8. Chapter 7
Alexiana
“If you think sending divorce papers yet a fucking gain will make me sign them, then you have another thing coming. Come home, wife, because I can’t take this much longer! Eight years is enough punishment for what I did.”
I swallow hard at how angry he sounds, how hurt laces his voice. I drop my hand as I look at Kayden doing his homework at the kitchen table, his brows furrowed in concentration, and my heart physically hurts, confusion swims continuously.
He has a baby, yet he keeps calling, but why?
Unless I was fooled?
It wouldn’t really surprise me, where the club is concerned, where Roxy is concerned, to lie about something that big, to break someone up.
Hayes’s dad wasn’t happy about us, he wasn’t happy that his son's attention was elsewhere, and Roxy certainly wasn’t happy.
Clark did mention over the years that patch chasers do crazy crap, but I just…
I sigh as I look at my old phone for a second, then swallow hard, wondering if I should.
It’s been eight years, there hasn’t been a day when he hasn’t called. Today was later than all the others, like he was second-guessing calling me, but he still calls. He still begs me to come home, he still refuses to sign the divorce papers.
Did I have it wrong for not trying again to contact him about Kayden? To at least allow him to be a dad?
You called ten times before a restraining order was threatened, the voice in the back of my mind reminds me, and I swallow again.
Every time I tried to call, I was told to get lost, heck, I even tried calling the club’s event line that normally Bones answers but some prospect told me to get lost, that he’d heard all about a woman wanting to get in touch with an officer brother.
He said I was going to be reported if I didn’t leave him alone, that he’s with Roxy.
I didn’t even know he got an officer role.
I look at my son again, who looks so much like his father.
I take a deep breath and listen to my gut screaming at me to call him and press on Hayes’s number.
I slowly walk into the small garden where a football post is up, the only thing I could afford for my son, and I put the phone to my ear as it rings.
For years, I have struggled, and if I hadn’t saved half of my paycheck growing up, I wouldn’t have been able to even rent this place that we’re about to lose.
I wouldn’t have been able to pay for clothes for my son, and it helped that I breastfed him, saving me thousands in formula, even if it felt weird at first.
“Well done, Alex, he’s latched on!”
The nurses cheered for me, the women who made me believe I could be a single teen mom. That I wouldn’t break him when he was placed on my chest after I gave birth alone.
“Crusher's phone!” a deep voice answers, and I swallow again as I eye the window. “Hello?” the voice says louder as cheers echo around him.
“W-Who is this?” I ask, before clearing my throat, not meaning to stammer as I second-guess calling Hayes.
“Nah, that shit doesn’t work with me. Why don’t you tell me who you are and why you are calling my brother!” the voice snaps, and I suck in a breath, instantly recognizing it.
“Linc?” I ask quietly, and he’s quiet for a second before the background noise quiets, and I hear him snap, “Knuckles get Crusher out of the fucking ring now!” before he says, “Alex?”
“Hi,” I whisper, and he chokes, “Fuck…” and a few tears fall.
“Where are you?” he asks, and I murmur, “Somewhere safe,” not willing to disclose my whereabouts before I say, “Look, I uh, I was wondering if I could speak to Hayes…”
“Of course you can, fuck Alex, he’s been struggling, like really fucking struggling to the point he now fights every single week.
I’m worried I’m going to lose him. He needs you,” Linc chokes, and I flinch as a few tears fall, the slow realization that I may have been played by Roxy coming through even though I tried to call more than once.
Should I have just shown up at the house with the pregnancy test?
Or would she have met me with a bump?
Crap… my head is scrambled, and I don’t know what the truth is anymore. The prospect could have just heard her lies and run with it, not realizing the truth, right?
Bile rises, and I swallow it down, the feeling being like my mom setting in, a feeling that I don’t want.
“He has you and his club,” I remind him, a hint of bitterness coming out that I can’t seem to swallow down.
“No, Alex, he doesn’t. He has shut down, and only a handful of us have seen it, no one else has caught on yet. He needs you,” Linc whispers just as I hear, “Why in the fuck did you get me to end the fucking fight quicker than normal? I need a release!”
My heart stutters at his anger, and that realization is building to the point I feel like I’m suffocating.
“Alexiana, brother,” Linc says softly.
“What about her?!” I hear him, before he urges, “What happened? Have you found her?”
“Here,” Linc says softly before I hear, “Hello?” with urgency, and for a split second, I second-guess myself yet again, the photos, the baby.
It was definitely him in the first photo, the one of Roxy riding him, my name was clear as day on his neck, he did sleep with her, not even a week after I left, after he chose his club, he allowed her to touch him, then the one of him holding the baby, all the photos of her in his arms…
“Hello?” Hayes snaps before he says, “What the fuck is this, you two? Is this your way of getting me to stop fighting?”
“Fuck, brother, it’s not like that, Blaze said…”
I cut who I’m guessing is Knuckles off as I whisper, “Hayes?”
“Freckles?” Hayes chokes full of emotion, and my tears fall as he pleads, “Freckles, please tell me it’s you, fucking please…” Before I hear, “Shit,” then a grunt, and my breath stutters.
Did he fall?
“It’s me,” I croak, and I hear him sob, and I squeeze my eyes tight as I grip my phone.
“Fuck, baby, I’ve missed you, I’ve missed your voice,” he chokes just as I hear a bang before Linc snaps, “Roxy, you’re b –”
She cuts him off and gasps, “Baby, are you hurt? Let me see you…” and I squeeze my eyes tighter before hearing a kissing noise, and I quickly hang up and drop my arm, and that realization disappears, and the urge to curl up in a ball hits me.
So, he is with her after all?
I just wanted to go with the narrative in my own head, yet he said, his emotions…
Is she just hanging around him?
Is he using her because I left?
God, my head is scrambled.
My old phone vibrates, and knowing what I need to do, knowing this just cements it.
I need to cut him loose for not just my sanity but also his and for our son’s sake knowing that woman would try and ruin my child.
Let’s face it, jealous women are like that, I throw my phone on the floor before stamping on it several times, ensuring it’s unusable.
“Mama, is it snack yet?” I hear Kayden shout from inside, and I take a deep breath before picking the old phone up and wiping my tears. I walk inside, set the phone aside, and ask my son, “What would you like, trouble?” trying to keep my voice light, not wanting to worry him.
My son, like his father, is unpredictable, and I don’t need him going on a hunt for whoever hurt me. Knowing my luck, he’ll put tacks on his teacher's chair again after the man asked me out, and Kayden wasn’t too happy about it.
He has a romantic fairy tale in his head that his dad will come and find us, that we’ll be a family after I explained that he had to work away, but that he loved him very much.
Heck, he even has a few photos on his bedside table of his dad on his Harley, even the one of our wedding day, but how do I tell my seven year old that his dad cheated and chose his club?
How do I tell him we won’t end up together? That there is a good chance he’ll never meet his dad?
I can’t, can I? Not without breaking his little heart, and honestly, hurting Kayden is the biggest fear I have.
“Hmm, spaghetti and meatballs,” my troublemaker says, and I smile slightly and confirm, “Alright,” and he fist bumps the air.
He’s my reason for living, he’s my reason why I continue every day, and he’ll be the reason why I’ll learn to trust one day again, just not with his father.
Hayes has his own life and family now, so maybe it’s time I had mine.