CHAPTER 35
Samara got off the plane and quickly headed toward the baggage claim.
Thankfully, Kyla had ordered her a car with a competent driver who was standing there, holding a sign that read, ‘Miss Barber.’ He helped her with her luggage and got it stowed, and when Samara climbed into the car, she was very grateful for her assistant, who must have told the driver to have it at seventy degrees for her.
He must have had the air-conditioning on so low on the drive over in order for it to still be at the right temperature once they were back inside after getting her luggage.
“I have the hotel address.”
“Actually, can you take me somewhere else instead?”
“Of course. Where to?” he asked.
After the car had pulled up to the building and the driver had helped her with the bags up to Dana’s apartment, Samara realized she might have made a mistake.
She hadn’t called or texted Dana to tell her that she was coming, hoping for a surprise, but since she’d already dismissed the driver, after making sure to add a nice tip to the app for his service, it was too late to do anything about it now.
She knocked on the door, swallowing her concerns away, and after several more knocks, she knew Dana wasn’t home.
“She’s probably at Lainey’s, you idiot.”
“I was.”
Samara turned around and saw Dana standing there in the hallway, holding her keys.
“Hi,” she said.
“Hi,” Dana said back. “What are you doing here?”
“I wanted to surprise you,” she replied with a shoulder shrug.
“I thought you would have been here a few days ago,” Dana said, walking by Samara to unlock the door.
“I know. I want to talk to you about that.”
“It’s okay. I get it,” Dana said as she grabbed the handle of one of Samara’s bags and pulled it inside.
Samara took that as a good thing because Dana could’ve easily slammed the door in her face after telling her that she was mad or that they were over.
“You get what?” she asked as she pulled her other bag inside with her and closed the door behind her.
“The pictures.”
Samara stopped, leaving her roller in the entryway while watching Dana pull her other one toward her bedroom.
“The pictures?” she asked, following her inside.
“I shouldn’t have sent those pictures. I wasn’t thinking about your mom. I’m so sorry, Samara.”
“You’re not mad at me?” she asked when she arrived in the bedroom and watched Dana push her bag off to the side of the bed Samara had slept on when she’d stayed over.
“No,” Dana said. “I’m mad at myself.”
“Why? I’m not mad at you.”
“The pictures got to you, didn’t they?” Dana asked and sat down on the end of the bed.
“Yes, they did.”
“Then, you should be mad at me. I wasn’t thinking, Sam. I’m sorry.”
“Hey, it’s okay,” Samara replied, moving to her. “Babe, it’s okay. Can you tell me what’s going on with you right now? You’re acting a little strange.”
“They don’t need me,” Dana said.
“Who doesn’t?”
“My parents. My sister. Hell, even Maisie doesn’t need me to cover at the bookshop anymore now that it’s making real money, and she can hire someone for real.”
Samara knelt in front of her and asked, “What do you mean?”
“I’ve always been this way,” Dana told her, shaking her head.
“I don’t know why, but I’ve always been so scared that something bad would happen to them.
I never told you this, but you have no idea how hard my parents had to push me to go away for school.
My mom had to tell me they’d visit every month or would pay for me to fly home in order to convince me.
I put myself as their in-case-of-emergency contact in their phones.
All three of them. I don’t remember ever not feeling this way, and I thought they all needed me.
My dad is great, but he’s kind of inept at a lot of things.
My mom is the one who’s always taking care of them, and I’ve tried to help take care of her.
Then, there’s Lainey. She has Paige, and they’ve been together for years, but today was the first time I think I’ve really noticed Paige taking care of her, which isn’t fair to Paige, because, of course, she takes care of her.
Lainey’s right, though. She has her now. She doesn’t need me.”
“Baby, she’ll always need you. You’re her sister.”
Samara rubbed Dana’s legs.
“But not in the same way, and that’s okay. That’s how it’s supposed to be. I just left there, though, and I realized I have nothing to do until we’re back on set. Nothing. My parents are at home, getting some rest, and they don’t need me. Paige is there with Lainey. And–”
“I need you,” Samara said.
“No, you don’t. You have drivers, Kyla, PAs, and–”
“Dana, you’re my girlfriend. It’s different. I need you. I… need you to be my Paige.”
Dana swallowed and said, “I missed you.”
“I missed you, too. I should’ve come sooner. I’m sorry. I wanted to.”
“I know. I pushed you away.”
“But then you said you wanted me here, and I took too long.”
“You’re here now,” Dana replied.
