his club instead of me.
When he decided to completely tear that trust away, he slept with the same woman and now, they have a kid.
I know they are engaged, and not because I was told they were, because she claimed him but because I’ve been sent pictures, but he can’t marry her while married to me and while I’ve sent divorce papers but from near Hill Crest so he can’t find me.
He’s always confirmed he’s torn the papers up so either the photos I’m receiving are lies, that she lied, or he’s just using Roxy, I don’t know. The baby? That is very much real.
Taking my eyes off my wedding band that I just can’t seem to take off, I drive down the road and turn left, hoping I’m not late again.
***
Horns beep behind me ten minutes later, and I swallow the sigh of relief that I’m not late while ignoring the people honking, clearly wishing they were early.
I mean, seriously, who honks in a school pick-up line?
I shake my head at the impatient parents behind me as I pull up next and smile as the handsome seven-year-old with black, thick hair and dark blue eyes jumps into the backseat of my car and quickly clicks himself in.
“Hey, trouble, how was your day?” I ask as I wave to his teacher and pull forward, and my little boy gives me a toothy grin that makes him look exactly like his father.
“Good, Mama, I got an A in science again,” he admits, and I chuckle.
“Hello?” A snotty voice answers, and I move the phone from my ear and look to ensure I pressed the right number before I put the phone back to my ear, and I clear my throat and ask, “Can I speak to Hayes, please?”
The woman scoffs, “His name is Crusher, and I don’t appreciate some woman ringing my fiancé up, the father of my unborn child, calling him his legal name. So do me a favor and don’t call again, otherwise I’ll come find you and kick the shit out of you, pregnant and all.”
Wait what? Fiancé?
Pregnant?
The line goes dead, and I choke back on a sob as I stare at the positive pregnancy test before bile rises again.
I rush to the motel toilet as coldness runs through me because not only am I now alone, pregnant at eighteen, no family in sight, but by the looks of things, the man who told me he loved me, cheated way before the kiss he admitted to.
Why would he claim me?
“Mama, can we have pizza for dinner?” Kayden asks, and I swallow hard before I murmur, “Yeah, trouble…” I am trying to forget about the past and hope I can give my son the life he deserves.