CHAPTER 34
“I’m fine,” Lainey said.
“Fine? Really? You can’t walk.”
“Yes, I can. I have crutches now. My arm wasn’t broken, just bruised, so I can use them.”
“Babe, you are not fine,” Paige said from her position next to Lainey in the bed they shared. “And it’s okay to just admit that and let us take care of you.”
“You, sure. You’re the fiancée. You signed up for this, just like I signed up for it with you. But Dana has places to be, and she won’t leave. It’s annoying.”
“Hey,” Dana said.
“Don’t ‘hey’ me. You’re supposed to be in LA with your girlfriend,” Lainey argued.
“You got hit by a car. Was I not supposed to come home when you were in the hospital and there was internal bleeding?”
“Sure. But I’m out of the hospital now, and Paige is here. Besides, Mom hasn’t left, either.”
“She and Dad finally went home to get some sleep,” Dana said.
“And you should be doing that, too. I’m okay.”
“You know what? I’m going to go downstairs and make you a sandwich; give you two some time to talk,” Paige said.
Then, neither of them said anything else as Paige kissed Lainey’s forehead tenderly, rose from the bed, and left the room.
“What was that about?” Dana asked.
“She’s very smart, so she must have realized that I need to give my little sister a hard time.”
“Lainey, you–”
“Yes, I was in a car accident,” Lainey interrupted. “And I know it was scary for everyone. I was scared, too. I still am a little, but only because I want to make sure I can dance with my wife at our wedding. We were so excited to finally have a date and start the planning.”
“You can’t control some guy jackknifing you on the road.”
“I know. Neither can you.” Lainey took Dana’s hand. “You’ve always been this way, you know? You worry so much about all of us, and I love you for that, but you’ve repeatedly let that worry get in the way of you having the life you want.”
“No, I–”
“Just hold on a minute,” Lainey interrupted again. “You have. You didn’t want to go to Girl Scout camp when you were twelve because you hated camping, but you went. Why?”
“You were going.”
“And?” Lainey asked.
“I wanted to make sure you’d be okay. They said there were bears there, and all people kept saying was that you just needed to be careful with food and stuff.”
“Did you see a bear the entire week we were there?”
“No.”
“But you didn’t leave my side,” Lainey noted. “And I know you wanted to do the swim classes instead of the archery ones I took.”
“So? I could swim whenever.”
“Okay. Fine. What about LA?”
“I came back because of your accident. Samara understood.”
“I mean before that. You were ready to go years ago.”
“Mom got sick.”
“And then what?”
“Mom was still sick.”
“Dana, Mom is fine now.”
“She’s been in remission, yes, but–”
“You have to stop this,” Lainey told her.
“I don’t care if you’re an actor, a caterer, work in Maisie’s bookshop, or do nothing at all, but whatever you want to do, you need to just finally do it.
You can’t prevent car accidents. You can’t keep Mom’s cancer or any illness away.
You can’t keep Dad from hitting his thumb with a hammer when he’s doing his woodworking stuff.
What are you going to do? Buy an RV and just park it wherever we are at all times? ”
“No, I’m not…” Dana sighed. “I can’t help it, Lainey. I’ve always worried. I’ve been worried about all of you every day of my life, I think.”
“I know. But there’s worry, and then there’s this next-level thing you do.
I know it’s partly because you’re scared of the things you want.
It’s not just about us. But I have Paige now, Dana.
” Lainey squeezed her hand. “I know you were there for her when this first happened, and I love you for that, but she’s here now, and she’s taking care of me just like I’ll take care of her forever.
I love you. I’ll always need you to be my sister.
But you’ve been carrying enough worry for this whole family for decades now.
You don’t have to anymore. Mom and Dad have each other, and you and I will be there for them together.
Paige will be as well now. And if you and Samara end up together, I suspect she’ll be there for them, too. ”
“She’s not here,” she replied, letting go of her sister’s hand.
“You told her not to come, you dumbass.”
“I did at first, yeah. Then, I asked her, and she said she’d book something for after Christmas, but she’s still not here.”
“What did she tell you when you asked?”
“I texted her. She said something came up; some event she was contractually obligated to attend that she hadn’t been able to get out of.”
“And you don’t believe her?”
“She’s been… distant.”
“Maybe because you left her there when she wanted to come.”
“I think it’s more than that. I didn’t realize it until after I had done it.”
“What?” Lainey asked.
“We were talking about you – well, the accident – and Paige’s pictures. I didn’t think back then, and I sent them to her. A few of them, but still.”
“Okay. Why is–” Lainey stopped, and her still slightly-bruised face showed realization. “You didn’t…”
“Yeah, I did.”