“Can I stay here? I have the hotel, but I don’t want to be there. I want to stay with you. I want to stay with you every night until we’re done filming.”
“That’s a long time,” Dana said.
“Too long?”
“No, but I’m going through some stuff, and I don’t know what to do about it. I don’t want it to negatively impact you.”
“But that’s part of it, right? Part of being with someone? Checking on that because I’m really new at wanting to be with someone like this. I mean, my stuff might impact you, and your stuff might impact me, right? Can I ask you something?”
“Sure.”
“Babe, have you ever thought about talking to someone about the worry thing?”
“Like a therapist?”
“Maybe,” Samara said. “I was thinking about it, and what you’re describing is something like what some people like me deal with.”
“People like you?”
“The obsessive thoughts,” she said. “Mine usually relate to food, but there are more that I have sometimes. I talk to someone when things get bad, but I haven’t been going regularly recently.
I just met up with my own therapist yesterday, though, and I brought you up.
I didn’t tell her your name or anything, but I talked to her about some of the things you’ve mentioned to me.
She didn’t diagnose you with anything, of course – she wouldn’t do that without seeing you – but she said it does sound like it could be a form of OCD. ”
“You think I have OCD?” Dana asked.
“I don’t know. I can just relate to it.” Samara shrugged a shoulder again before she stood and sat down next to Dana on the bed, resting her head on Dana’s shoulder. “The fear, the worry, the need to control – I feel that all the time. Mine just manifests differently.”
Dana nodded and asked, “Would your therapist see me, or is that weird? Should I find my own?”
“My therapist is in LA, but she’d probably do a video session, if you want.”
“Can I just go see her when I go back?”
Samara lifted her head and asked, “Go back?”
“When you’re done in Vancouver.”
Samara smiled and said, “That’ll be a few months from now.”
“I know.”
“And you’ll be visiting?” she asked, hoping she wasn’t pushing her luck.
“Probably for the first trip back there.”
“The first?”
Samara couldn’t stop herself from smiling wider.
“I was thinking you could help me find an apartment. Of course, I wouldn’t move until after the wedding, assuming they’re still doing that in April. Lainey isn’t sure she’ll be ready by then, but I’m confident. She’s determined to finally marry Paige. I bet she’ll make physical therapy her bitch.”
Samara laughed and said, “So, you’d be searching for a place to live in Los Angeles?”
“I think so. My paycheck from the movie will keep me out of debt until I can find a job there while I audition for new roles.”
“You’re not joking, right? You’re serious?” she checked. “I got my hopes up when you were talking about how much you liked LA before… I get that you had to come back for your sister, but you’re serious, right? You want to move there and audition?”
“I’ve let whatever it is inside me get in the way of what I wanted my entire life.
I don’t think I realized it fully until I talked to my sister today, but she’s right.
I know I can go back to catering. I can stay here and visit my parents, but they’ll be fine without me.
They were fine before I was born. Lainey has the love of her life, and Paige will take care of her.
She has been for a while now, after all.
It’s probably one of the reasons I’ve been so miserable and lonely since they met.
I can stay here and still feel that.” Dana turned to her.
“Or, I can go after what I want and be with whom I want.”
“I hope that’s still me.”
“Well, it’s not Kathy.”
Samara laughed, feeling the tension leave her body, and asked, “What about Vancouver?”
“What about it?”
“Can you visit while I’m there?”
“I don’t even have a passport.”
“Not even the card that lets you into Canada?”
Dana shook her head no.
“Well, we’re getting you one of those and applying for the expedited shipping. Can we go take passport photos tomorrow? It’s a holiday, but someplace has to be open. The card is a shorter process. I’ve seen them come back in two to three weeks. We can get you the passport book later.”
“Why do I need the book if the card gets me into Canada?”
“Because I fly all over the place, and whenever you can go with me, I want you there. Plus, you might get offered a role in another country and need to get there fast.”
“Babe, slow down. I haven’t even auditioned for anything yet.”
Dana smiled, and it was the first time Samara had seen it in a while.
“You’re beautiful,” Samara told her. “Happy birthday, baby.” She leaned in and pressed her forehead to Dana’s. “I really missed you.”
“I missed you, too,” Dana replied softly. “I’m so glad you’re here. I worried I screwed it up.”
“Me too,” Samara said. “I’m sorry we missed our first Christmas together.”
“Blame the asshole that hit my sister.”
“Is she okay? I haven’t asked.”