“Her mom.”
“Yup. I was so absorbed in you that I didn’t think about her, and I’m sure it upset her. I need to apologize, but I–”
“You won’t leave me alone.” Lainey shook her head at her slowly. “Dana, you have to start living your own life now. Samara seems great, and you seem like you’re crazy about her. Don’t lose her because you’re too busy with me or our parents.”
“I know. I thought she’d call today, but she hasn’t yet.”
“It’s only noon here. She’d probably call later, but you should just call her yourself and talk to her about what happens when she gets back to finish filming. I don’t want to be the reason you two break up, Dana.”
“I know. I don’t want that, either. Sometimes, I just feel things so intensely that I can’t handle anything else. I was so scared that I was going to lose you, Lainey. I never leave, and the one time I do, you get hit by a car.”
“You went to school for four years in Pittsburgh, and everything was fine.”
“Mom was already sick then. We just didn’t know.”
“Not when you were eighteen. God, Dana… I’m surprised you didn’t try to follow me when I went to college just to make sure I’d be okay.” Lainey chuckled.
“Do you think there’s something wrong with me?”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, I did wish I could’ve followed you to school, but Mom wouldn’t let me.
I still had to finish high school.” Dana shrugged.
“But when I was in Pittsburgh, it wasn’t easy for me.
I constantly texted you and Mom. I worried when you were on the road for away matches, and during the matches themselves, when I couldn’t go.
I worried you’d get injured and wouldn’t be able to play anymore. ”
“You did?”
“Yes. And when you and Paige went on your vacation together for your one-year anniversary, I worried then, too. I thought about going with you, but I didn’t ask.”
“The answer would’ve been no,” Lainey replied with a small laugh that clearly hurt her. “We had a whole lot of sex on that trip. I don’t think my little sister being there would’ve been good.”
Dana laughed and said, “I don’t know how to just turn it off.”
“You don’t turn it off, Dana. You turn it down. There’s a difference. You trust Paige. She called you as soon as it happened, right? She was at the hospital with me from moment one and never left my side.”
“But she was crying the whole time, and I had to make sure they all ate.”
“She was crying because she loves me. She saw me unconscious, getting into an ambulance. I’d cry, too, if that were her.
She would’ve eaten, Dana. She’s Paige. She’s strong and capable.
If Mom wasn’t eating, and you weren’t there, Paige would’ve taken care of her.
Dad would have. You probably just steamrolled everyone like you always do. ”
“How do I not, though? How do I just leave on a trip or move away completely and trust that you’ll all be okay?”
“You just do,” Lainey replied. “And you trust us. We’re adults. We’re okay. You can love us and worry a little bit from afar while still being happy, Dana. You don’t need to sacrifice what you really want or who you really want because of us.”
“Hey, is it okay to come back in?”
Dana turned and saw Paige there, holding a plate with a sandwich and chips on it in one hand, as well as a glass of water in the other.
“Yeah, baby,” Lainey replied.
“You’re due for another pain pill, so eat a few bites of this and then take that. I made you turkey and Swiss. Is that okay?”
“Of course, it is. It’s my favorite,” Lainey said with a smile as Paige sat down on the bed and handed her the plate.
“Oh, she’s going to need a–” Dana started.
“The tray,” Paige finished. “I’ve got it.” She picked up the tray she had by the bed and put it over Lainey’s legs. “There you go, babe.”
“Thank you,” Lainey said and put the plate down.
Paige added the water glass, a napkin, and the pain pill.
“Do you want some fruit, too? I went with chips because you usually have them with a sandwich, but I can slice you an apple and put some peanut butter on the side.”
“For a snack later?” Lainey asked. “I’m not all that hungry. I just know I need to eat.”
“At least, finish the sandwich for me,” Paige encouraged as she ran a hand over Lainey’s shoulders before cupping the back of her neck. “Dana, want me to make you a sandwich?”
“No, I’m okay,” she replied, standing up. “I should get going anyway.”
“I thought you were staying, and we were going to cram into this bed together and watch a movie,” Paige said.
“I think I’ll go home and catch up on some sleep.”
“Want to come back later and watch the ball drop with me?” Paige asked. “I’m sure she’ll be out like a light long before midnight, so maybe come over around dinner. We can all eat together and celebrate your birthday, too.”
“Thanks, but I think I need to be alone tonight. We’ll celebrate when she’s feeling a little better.” Dana pointed at Lainey then and added, “Wake your ass up at midnight to give your fiancée a kiss.”
“I will. But call your girlfriend and apologize for being an idiot.”
“Yeah,” Dana said, giving her sister a soft smile. “Hey, I love you.”
“I know. I love you, too.”